danimal224 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Ok so I have been reading on this site and have learned some valuable information that is helping me through a very recent breakup. On New Years eve 2011 I was out with my friends and this girl came out with me and my buddies. I knew who she was but was not really interested in terms of a relationship with her. She was my new years kiss and we had an amazing night together (no sex). Just talking and getting to know one another. We would hang out regularly since we both graduated college and moved back home and lived relatively close by. So over a period of about a year an a half we became really good friends. I would say she was one of my best friends we would hangout and go on dates. Things eventually became intimate. We were dating but not officially. I was wary to make her my girlfriend for a few reasons. 1. I had heard some non flattering stories about her past. Being kinda slutty her freshman year 2. I knew she had cheated on previous bfs before. 3. My previous relationship ended horribly and crushed me giving me horrible trust issues I know for some guys the number of men a girl sleeps with does not bother them, but it does me. It gives me a sense of how they treat sex and themselves. This was something I had to come to terms with. She got a job about 3 hours away from where I am attending grad school, but we still talked everyday and visited each other. I decided I liked her enough to take the plunge and I knew she felt the same way. This was in mid october. We said how much we loved one another and how the relationship felt so right and that we were glad we were friends for so long before we got together. Talked about marriage and kids. All that stuff. I was so happy I was able to trust someone again and be close to them. Everything was going great and we went on vacation for New Years in NYC since that was our thing. However when we got back she went back to work and I school. She wasn't texting me back for long periods of time or calling me. Every time she did it was like a chore or dismissive. I would try calling at night around 8 but wouldnt get a text until early the next morning saying she fell asleep. I felt something was wrong so I sent her flowers at work (last wed). I get a text back telling me to come up tomorrow. I couldn't because of class. She flew to Denver to visit her sister with her family that weekend and would be back until sunday. Over the phone she said she was confused and said she didn't know what she wanted and that something was wrong with her. Since she kept ignoring me I decided to ignore her as well and give her her space. She got pissed and broke us up on facebook while she was away. I had no idea where this was coming from and was really confused. She came back on sunday and I drove up to see her. I was convinced that we could work this out since we never fight and the relationship seemed perfect. I ended up spending the night and we talked but I couldn't get a straight answer. I thought there might be another guy so I kept pushing that. She said some kid she had a crush on in high school randomly texted her and she kept texting him back and he was trying to get us to break up. She said the fact that she texted him back and didnt ignore him was one of the reasons she thought she should end it. Additionally, she was scared of only being with me for the rest of her life (she said if we stay together we would get married). She also kept saying how we are so different and eventually I would cheat on her (never would, never have on anyone) or leave her. She thought it would be better to break up now before it got more serious. Obviously I was very upset about it all. Mostly because I am losing one of my best friends. When I left her house on monday morning I told her I came up because I believed in us and our future and thought it was worth fighting for. I felt like she didn't care the way I did and everything she said about loving me was a lie to let my guard down and trust again. We couldn't even get through this how could we stay together and get married? I gave her back her key and asked are you 100% sure and she said yes. Crying and all that. I said I wont be back. NC since. She has been trying to text me (only text) since monday. First asking if I got home ok then becoming annoyed about not getting any response then: jan 22nd "Come on" "Well I guess you're alive bc I saw u commented on Facebook" "So thats good" "Are you just never going to speak to me again?" "Oh. Great." "This is making me crazy." jan 23rd "Should I just give up?" I'm still doing NC, but its hard. Thats one of the reasons I'm here venting and typing all this out. But I do get some satisfaction from ignoring her. From what I can surmise I shouldn't even take her back if she begged me to because of how she's been acting. I thought she was mature. I was apparently wrong. I'm not going to play stupid love games with her. She can't have her cake and eat it too. And what kind of scummy person would randomly text a girl and make them break up with their bf just to get laid? And what kind of person would play along to that?? How can I not know a person after spending so much time with them? Well if you have read all of this then I applaud you! And any advice or encouragement would be awesome! Thanks
