ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 *I had this thread earlier this morning, but I left out a word in the title and I cant change it lol. I'm dumb don't worry...* Hey everyone...its been a while since I've been on here. Sadly, not much has changed in my situation (Ex GF breaks up after almost three years. Says she loves me and I'm the one and just needs time to work out her rough past *therapy* and that she will be with me again. After a month, she says she "doesn't feel the same anymore" and if I must know, there is another guy that she likes. Become cold, distant, bi***y, etc etc.), but it still doesn't mean that I'm getting a lot better necessarily. Its been exactly four months today that she left and about two and a half months since she full went through with the BU. I've had "better" days, but its been driving me crazy and here is why.... So, she has been acting incredibly cold towards me the past several weeks. She has been very short, mildly mean, and not at all the person I know. Like I did something to her in which I NEVER did. In fact, I tried to talk to her about the whole BU, and her story of the breakup is 100 false and makes me look like the bad guy (Ex; She said I told her to GTFO of the house and I never wanted to see her again. HAHA okay because I'm positive I told her to stay and we can work on this together and that I loved her).... I've tried many of times to reconcile with her and try to make it work, and she doesn't want that. Says "feelings changed" and "I like other people now." Won't even give it a chance. Says most of it is this "new guy" she likes. I'm almost positive this guy is the reason she wanted out of our relationship in the first place, but she says it isn't. I find that hard to believe.....So about three weeks ago, I ask her if she is dating anyone and she goes "not really." Says "its complicated" with this guy she likes. She has been saying this since the BU that "Its not really a relationship, its stupid" and that it wont work yada yada yada. I know who it is....dude in her class last semester. Some musician who likes poetry and sports lol. Nice dude I met him before. Just something different than what she had.....anyways,the thing is he has a GF. Has had one for about two years now. I know they hang out ALL the time and I know that she really fancies him hence the reason she has been chasing him for about three months now. They do a bunch of stuff together and I can almost promise its went farther than just friends at some parts of this. None of my business we aren't together.... She is even going as far as saying she maybe going to the same grad. school as this guy which is almost 1,500 miles away. I heard from a mutual friend (TOLD HER TO DELETE EVERYONE I KNOW and of course she ddidnt listen) that she wrote some crap on facebook about how "the course of true love never did run smooth" and how she puts up song lyrics like some 15 year old (she is 22). I just roll my eyes....whats even worse is she does "like sports" but most of her love of it comes from me. I'm a HUGE sports fan and this guy is too....so what she does is parades around "liking" my favorite teams to try and impress this guy. Lol can't make this stuff up..... I've went to great links to try and ignore her. I had my roommate password protect all social media sites on my phone and computer. I don't wnat to know anything because it just hurts anymore to be nosey. However that quote got me pretty hot and bothered. Love??? Really? Know this guy for a little bit and want to confess your love? So about two and a half weeks ago, in a non cool move, I mentioned how I heard about her little quote. She goes " I dont love him. I have lots of feelings for him and I like him but I dont love him." I just tell her its none of my business, but I did find it funny that about three weeks before this, she tells me about how she is going through some stuff and I tell her that I am seeing someone (which I was) and she gets all upset saying how sad she was that I moved on so fast and how she didn't want to date this other guy...and NOW she is in love. lol okay. I apologized for prying into business that wasnt mine, I just told her it hurt my pride a little and she said thats fine. I have been on full NC since then and trying REALLY hard not to get the urge to text her. Two questions (ones more of a statement, but just...okay?) 1. Now, its none of my business because we arent dating anymore so she can do what she wants, but why would she want to go after something that is unattainable? She went after this guy knowing he has a GF and has had one for a while, but yet has been chasing for three months....does she fancy drama? Does she base her own self worth on obtaining what she can't have? Is it something physiological? The guy is cool don't get me wrong and not ugly by any stretch, but I wouldnt see why someone would throw away a three year relationship to chase after someone who is not available. That mind boggles me. 2. My mind is going through reality/emotions overload. Reality is that we wont get back together ever. Even if we did, it wouldnt work right now because I can't trust her. I don't like the new person she has become. Reality is its done, let it go, move forward, and find someone out there who will love me for me. The emotion side of it, however, wont let it go to save its life. I think about her ALL the time, I have a hard time doing something without her in my head, and I do still love her very much. I don't know what else I can do at this point to stress my feelings for her. She had said I changed this year and how I didnt appreciate what she did for me or show enough compassion, so trying to show her I do care (the times where she was saying she loved me so much and she was coming back....even told me she forgives me for everything because she loves me and that this time away will be great for us. Apparently not), she didnt want to hear it. It's clear new guy is the omega right now, and I get that, and its been four months....but still, I want this. I want this to work with us though im fully aware its a huge pipe dream. Anyways, thoughts are much appreciated.
