Lonely and depressed; ex would have understood; dreading Valentine's (LONG)

[lourdes_bern]

Hi all,

 

I posted recently on here about my ex possibly having drinks with my close friend on Valentine's Day. I decided to cut off all contact with him (which I should have done a while ago), but today I'm just not coping very well.

 

A little history: I grew up in a big city and went to college there, as did most of my friends. However, after graduation, I decided to teach in the countryside at a boarding school for 2 years instead of entering corporate life like all of my friends. I moved back to the city in June because I wanted to explore more options and prep for graduate school. I met my ex (who also lived in the city) shortly before I started my second year teaching, and we had a pseudo-LDR, where he or I would drive 4 hours round trip to visit each other on the weekends. During this time, we created some really great memories, especially centered around the rural area where I was living. He formed connections with my coworkers and with my favorite students (I used to coach a team). The community is pretty small and traditional, so everyone thought we would get married, and he became a sort of father/older brother figure to some of the younger students on my team.

 

Recently my former students sent me an invitation to see the school play. It's on Valentine's weekend (Feb 15-16), and I figured I might as well go since I don't plan on going out. Plus, I miss those students quite a bit and I haven't visited since I left last June. I've been trying to get some friends to go with me, but they're not interested in going out to the country (even though the area is beautiful, not run-down); they say they're too busy for such a long drive (2 hours one way), they're not interested in the area at all, or they're in a relationship already. I'm willing to drive by myself, but I'm scared to go alone (I'm a single woman and I'm pretty small), plus I'll just remember all the times I'd drive back from the city after visiting my ex, or remember the trips we took together in the same area.

 

Another thing is that I've found it very hard to get other people to go and do things I'm interested in. When it comes down to it, all my friends seem interested in going to a bar or an electronic dance party instead of the symphony or the art museum. I don't mind going to the former, but I wish I could find someone else who enjoyed these "less cool" events, and it seems like there is nobody around. I've joined meetup and I'm working on meeting some new people, but it's still difficult (a lot of meetups have conflicted with each other). I have an open weekend, and the thought of going alone to these events makes me incredibly depressed.

 

I'm posting on here because I'm really upset. My ex was one of the only stable things in my second year of teaching, as I decided to undergo a career change. He saw me through my decision to leave the school, he understood why I loved working with kids so much and also why I needed to leave, and he experienced the area and community with me, as well as the urban/rural dichotomy and the long drives back and forth. He would have understood wanting to visit the countryside and my former students; he would have gone with me without hesitation. I have no doubt about that. And he would have been open to seeing some "less cool" stuff - he bought me tickets to the ballet for Valentine's last year because he knew I would love it. I know there's no point in dwelling on the past, because he ended it (and he's been so wishy-washy since then about what he wants).

 

I guess I'm just looking for support. I live in the middle of the city, but I feel so isolated. I don't have "typical" mid-20's life experience or interests, and I feel like it's so hard to find people who understand or appreciate me. I'm not even looking for a relationship right now, just friendships, but I feel like I rarely connect with people on a deeper level.

 

Thanks for the read. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to visit my former students, go to the symphony, go to the art gallery, etc, but I wish I didn't have to do it alone.

[bitterruin]

Sometimes you're gonna have to do things on your own and it sucks and it might feel lonely but spending time alone is one of the things I've had to learn after my breakup.

 

Also, you already know this but you need to stop dwelling on the past and idealizing your ex, but you know that already since you said it yourself.

[Mr.White]

Everyone needs time to be on there own.

 

Listen to the Gun N Roses November Rain!

 

A lot of activities are solo but I like to incorporate friends into them as much as I would like.

 

I went to the beach with friends this past weekend but I also stayed a bit later alone and it was nice to just clear my mind and enjoy the sea. Some activities are still very good even if you're by yourself, in fact I noticed I could lose myself into the sky, the sounds of the waves, and just how beautiful it looked like.

 

I say you should go visit the country side, go visit your friends, and do everything you want. You might even meet someone and at the least you can have fun.