BOSSHOGG5 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Hi All, I am confused because I have been dating this really nice woman. We seem to have clicked and everything seems headed in the right direction. Today she has expressed that she wants to take things slow and then she expressed her sprituality and the fact that she did not want sex until she is married. I let her know that I did not want to be with her for sex only and that I respect what she is saying and that I only wanted to one day call her my Lady. I guess that I am looking for a womans view on this. Is she letting me down nicely or can I have the hope that in time she will view me as her man? She stated that in previous relationships that she sort of jumped in the relationship and it was about sex and it did not pan out well. She told me that she would fully understand that if I needed to go look elsewhere but she was telling me the truth. I want to say that at the age of 46 (in a couple of days) that I am mature enough to understand how women think differently than men. I am stuck on this tho. i want so bad for her to be apart of my life. Help!
weee111 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 If she's not a virgin, I would interpret that as "I want to make sure you are really serious about me before we have sex". But you have to be alright with the fact that you're going to need to wait until she is ready, and the possibility that she may be serious about the marriage thing.
Author BOSSHOGG5 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 I am totally willing to wait. Her convictions is what is drawing me to her more. She is everything that a man could want in a woman. I did tell her that her past relationships were not me and as we grow to know each other the past just will not matter. I don't want to blow this.
weee111 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I don't think you're blowing it. Ask her out on a date and keep doing what you've been doing. If she says yes to the date then you are fine. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I think if you show this woman respect, and talk the way you post its relationship you will not blow....all the best....deb
Author BOSSHOGG5 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 That's fair to say that I am a Beta Male. I do have Beta traits. For the most part all Alpha in every way to the point that I lost my marriage of 23 yrs. I did have a brief moment in when I thought she was stringing me along but I have to think of all of our dating together we have kissed, she has paid the bill a couple of times, I have been introduced to her family, she has talked to my parents over the phone (they live in CA), has met my kids (except my oldest in CA), invited me to her job function to meet her co-workers, we have taking long walks with each other just to talk and take pictures and people watch. I even massaged her neck and shoulders that led to some gentle kissing. She told me that she did jump sexually into a relationship and it was not good and she just does not want that again. Now it is on me on what I want to do. I want her and I don't want to lose what we have progressed to. I just wanted to know if people thought if maybe she was lightly telling me she did not want to be in a relationship with me. I have never been through this before. Since my seperation and divorce I have dated a good number of women and none of them have struck me the way she has.
Author BOSSHOGG5 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 For the record I have been divorced since March of 2012 combined with seperation it is going on 3 yrs. I am over my ex and maybe after all the dating and things that I did when I was hurt does not compare to what I have found in the woman I am seeing now. I don't know.
ascendotum Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) I just wanted to know if people thought if maybe she was lightly telling me she did not want to be in a relationship with me. I have never been through this before. From how you described that things are progressing I would not say she was stringing you along, but you would get a better feel for her true emotions up close hopefully. If getting some gentle kissing is the highlight of her sex life after a number of months well many guys would understandably feel disappointed in the passion. Many would also not feel all that special being made to wait when other guys got to bed her a lot quicker some likely without any sort of commitment let alone walking down the isle. Just because she dived in too quick in the past does not mean she know has to go the total opposite to make a guy prove himself. You really want her though so if waiting is worth it then its worth it to you...as long as you do get more than a token kiss every now and then though. You would like to see a lot of affection replace the sex in the meantime I reckon. Would you be happy if you married her to then discover she does not have much of a libido and its sex only once a month at most as a reward for you taking her out and/or she's a 'star fish' in bed. You wont know until after you have married her. If sex wont be a big deal for you in the relationship then you can take a chance since she has you charmed with her other qualities Edited January 24, 2013 by ascendotum
soccerrprp Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 How long have you been dating her? If at the beginning stages, she could be sincere about wanting to wait. If you are weeks or months along, I would wonder why she would bring this up so late. I would wonder if (if further along in relationship) this isn't her way of telling me that she's not as interested and trying to push you away to losing interest. Just a thought. Again, she could be serious about wanting a serious relationship. I hope this is the case.
