missElisa Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I've been reading this forum for quite a while, but I never stumbled across anything that could compare to the situation I'm in right now. And as hard as I try, it's still sort of confusing. I started exchanging messages with his man that is sort of in the same field of expertises as I am, so it was logical that we exchanged views on certain things etc. The messaged weren't romantic or anything like that, but whenever we saw each other (and this only happened with a lot of other people around), there was something there. That's why he asked me out on a cup of coffee. We were both slightly nervous, but the time we spent together was lovely. He hinted that his life is slightly complicated atm and so was mine (I was in the middle of a break-up from my long-term boyfriend) , but we made it clear, that we like each other. He drove me to my place and by then there was so much tension between us that we kissed. And he really did want to kiss me, but was worried that the evening might turn out as an affair and he's not into such short-term things. I'm stressing this, because later on, we wrote/talked every day and he said that he's restraining himself a lot when it comes to me and that he'd appreciate it if I ''kept an eye on him'' as well. I mean, I get it. The age gap is huge (I'm in my twenties, he's almost forty), I know he's been divorced and I do know how much our talks mean to him. I'd hate to screw things up by rushing something as well. The next time we saw each other, the tension was there as well, but again we had a lovely time walking about the city, talking. When he had to leave, he placed his hand (gently, but firmly) on my leg, saying ''I want to, but I won't''. So ... Yes, this is all confusing right now. I wish he'd explain more, because then it would be easier for me to understand all of this. I really don't mind taking it slow, I just wish I knew more, you know? He's really sweet and somewhat awkward (I'm awkward as well, so that usually gives us a few laughs), but incredibly attentive (I've never had a boyfriend that'd be even half as attentive as he is), which makes everything even more confusing. He said he wanted a straight, honest relationship ... but it's sort of blurry atm.
ascendotum Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You have to take it slower with the older guys because they don't move as fast as they used to, what with the arthritis and sore back, bad ticker and unreliable libido. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Older man swooning younger naive woman w behavior she doesn't recognize due to lac of experience....this is different in what way? He's manipulating you....this is extremely easy to see, you're confused because his actions are one way and his words are another, he's just older so the tactics are less subtle and not so aggressive, I can assure you 100 percent that he knows exactly what he's doing...he's simply just playing it at your level to exacerbate this mysterious connection you two have...he's slowly turning you over and conditioning you and you're falling for it completely...yes yes I know he's so nice, sweet and great..that's all part of the facade...trust me his ex wife could tell you all about it. He's going to play aloof and pretending to be restrained until he makes you give the green light because you think this is all a potential love, so you'll be blinded and fixated then after he gets what he wants and needs from you he will bail. You're a fool for believing everything this guy says and giving him the benefit of the doubt wbich is exactly what you'll do...he's reeling you in like a fish. But you don't have to take my word for it...in fact you prob think he's so great you can conviently conform to this situation regardless of what is...but you know far too little about this guy...what really counts....but his techniques are clear as day to me. For a 40 year old...his game should be better than this, probably hasn't spent much time being single. 1
Emilia Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 He hinted that his life is slightly complicated atm ... He said he wanted a straight, honest relationship ... but it's sort of blurry atm. spent much time being single. I'd say he is still married
phineas Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 What ninja says. He's making OP think it's HER idea to have sex with him.
Author missElisa Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 You see, the problem in all of this is that if he just wanted sex, he could've gotten it. So yes, it might all be just a game for him, but why postpone it for so long?
thatone Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) Because men as they get older are not sex crazed lunatics like guys your age are. It's more about the game than the prize. And there's nothing wrong with that, eventually a lot of those guys meet a woman that for whatever reason trips their trigger and the settle down with her. But that's not likely you, not due to any flaw of your own, just due to the fact that the life experience gap is huge. Edited January 24, 2013 by thatone
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