screwedovertwenty Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Did you take them off when you found out? Could you ever put them back on? I hate my rings now and I used to love them. I hate his ring too. He never took it off. He touched her while wearing that ring and he still hasn't taken it off. I don't like it. 1
eleanorrigby Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 We never had rings and I was bent out of shape over that for a long time, but when betrayal hit. I was glad we hadn't exchanged them. 1
Summer Breeze Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I left my wedding ring in the house when I left. I kept my engagement ring and when my D turned 16 I gave it to her and we went and had the diamond put into another piece of jewelery that we designed together. She asked why I didn't leave that. I told her because I wanted her to have it to remember there was a time when we loved each other deeply and had all the hopes and dreams in the world. The same hopes and dreams I had for her then. For some reason the engagement ring was a more powerful representation of love than the ring he made his promises to. She still wears it and already talks about it always being in the family. 1
tbf Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 After finding out about his infidelity and divorcing him, it was more satisfying for me to melt the rings down into new pieces of jewelry. Symbolic of phoenix rising from the ashes. 3
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 She always wore hers very inconsistently. I made a huge fuss over it when I found out about the betrayal and she started wearing hers during R..only out of fear. After we decided to D she stopped wearing it altogether, I kept wearing mine because we were still married and I figure it not only respected her but other women around me. I wore it until my birthday, which is the same day I filed for D My daughter noticed I didn't wear and asked about it, that same day.... It's still sitting on the bathroom sink where I left it. My plan is to give it to my daughter when the D is final. I told that to my ex a while back, and she hurriedly told me she was going to do the same, haha, she sounded like she had just made that up really. 1
loredo21 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 sorry if I shouldn't post on this being the OW but just thought I would give some perspective. I wore my ring during the whole A and so did MOM. not proud if that. After Dday I took mine off while I went on a 3 week trip to clear my head. When I came home H told me had taken his off for those 3 weeks as well. We both then decided to put ours back on. NOT because we were R (we are separated and ending our M) but we promised to wear them until everything was finalized. His was religious reasons, my reasoning was part shallow ( i LOVE my ring) but mostly that he is still my best friend and a man I shared the most amazing 10 years of my life with. I still look down at my ring with joy. sometimes sadness over the fact that that ring didn't mean enough for me to make the right decision. But I honestly think I will wear it forever. maybe not on that finger, but I want it to be a part of me forever. because he will be in my life forever. 1
Spark1111 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 All my GFs were envious that my H never took his off and was one of the few men they knew who wore it all the time. One day he took it off and asked me to have it re-sized. Like a good Labrador retriever, I put in on my exhaustive to do list. The jeweler said he'd have to come in. Duh! Then he never did.....Hmmm....wonder why that was. At DDay I took it off and it still sits in my jewelry box. The promise was broken and I do not like what that represents. A few years later the kids and I gave him a gold and black onyx ring with four small diamond chips for his birthday. I told him it was so he never forgot us again. He smiled. He has never taken it off. He had a ring custom designed for me; a square blue sapphire in an antique setting to match my eyes. I love it. I bought myself a new diamond ring; three flowers in a row representing my three children and I love that too. Yes we are together and yes we are happy, but I do not need to trigger over wedding rings. God knows I have enough triggers to deal with. 3
Betrayed&Stayed Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Before D-Day I wore my ring all the time. I now wear it most of the time, but I also go days with it on the counter. The symbolism has been ruined. Now it's just a ring. I also filed down the date and inscription on the inside. Those were triggers. 1
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I dunno why a guy would ever take his wedding ring off... I showered with mine, slept with it, etc. I only took it off to fidget with it during meetings or something. It doesn't get in the way of guitar playing or piano....I actually like it for drumming and miss it now for that reason (crack! crack! as opposed to the sound of your palm) I remember it was like 1 day before my wedding and I told someone I was scared to death that I'd lose the ring because I'm such an airhead...and they told me to never take it off. I was like, "ohhhhh! ok!" and that's how I handled it. Oh wait, I did have it resized once. That is a thing that happens
Author screwedovertwenty Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. I thought I might be overreacting. My finger started itching a few days after dday and that was the first time I even thought about the rings. I took them right off. I thought about smashing them a few times. I finally found the hammer. I don't want to smash them now, but I don't think I can wear them again.