cavalier99 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Well.. you know what you need to do. Stop your self when you think about her. Don't contact her. Don't look at her stuff. Doesn't matter WHY she likes new guy or where he is. Doesn't matter that you still love her ..she doesn't love you. Doesn't matter that she is cold and indifferent toward you. SHE JUST DOESN'T MATTER. YOU DO. Just move forward day by day and eliminate every trace of her form your life like a cancer.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Well.. you know what you need to do. Stop your self when you think about her. Don't contact her. Don't look at her stuff. Doesn't matter WHY she likes new guy or where he is. Doesn't matter that you still love her ..she doesn't love you. Doesn't matter that she is cold and indifferent toward you. SHE JUST DOESN'T MATTER. YOU DO. Just move forward day by day and eliminate every trace of her form your life like a cancer. Thanks cav...your answers always make sense to me. I do know what I have to do, and have taken steps in order to do that....I just dont get it really. It's not really closure necessarily because that wouldnt matter....its just confusion. Why would someone sit there and say I love you so much, you are my everything, you make me who I am and you are the one.....then BAM one week just go 180 and says she doesnt love me then chase after someone who HAS a GF and then proceeds to treat me like I'm a douche. Does it matter? No, you are right it doesnt.....but I just would like to try and wrap by brain around that.
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Thanks cav...your answers always make sense to me. I do know what I have to do, and have taken steps in order to do that....I just dont get it really. It's not really closure necessarily because that wouldnt matter....its just confusion. Why would someone sit there and say I love you so much, you are my everything, you make me who I am and you are the one.....then BAM one week just go 180 and says she doesnt love me then chase after someone who HAS a GF and then proceeds to treat me like I'm a douche. Does it matter? No, you are right it doesnt.....but I just would like to try and wrap by brain around that. Thanks man! Anyway, I can see your dilemma. I guess I was lucky enough to truly understand why my relationship was over..her reasons etcetera my role the whole nine yards. And there were problems that had been brewing for a while. Nevertheless, I know in the end it was this new guy she met. In your situation you are left pondering more which could make it more difficult IF you dwell on this aspect. I mean, either way, her feelings changed and she liked new guy even if it doesn't make logical sense (these things aren't often logical) I'm sure your aware of some problems you two had. Why don't you just DECIDE on the reasons instead of deciphering the un decipherable. At the end of the day it is sorta simple. She was bothered by X things. Didn't communicate this sufficiently to you. Met new guy who she thinks will be better for her ect. And the cold way she deals with this is just how she is built and deals with breakups. I know this is sorta simplistic view. But in the end it really isn't complicated unless you make it so. I know the quick change leaves you reeling more but in the end it was the same as my relationship. They left..something better came along. Feelings changed and we weren't worth keeping around. I mean i had sex daily with my ex for 10 days after she said she wanted out before the last day i saw her. We sorta decided to suspended reality to say good bye until the day we decided not to see each other again. And she acted normal just like old times...that is sorta a mind f*ck too. And this new guy was a total risk for her. We just need to accept that it doesn't make sense 100 percent and that CERTAIN WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF BEING LOVING WITH US WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY WANTING SOMETHING ELSE . I know my ex can...i had a front row seat. I Was just lucky enough (if you want to call it lucky) that my ex communicated this to an extent. End of the day it is all the same you just had it happen more suddenly with less communication thus the confusion. . Edited January 25, 2013 by cavalier99
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) By the way. All the I love yous post BU don't count. She had already checked out. The problem i see is you hung around to hear these falsehoods....confusing you more. I can understand the dilemma a little more if she said i love you forever pre BU and the next day she broke up with you (prior post). If they were after the break up they are totally meaningless...as you have found out the hard way. Also, all this questioning becomes more meaningless as you maintain NC and the BU drifts into the past. At 3 weeks NC you still have fresh communication to process. You need to detox the brain not fill it with anything that can bring back questions. Soon they wont matter and your need to understand will fade. Hang strong bro. You'll get there. Cav Edited January 25, 2013 by cavalier99
