Maryhelen Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 So i'v been with my boyfriend for over a year now, even though we're not the romantic type i cant help but notice that even the small amount of it that was once there is now gone. To further understand what i mean i'll explain. we use to act all coy and shy and cutie lovie bitsie , now we've moved passed this phase and entered the phase of unconditional intimacy, i'v heard the phrase "i badly need to take a s@#$t" this months more than i'v heard "i love you", i mean i know that is inevitable thing to happen though how can i gain the romance back? don't get me wrong i love the fact that we are so intimate but i'v missed the days were we stayed in bed cuddling and looking into each other's eyes saying everything in our minds, yes i know it sounds cheesy , and believe me i would have burst into laughter if i knew i would have become so lamely in love, though i miss it, i miss the late night walks and everything. after a year and a half i don't even wear make up anymore, i let him see me completely in my worse kinds of situations, sick , sitting in bed with a box of pizza and an other box for nuggets aaaaand an other cup filled with ice cream (yes i eat that much), we even go to the toilet together, though seriously how will it all be in 2-3 years if even now things are getting too comfortable? i love him and being my self with him is the most wonderful thing, but i feel like i need to do something to regain the romance, not only for me but for him too. Where did it all go? the flowers, the late night walks, the sharing of everything, ( we used to share everything together, ciggarets , beer , food, PIZZAS!) now is everyone for them selves, and if we even share anymore is because of the lack of money. i know it's normal (at least tell me it is so i wont feel so bad ). how can i seriously just find the lost romance in my relationship?
veggirl Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 :sick: why do you go to the bathroom together? That is not "intimacy" that is DISGUSTING and obviously a romance killer. Quit doing junk like that, seriously. Why have you stopped wearing make up and taking care of yourself? Why don't you start doing that again? I don't see why you can't do walks and the romantic things anymore? A year is NOT that long together....cut the nasty "bro" s.hit out- you guys are a couple, not friends. The difference between friendship and bf/gf IS the romance aspect...you guys need to quit treating each other like you are "one of the guys" OMG stop taking bathroom breaks with your SO And TELL HIM you don't want to be treated like his buddy, you don't want to hear about his s.hitting etc. He should understand... 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Why are you asking US? You should be asking yourself and your partner that. 1
Author Maryhelen Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 well i did try and i did,he refuses to understand that what's happening is kind off unnecessary, they were no responses, i think i'v been sucked up in this thing without me realizing it sooner, i don't know, i guess he's own way of cooping with our relationship made me let go a little bit of my self too.
Author Maryhelen Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Why are you asking US? You should be asking yourself and your partner that. well i did try and i did,he refuses to understand that what's happening is kind off unnecessary, they were no responses, i think i'v been sucked up in this thing without me realizing it sooner, i don't know, i guess he's own way of cooping with our relationship made me let go a little bit of my self too.
SER Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 sitting in bed with a box of pizza and an other box for nuggets aaaaand an other cup filled with ice cream (yes i eat that much), we even go to the toilet together, though seriously how will it all be in 2-3 years if even now things are getting too comfortable? As far as losing romance, you're not helping to set the best example for what you want out of the relationship... Getting comfortable in a relationship is normal, but don't let that keep you from showing your best and remaining the person that you were when he met you as well. You want him to be romantic? Maybe he wants you to get dolled up every now and then... and I would speak how you'd want to be spoken to. Carry yourself the way you'd like for him to carry himself. I would say that perhaps if you changed your behavior/actions a bit, you might see that he puts in more effort as well. Also, feel free to do something romantic for him just because you do care for him so much... I know guys want that romance too. It doesn't always have to start with them. As far as sharing the toilet together... =/ I don't think that helps your situation.
KungFuJoe Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 well i did try and i did,he refuses to understand that what's happening is kind off unnecessary, they were no responses, i think i'v been sucked up in this thing without me realizing it sooner, i don't know, i guess he's own way of cooping with our relationship made me let go a little bit of my self too. If you brought it up with him and he doesn't care how you feel....I would bail. I know easier said than done and I'm sure he has a lot of great qualities that you like...but this is just going to get worse and worse and worse as the years go by. Think about how you feel NOW. And think about how you will feel in 10 years...20 years from now if this continues.
