Third date sex!

January 24, 2013

relax, breathe and enjoy!

and if it ain't broken, don't try to fix it!

I understand totally why you're posting, it's like: "he seems normal, what's wrong with him?". 've been there, done that! He actually is normal, he fancies you, you fancy him, IT IS OK ! Now go and make babies and stop freatiing!

Because he seems too normal and too good to be true, It made me think that maybe he's faking it and he's a player because he can play the role really well. But maybe he is actually normal.

January 24, 2013

that's different, I am a great believer in female intuition. so keep your eyes open extra large and see if his stories fit (most players are notorious liars).

however, also keep in mind that nobody is perfect, not even him and if you start looking for the dark side in him, I am sure you will find it - everybody has one. I don't know your emotional background, but try not to let it poison your life and happiness!

January 24, 2013

that's different, I am a great believer in female intuition. so keep your eyes open extra large and see if his stories fit (most players are notorious liars).

however, also keep in mind that nobody is perfect, not even him and if you start looking for the dark side in him, I am sure you will find it - everybody has one. I don't know your emotional background, but try not to let it poison your life and happiness!

I caught him lied once. On our second date, he wanted to have sex. I told him I'm not ready because I haven't had sex in a while. He asked me when was the last time and I told him it was with my ex. He said his last time was with his ex about over 6 months ago.

I asked him the same question after the last time we had sex. He said we are gonna be honest with each other, then he said it was two months ago the last time he had sex with someone else. I asked him with whom ( last time he said it was with his ex so I wanted to make sure he didn't just break up with someone and lied about it). He asked me, do I really have to tell you. I replied yes. He was hesitant to tell me but he did anyway. He said it was with a girl who saw him at a party, then Facebook messaged him. After telling me this he gave me a really tight hug and a kiss on my lips. I'm not sure if this is something I should be worried about, the fact that he lied.

January 24, 2013

he didn't have to answer your question, it is his past . but then, yes, he lied... you can ask how the thing had ended with this girl.

maybe he isn't very proud of this escapade - it looks pretty bad when you say to someone you want to impress that last time when you had sex was when you hooked up with some random girl... and in the end he did tell you about the fb girl.

just make sure that things are ended with this other girl

January 24, 2013

You don't really sound very trusting and comfortable with the guy, and honestly he seems to be playing it like the typical "player" If that's what you want to call it....to me he's just simply trying to tell you and do all the things you want to hear, and honestly I'm not going to go into much detail of what men do that makes them screamingly obviously about their intent but this guy doesn't sound trustworthy, just typical.

The greatest advantage he has is that you're attracted to him and into him too...therefore you're going to let things fall on the wayside to "see where things go" because I don't want to "scare him away"...how is your situation different from many a woman you see on LS posting about the same exact situation? I swear sometimes this feels like the movies, same plot and story with different characters and setting, but the result is always the same.

I think you've already got an intuition on this guy, because I think you're picking up there's something not genuine about this guy and I'd trust your intuition more than you'd trust your own...women know better, they aren't stupid they just get all emotionally blinded and start heading down that long road of juggling their emotions versus the truth...it's like trying to keep yourself sliding down a steep slope, it's just a matter of time until you're swept down by the weight of your own body.

This is another reason why guys gun for the panties...that's essentially the power button and now the emotions come into play not even necessarily by true feelings but chemicals in your brain that cause you to react that way...the guy could be a complete tool and you'd hardly notice through your rose colored glasses..or they wouldn't be that "big of a deal".....yet. And then you want to go back on sex? ha...it's too late, he knows that, you know that, there are no re-do's, once you give up the apple pie the trains already on a different track, there's no going back.

You didn't really give yourself a chance to get really get to know this guy, nor trust him...sounds like any kind of "real" conversation was kept to a minimal other than the BS that comes out of a man's mouth before he's inside your panties...from the way you're feeling, he's acting, and how this is going I think it's very easy for him to pull away at some point, I think he'll naturally peel off...all the things you've mentioned in your post about how into you this guy is means pretty much nothing, any guy can or should be able to keep up a facade for 3 dates...I mean really how hard is it to act like the greatest guy in 3 dates? or even months for that matter.