Chi townD Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You went up there to fight for the relationship and she pretty much told you that there wasn't anything to fight for. She was done. You asked her if she was sure if this is what she wanted and her answer was "yes". She made the choice to have you OUT of her life. So, you told her that you will NOT be back. She's getting exactly what she wanted. You gone. I don't know what she's getting all upset about. You are nothing to her now, and she nothing to you. No titles....no girlfriend, boyfriend, lovers or future husband and wife. Just.....nothing. And that's the way she wanted it. She may want to be friends, but I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her and the end result being that you are nothing more than a good friend to her. So, you guys aren't friends either. Stay NC. remember, this was her choice. This is what she wanted. 3
NoMoreJerks Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Well said Chi TownD.. it's funny how they demand "space", get annoyed by your texts, dump you, then, when you don't text them / chase after them, they get irritated! I mean, WTF? My ex got annoyed that I had texted him after he got home from 1 month of work abroad....Apparently it irritated him. He wanted to be left alone.... so then he dumped me... and then I went NC immediately but he texted me 3 weeks later... a breadcrumb, nothing more, nothing less. And now I have a feeling he's angry at me or not responding to that text. F*cking immature. They should just grow the f*ck up and realize that when they ask for something,well, they can't complain when we give it to them! But they want to have everything THEIR way, WHEN they want it.... everything has to be on their terms... Funny how my ex told me that I knew nothing about "real life".... when in fact, HE is the one that seems to know nothing about it.... in real life, people do not stick around and put themselves in your toy box, just so that you can remove us out of your toy box when you feel like playing with us, then put is back into the box.. 1
flitzanu Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 chi nails it again. she told you in so many words this old high school crush of hers got in her head, and she was texting back and forth with him while with you, and that made her think she should end it. that means she wants to see other people. be glad she at least dumped you instead of cheating like she had in the past. 1
Author danimal224 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks guys its tough not to respond but I'm better off. I just don't how if they're breaking up with you they are all over you teling you they love you and they don't want you to leave. They want you to keep the key to their place. Make up your mind you've obviously been thinking about it long enough. It just frustrates me people can earn your trust over years and then tear you down without warning. It just leaves you with an empty feeling and you question yourself. I feel like situations like this are going to make me more cautious in the future but may also create trust issues hindering future relationships... :\
Samilia Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Thanks guys its tough not to respond but I'm better off. I just don't how if they're breaking up with you they are all over you teling you they love you and they don't want you to leave. They want you to keep the key to their place. Make up your mind you've obviously been thinking about it long enough. It just frustrates me people can earn your trust over years and then tear you down without warning. It just leaves you with an empty feeling and you question yourself. I feel like situations like this are going to make me more cautious in the future but may also create trust issues hindering future relationships... :\ What she did doesn't define you, keep that in mind. How you reacted was the right way to go. She wanted out, she's out. Let her lick her wounded ego. 1
flitzanu Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Thanks guys its tough not to respond but I'm better off. I just don't how if they're breaking up with you they are all over you teling you they love you and they don't want you to leave. They want you to keep the key to their place. Make up your mind you've obviously been thinking about it long enough. It just frustrates me people can earn your trust over years and then tear you down without warning. It just leaves you with an empty feeling and you question yourself. I feel like situations like this are going to make me more cautious in the future but may also create trust issues hindering future relationships... :\ because you were a sure thing. the new guy was a maybe. you never throw out the old just in case the new never works out.
Author danimal224 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Then why act like your invested fully if you constantly are looking for the next thing? I think what happened was a combination of her getting cold feet because our relationship was growing into something serious and this other guy putting doubts in her head. Just didn't think it would happen in about a week. Should I try and be friends with her at some point in the future since we were good friends for so long before the relationship? I feel like its immature if I completely cut her out of my life forever...
Recommended Posts