SARose61 Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 In May of 2003, I discovered that my husband had been trying to locate his 1st girlfriend/love on the internet. He had even copied off several addresses & phone numbers he had gotten. I had no idea who this person was, I did not recognize the name. Anyway he insisted it was just a friend from high school. Only curious about where she may have ended up. He swore he had no intentions of actually finding her. I got very depressed after this, I felt totally like someone had burst my bubble. This is my 3rd marriage, his 1st. But before this incident if someone had asked me about how my husband felt about me, I would have said, he thinks I hung the moon. Eventually I found out the whole story about how this person had done him wrong in his senior year. He was so crushed by her using him that he gave up his dreams of going to college. His family moved, but she tried to write to him and his mom threw away several letters. He never found out if she genuinely had changed her mind about not loving him. Fast forward 20 years, now married to me, I innocently told him about a coworker who was going through a divorce because her husband had to try to find his high school sweetheart at classmates.com. Found her and decided it was not fair to stay married to someone he never really loved. Right after that is when my husband looked for his old gf online. I was so obcessed with this problem that I kept looking for her and actually found her, complete with an address and a phone number. She is married, but I actually dialed the number and handed my husband the phone, saying here satisfy your curiosity, and I walked out of the room. They talked for about 15 minutes before she had to get off the phone, he tried to call her again 2 days later and her husband refused to let them talk. I only discovered his 2nd attempt because the number was on our phone bill. So, I feel like I actually made the situation worse. He swears he has no further desire to talk to her. His main goal was to be able to tell her, hey look at me, I actually did ok in life and I did find true love. I want so very badly to believe this, but the memory of what has happened stays with me. I feel like I am not no. 1 and never will measure up to this woman. Many of the feelings I use to feel, that happy butterflies in the tummy kind of feeling when I think about us is no longer there. Is there anyway to erase this??? He refuses to go to counseling and gets very defensive always saying I made way too much out of the situation. Will it ever get better?
Taken_Angel Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Ouch I would be upset too, at least he knows she's married and hopefully they both have more self respect than to start up an affair. Look at it this way maybe she told her husband to answer the phone so she wouldn't have to talk to him. I would keep pushing the issue unless you find evidence that he's still trying to contact her. I think if you push it, things will only get worse and you may end up losing him due to insecurities. Maybe your story started his curiousity, yes he shouldn't have attempted to find her at all, especially since he's married and you'll never really know what his intentions were so the best thing to try and do is trust him.
Mel888 Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Well, I can't say that it wouldn't hurt me, but I'm on the other side of the table. I still talk and see my high school sweet heart, and his fiance doesn't know. My husband knows and we talk about it offten to make sure that he is comfortable. He trust's me and if he didn't, we wouldn't be married. The big thing is that we are open and honest, that makes my other relationship work. Now his fiance I know from the past and there can't be any trust there, or she just doesn't have any self esteem or self confidence, for she fears me. It's the secrets and lies that hurt, not the truth. This is a game that he want's to play with his future and I don't feel bad talking and seeing him, it's not my life, but his that he is messing with. I'll be there either way to support him. There is just a conection that we have that no matter what, no man or woman will ever come between us, our love holds strong, and our friendship is just as strong. My husband loves the fact that I'm honest with him, and not sneeking behind his back. I would never do anything to hurt him, and he knows it. I hope that you can talk to your husband and find a way to get past this. The lies will ruin your marriage in the long run.
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