neveragain34 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I admit, I can be very picky at times and tend to turn away the nice guys over little things that annoy me and then end up with jerks. I know this definitely means I have some insecurity issues I need to work on and in an effort to do so, that's part of why I'm coming here: to see if my latest irritation is justifiable or just plain ridiculous. Here goes: I met this guy on match.com a few weeks ago. We had our first date on Saturday and it went well, nothing out of the norm for a first date (dinner, drinks, getting to know each other basics). There was physical chemistry as well (we showed affection during the date and kissed when he walked me to my car.) He is sort of the quiet type, but not too quiet where he's boring. I can tell he will open up more as we spend more time together. Anyway, he asked me out again for this Saturday. I said "Sure! Where are we going?" (so I could dress accordingly). His reply was "Somewhere cheap! I need to get my truck fixed and it's going to cost over a grand to fix. :(" I'm not all about money, but for him to say "somewhere cheap" was a turn-off. It's not like I was expecting a 5 course meal at the most expensive restaurant in town. If he was broke, then he could research an inexpensive place and take me there and I would never know any difference. Is it normal to be annoyed by a comment like that or am I being too picky? Thanks for listening!
chex Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Probably being too picky, he needs to fix his goddamn truck. 8
weee111 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 You're being picky. Think of it as "I'm kind of strapped because I need to get my truck fixed, but I still really want to see you again soon"
Mtlgrrl Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I understand what you're saying, that's the kind of talk you saved for someone you're actually dating and not someone you're getting to know. He could have said ''how about we get coffee or a movie '' lol ''somewhere cheap'' I'm sorry but that made me laugh. Lacks of tact on his part. 1
Green Light Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I admit, I can be very picky at times and tend to turn away the nice guys over little things that annoy me and then end up with jerks. I know this definitely means I have some insecurity issues I need to work on and in an effort to do so, that's part of why I'm coming here: to see if my latest irritation is justifiable or just plain ridiculous. Here goes: I met this guy on match.com a few weeks ago. We had our first date on Saturday and it went well, nothing out of the norm for a first date (dinner, drinks, getting to know each other basics). There was physical chemistry as well (we showed affection during the date and kissed when he walked me to my car.) He is sort of the quiet type, but not too quiet where he's boring. I can tell he will open up more as we spend more time together. Anyway, he asked me out again for this Saturday. I said "Sure! Where are we going?" (so I could dress accordingly). His reply was "Somewhere cheap! I need to get my truck fixed and it's going to cost over a grand to fix. :(" I'm not all about money, but for him to say "somewhere cheap" was a turn-off. It's not like I was expecting a 5 course meal at the most expensive restaurant in town. If he was broke, then he could research an inexpensive place and take me there and I would never know any difference. Is it normal to be annoyed by a comment like that or am I being too picky? Thanks for listening! Put the shoe on the other foot. What if you were broke but you still had to "impress" someone who is admittedly "picky"? At least he was honest about it! haven't you EVER been strapped for cash? I say let this one go and find yourself a "jerk" who will say and do things to you 1000x worse than this!
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Gosh a small foot in the mouth comment. Big deal. You should have offered something fun but low cost and even offered to cover costs. For example park and you bring snacks or a light lunch.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 lol no that would not iritate me. No big deal.
SJC2008 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Not the best word choice when planning a date but I'd over look it.
TheGuard13 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I'm irritated that you were being so picky. 3
Astra5 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I call it picky... Nit-picky. Give the poor guy a break!!