phineas Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Almost every time I ran into this the woman wasted months of my time. I'd find out later she was dating other guys (she claimed they were just friends) or sleeping with someone else (usually an ex or FWB) also. Then after I wizened up & told her "see ya" she was in a sexual relationship with one of those other guys in half the time she spent "taking it slow" with me. The one exception was a woman who was hurt badly & even when I agree'd to taking it slow she kept flaking on me & I just stopped calling her. Now i'm not saying this is going on with OP & I would rather hear the phrase "can't we just be friends" over "I want to take it slow" any day of the week. So I admit bias on my part. But if I were OP, I would not stop seeing other women until this current woman was making some kind of official commitment to me because if he agree's to stop seeing other women for her & not even in a committed relationship it will not end well for him. Because I can promise EVERY guy she hopped into bed with & every future guy she will hop into bed with would not ignore other women for one who isn't even sleeping with him. Now, if she makes it official publicly & it's common knowledge we are a couple, I can hold off on sex with a woman as long as we are doing other things in the bedroom.
SensitiveTJ Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I have to agree wih Phineas and Greznog. Taking it slow means the chemistry is weak. She's not that into you. Plus, "waiting for sex", at age 46....when she's likely been sexually active more than half her life doing who knows what, smacks to me of disingenuity. I would pass on this one.
Author BOSSHOGG5 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Points all well taken. The two of us will have to sit down and hash things out.
thatone Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 40 year old virgin? That's only in the movies. If she's sincere about thinking she's going to stay celibate until marrying again in her 40s (or even late 30s) she's delusional. If not she's lying. Which would you prefer? Of course you think she's perfect, she's got you wound up like an 8 day clock from lack of sex.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Yep, physical attraction is lacking but she thinks you are a great guy. She is probably hoping to become more attracted to you in time :/
Author BOSSHOGG5 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 To Neal, The only person that has ever had me wound up was my former wife and that was because of how long we were together. To all, if this does not work out, I am ok with it. I think she is a good person that is going thru some changes in her life. That does not make her a bad person. If she does not have the attraction to me, there are a lot that do.
TheFinalWord Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Hi All, I am confused because I have been dating this really nice woman. We seem to have clicked and everything seems headed in the right direction. Today she has expressed that she wants to take things slow and then she expressed her sprituality and the fact that she did not want sex until she is married. I let her know that I did not want to be with her for sex only and that I respect what she is saying and that I only wanted to one day call her my Lady. I guess that I am looking for a womans view on this. Is she letting me down nicely or can I have the hope that in time she will view me as her man? She stated that in previous relationships that she sort of jumped in the relationship and it was about sex and it did not pan out well. She told me that she would fully understand that if I needed to go look elsewhere but she was telling me the truth. I want to say that at the age of 46 (in a couple of days) that I am mature enough to understand how women think differently than men. I am stuck on this tho. i want so bad for her to be apart of my life. Help! I will give my perspective. Please note, I am a Christian and biblical perspectives on relationships and sex are not very popular on LS. But here you get a variety of opinions, so take it for what it is worth. I do not agree that she is doing that as a way to reject your or to say you do not meet her expectations. She is setting a standard And IMHO, it's a good one. You yourself have said how great she is; this is probably due to her cultivating her spiritual growth. Spiritual growth lapses into the physical in many areas: what comes out of our mouth, what we dwell on, the kind of attitude we have, etc. Her spiritual growth has made her the woman you adore. You should ask her more about why this is important to her. Instead of assuming it's because she wants to withhold something from you, she is thinking long term. If she is Christian, she wants to wait to have sex until marriage. That does not mean that she has always felt this way! If you read the bible, many of the women that followed Jesus were former prostitutes. And it does not mean she wants to withhold joy from you or is not attracted to you. Many of these comments sound like stone throwing Pharisees, instead of the merciful Jesus. In fact, IMHO it means she is attracted to you and wants to tell you her standards now so that you will not be disappointed later. Experiences have taught her and she wants to follow God's ways now. I think she is a good woman and has been upfront about her desires. If you continue seeing her, and it turns into love, than marry her.
thatone Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 To Neal, The only person that has ever had me wound up was my former wife and that was because of how long we were together. To all, if this does not work out, I am ok with it. I think she is a good person that is going thru some changes in her life. That does not make her a bad person. If she does not have the attraction to me, there are a lot that do. When you get over her, assuming she persists with this and you move on, I suspect you'll come to agree with the majority of your responses. What she's doing is projecting her issues on to everyone else, or stringing you along for attention until another opportunity arises. No matter how you cut it or which one turns out to be true, she's being selfish, and selfish people typically don't have healthy relationships.
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