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks man! Anyway, I can see your dilemma. I guess I was lucky enough to truly understand why my relationship was over..her reasons etcetera my role the whole nine yards. And there were problems that had been brewing for a while. Nevertheless, I know in the end it was this new guy she met. In your situation you are left pondering more which could make it more difficult IF you dwell on this aspect. I mean, either way, her feelings changed and she liked new guy even if it doesn't make logical sense (these things aren't often logical) I'm sure your aware of some problems you two had. Why don't you just DECIDE on the reasons instead of deciphering the un decipherable. At the end of the day it is sorta simple. She was bothered by X things. Didn't communicate this sufficiently to you. Met new guy who she thinks will be better for her ect. And the cold way she deals with this is just how she is built and deals with breakups. I know this is sorta simplistic view. But in the end it really isn't complicated unless you make it so. I know the quick change leaves you reeling more but in the end it was the same as my relationship. They left..something better came along. Feelings changed and we weren't worth keeping around. I mean i had sex daily with my ex for 10 days after she said she wanted out before the last day i saw her. We sorta decided to suspended reality to say good bye until the day we decided not to see each other again. And she acted normal just like old times...that is sorta a mind f*ck too. And this new guy was a total risk for her. We just need to accept that it doesn't make sense 100 percent and that CERTAIN WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF BEING LOVING WITH US WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY WANTING SOMETHING ELSE . I know my ex can...i had a front row seat. I Was just lucky enough (if you want to call it lucky) that my ex communicated this to an extent. End of the day it is all the same you just had it happen more suddenly with less communication thus the confusion. . I find your advice on here (throughout my entire ordeal) to be some of the best I've read. It makes total sense of what you are saying. There were probably problems that were brewing up inside and I never knew. Honestly, I even told her after that I had NO idea. The only thing that I thought she was bothered with by me is the fact I'm pretty messy lol. She would complain that I left a mess a bunch. Thats really it. We had three arguments in two and a half years of dating. Pretty agreeable people.... She said later on that I didn't show appreciation for what she did for me and I wasn't caring enough in the end, and I have taken that and apologized times before. She even said at first it was okay because she loved me and everything is great, then that was "one of the reasons" she didnt come back......Does it matter in the end? Not really because she isn't with me, so none of it really matters. Her reasonings when she left seemed VERY legit. What was funny was during her little therapy stint, she was afraid I would leave her during this time, and she kept saying "After my therapy, can we try again?" or then texting me saying "I dont want to be away from eachother anymore. You make me happy" so I was really confused as to what her motive was during this whole thing. I never pressured her to come back nor told her to do anything really. I know she needed her time for therapy and whatever, so I gave her the space and time to do it. As SOON as I started acting less aloof and more caring, she bolted the other way and it was bye bye with me then acted like a total b****. Like you said Cav, it's a way to deal with it and that is fine I guess. She said such STRONG things to me after the BU where it was confusing for me. I've been on the hook before, but these were such STRONG words so I was mind blown for most of it. I've gone NC before with her and whatever before....the problem I'm having with me is I still brew that little bit of hope in my stomach that since this was her first relationship ever that she realizes that everything outside isn't always better and that we can make it work. Its incredibly dumb to suggest such a thing and only delays healing and it won't happen and even if it did, that means I was always the second option.....and why i still hold on to that I will NEVER know, but I do. Subconsciously, I'm obviously not excited she likes someone else, but the fact he has a GF and she is chasing what she cannot have, it makes me feel "better" that its not someone who IS available and a good chance it will blow up in her face. Karma type stuff I guess...That's what I keep doing to myself and I have honestly tried a LOT of things to make her go away, but yet she is still there every minute of the day. It's exhausting really. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Well man these things are SUPER painful. I can see where your at and i think like half the pain your feeling is that your holding on way to tight and trying to understand too much. Translation...HOPE ..AND THIS IS THE WORST Try mourning again..cry cry and cry some more and tell yourself IT IS OVER. Replay everything, all the good times, holding her hand ect, and especially how you gave it your all and again that IT IS OVER. Then stay NC. You just need to truly let go of the hope and any desire to understand completely. You are WAAAAAY better off thinking things WILL work out with this guy. Then you know it is over and can heal easier. The fact of the matter is I have no idea if my ex is with new guy or not. The last thing i want to know is if it didn't work out and that i MIGHT have a chance. Pure torture to think this. Recovery needs to be the NUMBER 1 priority. If I think of my ex now, it is with her married and happy with a new baby. Not kidding. And this is the kick in the butt i need sometimes to try to move on. I force any hope away and stop wondering. She is gone forever (true). Doesn't make it easier per se but at least this way I can just focus on myself. I mean i still think of her but I force myself to do it the best i can without any hope.
Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 *I had this thread earlier this morning, but I left out a word in the title and I cant change it lol. I'm dumb don't worry...* Hey everyone...its been a while since I've been on here. Sadly, not much has changed in my situation (Ex GF breaks up after almost three years. Says she loves me and I'm the one and just needs time to work out her rough past *therapy* and that she will be with me again. After a month, she says she "doesn't feel the same anymore" and if I must know, there is another guy that she likes. Become cold, distant, bi***y, etc etc.), but it still doesn't mean that I'm getting a lot better necessarily. Its been exactly four months today that she left and about two and a half months since she full went through with the BU. I've had "better" days, but its been driving me crazy and here is why.... So, she has been acting incredibly cold towards me the past several weeks. She has been very short, mildly mean, and not at all the person I know. Like I did something to her in which I NEVER did. In fact, I tried to talk to her about the whole BU, and her story of the breakup is 100 false and makes me look like the bad guy (Ex; She said I told her to GTFO of the house and I never wanted to see her again. HAHA okay because I'm positive I told her to stay and we can work on this together and that I loved her).... I've tried many of times to reconcile with her and try to make it work, and she doesn't want that. Says "feelings changed" and "I like other people now." Won't even give it a chance. Says most of it is this "new guy" she likes. I'm almost positive this guy is the reason she wanted out of our relationship in the first place, but she says it isn't. I find that hard to believe.....So about three weeks ago, I ask her if she is dating anyone and she goes "not really." Says "its complicated" with this guy she likes. She has been saying this since the BU that "Its not really a relationship, its stupid" and that it wont work yada yada yada. I know who it is....dude in her class last semester. Some musician who likes poetry and sports lol. Nice dude I met him before. Just something different than what she had.....anyways,the thing is he has a GF. Has had one for about two years now. I know they hang out ALL the time and I know that she really fancies him hence the reason she has been chasing him for about three months now. They do a bunch of stuff together and I can almost promise its went farther than just friends at some parts of this. None of my business we aren't together.... She is even going as far as saying she maybe going to the same grad. school as this guy which is almost 1,500 miles away. I heard from a mutual friend (TOLD HER TO DELETE EVERYONE I KNOW and of course she ddidnt listen) that she wrote some crap on facebook about how "the course of true love never did run smooth" and how she puts up song lyrics like some 15 year old (she is 22). I just roll my eyes....whats even worse is she does "like sports" but most of her love of it comes from me. I'm a HUGE sports fan and this guy is too....so what she does is parades around "liking" my favorite teams to try and impress this guy. Lol can't make this stuff up..... I've went to great links to try and ignore her. I had my roommate password protect all social media sites on my phone and computer. I don't wnat to know anything because it just hurts anymore to be nosey. However that quote got me pretty hot and bothered. Love??? Really? Know this guy for a little bit and want to confess your love? So about two and a half weeks ago, in a non cool move, I mentioned how I heard about her little quote. She goes " I dont love him. I have lots of feelings for him and I like him but I dont love him." I just tell her its none of my business, but I did find it funny that about three weeks before this, she tells me about how she is going through some stuff and I tell her that I am seeing someone (which I was) and she gets all upset saying how sad she was that I moved on so fast and how she didn't want to date this other guy...and NOW she is in love. lol okay. I apologized for prying into business that wasnt mine, I just told her it hurt my pride a little and she said thats fine. I have been on full NC since then and trying REALLY hard not to get the urge to text her. Two questions (ones more of a statement, but just...okay?) 1. Now, its none of my business because we arent dating anymore so she can do what she wants, but why would she want to go after something that is unattainable? She went after this guy knowing he has a GF and has had one for a while, but yet has been chasing for three months....does she fancy drama? Does she base her own self worth on obtaining what she can't have? Is it something physiological? The guy is cool don't get me wrong and not ugly by any stretch, but I wouldnt see why someone would throw away a three year relationship to chase after someone who is not available. That mind boggles me. 2. My mind is going