SER Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 So I've been dating this great guy for about a month and I'm glad to say things are going really well! I am hesitating to invite him on a trip that I always take every Spring Break since the relationship is so new. I am used to going on a ~4 day trip no more than a 12 hour drive from where I live to either visit a new place or do some hiking/camping as that is what my ex and I did for the past 6 years. I still want to do this trip since I'm so used to looking forward to the trip itself/getting away, but going on this trip by myself is probably dangerous and I would like to have someone to share it with. I know we've only been dating a short time, however I do need to request the days off about a month ahead of time. I know it's most likely too soon to ask whether he'd like to go with me as we are just dating, but he is also the hiking type and I think we'd have a lot of fun. Should I wait until about 2 weeks or so and just mention that I do a trip every Spring Break but would like someone to come along? I don't want to freak him out by making plans so far in the future... Is there another way I could bring this up to see if he'd like to come without coming on too strong? I'm sure he would also have to ask off as well. We haven't yet talked about being exclusive, but I do know that neither of us is seeing anyone else.
crude Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Women should learn to just let things play out. You're looking forward to it, it'd be dangerous alone, he's the hiking type, you think you'd both have fun, it's a no brainer. Just invite, tell him it's not a honeymoon, and hopefully he can make it. No pressure or anything to prove, just two people having a fun trip. 1
clia Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I personally think a month is too soon to invite him on a trip, regardless of your intentions. I think it puts undue pressure on the relationship that is unnecessary at this point. Now, suddenly you have both decided to stay together for a couple more months (assuming that is when your Spring Break occurs) when you haven't even decided to be exclusive yet. That's triple the time you've been together already. A lot can change. I would make the decision on whether you want to take the trip on your own, without involving him. Maybe plan a less dangerous type of trip that doesn't involve hiking by yourself somewhere. Plan the trip as if you are going alone. Then if you are still together a couple of weeks out from the trip, you can invite him along if it feels right.
crude Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 So many rules!!!! Everything doesn't have to be measured by relationships, potential marriages, Mars and Venus stereotypes. Why can't two compatible human beings just enjoy a trip together? Go wild a little, play it by ear, not by unnecessary rules made up by who knows who. It's just a short trip dammit.
clia Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 So many rules!!!! Everything doesn't have to be measured by relationships, potential marriages, Mars and Venus stereotypes. Why can't two compatible human beings just enjoy a trip together? Go wild a little, play it by ear, not by unnecessary rules made up by who knows who. It's just a short trip dammit. This isn't about "rules." This is about the reality, which is that they've only been together a month and aren't even exclusive yet. I don't care how great things are going -- things are always great during the first month! The trip isn't tomorrow -- it's over Spring Break, which is probably two months or more from now. They've only been dating a month! Who is to say they will even be together in two more months? That is pressure on a new relationship that is completely unnecessary. Some people freak out and run over that kind of pressure. Why take that risk? Just let the relationship flow as it may -- if they are still together a couple of weeks before her trip, invite him them. If she was asking him to take a trip with her this weekend, or they had established they were exclusive, my response might be different. 1
Author SER Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 So many rules!!!! Everything doesn't have to be measured by relationships, potential marriages, Mars and Venus stereotypes. Why can't two compatible human beings just enjoy a trip together? Go wild a little, play it by ear, not by unnecessary rules made up by who knows who. It's just a short trip dammit. And that's where I get stuck - I do want to let things just play out. But again, there's this thought: I personally think a month is too soon to invite him on a trip, regardless of your intentions. I think it puts undue pressure on the relationship that is unnecessary at this point. And that's why the question... I can see both sides of this - in one world, I'd love to just play it out and say,"you wanna go to [enter place here] with me for a few days and hike/have an adventure?" but at the same time, his possible internal reaction of,"Whoa, we're still dating and feeling each other out, this kinda seems like it's moving fast..." The thing is, I'm very certain he wouldn't be able to go if it was just a couple of week's notice given the occupation he has, so that would be out. Over thinking things isn't exactly playing it by ear, but at the same time, I also don't want to run him off when I'm thinking logically about how he might feel about the question/trip... the good and the bad of over thinking.
Fondue Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I would feel a bit weird going on a trip with a woman I only have been seeing for a short while. Hell, I'd even be a bit skeeved spending a weekend with them. It's a little personal and pushes some boundaries. Would you be upset if you asked him and he said no?
Author SER Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Thanks Fondue. If he said no, I would be a little disappointed, but I wouldn't show it since I see where he'd be coming from and shouldn't take offense. I could ask and at the end say something along the lines of "and if you don't want to go, I totally understand! No hard feelings". Or, just not ask which, based on your reaction, I wouldn't want him to feel weird nor like saying no is a bad thing if he didn't want to go.
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