Kbg16 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 OK I have been married for 3 years to my husband.It has not been a very fun ride at all.We have two children.I can't count how many times he has put me down and made me feel like crap.Also over a dozen times I have caught him making personal accounts on adultfriendfinder Craigslist.To get to the point of this.After I found him on these accounts I confronted him and asked him why did he feel that he needed to go online to find a hook up.He immediately got defensive and called me a stupid bitch just for asking him a question.I found out that he was on these sites when I was checking his email for something I bought off ebay.Well I found a bunch of emails of him emailing people off Craigslist wanting to hook up and what makes me feel sick about all of this is he was looking to hook up with transvestites. Well there were emails from alot of people he had messaged.I have never cheated on him ever.He claims he has never cheated on me and that he is just playing looking at pics on these sites.What do you think.My gut is telling me that he doing exactly what i caught him doing and he just doesn'tt what to admit it
sweet_pea Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 This might be better on the infidelity board, however, Trust your gut. It's one thing to 'look,' but if he was actively emailing, I am sure there is even more. Even if there isn't, the act of searching out someone to have extramarital sex is cheating (in my opinion). In summary: Trust your gut. 1
loredo21 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 wow. interesting predicament. i think you need to go with your gut on this one. the fact alone that he talks to you like that calling you a "stupid bitch" is verbal abuse and should not be tolerated. porn is porn. my husband can look at porn all day long if he wants. i look at porn. it's all fine. but i've never ever messaged anyone for sexual meetups on a porn site. that is crossing a line. what would happen if he actually met one of these craigslist people? were they just going to "talk" then? i get everyone has their fantasies, fantasy is fun. and usually it's the taboo ones that are the most fun. i look at girl on girl and am in no way gay or bi. if i were i would totally admit it. so could just be as simple as what gets him off. not necessarily a sexual orientation question. i would try MC and try to get these issues out in the open. a good line of communication is vital, and that does not include being verbally abusive.
Author Kbg16 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 He denies it up and down.It is tearing me apart because he has treated me like crap these 3 years and I have stupidly stuck by his side
Author Kbg16 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 I know my kids and I deserve way better I just:mad: don't think I am strong enough to do this on my own I feel so broken 1
loredo21 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You are stronger than you think! Try some IC maybe? Read some self-help books. Start Yoga. Get your mind in order. I know it's hard. Tell yourself you are strong until you start to believe it! You deserve so much better than that. so do your children...life is way too short and precious to stay in that type of situation. HUGS! 2
Author Kbg16 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 I want it to work out so bad but it's not this relationship has no support what so ever Has anyone been in a situation like this
Realist3 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You need to get out. It won't get any better. But as someone said you are stronger than you think. No good can come from this scenario. 2
stevie_23 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 My inclination is to view this as if it’s PASSIVE looking, it’s porn. However, it’s not typical porn sites that he’s looking on. He’s on ACTIVE contact-others sites. So…even IF what he says is true that he is just looking (though I think the chances of this being true are very slim), it probably won’t remain that way for very long. The passive fantasy, if given ample opportunity, tends to turn into real action eventually. Also, an even bigger problem here is him calling you a “stupid bitch”! How dare he!? This does not sound like a happy, loving relationship. Even if most of the time he’s good to you (and I don’t know that he is. Your perception of what’s acceptable behaviour may be skewed by now), that is still NOT good enough. 5
Turtles Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Although by definition adultery is "penis in vagina" I don't think many will disagree that asking another woman (or man?) for sex, exchanging naked pictures, etc is cheating. So, yes, he is cheating on you. Regardless of whether he intended to actually follow through and meet them in person (by the way it doesn't take that long to hook up so if it has been going on for more than a couple months I doubt that he hasn't gone physical already). AND, there is a pattern of abuse (at least verbal & psychological), from what you say. So, those would be 2 good reasons to leave the relationship, if you can't find a solution for both. Honestly I don't see how you can make it work because he doesn't admit that there is anything wrong and he apparently won't respect you enough to care about your opinion. Can you not talk to your family about it? If not you could try and look into support groups for abused women... sorry it sounds like you have a long hard road ahead. But think of what would be best for your kids because they don't need to grow up seeing their mom abused. 2
Spark1111 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 GET OUT! He treats you like crap, calls you names, knows your trapped and afraid to leave and is now emailing via Craigslist and adultfriendfinder. Idk if he is cheating or not, but he sure doesn't respect you or your feelings. TAKE a stand. pack his bags and move them somewhere. Three years? And he treats you like this? OTHER than a paycheck to provide for you and the kids, how does he show he loves and supports you emotionally? I'd flip out if I discovered emails for potential hook-ups. Better yet,why not ask him if you can play online too? would he have a problem with that? tell him who you emailed and the oh, so, funny things they suggested and could he watch the kids next week? Go ahead. be serious when you ask. Watch his face. teach him a lesson. if you do. OT want to do that, install a key logger. it will report what his emails are asking for. You will have your proof then. IF you let him get away and gaslight you now, I predict you are in for a lifetime of misery. 2
Author Kbg16 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 I have tried to leave many times.But it doesnt't work out very well He makes me sick I try my hardest and I am a joke to him.Like right now he is spost to be up helping with the kids but instead he is passed out:sick:
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I agree, this isn't porn..this is much more serious.
BetrayedH Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I look at plenty of porn. Sometimes my GF will watch with me. Adultfriendfinder and Craigslist are the last places I would look for porn. Your H has gone to the next level. He has been caught at least a dozen times creating on-line dating accounts and you've read his correspondence with transvestites. I don't care what you call it. Are you ok with your husband attempting to date transvestites? Considering his, um, lack of remorse, I think you should assume that he's gone ahead and done it a time or 50. And he's a verbally abusive jackhole? You need to get past these type of "Is it cheating?" questions and spend all of your spare time trying to figure out how to get out of there. Period. Lean on friends and family, hard. Garner sympathy. Find a safe place to go. 1
Jonah Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 OK The porn is just one symptom. Being treated like crap is a dealbreaker. Leave him. Know that you deserve to be treated good. You we be better off without him. Fear not the future!
standtall Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Tranvestites while married? RUN Forrest RUN!
NervisPervis Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 He denies it up and down.It is tearing me apart because he has treated me like crap these 3 years and I have stupidly stuck by his side Please leave.
NervisPervis Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I have tried to leave many times.But it doesnt't work out very well He makes me sick I try my hardest and I am a joke to him.Like right now he is spost to be up helping with the kids but instead he is passed out:sick: Please leave. Oh wait, I already said that. Sorry for the double post.
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