Miss1122 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 We had our third date last night. I really like him so I decided to agree to have sex with him. I know it's too soon but I figured if he only wants sex it's better to find out sooner than later. The sex was great that we did it three times in one night. He seemed to be in to me but I'm not used to having sex this early so now I kinda feel anxious. I felt like I lost my power to control the situation. I fear of whats gonna happen next. I hate this feeling of the unknown. I rather know now if I got dumped than worrying if I will get dumped. He sent me a text today just to see how am I doing and that he had fun hanging out with me. He said not only the sex part but being with me was fun. I know I just need to chill because obviously he's still around. So far he hasn't failed texting me everyday since we met. Also, he said before that he's so attracted to me, that there's something about me and he's not like this with other girls. He's gentleman. He opens doors ( even car door) for me. He has paid for all our dates. We have so much fun together. I really like him. I need your advice on how to handle this. I'm not desperate to be with him. If he doesn't want to be with me I will just move on. Oh and please don't tell me to not have sex soon. What is done is done. I didn't regret what I did. If it turned out bad, I will just take it as a learning experience. Thanks.
KungFuJoe Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You had sex with him? Why!?!? Now everything is ruined!!! /sarcasm 4
pbjbear Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 well unless you have a time machine you cannot change what happened. i would just chill and if he changes his mind, oh well, hes not right for you and you can learn from it and dont let it happen again in the future. when you get anxious, go do something else to distract yourself 1
jonb26 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Just breath easily! It sounds like any concerns you might have about him just being their for the physical are unfounded. A guy who was just trying to get into your pants wouldn't go through the trouble of sending you sweet texts and showing you're on his mind. The best thing you can do is to not over-think it from here. If you want a well-balanced experience dating this guy (still the early stages) just suggest you guys do a variety of things, not always stay indoors (often leads to the same outcome). It sounds like you're in a good place. Don't self-sabotage. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 It sounds like he likes you. Just keep enjoying the good stuff! Don't stop going on fun dates and living it up just because you had sex. You're still getting to know each other. Have fun with it! 1
charlietheginger Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 As long as you keep spreading your legs he will be back For more. Usually its when a women wants to know " are we bf gf" Are we exclusive bla bla bla that makes him decide To stay or go. 5
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I felt like I lost my power to control the situation. If the sex was as good as you say it was, you have much more power now. 1
pbjbear Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 As long as you keep spreading your legs he will be back For more. Usually its when a women wants to know " are we bf gf" Are we exclusive bla bla bla that makes him decide To stay or go. Yeah this tends to be true. Men do tend to use women for sex and feign interest in them to keep the supply going...sweet texts is one way to feign interest. Not to make you paranoid I have had a few guys go to extreme lengths talkwise to convey they arent using me and in the end they were...so you can never go by someone's words. If this happens OP just dont do it again. Dont beat yourself up 3
Author Miss1122 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Yeah this tends to be true. Men do tend to use women for sex and feign interest in them to keep the supply going...sweet texts is one way to feign interest. Not to make you paranoid I have had a few guys go to extreme lengths talkwise to convey they arent using me and in the end they were...so you can never go by someone's words. If this happens OP just dont do it again. Dont beat yourself up So should I bring up the talk about exclusivity? What should I say? I don't like playing games and I don't want to be used. If he walks away because I asked him to be exclusive, I can handle it. What I can't handle is the anxiety of thinking there maybe something when there's none. Especially when he's still giving me the attention. I may become more and more attached to him.
Author Miss1122 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 If the sex was as good as you say it was, you have much more power now. Yes sex was really good. I could tell he really liked it. We did it three times in maybe three hours. This guy is so attracted to me. He gets hard by just kissing and grabbing my ass. How did I gain more power? And how do I use it?
MrCastle Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 If he likes you, he'll stick around. If the sex was as good for him as it was for you, he'll stick around. Men don't have great sex and then leave the girl. You had sex with him? Why!?!? Now everything is ruined!!! /sarcasm Good thing you wrote the word sarcasm. I would have thought you were serious otherwise.