through reality/emotions overload. Reality is that we wont get back together ever. Even if we did, it wouldnt work right now because I can't trust her. I don't like the new person she has become. Reality is its done, let it go, move forward, and find someone out there who will love me for me. The emotion side of it, however, wont let it go to save its life. I think about her ALL the time, I have a hard time doing something without her in my head, and I do still love her very much. I don't know what else I can do at this point to stress my feelings for her. She had said I changed this year and how I didnt appreciate what she did for me or show enough compassion, so trying to show her I do care (the times where she was saying she loved me so much and she was coming back....even told me she forgives me for everything because she loves me and that this time away will be great for us. Apparently not), she didnt want to hear it. It's clear new guy is the omega right now, and I get that, and its been four months....but still, I want this. I want this to work with us though im fully aware its a huge pipe dream. Anyways, thoughts are much appreciated. LOLOLOL!!!!! I have to laugh because my ex gave me the same nonsense about the guys she is seeing. She acted like there was no one else. Then it was she was talking to someone. Then it was the relationship was "bare bones" and that she was not really into it. Then she said that he loved her but she didn't feel it with him. Then we met up she kissed me told me she loved me blah blah then by that night was totally committed to the new guy. The last communication I got from her was "I am with someone else... that's it" and "i love the memory of you not in love with you" wow that was 48 hours after she told me she loved me not him. Wow I guess love grew quickly. some women play games. You can never know if they are trying not to hurt your feelings or they are confused or they embarrassed because their actions are ridiculous.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) So the streak continues lol I promise 100 percent that it was NOT my intention to talk to her. I wanted to keep NC and try and pass this.....and then I screwed up. Last night, I was about to text my friend about trying to hang out on sunday. His name and my Ex's name is only two letters in the middle different and right next to eachother in the phone book.....s***......so of course, I texted her something incredibly random that wasnt meant for her and she knew it.... As soon as I sent it, I realized the mistake. So, I wrote back quickly "oh sorry my bad." I wasn't expecting any sort of response, but she did..Before I finish this, I will state the last time we talked, we got into a small argument. Two weeks ago, I got pretty upset at her for some stuff and she got mad at me saying "Just leave me the f*** alone" and I said fine. Later that night, I apologized about my outburst and she said its okay. We talked for a few more minutes and we were fine after that...NC for two weeks....now into this She said "It's fine." ...then about two minutes later said "You should probably delete my number" I asked why and she goes "Because I asked"......I said "lol well you didnt really ask you just said to. I changed your name in the phonebook so it shouldn't happen again" She goes "It doesn't matter, I told you I don't want to ever talk to you again (which she didn't) so lose my number" I was like "woah, easy there. I come in peace. We were okay the last time we talked" she then goes "I don't f***ing care. I dont want to ever talk to you again. This is not a f***ing joke. Lose it NOW." lol what?? What is with her random anger with me? I asked her why are you angry at me, she goes "I'm not. I'm telling you" I didnt say anything for a while, but it REALLY bothered me. I wrote something that night very adult like just saying I am sorry for my actions the past couple of months and to be honest, it hasn't been easy for me, but I have been good. Told her that I understand her point of view and how annoying I have been. So I apologized and said I hope that maybe you can accept my apology....and guess what? NO RESPONSE in the morning. Why in the world would she just get incredibly angry like that??? Like off the rocker angry at me? The last time we talked, she got mad at me (which makes sense) but then we were okay after that and things were fine. The ONLY thing I can think is that again, later that night two weeks ago when she went to sleep, I left a text saying "I shouldnt probably be talking anyways. I am dating someone (which I am. Not exclusive, but going on dates) and to be honest, I havent mentioned anything to her about you. I hope things go well with you.".....she didnt respond to that and I didnt talk to her for a couple of weeks and didnt plan on it lol. Was she mad at me dating someone? She keeps saying she is glad I'm moving on and what not and I should be doing it blah blah whatever. Does it matter? NO....but can someone help me unravel this mystery? Edited January 27, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I wouldn't worry about it. I would do what she asks and delete the number. There is no answer to that question that will satisfy you.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 I wouldn't worry about it. I would do what she asks and delete the number. There is no answer to that question that will satisfy you. I hear ya. I deleted the number. I wasnt trying to be defiant with her. Hell, I didnt want to talk to her lol. I'm just having a hard time as to why she is so cheesed off? Did I say something bad? Jealously? Its so confusing to me....hence the title of the thread haha