Journee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 My WH has an allergy to most metals. We experimented with gold earrings I had to see if he was bothered at all. He wasn't, so we bought him a ring and he wore it maybe a week. That was nearly four years ago. He likely will never wear it. The symbolism means nothing now anyhow. I love my ring and even through our separation I wore it. Sometimes on a necklace sometimes on a different finger but I just had to have it near, me. Now, not so much. It's still beautiful but not when I wear it. If that makes sense. WH and I had a long talk this morning and I told him I am no longer interested in reconciliation. Suppose I can put it up for good. 1
Spark1111 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. I thought I might be overreacting. My finger started itching a few days after dday and that was the first time I even thought about the rings. I took them right off. I thought about smashing them a few times. I finally found the hammer. I don't want to smash them now, but I don't think I can wear them again. That's EXACTLY how I felt and you know something, I am okay with it. You should be too. Whatever works for YOU is what you should do. I will not wear them again either. They always represented something wonderful to me, commitment and I was in this marriage 150 percent. So he took his off to either appease his affair partner or convince her we weren't happily married, neither of which was true in my book. So now mine is off, never to return. It's not the ring, it is what it symbolized to me that can never be returned to me. And I'm okay with it, and wearing rings that do mean something to me is what I have aspired to. Do what works for you.
Decorative Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 He wears his all the time. We had an incident with my rings, and it makes him sound awful. It was during what I can only characterize as the crazed false recovery. He took my rings and would not give them back. They don't make me happy. I have possession of all my rings again, but I wear other rings when I feel like wearing jewelry. I have other nice pieces. They make me happy and aldon't have anything attached to them that feels negative. He has offered to buy me new rings. Maybe someday. It's just not something that has much meaning to me anymore. 2
Spark1111 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 He wears his all the time. We had an incident with my rings, and it makes him sound awful. It was during what I can only characterize as the crazed false recovery. He took my rings and would not give them back. They don't make me happy. I have possession of all my rings again, but I wear other rings when I feel like wearing jewelry. I have other nice pieces. They make me happy and aldon't have anything attached to them that feels negative. He has offered to buy me new rings. Maybe someday. It's just not something that has much meaning to me anymore. That's it! they lost their meaning for me too. 1
2sure Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Kind of an interesting story about our rings. It was not my first marriage and i had jewelry so the big engagement ring was not something I felt was mportant at all. It was his first marriage and he wanted me to have a substantial ring, he picked it out himself. I always wore both the wedding and engagement rings...I thought it was very sweet on his part. His ring was engraved with something personal inside, I never saw him without it. If he took it off, you would see the indent in his flesh and a tan line. When he cheated he told most women he was single and took it off. When I met one of his OW in person, where she lived...so different than where and how we lived...I felt sorry for her and also angry that ...this was how he chose to throw me away. I gave her my rings, told her to sell them and do something for her kids. Yeah, stupid. She probably knew he was not legit. But anyway, that's what I did and I have some regret. I made my x give me his ring and wouldn't give it back...since he had taken it off to lie and cheat. He bought another so people would not think we were havng problems.