Green Light Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 How did I gain more power? And how do I use it? If you really liked the guy you wouldn't ask questions like this or be interested in "power" manipulation or be so insecure for that matter. Either loosen up and go with the flow or let this one go. Everyone is so skid-dish these days! 1
Green Light Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 If he likes you, he'll stick around. If the sex was as good for him as it was for you, he'll stick around. Men don't have great sex and then leave the girl. But I would hate to think about a girl having sex with me just so I stick around. I would hope she would be into me as well.
FitChick Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 He's done nothing to make you think he doesn't like you or want to spend time with you. You are creating problems in your head which is the fastest way to ruin it yourself. You will drive him away. Just enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other better. I agree with the previous poster who said to do other activities outdoors or in other places. Depending on the weather, go bike riding, skiing, bowling, go to a museum, take dancing lessons, cooking class, drive somewhere you've never been. Stop seeing relationships as a power struggle where someone wins so the other person loses.
KungFuJoe Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 If he likes you, he'll stick around. If the sex was as good for him as it was for you, he'll stick around. Men don't have great sex and then leave the girl. Good thing you wrote the word sarcasm. I would have thought you were serious otherwise. You forgot the /sarcasm after your post. 1
pbjbear Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) If he likes you, he'll stick around. If the sex was as good for him as it was for you, he'll stick around. Men don't have great sex and then leave the girl. Good thing you wrote the word sarcasm. I would have thought you were serious otherwise. I agree but this doesnt mean hes all that emotionally attached to you. Sure guys will gladly use women as a FWB without telling her thats what she is until she asks and then theyll act like you should have known...many men have good sex with a woman and see it nothing more than that. Guys are emotionally cold, much more than women and his sweet texts after a 3rd date dont rule him out yet. Just warning you Dont be paranoid or insecure...that will drive him away act normal and light and dont think about exclusivity yet its too early. how a guy acts the first few months you date is not the best representation of himself so dont rush things change your mindset from "does he want to be exclusive with me?" to "do i want to be exclusive with him?" women get too wrapped up in sex and feelings and dont really examine a guy to see if he really meets all her needs After some time, bring it up. That time limit depends on a lot of things...mostly your comfort but Id say at least a few more weeks (id personally would wait longer...but again, your call) Edited January 24, 2013 by pbjbear 1
Author Miss1122 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 I agree but this doesnt mean hes all that emotionally attached to you. Sure guys will gladly use women as a FWB without telling her thats what she is until she asks and then theyll act like you should have known...many men have good sex with a woman and see it nothing more than that. Guys are emotionally cold, much more than women and his sweet texts after a 3rd date dont rule him out yet. Just warning you Dont be paranoid or insecure...that will drive him away act normal and light and dont think about exclusivity yet its too early. how a guy acts the first few months you date is not the best representation of himself so dont rush things change your mindset from "does he want to be exclusive with me?" to "do i want to be exclusive with him?" women get too wrapped up in sex and feelings and dont really examine a guy to see if he really meets all her needs After some time, bring it up. That time limit depends on a lot of things...mostly your comfort but Id say at least a few more weeks (id personally would wait longer...but again, your call) Should I stopped having sex with him? It would be hard because we're so attracted to each other. Also, he gave me a body massage after the first time we did it.
KungFuJoe Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Should I stopped having sex with him? It would be hard because we're so attracted to each other. Also, he gave me a body massage after the first time we did it. Do whatever you feel like!!!
Jane2011 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 It wasn't just you who had sex on the third date. He also had sex on the third date. If he condemns you for having sex on the third date, forgetting that he too had sex on the third date, he is just someone who needs to not be in your life. Believe me, there are men who will like you, and continue to like you, no matter when you have sex with them. 1
candie13 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 The "loss of power" sensation may be potentially linked to your body releasing those "love" hormones, after you've had sex and realizing that you actually don't know the guy. One of the many benefits of waiting is that you can look at him with more objectivity and see if you do like him as a person too, how he acts with his friends, with your friends, what values he has, if you think you may be compatible, how serious versus how much "fun" he's after. This is when you are assessing the "do I want to be exclusive with this guy?". As for the "hit and miss" part, a lot of guys will do their best to get into a girl's panties, and some will be willing to wait a long time (luckily for us, most of them get bored after a few weeks, haha). All this to say that you can do things right and if the guy is after sex only, he will bail out eventually, irrespective if you've had sex on the first, third or tenth date. Or may stick around for that only. You will know, if that's the case, you can be sure of that ! Either way, be cool, don't fret and see how things go. Def too soon for the "I want to be exclusive with you" discussion, unless you know for a fact that he is seeing / sleeping with other people. Give it a few more weeks, things tend to solve themselves out (plus, if you're cool and relaxed, he'll appreciate it more and maybe start feeling insecure himself) There's this quote I remember every time I seem to freak out and need reassurance: "if a person asks "where is this relationship going?" the answer usually is that the relationship is going to hell . 1
candie13 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Hm... You need to prove to him why he should still keep you around because he's already gotten sex from you. For most men (especially those of the alpha variety), once that happens and the woman has no substance, she gets "next"ed. one can only get that lucky, I guess ...