MyPoutine Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 You are being picky. Why not turn it into a date thing where you list a bunch of fun things you can do for as close to nothing as possible...some art galleries have a free section you can browse, campus theater tickets are usually cheap, dollar movie theatre, if it's warm where you live you can visit an open market and each shop for light foods and then sit somewhere and share it. He is broke, it happens.
thatone Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I say no, not too picky. Money argument aside, it was a poor choice of words. 1
charlietheginger Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Poor choice of words. I think your being picky over it. A good friend of mine scrapped his money ate cheap Didn't go out much. He was starting a business . He Met a woman clicked but after a few dates explained He was not financially doing well and couldnt spend a lot Of money. Word of this was the end of the relationship... Flashforward 3yrs later he has purchased 3houses with cash. Has them rented brining in $3000 a month And is buying 2 more this year. Plus is day job. Making $70,000 a year now and growing. So guess what happened? This women that he dated Answered his for rent sign in the front yard a few months Back he recognized the number. Pulled up in his Slightly uses mercedes and a suit to show the house. Suddenly she "was all nice and flirty" he ran her credit And told her she didn't qualify.
Author neveragain34 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Majority rules! I guess my irritation was not completely justifiable, but I do agree with those that said he used a poor choice of words. He does not know I was put off by it and I'm still going on the date with him. In fact, I was playful with his comment and replied, "Just get me some fries and I'll be happy!" (inside joke stemmed from me eating all of his fries on our first date.) I was going to offer to cook for him, but thought that would be too soon (it's only date 2). I did promise him some homeade, fresh baked paleo cookies earlier this week and am still bringing them! FYI Green Light, I never admitted to him I was picky, only here. I also admitted to having insecurities that lead to these behaviors and wanting to fix them so I don't let a good guy go. Yes, I've been strapped for cash in the past, but didn't advertise it to someone I just met. Instead, I used creativity to find an inexpensive, but fun outing. I just spent $1800 on a root canal procedure, but you didn't hear me tell him that when I offered to pay for drinks on our first date since he paid for dinner. Most girls won't even do that. I'm not as shallow as you may think.
KraftDinner Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 It would bug me because my first impression is that he's saying "don't expect anything too nice, I know you women all want to be showered in luxury" -- iow, it would bother me that he'd think I was shallow enough to care. Mmm...plus...I feel like discussing money is a little too personal. If he had a plantar's wart, he probably wouldn't want to go out dancing, but he would probably not want to be all, "hey! I have a big disgusting wart! So come on, girl I barely know, no dancing!" 1
Green Light Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 FYI Green Light, I never admitted to him I was picky, only here. I also admitted to having insecurities that lead to these behaviors and wanting to fix them so I don't let a good guy go. Yes, I've been strapped for cash in the past, but didn't advertise it to someone I just met. Instead, I used creativity to find an inexpensive, but fun outing. I just spent $1800 on a root canal procedure, but you didn't hear me tell him that when I offered to pay for drinks on our first date since he paid for dinner. Most girls won't even do that. I'm not as shallow as you may think. I'm sure your aren't really that shallow but your original post did not paint you in the best light.
TheZebra Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I'm sure your aren't really that shallow but your original post did not paint you in the best light. Neither did his text 2
Green Light Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Neither did his text Obviously it didn't matter as the OP is still going to continue to date him. Everyone just seems so on edge these days looking for every little flaw. Men do it as well. Always looking to disqualify rather then looking at the potential qualities. Always looking for those little imperfections. I think that one reason that women do go for "jerks" is because they already know that they are riddled with imperfections and so they don't have to think about it. Kind of like a weight lifted.
Bristolius Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I call it picky... Nit-picky. Give the poor guy a break!! Literally. 1
TheZebra Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Obviously it didn't matter as the OP is still going to continue to date him. Everyone just seems so on edge these days looking for every little flaw. Men do it as well. Always looking to disqualify rather then looking at the potential qualities. Always looking for those little imperfections. I think that one reason that women do go for "jerks" is because they already know that they are riddled with imperfections and so they don't have to think about it. Kind of like a weight lifted. No, it's because the "jerks" know better than to say those things to someone they just met. They're more experienced, so they know what to say and what not to say. Remember, in the beginning we have nothing to lose so it's easy and more practical to disqualify people right then and there. There's like 4 billion men out there; we all have to be 'picky' in the beginning or else how will we narrow down our choices? You can be the most amazing person in the world, but if you turn people off with whatever you do or say in the beginning, you're not going to have any luck in dating, jobs, or anything. We all need to learn how to better interact with each other and put our best foot forward. It would've been MUCH better if he had written, for example, 'My truck broke down recently, so I'm a little strapped for cash, but I still really want to see you. How about (insert cheap option here)?' Not saying the dude's a bad person, but which text gives you an overall better impression of the guy, what he wrote or what I wrote?