All those "gentlemen" like qualities that a guy does could be easily read from a book or I'm sure some random PUA off the net could recommend...it's not rocket science people. You're trying to convince yourself it's ok If he doesn't want to be with you yet look how much time and attention you are putting into this...what do you think he is doing right now? anywhere close to the same thing? doubtful...and that's not just because you are a girl and he's a guy. When a guy is into you, he's into you.

You should just take things as they are...you were attracted to the guy, you decided to have sex with him on the 3rd date which I would say is "normal" or "average" so I mean you're taking a chance that every girl takes with a man when it's just about physical intimacy...there's no guarantees with that, plus If you want to get to know someone and what they're about there's got to be a lot more effort and emphasis on that...I'm not sure what people don't get about that, I guess they just can't figure it out.

Anyway, just "see where it goes" from here I guess....you did give up your golden nugget, he'll either be whipped on that for a while or get tired of your insecurity or inquisition about a "relationship" which at this time he already knows 100 percent whether you are of that "quality"...men can have any kind of sex with women without being truly into her, many can disconnect emotionally, pretty much to a great degree objectifying you...some men won't even see you as a human being as much as you are a sex object...seems like he at least has some romantic interest, however if the buck stops at FWB or your relationship material are far and apart away, and you're not really going to know until the last minute when he's over with it.

If he's truly interested you'll see a consistency of interest and follow through and more genuine, sincere displays of intent and affection beyond the normal crap that any competent guy with shet for brains can figure out...especially with the internet.

January 24, 2013

he didn't have to answer your question, it is his past . but then, yes, he lied... you can ask how the thing had ended with this girl.

maybe he isn't very proud of this escapade - it looks pretty bad when you say to someone you want to impress that last time when you had sex was when you hooked up with some random girl... and in the end he did tell you about the fb girl.

just make sure that things are ended with this other girl

Thanks so much for your advice. It makes so much sense. If he didn't want to do anything with me, he could have stick to his old story that the last was with his ex. It wouldn't matter because we wouldn't see each other again right? But because he wanted to be honest and maybe see us dating he told me the truth.

How do I ask him about the other girl? How do I phrase the question?

January 24, 2013

Thanks so much for your advice. It makes so much sense. If he didn't want to do anything with me, he could have stick to his old story that the last was with his ex. It wouldn't matter because we wouldn't see each other again right? But because he wanted to be honest and maybe see us dating he told me the truth.

How do I ask him about the other girl? How do I phrase the question?

Easy.

You don't.

January 24, 2013

well, don't be blunt about it . Wait until you mention something about the past or something about one of your previous bfs... and then, you pop the question, "hey, btw, how come things didn't work out with you and that other girl?"

I've read Ninjainpyjama's post... and my blood froze inside my veins! I mean, she may be off or too hard at it, but man, she makes some great points!! It's just that we are all the slaves of our own conveniences, and not that sure if that perfect guy who is so interested in you will ever show up... or manifest himself!

January 24, 2013

What was so great about the sex? Sounds like you have some good chemistry going. That's usually a good start.

January 24, 2013

well, don't be blunt about it . Wait until you mention something about the past or something about one of your previous bfs... and then, you pop the question, "hey, btw, how come things didn't work out with you and that other girl?"

I've read Ninjainpyjama's post... and my blood froze inside my veins! I mean, she may be off or too hard at it, but man, she makes some great points!! It's just that we are all the slaves of our own conveniences, and not that sure if that perfect guy who is so interested in you will ever show up... or manifest himself!