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I hear ya. I deleted the number. I wasnt trying to be defiant with her. Hell, I didnt want to talk to her lol. I'm just having a hard time as to why she is so cheesed off? Did I say something bad? Jealously? Its so confusing to me....hence the title of the thread haha Who knows, and to be honest, you shouldn't care. She could easily have been having a bad day and just exploded at you because you were there. Not worth overanalyzing. 1
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Who knows, and to be honest, you shouldn't care. She could easily have been having a bad day and just exploded at you because you were there. Not worth overanalyzing. Yeah that does make sense. I remember she said when we argued last week that she didn't want to be friends and I told her "we never really were." She wanted to be friends after the BU and I told her I didnt want that because its not really fair to me. Then a full month NC happened, then just casually talking again and then me trying to get her back. She thought about it, but said she didnt want that. Said she didnt want to feel sad like she was sometimes with us. Then I kept going and it got annoying to her....and then now she is randomly angry. She might have had a bad day, bad night, etc etc.....and I shouldn't care like you said and I dont know WHY I do. Here is ONE more question that is making me think. Okay, so when we dated (almost three years) she NEVER felt like she was attractive enough. She always felt "ugly" or "gross." She loved me SO much at first because I showed her a lot of affection because she was beautiful. Her facebook photos were always photos were always recycled from the only ones she liked....well, around the end of the relationship, she had some personal care done to herself (braces off, redid her hair, etc). Well, she felt a little better about herself, but still not great. EVER since we broke up, ALL of her pictures on the internet are her with CAKED on makeup and looking borderline trashy. Not saying girls who try too hard look trashy, but she is trying TOO hard type stuff. I'm curious as to why such the change in personality. I'm aware people change over time and that makes sense, but this was like an overnight personality change. It's weird to try and wrap my head around and was wondering from a womans perspective, what makes someone do such drastic changes as such?
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 I REALLY hate double posting anything on this site because it makes me look like I'm desperate....but honestly, I'm having such a hard time tonight for some reason. Its killing me and I don't know how to process so much information. Her actions are SO bizarre and different and I dont even know how to deal with most of it.
cavalier99 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) Girls react strongly like that when they have a new BF they are into and don't want you to mess it up. At least that is my experience. This is great news! Now you wont be tempted to ever talk to her again. Tough to have false hope after that doozy she laid on you. . Remember she is gone happily married with new baby and doesn't ever want to hear from you again (this last part is true) lol. Your free Wooo Hooo! Now get out there, go to gym, party, get laid or hookup or something. she will be nice to you again in like a year when you dont care. She is pushing you away super hard now to move on protect her new thing and helping you indirectly. Id sent her a thank you note (kidding) You really need to stay NC so all the humiliation of this drifts away. Im not saying the text wasn't a mistake but this is about what is expected. I personally got a "control your self" communication from EX after i told my ex i she needed to change all her passwords or id keep checking her stuff and saw pic of her and new guy...in the days after BU. Maaaan was she pissed (rightly so) Humiliating. In the end i ended up forcing her to change all her passwords by logging in myself and informed her. Sooooo pissed at me you cant imagine. I followed that up with a F OFF forever never contact me again unless she was dying and if that was the case to get support elsewhere. (Not that i though she would really contact me after all that. Lol ha Almost 3 months later i get nice email about how she will always care for me. Blah blah blah. Didn't respond. You need to stay NC and all this raw emotion will go away. Edited January 27, 2013 by cavalier99