ThaWholigan Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I think the only irritating thing about this would be his choice of words. He was obviously concerned but still.....I understand the irritation but I say benefit of the doubt. THat's a very poor piece of verbal reasoning there though I must say
Green Light Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 No, it's because the "jerks" know better than to say those things to someone they just met. They're more experienced, so they know what to say and what not to say. Remember, in the beginning we have nothing to lose so it's easy and more practical to disqualify people right then and there. There's like 4 billion men out there; we all have to be 'picky' in the beginning or else how will we narrow down our choices? You can be the most amazing person in the world, but if you turn people off with whatever you do or say in the beginning, you're not going to have any luck in dating, jobs, or anything. We all need to learn how to better interact with each other and put our best foot forward. It would've been MUCH better if he had written, for example, 'My truck broke down recently, so I'm a little strapped for cash, but I still really want to see you. How about (insert cheap option here)?' Not saying the dude's a bad person, but which text gives you an overall better impression of the guy, what he wrote or what I wrote? Everyone is living in the moment. Perhaps at the moment he was really stressed about his truck and money. We aren't all parsing everything we say and even if we did I'm sure that we would all still say something wrong sometimes. Haven't you ever said something that you didn't think was a big deal but someone else took it badly? It happens!
Imajerk17 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I checked your threads OP. You were once an OW. You have no right to be nit-picking over something so small. Something about people in glass houses shouldn't be throwing stones get what I'm saying? 1
pbjbear Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I think its picky But kinda not since I see men here posting threads about the stupidest little things about a woman's appearance and everyone responds saying thats not picky and they justify it...
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I admit, I can be very picky at times and tend to turn away the nice guys over little things that annoy me and then end up with jerks. I know this definitely means I have some insecurity issues I need to work on and in an effort to do so, that's part of why I'm coming here: to see if my latest irritation is justifiable or just plain ridiculous. Here goes: I met this guy on match.com a few weeks ago. We had our first date on Saturday and it went well, nothing out of the norm for a first date (dinner, drinks, getting to know each other basics). There was physical chemistry as well (we showed affection during the date and kissed when he walked me to my car.) He is sort of the quiet type, but not too quiet where he's boring. I can tell he will open up more as we spend more time together. Anyway, he asked me out again for this Saturday. I said "Sure! Where are we going?" (so I could dress accordingly). His reply was "Somewhere cheap! I need to get my truck fixed and it's going to cost over a grand to fix. :(" I'm not all about money, but for him to say "somewhere cheap" was a turn-off. It's not like I was expecting a 5 course meal at the most expensive restaurant in town. If he was broke, then he could research an inexpensive place and take me there and I would never know any difference. Is it normal to be annoyed by a comment like that or am I being too picky? Thanks for listening! If a guy said that to me that he was broke because he had to fix his truck, i would say lets go freebie style....there are many things you can do without money or change in your pocket, i enjoy the challenge ,and its not a turn off,...sitting down to dinner in a restaurant to me isnt very creative anyway, hanging near the edge of a cliff eating brie and drinking sparking tonic water, now theres some creative license.....if i truly liked a guy we could sit on the back of his truck in the pouring rain and have a good time and yes i have done this, watched the wind whip waves into a frenzy, liked the guy so i had fun,...doesnt or didnt cost a cent...and its more about the company than the wallet.......good company with a brain,plus empty wallet equals good time....full wallet lack of good company ....equals crap time....i think you shouldnt judge a guy by wanting to keep his truck maintained....if you liek the guy get creative, you think fo something whimsical a fave place a fave haunt and go freebie style......deb
Recommended Posts