If he asked me to hang out again, I would like to tell him that I won't go until I know where we stand. If he walks away because of that I rather deal with it now than later. I'm not sure if that's the right move but I don't want to pretend I'm cool with how things are when I'm not. I don't want to be the girl he sees because he likes to have sex. He takes me out to nice places but its not enough. I want him to commit that he would only see me and have sex with me and no one else. If he's not ok with that then I will walk away. I'm not comfortable sleeping with him if he sleeps with other people. I don't want to be nice and he gets all the good stuff and I will have to suffer for him. It's either he gives me what I want or I'm out. If he's really into me and not just someone pretending then I would know by his answer. If I keep sleeping with him and not demanding anything, I put myself in the situation where he gets sex and he's free to do whatever he wants. Once I'm there it's hard to get out. So before I continue to sleep with him, I will tell him what I expect.

What do you guys think?

January 24, 2013

If he asked me to hang out again, I would like to tell him that I won't go until I know where we stand. If he walks away because of that I rather deal with it now than later. I'm not sure if that's the right move but I don't want to pretend I'm cool with how things are when I'm not. I don't want to be the girl he sees because he likes to have sex. He takes me out to nice places but its not enough. I want him to commit that he would only see me and have sex with me and no one else. If he's not ok with that then I will walk away. I'm not comfortable sleeping with him if he sleeps with other people. I don't want to be nice and he gets all the good stuff and I will have to suffer for him. It's either he gives me what I want or I'm out. If he's really into me and not just someone pretending then I would know by his answer. If I keep sleeping with him and not demanding anything, I put myself in the situation where he gets sex and he's free to do whatever he wants. Once I'm there it's hard to get out. So before I continue to sleep with him, I will tell him what I expect.

What do you guys think?

If that is how you feel I think it is 100% fair to say you only feel comfortable continuing this relationship if you are the only girl he is having sex with...especially considering he is asking the same for you.

That being said, i wouldn't recommend you projecting your insecurities on this relationship because you feel guilty about sleeping with him on the 3rd date. That was your choice. If you start laying out a bunch or ground rules and restrictions on the relationship after 3 dates it is going to scare this guy off (at least it would scare me off).

I have no judgements about someone regardless of whether they sleep with someone after 1 date or 20 dates. However, it is generally a good rule of thumb that if you feel real chemistry with a person to wait before you do. You can even tell them, "Hey, i'm really enjoying your company. I just want to let you know in regards to sex, I generally like to wait with someone i'm feeling a connection with. It's not a hard a fast rule involving time or number of dates, but you should know you are doing things right. I hope that's cool with you, but I also understand if it isn't. I just feel having sex too early makes things very complicated for me where I am unable to tell if you want me or my body. If you stick around, it will totally be worth your while ;)"

That's fair for both of you and at least he would understand where you are coming from. Just like as in 95% of problems you see on loveshack, communication is key!

Edited January 24, 2013 by jakelongot

January 24, 2013

If that is how you feel I think it is 100% fair to say you only feel comfortable continuing this relationship if you are the only girl he is having sex with...especially considering he is asking the same for you.

That being said, i wouldn't recommend you projecting your insecurities on this relationship because you feel guilty about sleeping with him on the 3rd date. That was your choice. If you start laying out a bunch or ground rules and restrictions on the relationship after 3 dates it is going to scare this guy off (at least it would scare me off).

I have no judgements about someone regardless of whether they sleep with someone after 1 date or 20 dates. However, it is generally a good rule of thumb that if you feel real chemistry with a person to wait before you do. You can even tell them, "Hey, i'm really enjoying your company. I just want to let you know in regards to sex, I generally like to wait with someone i'm feeling a connection with. It's not a hard a fast rule involving time or number of dates, but you should know you are doing things right. I hope that's cool with you, but I also understand if it isn't. I just feel having sex too early makes things very complicated for me where I am unable to tell if you want me or my body. If you stick around, it will totally be worth your while ;)"

That's fair for both of you and at least he would understand where you are coming from. Just like as in 95% of problems you see on loveshack, communication is key!

