ne sois pas si bete Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Hello, this is my first post, hoping to find some help. I'm sorry this is so long :\ My boyfriend and I have known each other 8 years and have been together almost 3 now and living together. In December 2012 the lease to our apt. was up and we were having trouble finding something else. We were looking for something cheaper but it was difficult, most places only wanted one person. We were under pressure because we had trouble paying the rent and bills, his mom helped us. I gave in and said fine to have us living apart to ease the strain. He called some places for himself but didn't like any of them. In the end, we decided to renew the lease, but the day after he got a call from one of the places. I was at work when it happened. He and his mom went to see it and he decided to live there. He didn't say anything to me, I talked to his mom the day it happened and she was the one who told me. It was devastating. Not only because I was so used to being together, but also because I was technically homeless. I can't live with my mom, because she's financially irresponsible and moves practically every month. My dad and grandma live together in a one bedroom apt. that is roach infested and looks like something outta a horror movie. As well as the fact that I'm not supposed to be there because my grandma has plan 8. And my grandma makes sure to remind me everyday. It's a living hell. I'm treated like a stranger and she picks me apart over everything. She's old, so it's not really her fault I guess, but it sucks. My boyfriend knew these would be the conditions I would be living in but went through with it anyway. I also found out no that long ago through his mom that the owner said it would be ok if I lived there too but my bf hasn't tried to get me to stay. I go stay with him 3 or 4 days a week then go back to my grandmas, this has been going on for over a month now. He treats me normal sometimes, but sometimes he's a little distant. It would take forever to provide a whole back story on our relationship or how he's treated me from the time we were 14 to now 22. But the gist of it is that I'm confused. When he's angry with me he's always said horrible things like I'm a waste of space, but then other times he's perfectly normal. I don't know if this is just his personality or that his previous drug use has fried his brain. Since he's been living alone he's started hanging out again with some friends of his that are trash, heavily into some bad stuff. It's like he's gone back to how he used to be. Not completely. He just smokes. As of late, he has found a job and hasn't seen those ppl in a while (he said they're not good friends), and we continue to be around each other. He refers to me as his girlfriend and I my boyfriend. But it's just bad. I feel horrible. I feel ok 90% of the time but these nagging thoughts come up. I don't understand his sudden turn around and I'm not even sure if this should go on. I want to have a kid someday, have a good career, etc, and I feel like I'm wasting time but I'm in love with him. He's all I've ever known. I'm currently going to school and got a job and doing my own thing but I'm not happy. I'm sorry this is so long and I'm sure it's a jumbled mess because I'm writing it when I'm upset, but if you need to know anything else feel free to ask and I appreciate you for taking the time to read this.
Samilia Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Mum so he gets the sex and the freedom and on top of it basically left you behind without worrying about your living conditions? Actions speak pounder than words. Db move.
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 You've been together a long time but as far as "future thinking" I'm not sure he's on the same page as you. He just moved out and changed the game up without even letting you know, really not all that caring about your situation at all. Even knowing you can live with him he hasn't said a word. Fairly obvious through his actions that he doesn't want to live with you. Him being distant is another indication he may be growing tired of the relationship. He doesn't seem as invested as he once was. He's hanging out with old friends again, has a new job, his new place... it sounds like HE'S going on with his life and he's living life without you. After these years together, living together... it seems as if you guys are degressing and not progressing as a couple. What's been said about a future together? Also, you guys got together VERY young, and you're still young. So despite the years together, you're both going to change tremendously. Unfortunately, most young couples grow apart, not grow up together. He could be going through that. Communication is the only thing that's going to help here. Not us. You need to see where he's at, why he doesn't want you living with him, why he's acting uninterested in the relationship lately... One more thing though, him being angry at you doesn't give him the right to be verbally abusive. Just something to think about.
Author ne sois pas si bete Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Thank you for the feedback. I've confronted him about it before, I told him I wasn't going to force myself into trying to live with him if he didn't want me there. He said it wasn't that, it's that the space is too small and he gets 'anxiety'. He said we need a bigger place. We have talked about the future before, he said we need to be financially stable if we had a kid. Before all of this happened, I told him I was thinking of joining the air force and if he thought he could live near me after I was stationed somewhere and he said yes. He said not to get him 'pumped up' if I wasn't really going to do it. I sometimes feel maybe it was my fault. That I really didn't try hard enough and he's become bored of the relationship :\ We're both young and have known eachother a long time after all.
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