thr1986 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year, long distance. She is moving here, very soon (1 week away). She has never not answered her phone, always exceptionally good about answering. She went out to dinner last weekend with some girlfriends from work and said she would call me when she got home. I went to sleep and woke up at 1am and did not have a missed call from her so, very worried, I called her. I received no answer, which is VERY strange for her. Then I called again, and again, about 5 times in 15 mins. I left a somewhat angry and untrusting message and texted her in a mode of panic saying that I was unhappy and that our trust was ruined....TOTAL OVERREACTION. Then she calls me and says she is at her friends house, they went there after dinner and her and the girls are up talking and her phone was in her purse, ect.... The following day she communicates that she is somewhat offended and that she cant believe I would think she was cheating. I explain that I overracted upon waking up and that I totally trust her (because I DO trust her). She then explains that she is having some anxiety about moving to me now because I doubted her trust and that she is worried that i may overract again in the future and break up with her or something. I explain that it was this one time thing where I woke up, paniced, and overracted. the past couple days have been strange, she is VERY short with me, does not contact me nearly as much as usual. She is however still moving to me, but just acting very strange now. Have I ruined our trust by doubting it? I have made it clear that I do trust her since it happened but im sure there is some doubt in her mind as to if I mean it or not. Have I ruined things? She and I have been VERY heavily in love with one another. We talk about the future, everything. And I love it and I love her. But, now after this incident i'm worried I have ruined things.... girls, how would you feel if this happened to you?
Astra5 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I would probably feel the same way as her. I know it may be an isolated incident... But I personally have a horrible track record with men.... and especially with the whole "trust" issue.... To me being freaked out at in the middle of the night and being accused of cheating WOULD make me second guess the relationship and the sanity behind your reaction and is that the future you will look forward to whenever your upset, jealous, feels threatened or whatever? So yes I can understand her reaction... but if you are both truly in love with each other... and you PROVE to her you trust her and love her (Actions speak louder than words!!)... and if she feels the same as you.... She should forgive you and you should work things out... IF she can be sure that is not what her future holds but love and happiness instead
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I would have very serious concerns with your behavior and outburst. That level of insecurity, clinginess, and poor impulse control just doesn't work well in a stable, healthy relationship. If I was moving solely to be with you, I would postpone at a minimum, and most likely would end the relationship after giving it careful thought for a few days. Please give some thought to why you behaved this way.
Author thr1986 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 She is still coming. she spent monday and tuesday acting VERY VERY different and distant. Very few texts compared to the normal text every 10 mins. and the few that I got were very short and impersonal. Normally she calls me on her break and then she had to go to lunch with her boss so she couldent. things were just different. Today is much better. She is acting pretty much normal, not totally but just about normal. HOWEVER, I directly asked her tonight how she feels about it and she said she definitely has a little bit of anxiety but she feels better. She also said that if I had told her that "I dont trust her" directly then it would probably be over. But I never said that, I just acted like i didn't, i guess theres a difference? My ONLY concern is this......If she comes, is it possible that she will be Partially or Half committed after this incident? Do you think in the back of her mind she is thinking, "well i'm not totally sure about it but im also not totally sure that i want to be without him" Thoughts?
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 The following day she communicates that she is somewhat offended and that she cant believe I would think she was cheating. I explain that I overracted upon waking up and that I totally trust her (because I DO trust her). She then explains that she is having some anxiety about moving to me now because I doubted her trust and that she is worried that i may overract again in the future and break up with her or something. I explain that it was this one time thing where I woke up, paniced, and overracted. the past couple days have been strange, she is VERY short with me, does not contact me nearly as much as usual. She is however still moving to me, but just acting very strange now. Horsecrap! Any woman worth two squirts of piss would not try to flip this back on you. Her reaction is straight up from guilty jerkoff 101. Look any decent person would apologize and be understanding of your feelings. Anyone who reacts the way she is reacting is guilty as hell. By trying to make you feel as though her actions are normal and that your reaction was bad... she is employing the jedi mindfu*k technique. Don't fall for it! Call her out for using it.
Author thr1986 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 yeah i was wondering that. she always calls on her break and suddenly she has lunch engagements with her boss? thats weird... tonight i have been talking to her and she is in her car the whole time and has not gone home...then she keeps getting calls that she has to take. first her mom, then her boss (at 10pm) which is strange... do you guys really think she is cheating? right before she moves to come here and be with me??
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 yeah i was wondering that. she always calls on her break and suddenly she has lunch engagements with her boss? thats weird... tonight i have been talking to her and she is in her car the whole time and has not gone home...then she keeps getting calls that she has to take. first her mom, then her boss (at 10pm) which is strange... do you guys really think she is cheating? right before she moves to come here and be with me?? Her actions are sketchy as hell. But... what can you do? At this point she should be super excited to move near you and in constant contact. You should be top of her mind. Instead your at the bottom of her list. What does that tell you? Cheating or not... I don't think she is feeling you right now. I think this would be a good time to ask her for some honesty about what she is feeling. You have already apologized for accusing her of cheating... but now it's time to flip it back on her. Tell her that you detect a lot of emotional distance at a time when there should be none. Ask her how she is feeling. Just ask questions and listen with no judgements.
Author thr1986 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Girls, can you provide more insight? After questioning her loyalty to me a couple times very indirectly, and then once directly and going as fr as saying "that's it, I'm trusting my instincts" is the trust gone? I apologized and said I didn't mean any of it and have continued to assure her that I was overreacting and that I Do Trust her, however he is definitely acting emotionally distant. Much less texts saying how dedicated and in love she is to me, ect. How should I respond? I love her to death and I seriously do trust her. I just want things back to how they were before this happened
clia Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I think you completely overreacted. If you really do trust her, you would not have freaked out like that. And OMG, thinking she is having an affair with her boss because she went to lunch with him? Are you kidding me? I get calls from my boss at all hours and go to lunch with him, but I'm not having an affair with him. It's called work. Sometimes you have to deal with things after hours. And you are suspicious because she had to take a call from her mom? Get a grip, man. If I were her, I would be very wary given how you reacted. I think your best bet now is to try to put it behind you, don't raise the issue any more, since you already apologized to her, and do what you can to show her that you do trust her. However, given your actions you really don't seem to trust her. Work on that.
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Please go back and read your old threads. I just did. You've been obsessing about her cheating on you for months now. If you do not learn to deal with your insecurity and inability to trust, you will sabotage and destroy the relationship. For your own sake, please figure out why you feel this way and are acting up before it's too late. Honestly, unless you can come to terms with why this is, and do so quickly, it won't end well. Unwarranted jealous outbursts, clinginess, and insecurity are corrosive toxins to any relationship. Edited January 25, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
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