TouchedByViolet Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 There's this quote I remember every time I seem to freak out and need reassurance: "if a person asks "where is this relationship going?" the answer usually is that the relationship is going to hell . truth. 1
Author Miss1122 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 The "loss of power" sensation may be potentially linked to your body releasing those "love" hormones, after you've had sex and realizing that you actually don't know the guy. One of the many benefits of waiting is that you can look at him with more objectivity and see if you do like him as a person too, how he acts with his friends, with your friends, what values he has, if you think you may be compatible, how serious versus how much "fun" he's after. This is when you are assessing the "do I want to be exclusive with this guy?". As for the "hit and miss" part, a lot of guys will do their best to get into a girl's panties, and some will be willing to wait a long time (luckily for us, most of them get bored after a few weeks, haha). All this to say that you can do things right and if the guy is after sex only, he will bail out eventually, irrespective if you've had sex on the first, third or tenth date. Or may stick around for that only. You will know, if that's the case, you can be sure of that ! Either way, be cool, don't fret and see how things go. Def too soon for the "I want to be exclusive with you" discussion, unless you know for a fact that he is seeing / sleeping with other people. Give it a few more weeks, things tend to solve themselves out (plus, if you're cool and relaxed, he'll appreciate it more and maybe start feeling insecure himself) There's this quote I remember every time I seem to freak out and need reassurance: "if a person asks "where is this relationship going?" the answer usually is that the relationship is going to hell . I don't think he's seeing or sleeping with other people. On our second date, he wanted to have sex already but I told him I wasn't ready. He said he was willing to wait. I told him I'm looking for a relationship and he said he's looking for the same thing. He said he would like to date me and hopefully be his bf. So on the third date, I decided maybe its ok to have sex. I don't know why I feel so insecure because he hasn't showed me any reasons to feel that way. He treats me well. He texts me everyday. He kisses me often. He likes to put his arms around me. He likes holding my hand. We're inseparable when were together. Even when were out in public he's very affectionate. After we had sex, he showed me a picture of his sister and niece on his phone. Picture of his friends with him. He showed me some videos he took while he was at a party. He even brought up conversation about meeting his friends. He also mentioned something about he doesn't like me having sex with other people. Then he added, " your mine". I don't know if that's something I have to clarify with him now or wait more time. Last night he sent me a text and we were texting back and forth. I didn't reply to his last text. I didn't know what to say so I just stopped texting. I didn't want to say something stupid.
candie13 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 relax, breathe and enjoy! and if it ain't broken, don't try to fix it! I understand totally why you're posting, it's like: "he seems normal, what's wrong with him?". 've been there, done that! He actually is normal, he fancies you, you fancy him, IT IS OK ! Now go and make babies and stop freatiing! 2
Radu Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 relax, breathe and enjoy! and if it ain't broken, don't try to fix it! I understand totally why you're posting, it's like: "he seems normal, what's wrong with him?". 've been there, done that! He actually is normal, he fancies you, you fancy him, IT IS OK ! Now go and make babies and stop freatiing! This really, OP you are looking for a flaw desperately. Either because it seems too good, or because you want to feel the 'power' over him. And yes, if the sex was that good, you now have more 'power' over him. But please, change the way you think. It's good that you are aware of this dynamic at play, but using it is like opening Pandora's box.
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