Author Maryhelen Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 If you brought it up with him and he doesn't care how you feel....I would bail. I know easier said than done and I'm sure he has a lot of great qualities that you like...but this is just going to get worse and worse and worse as the years go by. Think about how you feel NOW. And think about how you will feel in 10 years...20 years from now if this continues. i have no idea, i don't wanna bail , i really love him , and believe me at first it felt so uncomfortable that he could do such things in front of me, i don't even remember since when this whole thing started, i just know how sucked in it i am, i can't possibly understand how he does not notice the fact that we have just torn romance apart. I don't know, he doesn't see it.
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I would behave the way you want him to behave and hopefully he will mirror it. If not, talk to him. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 So i'v been with my boyfriend for over a year now, even though we're not the romantic type i cant help but notice that even the small amount of it that was once there is now gone. To further understand what i mean i'll explain. we use to act all coy and shy and cutie lovie bitsie , now we've moved passed this phase and entered the phase of unconditional intimacy, i'v heard the phrase "i badly need to take a s@#$t" this months more than i'v heard "i love you", i mean i know that is inevitable thing to happen though how can i gain the romance back? don't get me wrong i love the fact that we are so intimate but i'v missed the days were we stayed in bed cuddling and looking into each other's eyes saying everything in our minds, yes i know it sounds cheesy , and believe me i would have burst into laughter if i knew i would have become so lamely in love, though i miss it, i miss the late night walks and everything. after a year and a half i don't even wear make up anymore, i let him see me completely in my worse kinds of situations, sick , sitting in bed with a box of pizza and an other box for nuggets aaaaand an other cup filled with ice cream (yes i eat that much), we even go to the toilet together, though seriously how will it all be in 2-3 years if even now things are getting too comfortable? i love him and being my self with him is the most wonderful thing, but i feel like i need to do something to regain the romance, not only for me but for him too. Where did it all go? the flowers, the late night walks, the sharing of everything, ( we used to share everything together, ciggarets , beer , food, PIZZAS!) now is everyone for them selves, and if we even share anymore is because of the lack of money. i know it's normal (at least tell me it is so i wont feel so bad ). how can i seriously just find the lost romance in my relationship? when you first start a relationship romance happens naturally, you want to look good you want to stay and cuddle its a bonding thing.....the way to keep it flaming is to realize relationships take effort...the bathroom thing drop that one.......the only time he should see you on the toilet is when he passes you the toilet paper he forgot to replace when he went......that way you can put the roll on the right way this time.....and then he should only pass it an move the hell on...... theres nothing wrong with him seeing you in sweats and with bed hair in the morning.....but throw in some unpredictability,when he comes home from work and after dinner, kids in bed whatever, take some time, brush your hair till it gleams, put on a dreamy floaty confection of lingerie,when you feel like a goddess you get treated like a goddess, but you have to make the effort, its worth it....you can do little things to get the romance back.....pretty easy really,initiate the hugs in lingerie not sweats and you will see what i mean...laughter can turn passionate too, laughter one year in or a decade in....can spark romance into life.....and then its like you cant keep your hands off each other.....when you remember how much that person can make you laugh, you dont have to be all serious in lingerie.....and kill them with bette davis eyes.........life needs laughter even in lingerie........i state that as proven....best wishes....deb
veggirl Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 well start locking the door when you go into the bathroom. and dont join him when he goes in. I mean problem solved with that. When he starts talking about having to s.hit tell him "That is disgusting. I don't want to know about your bathroom habits. Keep it to yourself." Stop sitting in bed surrounded by pizza boxes, ice cream and chicken nuggets...put on actual clothes rather than sweats (seriously it takes just as long to put on jeans!)...throw some make up on and see what happens. What have you done to try to improve this? Also, how old are you guys?
crude Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You should consult with Paloma. She's an expert.
