Gingerxr2 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I just want to know how many people's ex's broke the NC rule and how long it took ? Was it a horrific bu or not ?
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 NC is YOUR rule, not theirs. They broke up with us because they care less. Contact for them isn't that big of an event. My ex contacted me 2 weeks after I started NC, something about returning my stuff. I'm also 99.9% sure that after she sent the text she turned over and finished bl*wing her current man. Not a horrific breakup but..... I vow every breakup this day on will be!!! I no longer will hold emotions/words/frustrations back from someone who doesn't want to be with me. If you hear a loud boom outside..... yea, I'm in the middle of breaking up. 1
juliabrookes Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I just want to know how many people's ex's broke the NC rule and how long it took ? Was it a horrific bu or not ? I agree that NC is "Your rule". I had an ex many moons ago that broke up with me because LDR was too hard. He wanted to remain friends. He contacted me 5 days after BU, but I didn't respond right away. I responded 3weeks later after excessive texts and emails. I finally emailed, I'm doing good. Hope all is well on your end. That was it. He texted a few more times, but I always thought, "this was someone I loved and he ended it. I don't want him as a friend, but as a mate." I decided it was best to not be friends and that saved me a lot of misery.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) NC is YOUR rule, not theirs. They broke up with us because they care less. Contact for them isn't that big of an event. Well I agree and disagree at the same time... I agree that they don't care, and for them, contacting you isn't as emotionally draining (or at all!) as getting a text is for the dumpee. But, I do think that in a lot of cases, especially when the dumper was really mean during the break-up, blaming her for everything, accusing her of being selfish, needy, moody, etc. (even if the dumpee did not reciprocate the nastiness, and just accepted it and was super-nice to him and said her goodbyes) -- in that case, I do think they are taking a bit of a risk in contacting the dumpee... They are putting their ego on the line... I know my ex has a huge ego, and for him to have texted me after having been so mean to me during the break-up (and during the week before it, when I didnt' know wtf was going on, and he was acting all aloof and giving me the silent treatment), it took a lot of guts IMO.... Does that mean he cares or wants to reconcile?? No. I think he's doing it to feel less guilty, and/or because his ego took a hit when I didn't chase after him (went NC right away and did not contact him for 3 weeks)... Mine contacted me saying: "Hey, hope you're ok. I'm still in Turkey [for a job], possibly for a long time. How are things?" And yeah, it was a particularly bad break-up because there was a bit of an argument a week before that.. and he really was pretty nasty during the break-up itself, and worse, he did it via text mssging, and refused to talk to me so that I could hear his voice one last time, even after I accepted the break-up and didn't beg him, didn't show any anger, etc. Also, I never told him I was going NC. I think he assumed that "we were cool, as buddies", when I accepted the break-up with dignity and was not mean to him. I think I surprised him with the fact that I wasn't mean to him and didn't rip him a new one as he was expecting that I would. So I think he thought that we could therefore be friends, or that I was open to that idea. I did not tell him I was going NC, so he assumed that I'd be contacting him at some point... especially that dumpees often do, because they are still attached to the dumper / hanging on to hope that he will take her back, etc. When I didn't, he got worried -- he wondered what's going on with me, was curious, etc. He didn't get worried about ME and how I was doing, obviously. Otherwise he would've put in more effort than a bread-crumb...... He was worried that 1) I didn't want to be his buddy (rejection + him feeling that he was a bad person because he hurt me; if I wanted to be friends, he couldn't have hurt me that much, could he?) ; 2) I was with someone else and he had lost me forever as his fallback girl / booty call. Edited January 24, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
IsthisREAL Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 day 8 after BU, she contacted me two long paragraphs, and with a "ill aways miss you, J" I didnt respond haha
Dmoney28 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 The first real NC...it took about 3 years. After i ran into her and the new guy, and got the eye of death and a verbal warning to never see contact her again. At some point i had to get myself respect back, and went No contact. 3 years - facebook request from her (I responded) 4 years later - a email from her (i responded ) 2 months ago - another facebook message from her ( i will NEVER respond) As for the reason why ex's contacts the dumpee all depends on the the personality, the circumstance etc....there are so many reason why they do it, there is no ONE reason. But i thinks its because they at some point had control over you after the break up. They knew it...hell you knew it too. But once you went NC...and i mean complete, off the radar and off the map. Curiosity sets in..."why hasent ______ txt or call lately". They have been so use to you trying to contact them, its kinda of a ego bruise. And so they descide to see if they still have effect on you by sending out a "innocent" txt or call. When you the dumpee, reject or do not respond to thier contact, thier ego is really effected. "Why hasnt ______ responded to my txt". Its human nature to hate feeling rejected, even if that person was the one broke up with you. They begin to wonder what you are up to?...who are you seeing?...etc. This is amplified if they are recently single..or thier new relationship hasent turned out the way they hoped. So they need you as a ego booster. Or in an rare case..really extremly rare cases..you are a planB. The more you PUSH ( calling them, txting them..and in some cases..stalking them) they PULL back. But if you PULL back and stay NC...they sometimes start to PUSH (random txts, calls and questionable contact). This isnt a absolute rule..but it does happen. Of course they cant out right send you a letter or explain the real reason why they contacted you..they mask it in a BS reason..again selfish. By keeping absolute NC you regain your self respect and self worth. They loose that control they had over you. Its very selfish in my opinon on thier part. If they broke up with you and no longer wanted to be with you (espeacially after a nasty break up) your life is no longer a concern to them. Period ..the END. I want to also address the whole "lets try and be friends". Please everyone...cut that Bull **** out. Friends ..really? its hard enough for a man and woman to a non romantic platonic relationship without ONE person secretly inside wanting more. Now you are going to try and do this with a person you had sex with, own possesions with and had a life with...ok, lol. Tell me how taht friendshhip works out when he/she is asking for advice about thier new fling...or explaining in detail about thier great new love. NC is all day every day. Its basically saying "you are no longer welcome in my life...and I will no longer be your emotional hostage". 7
GB25 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 DMoney that is one of the best posts I have read in a while..I needed to hear that. Well written and damn true.
Dmoney28 Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 i like many on this site had to learn the hard way why NC is the only option. I want people to avoid the foolish mistakes i made. it makes me cringe to think about how i clung on to her and her memory for so long. And she knew the effect it had on me. She no longer cared for me, but kept me on this psychological leash (i also kept myself on this leash by responding) with random contact. We would txt and talk on the phone sometimes. We arrange "meetings" in which i would drop various items, gifts etc. at her place ..only for her to "forget" or her new man was parked outside when i came by. I think she got off on it. Got off on making me suffer for what i did.It still amazes me how human beings ( myself included) can love with such great passion....... and then that same person can be so cruel and harsh. But i remember sitting in my hotel room while working over seas a few years back. I sat there and asked myself "Why do you still love a person who no longer loves you?" "Why am i suffering over a situation that i have no control over". I think that was the nail in the coffin for me. Day by day i let the pain ebb away. Every day that i didnt think about her was a personal emotional victory. Loving myself more than loving her was the eventual outcome. Loving myself enough to let go and better my life. A mutual friend once told me "you know ______ got married right". I replied in a calm voice "What the F*** does that have to do with me". It felt great to say that and actually mean it. sorry for the rant. 1
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