Thanks for your advice. I would not lay out bunch of rules and restrictions but I would like him to not date and have sex with other people. I think that sounds fair. If he wants a future with me I think its right to only date me so he's giving us a real chance. I don't think it's asking for too much. If he's not ok with that then I have my answer that he's just not that into me and I would just walk away. But I won't bring it up until the next time he asks me out.

January 24, 2013

Thanks for your advice. I would not lay out bunch of rules and restrictions but I would like him to not date and have sex with other people. I think that sounds fair. If he wants a future with me I think its right to only date me so he's giving us a real chance. I don't think it's asking for too much. If he's not ok with that then I have my answer that he's just not that into me and I would just walk away. But I won't bring it up until the next time he asks me out.

I agree. I think that is fair. Just know that 3 dates is a small amount of time to require a committed relationship. I understand that bringing sex into the equation this early may necessitate the commitment you need to feel comfortable moving forward, but it might also work to scare him off.

Again, i think it is completely fine to tell him this. If he is looking for a relationship there shouldn't be an issue. If he is just looking to casually date then there might be an issue.

Worst case scenario if you stop seeing eachother, you know how to handle things next time.

January 24, 2013

Yes sex was really good. I could tell he really liked it. We did it three times in maybe three hours. This guy is so attracted to me. He gets hard by just kissing and grabbing my ass.

How did I gain more power? And how do I use it?

You can't control this guy any more than you can control any other guy you've been with.

You can obsess over control and drive him away, though.

January 24, 2013

it's not about control, she doesn't want him to do something specific.

she wants to know where she stands, because this is how she can control her vulnerability. She is vulnerable to this guy because she likes him, she had sex and she would like to continue to see this guy, who is pretty unpredictable, so far. If she wouldn't care, if she wouldn't give a f*ck about this guy, she wouldn't feel the need to control him.

January 24, 2013

OMG.

The drama.

This sounds like an episode of Teenage High.

Bring it down about 13 notches or you'll scare the hell out of the poor guy and I wouldn't blame him if he ran screaming, pulling his hair out. Seriously.

Why? If he gets scared then maybe he's not that into me. I'm just gonna tell him that I'm not comfortable having sex with him if he's doing it with other people. I need to watch out for myself and get what I want too. I won't lower my standards just because I had sex with him already. If he wants me, he stays if not then its better if we part ways.

January 25, 2013

it's not about control, she doesn't want him to do something specific.

Which you instantly back up with...

she wants to know where she stands, because this is how she can control her vulnerability.

Control.

There is no control. You can't have zero commitment while expecting other people to commit to you.

January 25, 2013

Who in their right mind, gender aside, asks or demands exclusivity after the 3rd date?? Listen to what you're saying. If he wants a future with me... What future? You just met him for crying out loud. You have NO idea who he is or what he's about. It almost sounds like you are trying to screw yourself into something. Have sex whenever you want but just becuase you give it up doesn't mean you're entitled to being exclusive. There's no way to guarentee whether a mans gong to stick around but the longer you wait to have sex the better your chances.

January 25, 2013

Consciously trying to gain power in a relationship is fuggin nuts. I'd be running.

January 25, 2013

Who in their right mind, gender aside, asks or demands exclusivity after the 3rd date?? Listen to what you're saying. If he wants a future with me... What future? You just met him for crying out loud. You have NO idea who he is or what he's about. It almost sounds like you are trying to screw yourself into something. Have sex whenever you want but just becuase you give it up doesn't mean you're entitled to being exclusive. There's no way to guarentee whether a mans gong to stick around but the longer you wait to have sex the better your chances.

Im not asking for relationship. Just to not have sex with other women. Is that wrong?

January 25, 2013

Im not asking for relationship. Just to not have sex with other women. Is that wrong?

Have you asked him to be exclusive?

January 25, 2013

Im not asking for relationship. Just to not have sex with other women. Is that wrong?

What is the difference between the two?? If you're both sexually exclusive than that is a relationship IMO.