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I REALLY hate double posting anything on this site because it makes me look like I'm desperate....but honestly, I'm having such a hard time tonight for some reason. Its killing me and I don't know how to process so much information. Her actions are SO bizarre and different and I dont even know how to deal with most of it. You are trying to find rationality in things (feelings) that are completely irrational. You'll drive yourself crazy in trying to figure out why she's doing what she's doing. Odds are she probably has no clue why she's acting the way she's acting. So if she doesn't know, how the hell are you going to figure it out? Gues what? You aren't. So stop trying to divide by zero.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Girls react strongly like that when they have a new BF they are into and don't want you to mess it up. At least that is my experience. This is great news! Now you wont be tempted to ever talk to her again. Tough to have false hope after that doozy she laid on you. . Remember she is gone happily married with new baby and doesn't ever want to hear from you again (this last part is true) lol. Your free Wooo Hooo! Now get out there, go to gym, party, get laid or hookup or something. she will be nice to you again in like a year when you dont care. She is pushing you away super hard now to move on protect her new thing and helping you indirectly. Id sent her a thank you note (kidding) You really need to stay NC so all the humiliation of this drifts away. Im not saying the text wasn't a mistake but this is about what is expected. I personally got a "control your self" communication from EX after i told my ex i she needed to change all her passwords or id keep checking her stuff and saw pic of her and new guy...in the days after BU. Maaaan was she pissed (rightly so) Humiliating. In the end i ended up forcing her to change all her passwords by logging in myself and informed her. Sooooo pissed at me you cant imagine. I followed that up with a F OFF forever never contact me again unless she was dying and if that was the case to get support elsewhere. (Not that i though she would really contact me after all that. Lol ha Almost 3 months later i get nice email about how she will always care for me. Blah blah blah. Didn't respond. You need to stay NC and all this raw emotion will go away. Thanks Cav. Always say the right things.....yeah, my first assumption was new BF hence the cold reaction. I'm going to be honest with you and everyone else and more honest and open than I ever have in 27 years.... What my issue that I cannot for the life of me get OVER is why I feel like this still??? I want her back in the WORST possible way...like giving up everything I've ever owned just to hang out with her. I don't know if this is just a void that I think only she can fill, but man I am depressed. I've tried dating again and I've tried to just move on by myself...and yet I still have my mind SET on her. I start moving a bit and BAM I hit a wall and reverse. It kills me because I know who it is and they hang out ALL the time (even last night. Mutual friend told me) and they all hang out in a large group (three guys and her) and they are all spoken for relationship wise. Does it matter?? NO OF COURSE NOT! However, it drives me absolutely insane. Does he actually like her? Do they have sex? Is she chasing something that will fail? Will she want to come back? Again....all questions I shouldnt ask myself because it doesnt matter. I actually have a pretty good head on my shoulders about this, but emotionally, this is draining me SOOOOO much. I just want her back and if I died, she wouldnt care. How can anyone be SO cold? Especially after saying such loving things to me before and even after the BU. Is there honestly ANYTHING I can say or do with this??? She is who I want to be with and yet she is more okay with chasing someone who is spoken for and has not broken up with his GF in the three months she has been chasing. I went to church this morning for the first time in like 8 years just to think about something different and what was going through my mind the WHOLE time is something you should NOT be thinking about, especially at church lol. Its always funny the most SEXUAL things I will ever think about are at times and places I shouldnt haha. When I am not in the comfort of my house, I overthink SO much that I will have panic attacks. One of the reasons I lost my job a couple months back. It's too much anymore. SimonPhoenix- HAHAHA you know whats funny? I talk to my friend about this (last one that will listen minus everyone on here) and he quotes that ALL the time "You are trying to find rationality in things that are completely irrational." It makes SO much sense and hearing it from someone else gives it more validity to me now I guess.
