crux- Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 My story sounds it’s out of a book, which was supposed to have a happy ending. After high school before I went to university I dated my high school sweet heart. We were best friends until I wanted something more. She was going through a abusive relationship in which I tried to help her out. We started living together, but it seemed she could not shake this guy in her life. Long story short I moved out and she left with another guy. A year after she called me to go to her wedding I said No. She even called me on her wedding night I just refused to take the call. Three years ago she called me again, this time I took the call. She told me that she was in another abusive relationship and had two children. I told her how much I missed her and I would help her get out of the situation. I took a year off school and started a relationship with her. It was hell trying to get her away from this abusive guy. Half-way through the divorce I went back to school for my MA. It was hard managing school and her divorce issues and constant emotional breakdowns. Two weeks ago, a month after the divorce was finalized, I started to catch her in a number of lies, she was dating her new neighbor while I was in a different city at school. I approached a number of times but she always side step the issue telling me they we just friends. I finally there was to much evidence for me to ignore. Her going over to the neighbours until 3 a.m , telling her I am not cool with that and the same day going to the beach with him. Calling her one night when I was going out with my friends after her saying that she was going to bed and the neighbours dialing out on her phone while I am calling through and (my breaking point) phone calls on her cell to the neighbour in the mornings on her way to work when I am at her apt. I blew the night I found the calls on the cell phone. Told her she betrayed me again, she was weak, could not live without a man and that she was just her old self. The next night I apologized, thinking that the Stress of my MA being away and her recent divorce, her grandmother dieing and being pressured by her family to marry her final got to me. She told me that she needed a break, It was my fault I choose a school so far away, I was not letting her be free, that maybe when I was done my school we could maybe get back together (8 months and a very good paying job), that there was no intimate relationship with her neighbor and if something did happen in the future she would not stop it. The remaining couple of weeks have been hell for me, She asked me to be her best friend and take out her kids. I told her I could not be best friends and I would not take-out her children while she dated other guys. A day after this conversation she took off on vacation with her neighbor. How do I get over it? Was I wrong? Why do I want her back?
YellowLioness Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 She told me that she needed a break, It was my fault I choose a school so far away, I was not letting her be free, that maybe when I was done my school we could maybe get back together (8 months and a very good paying job), that there was no intimate relationship with her neighbor and if something did happen in the future she would not stop it. The remaining couple of weeks have been hell for me, Ok, she's blaming you for her weakness of character. You should be able to choose whatever school you feel is best. It's not up to her to run your life. So, she dumps you THEN tries to use you for a babysitter? Lol. I can't believe you're actually thinking that this could be your fault. It is possible that you are enabling her to use you: in which case, you should stop being so available. I'm not saying that the girl doesn't deserve someone to help her out. However, she's not reciprocating your feelings. If you're doing all the giving, and she's doing all the getting, then you're getting used.
honey2005 Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 I agree with YellowLioness. She had no right to blame you for her problems. She wants to be able to date around while knowing that you will always be there as her fallback. It's not fair to you and I don't think you should let it continue. She has lied to you repeatedly, and after she dumped you she thought you would still be there for her to use. It doesn't seem like she cares as much about you as you do for her. I think you should just get her out of your life. Let her go find a guy she wants to be with. You can't always be there to fix her mistakes for her, she has to live her own life and you have to go out and live yours. Don't sit around and wait for her to change, because it doesn't seem like that is going to happen.
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