January 25, 2013

Im not asking for relationship. Just to not have sex with other women. Is that wrong?

Well he hinted he didnt want you to sleep with other men so Id have to say no, thats not wrong. I dont believe in double standards. If a guy said to me something about how he hoped I wasnt sleeping with someone else, Id expect the same, or Id write him off as a selfish ass. The fact he hinted towards that means nothing, many guys are territoral even if they dont want to commit

3 dates is TOO EARLY to know someone. I have dated guys for 2 months who I were convinced were nice and normal and then BOOM it came out. I read an article that stated the average length of time for someones true colors/bad behavior/character flaws to really show is 3 months...Ill try to find it and post it.

Im not telling you this to make you paranoid. Im being realistic. But it doesnt matter...Hope for the best and give him the benefit of the doubt. If he turns out to be a jerk...dont get upset. Everyone makes mistakes, and if it happens, just know you wont do it next time! Most women have this happen to them at some point

You shouldnt want a guy to be your bf just because you had sex either...you should want him to be your bf because you know youd be good for each other. Its too early for that

Im not sure if Id say what you are doing is controlling...Id say youre vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt

January 25, 2013

Okay, I've only read the first post to this thread, and I just HAD to register to the forums (Hi, I'm new! ) to comment.

This guy sounds SO much like a guy I was kind-of-sort-of seeing for two years. He came on strong and was so sweet, texting me every day, talkin about how he wanted a serious relationship, etc. Complete gentleman, too, opening car doors for me, walking me to my car if we drove separately, holding my hand the whole way home. All except...By the second date, he was already feeling me up. I liked him--and, well, HE liked ME--so I went with the flow. Gradually, sex became all he could or was interested in talking about. After I was invited back to his new place, our dates turned into just hanging out at home, with him trying to get me to go all the way.

No matter how much I wanted to, something held me back from having sex with him so soon. The attraction was there, the chemistry was there, but there was something making me uneasy. I always say, trust that intuition. I did, and after about three months (pbjbear is right! lol), he told me he "really really liked me," more than I liked him. Then, he became "busy" and didn't text me unless it was to tell me he was horny.

I hope to heck that the guy you're seeing doesn't turn out to be like the guy I knew, but since you've slept with him, I know your feelings have probably grown stronger. I think it'd be a good idea to hold back a little until you get to know each other more. If he's still interested in getting to know you and going out on actual dates two months from now, then that's the only way to know he's in it and means it. Relationships don't start after just a couple of dates, and after my experience, I would never jump into one so soon when, when you really think about, you hardly know each other at all. So use this time to really get to know him, and then decide whether or not you want to broach the relationship issue. Hope this helps a little!

January 25, 2013

He also mentioned something about he doesn't like me having sex with other people. Then he added, " your mine". I don't know if that's something I have to clarify with him now or wait more time.

The exclusivity question is answered. You should have same attitude about him as he expressed for you.

Sounds like you two will be happy. Good luck to you. He's a lucky guy.

[Edit: don't mean to be posting over green333 without regard to what she signed up to say. Posted before I got to the end and saw her post.

Her real experience undoubtedly beats my opinion, but all I'm saying is he's already set ground rules on exclusivity without a lot of drama, and all you need to do is expect him to do the same without a lot of drama... at least until you suspect he isn't abiding by the same rules, at which time the ageless drama will be played out. Does some pre-drama lessen or hasten that possible event? Don't know, but on this I think the opinions are different for men and women.]

Edited January 25, 2013 by outsidethebox

Sign In

Third date sex!

Recommended Posts

Miss1122

candie13

Miss1122

candie13

Ninjainpajamas

Miss1122

KungFuJoe

candie13

mitchell

Miss1122

jakelongot

Miss1122

jakelongot

thatone

candie13

Miss1122

thatone

SJC2008

TaurusTerp

Miss1122

KungFuJoe

SJC2008

pbjbear

green333

outsidethebox

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...