valeriepm Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I completely understand how you feel. My ex left me for a variety of irrational reasons and all I do is analyze his words and ask myself how he could say he "loves me more" while leaving me heart broken and alone. We were also together for three years and each others first loves - so possibly they really don't know how good they have it because of immaturity and inexperience. Keep no contact and try not to analyze things that happened in the past. I can assure you she probably is just as confused as you. She's chasing a "feeling" that she found in someone else that won't last. One day she may realize her mistake but the sad part is, sometimes people never do. Some people never grow up and never reflect on their actions and how they've affected others. These people get caught up in an endless cycle of failed relationships and always put the blame on the other person. Take comfort in knowing you treated her well. Let go, let it be, and continue with your life one day at a time. Time will bring her back to you if it's meant to be.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I completely understand how you feel. My ex left me for a variety of irrational reasons and all I do is analyze his words and ask myself how he could say he "loves me more" while leaving me heart broken and alone. We were also together for three years and each others first loves - so possibly they really don't know how good they have it because of immaturity and inexperience. Keep no contact and try not to analyze things that happened in the past. I can assure you she probably is just as confused as you. She's chasing a "feeling" that she found in someone else that won't last. One day she may realize her mistake but the sad part is, sometimes people never do. Some people never grow up and never reflect on their actions and how they've affected others. These people get caught up in an endless cycle of failed relationships and always put the blame on the other person. Take comfort in knowing you treated her well. Let go, let it be, and continue with your life one day at a time. Time will bring her back to you if it's meant to be. Thanks so much for your answer. You along with some many on here have helped me a bunch.....I've gotten better and the past week, I've been AWFUL!!! I don't know what started all of this, but its been getting much worse for me. Panic attacks are back, I'm having to take medication again to calm my a** down at times again, and I'm back to internet stalking again (yes I'm aware how awful that sounds). Maybe its because I know she is back in university again and that she is hanging out with everyone but me again. I NEED TO GET OVER THIS! I want to SO bad I really really do. I do want her back more than I want anything else in my LIFE but if she doesn't want it, I cant force anything. She wants to chase a guy with a GF and have puppy love and ignore someone who actually cares for her. I think this is the part that makes me so angry. Why ignore me and treat me cold. She has had such issues with her past and Ive NEVER judged her when most wouldn't even consider dating her with some of the things she has done. She has changed so much and I want her to be in my life. Its some cruel game.
cavalier99 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Dude stop the internet stalking thing. Not that i think you will get in trouble. I logged into all of my ex's account. But because it will drive you completely and totally insane. If you know her passwords. Reset every one of them for her..she will hate you but it is the best thing you can ever do. Write down x84jfjgre748hs5f84 on a piece of paper. Conform this password and then burn it. Or log in 3 times to do a password reset and freeze up the account.
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Dude stop the internet stalking thing. Not that i think you will get in trouble. I logged into all of my ex's account. But because it will drive you completely and totally insane. If you know her passwords. Reset every one of them for her..she will hate you but it is the best thing you can ever do. Write down x84jfjgre748hs5f84 on a piece of paper. Conform this password and then burn it. Or log in 3 times to do a password reset and freeze up the account. lol yeah I probably made that look like I was hacking or logging into her stuff. I don't know any of her passwords. I always remembered they were really long passwords with like 14 numbers afterwards lol. No, but I do check out to see what she is doing all the time. Thats how I know what guy it is and when they are hanging out because she will post something or whatever. You know whats the worst part of it? I will look at the stamp of when something was wrote and compare it to what the guy wrote to ld see maybe they are hanging out or not. How pathetic is that??? VERY. I should have stopped....oh four months ago lol and NOTHING ever good comes from looking at that and its VERY wrong. I would be mad knowing my ex was doing that. I know she deleted him from there like twice and deleted her account like 5 times lol so because I knew this, I would get some sort of false hope that she wasnt happy. Does it matter?? F*** no. I'm so stuck in this rut that its driving me crazy.
cavalier99 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 lol yeah I probably made that look like I was hacking or logging into her stuff. I don't know any of her passwords. I always remembered they were really long passwords with like 14 numbers afterwards lol. No, but I do check out to see what she is doing all the time. Thats how I know what guy it is and when they are hanging out because she will post something or whatever. You know whats the worst part of it? I will look at the stamp of when something was wrote and compare it to what the guy wrote to ld see maybe they are hanging out or not. How pathetic is that??? VERY. I should have stopped....oh four months ago lol and NOTHING ever good comes from looking at that and its VERY wrong. I would be mad knowing my ex was doing that. I know she deleted him from there like twice and deleted her account like 5 times lol so because I knew this, I would get some sort of false hope that she wasnt happy. Does it matter?? F*** no. I'm so stuck in this rut that its driving me crazy. I've been there. It is an addiction..at least a normal addiction you get high . This is just pure misery type addiction. This can go on along time..you need to stop. Its like intervention time. If you don't stop your mind can spin on this stuff forever and you wont get better.
LduKaZ Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 The best and only thing you can do here bro, is erase her existence from your life. Let her be nothing but a beautiful fading memory. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but it is the ONLY way. Delete her number, facebook, pictures. Delete her friends from your FB. Delete it all. Move on, one day at a time. Life will continue without her. No matter how bad it hurts, it wont kill you, I promise.
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