Author Maryhelen Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 well start locking the door when you go into the bathroom. and dont join him when he goes in. I mean problem solved with that. When he starts talking about having to s.hit tell him "That is disgusting. I don't want to know about your bathroom habits. Keep it to yourself." Stop sitting in bed surrounded by pizza boxes, ice cream and chicken nuggets...put on actual clothes rather than sweats (seriously it takes just as long to put on jeans!)...throw some make up on and see what happens. What have you done to try to improve this? Also, how old are you guys? well that's the funny part we're only 21 ,i mean , what is going to happen later on?? i know it kinda sounds that i haven't tried to change that , but believe me i did, i'm starting to realize that he got way too comfortable. We are surrounded by couples in our relationship and as much as i know it's wrong to compare i do , we still hug and stuff but the way we BOTH behave bothers me. When i asked him earlier this week why he got so comfortable when our friends are not at all like that he just said "well i do believe that what we have is real love and i kinda feel more like my self when i act like my self around you" i understand that , but i don't believe that romance should die because he feels the urge to be him self.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I will differ with most people here. You and him already go to the bathroom at the same time. That is about as comfortable as one can get with another person. I mean, if you don't mind smelling their smells. (I've heard of people who live in a house with one bathroom say, taking a dump while the other was in the shower or something so there was at least a curtain between them...) You and him are as comfortable as you will ever get, in 10 years I don't know what more you could share. The question is can you live with that level of intimacy for the rest of your life? IMO, I would love to be able to share every little bit of me with someone and they with me and have them accept and love me more for it. I'm not alone in that here at LS. If anything you ought to be telling us how you did it.
MyPoutine Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Arrange a date night each week and see if he will dress up for it.
KungFuJoe Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 You're 21 and you've been together a year. Honestly...I would do as some of the people here suggested. Make some romantic plans...make sure he doesn't have anything going on...and see how he reacts. If he's "whatever" about it...I would slap him upside the head with your clutch purse and THEN you can bail.
Els Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 I've heard of people who live in a house with one bathroom say, taking a dump while the other was in the shower or something so there was at least a curtain between them... Good Lord, I don't know ANYone who does this, even if they've been together 30 years! Once in a blue moon for an emergency, it happens I guess, but regularly???? Only way I can think of that that wouldn't kill the romance would be if either of them has a fetish for scat. 2
Author Maryhelen Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 that's actually sweet, i mean what you said. i can live with the intimacy though i can't live with the lack of romance in my relationship , it's been too long since we talked sweetly , you know is that point in the relationship were you end up making fun of couples . How i did it? haha that's a weird one, i know that , that was a rhetorical question though i think the key to intimacy is to show the other person that the love you have for them is bigger than the "fear" that capitalize most people of knowing everything about their partner , i don't know i guess sometimes you have to be open minded and acceptable with things, (no too acceptable though as the result to be the total romance pooper)
veggirl Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 that's actually sweet, i mean what you said. i can live with the intimacy though i can't live with the lack of romance in my relationship , it's been too long since we talked sweetly , you know is that point in the relationship were you end up making fun of couples . How i did it? haha that's a weird one, i know that , that was a rhetorical question though i think the key to intimacy is to show the other person that the love you have for them is bigger than the "fear" that capitalize most people of knowing everything about their partner , i don't know i guess sometimes you have to be open minded and acceptable with things, (no too acceptable though as the result to be the total romance pooper) Why would he talk sweet and stuff though to a girl he now most likely sees as a buddy, a bro, someone to s.hit in front of? You have lost the luster of romance by becoming bros with him.
Author Maryhelen Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 You're 21 and you've been together a year. Honestly...I would do as some of the people here suggested. Make some romantic plans...make sure he doesn't have anything going on...and see how he reacts. If he's "whatever" about it...I would slap him upside the head with your clutch purse and THEN you can bail. i will try this , thank you very much for your advice
StanMusial Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 There's no mystery at all left in your relationship. LOL at the bathroom humor.
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