"You have all the qualities I'm looking for..but there's just something missing"

[pd1220]

What the heck does that supposed to mean?

 

1. lame excuse because she doesn't want to state the real reason (could be me or her issues)?

2. Trying to sound nice and feel less guilt by saying that?

3. Don't want to hurt my feelings?

4. She doesn't know what she wants?

 

Can someone help me out here?

[Own Worst Enemy]

There was a real reason underneath it all, and a cr.appy shallow one that he didn't want to admit to. I suspect this will be the same - that is a fudge.

 

However, will it help you to know? Do what I wish soooooo much that I had done: NC NC NC.

[Leigh 87]

It is actually propper reason, although I DO admit it can sound like a lame excuse...

 

I can see how you think it is a crappy reason to break up with you.

 

However, I can GUARANTEE that it IS a very, very valid reason for breaking up!

 

Look, you either "feel it" or you don;t with people.

 

She could meet a guy with a 6 pack, a great job, lots of money, and who is a wonderfull, funny person. She may think he is EACTLY what she WANTS in a guy.

 

..Yet she may still NOT have enough feelings for him to have a relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Being someones "dream" partner does not mean they will be able to love them.

 

LOve does not just happen between people because you really think they atre your dream partner.

[arrowfoot]

There's a tendency I've noticed amongst us dumpees to react with disbelief to the reasons given for the break up. Because the whole ordeal of parting is a bruise to the ego, we tend to think the worst and blame ourselves. It just surfaces all of our insecurities so we begin to think that they're just lying to spare us, as if what we did or who we were was so awful that they'd feel guilty telling us about it.

 

Well, that is just the voice in your head desperately trying to make sense of why this is all happening. Is it your hair, or maybe the way you eat, or that her parents really did hate you...who knows.

 

She probably doesn't even know for sure. She may not have the eloquence in which to properly express it, but she feels it. And relationships, especially romantic love, are built on feelings, not reasons. You don't necessarily fall in love with someone because they have a good job, make you laugh, are sweet and like playing video games etc.; you fall in love because of that indescribable warmth and euphoria when you look at them and how they make you FEEL.

 

So, it's pretty irrelevant if she is being deceitful about why she broke up with you or any reason she gives, for that matter. That feeling that makes people fall in love, that "something" she's describing is gone. It must be gone if she doesn't want to be with you.

 

But, I know how that feels to be told you're everything, but not enough. It's gut wrenching because it feels so hopeful, like you are 90% there but if you could just tweak a few things...

 

And then you may get frustrated--if you're like me--that they won't just spit it out so that you can change that 10% and get back together.

 

Unfortunately, nothing you do will change how she feels. :/

[stevie_23]

^^ This is just what I was going to say, but expressed more articulately than I would've done it. lol

 

"Something missing"...it's a hard reason to accept because it's out of either of your control. There can technically (once time passes and things settle and some perspective is gained) be no one to "blame". You can't make someone feel something they simply don't. They usually take a while to accept and admit to themselves too because it's hard to realise this about someone you care for and consider a wonderful person.

 

It IS a valid reason. It's not an excuse or a fudge or something to let you down easy. It is fairly direct and honest in my opinion.

 

It's like...you're house-hunting and you walk into a house to inspect it, and everything you wrote down on paper beforehand is there. It's technically perfect. And yet...you don't FEEL it. You don't LOVE it. You don't want to come home to it. Then you walk into another house, which is lacking several things you always thought were large requirements, and it's too small or it's not as pretty as the first one, and yet...you fall in love with it. You know?

 

No amount of "good on paper" can force the FEELING.

[Sunshine87]

This "feeling" is precisely why a lot of relationships don't work out and marraiges end up in divorce. Is it really possible to sustain the feeling of euphoria for a long long time? -especially after facing challenges and problems in the relationship?

 

Actually I'm going to start a new thread about this so I can go into detail. I don't want to hijack your thread.

[Sunshine87]

Caregiving Resource Center, Senior Housing Options, Legal & Financial Rights, End of Life Care - AARP

[Berna]

My ex gave me the same reason before asking for "a break". A couple of months later and him blowing hot and cold I found out he was back with his ex.

[Sunshine87]

So there WAS an external factor: I.e an ex.

[Own Worst Enemy]

my gut instinct was that he didn't find me attractive, even though s.ex had not been an issue at the outset. he just said that it had got too intense too quickly and he thought we were better as friends; he just couldn't give me what i wanted, blah blah.

 

about £800 on therapy later, with me saying "i just think i am unattractive" and the therapist trying to tell me all sorts, and he eventually snaps and admits exactly what i thought: he loved me but just didn't fancy me. he only really fancies thin women and i'll never be athletic-looking enough for him. and sure i am on a strict diet and hitting the gym every 5 minutes now, but - i don't think i was exactly a heifer:

 

http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm177/rachelswipe/300092_10152325118060227_1613193287_n_zps87b438c3.jpg

 

obviously everyone is different. but usually in life, the more woolly and random the reason, the more likely it is to be garbage, in my opinion!

[flitzanu]

What the heck does that supposed to mean?

 

1. lame excuse because she doesn't want to state the real reason (could be me or her issues)?

2. Trying to sound nice and feel less guilt by saying that?

3. Don't want to hurt my feelings?

4. She doesn't know what she wants?

 

Can someone help me out here?

 

it means "i want to date someone else". that' the quality that's missing.

[bitterruin]

What does it mean? Who cares. It means this person doesn't want to be with you, the reasons for it don't matter. Stop trying to head read and move on with your life.