ladyinthemts Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Ah! The rings... Well, I'm so used to mine after wearing it so long, didn't think about mine 'til I was staying at a friends house alone. Then, I looked at it and started crying again. BUT I never took it off, reminding my H that I didn't break the vows and that we were still together because I decided to still be with him. And all the crap we (ME NOT HER) went through together, since he had to save money for a long time to buy it (we were very poor when we started our lives together.) So, mine is a rub in the face really... Also, my ring (a little brag here for a reason) is really nice with big diamond. My H's OW never wore her ring...ever (she's married too). She cheats a lot though, so makes sense. But I know she was jealous of it. So re-posted pics on my FB of us together with my big ass ring. Hope she saw it. 'Cause, he might have cheated with her...but I'm the wife and he spent money on me. Never her. Anyway, my H's job is very dangerous - not allowed to wear rings at work. He works A LOT. So, he sometimes forgets to put it on. I can't remember if he was wearing it on DDAY night or not. I don't care. I did ask the rhetorical question of "were you ****ing wearing it?!" He felt ashamed, didn't answer...'cause either way is effed up and he knew it. He makes sure to wear it now as soon as he gets off work. And we're looking at buying a new one for him made of wood, so he can wear it at work. (It won't smash his finger to death or react to stuff badly!) 1
Spark1111 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Kind of an interesting story about our rings. It was not my first marriage and i had jewelry so the big engagement ring was not something I felt was mportant at all. It was his first marriage and he wanted me to have a substantial ring, he picked it out himself. I always wore both the wedding and engagement rings...I thought it was very sweet on his part. His ring was engraved with something personal inside, I never saw him without it. If he took it off, you would see the indent in his flesh and a tan line. When he cheated he told most women he was single and took it off. When I met one of his OW in person, where she lived...so different than where and how we lived...I felt sorry for her and also angry that ...this was how he chose to throw me away. I gave her my rings, told her to sell them and do something for her kids. Yeah, stupid. She probably knew he was not legit. But anyway, that's what I did and I have some regret. I made my x give me his ring and wouldn't give it back...since he had taken it off to lie and cheat. He bought another so people would not think we were havng problems. Unbelievable!. I like you even more. you gave that poor thing your ring! Damn, I should have sent mine to the OW! never thought of that. she could have sold it to take her child to that major theme park she wanted after they BROKE UP. Every detective worth his salt takes ONE look at the fourth finger of the left hand and KNOWS, by the indent at the base you were married, ring or not. The BEST ones can guesstimate how long you were married....like the rings on the inside of a fallen Oak tree. Years do not lie! There is NO denying that indentation on the ring finger. Ignore, yes. Deny, no. 1
Furious Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) I took off my wedding ring off on D-day. Only my best friend and close family members knew I had kicked my husband out. People in my circle began to notice that I wasn't wearing my wedding band and I realized if I wanted my privacy about my situation and not have to deal with any questions, i needed to wear a band. The thought of putting that ring back on made me sick. I decided to get myself a new ring. At that time my husband was living in a hotel, and I was sure we were divorcing. I bought myself a new band and had it engraved with the words "what the Fu*k". I still wear it, even though we are still together and "reconciling", I still don't know if we'll make it, it's one day at time. I'm sacred to think beyond that. My husband wants to get me a new ring, i don't want a big fat diamond band, I miss the my plain gold band, I will never wear it again. Edited January 25, 2013 by Furious 1
Spark1111 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I took off my wedding ring off on D-day. Only my best friend and close family members knew I had kicked my husband out. People in my circle began to notice that I wasn't wearing my wedding band and I realized if I wanted my privacy about my situation and not have to deal with any questions, i needed to wear a band. The thought of putting that ring back on made me sick. I decided to get myself a new ring. At that time my husband was living in a hotel, and I was sure we were divorcing. I bought myself a new band and had it engraved with the words "what the Fu*k". I still wear it, even though we are still together and "reconciling", I still don't know if we'll make it, it's one day at time. I'm sacred to think beyond that. My husband wants to get me new ring, i don't want a big fat diamond band, I miss the my plain gold band, I will never wear it again. You do what works for you! I love your WTF ring! Another great idea. Commemorate and celebrate Furious at this stage of her life. Design something or find something unique to you. THAT you can ever regret. 1
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