na49 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Not allowing you to heal is also pretty cruel. He doesn't want you, but the idea that he is contacting you shows he is thinking of you. and you LOVE that! (not a bad thing. I loved it too) The thing is, he's not emotional as you are so him contacting you isn't a game or anything to him. He doesn't hate you, so why can't he be your friend? Well... You're not over him yet. Which is why you need to tell him to leave you alone. I know how it feels. What happens when they stop contacting us? It will show us that they are truly done with us. Done pursuing us as friends, and they are okay that we're out of their life for good. Which is why blocking him could help. You'll never really know if he tries to reach out to you or not, but even if he does. He won't be able to. Besides, I think that if he wants to talk to you that bad, he'll find a way to contact you. If blocking him is too "cruel" tell him to leave you alone. Or just keep leaving trap doors open for him to come back into your life and never fully heal. Your call. It's all up to you now though.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I've told him time and time again that I can't be friends with him because I still love him and he just dismisses it and beggs some more. I can't do the other two options you mentioned, I just can't. If someone dismisses your need to heal and move on, it speaks highly of their selfishness and total disregard for your well-being. Stop looking at his contact as "thinking of me". He's not thinking of you. He's thinking of himself. A man that loved you and cared for you, will respect your wish to heal and will leave you alone because he will put your needs first since he is the one that does not want the relationship anymore. He knows that he has to let you go in order for you to deal with your hurt. That is the kind thing to do, especially when you know the other person will struggle even more with contact. You want contact because it feeds your hope. It reinforces that he cares and loves you, because he is contacting you, therefore, maybe there is hope. You can't change your number because you want that door open. You might as well propose #2. 1
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 In addition, he didn't care to see you for two months when he was in a relationship with you but now after ending the R he is concerned if you are going out tonight? Do you see how self-serving and utterly manipulative this is? He denies your need to see him when you both are together but feels the need to pry about your whereabouts when he's dumped you? Where is the sense? 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 If someone dismisses your need to heal and move on, it speaks highly of their selfishness and total disregard for your well-being. Stop looking at his contact as "thinking of me". He's not thinking of you. He's thinking of himself. A man that loved you and cared for you, will respect your wish to heal and will leave you alone because he will put your needs first since he is the one that does not want the relationship anymore. He knows that he has to let you go in order for you to deal with your hurt. That is the kind thing to do, especially when you know the other person will struggle even more with contact. You want contact because it feeds your hope. It reinforces that he cares and loves you, because he is contacting you, therefore, maybe there is hope. You can't change your number because you want that door open. You might as well propose #2. Whenever I feel guilty for not accepting his friendship I remind myself of how selfish he is being, so I won't crack. I know how selfish he is. I actually don't want the contact! It doesn't make me feel good, I don't get a high from it and it doesn't make me hope. He is playing games ('Are you going out tonight?, actually don't tell me') I haven't been replying, he will get bored and give up soon, I know so.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Whenever I feel guilty for not accepting his friendship I remind myself of how selfish he is being, so I won't crack. I know how selfish he is. I actually don't want the contact! It doesn't make me feel good, I don't get a high from it and it doesn't make me hope. He is playing games ('Are you going out tonight?, actually don't tell me') I haven't been replying, he will get bored and give up soon, I know so. As long as you realize that his contact has nothing to do with you, but more so to fulfill his own selfish needs, then continue ignoring.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 As long as you realize that his contact has nothing to do with you, but more so to fulfill his own selfish needs, then continue ignoring. I know it has nothing to do with me, though what is he actually getting from this?
na49 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Whenever I feel guilty for not accepting his friendship I remind myself of how selfish he is being, so I won't crack. I know how selfish he is. I actually don't want the contact! It doesn't make me feel good, I don't get a high from it and it doesn't make me hope. He is playing games ('Are you going out tonight?, actually don't tell me') I haven't been replying, he will get bored and give up soon, I know so. and then he will text you again tomorrow! You admit it. The contact doesn't make you feel good. I felt the same way you did. The contact did NOTHING for me. She misses me? She wants to talk to me? She feels like we need to talk? She knows we ended on bad terms but wants to be friends!?!?!?!?? I drove myself mad. I wanted there to be something there that wasn't there. She knows she treated me badly and she wants to see if she can relieve her guilt by pulling me into her friend zone because after all. If I accept her friendship, she can't be that bad of a person right? I can't be that hurt right? Your situation is similar, and you won't feel better until you tell him to stop. You actually sound just like me that it's scary. I was like you. "Oh she'll stop eventually" The thing is, I wasn't waiting for her to stop. I was waiting for her messages to me to say something besides "hi I miss you" or "hi I want to talk to you" or simply "hi". I wanted them to say "hi I'm really sorry. I messed up. I was stupid. I want to work on our relationship if you want to" they never did and never will. She didn't stop until I stopped her myself. I told her to leave me alone and blocked her number. She would've kept going. If she did give up, would I feel better? Knowing that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore? NOPE! If anything I'd feel worse. You'll continue to accept the messages from him because you like hearing from him otherwise you'd tell him to leave you alone right now and find a way to block his number or you'd change your own.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I know it has nothing to do with me, though what is he actually getting from this? It's the push and pull tactic. Hot and cold. It's a form of control. You were kissing his feet, and now that you're not, he's trying to get your attention again. It's to boost his ego, his need for attention. If he wanted the R or your love, he'd be asking for it. Instead, he's playing mind f* ucks from afar. The man didn't want to see you for two months when he knew he had you in the palm of his hands. Now that he doesn't, he's pulling out all the lines, making it sound that you moving on is affecting him. Then you start to feel sorry for him and before you know it, you're sitting at home and giving him what he wants. A big f'n mind game.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 It's the push and pull tactic. Hot and cold. It's a form of control. You were kissing his feet, and now that you're not, he's trying to get your attention again. It's to boost his ego, his need for attention. If he wanted the R or your love, he'd be asking for it. Instead, he's playing mind f* ucks from afar. The man didn't want to see you for two months when he knew he had you in the palm of his hands. Now that he doesn't, he's pulling out all the lines, making it sound that you moving on is affecting him. Then you start to feel sorry for him and before you know it, you're sitting at home and giving him what he wants. A big f'n mind game. I'm going to tell him, I have to. If he calls again I will asnwer and tell him to leave me alone and that I want to move on. It will kill me, but what choice do I have? I feel sick! I want to cry so bad but the tears won't come!! Why won't they come?!
Jiggy1975 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Thank you but I honestly think I made a prat of myself! Knowing that I'm not over him must make him feel pretty amazing! You may feel like a prat but I think you're pretty AMAZING!!!!!!!! If it were me, I'd be friends with him and would be hoping that he would want more eventually, keep it up, this is only my opinion but I think he may be thinking he has made a mistake but I could be very wrong also, but good for you not giving into his request, you're a much stronger person than I !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You may feel like a prat but I think you're pretty AMAZING!!!!!!!! If it were me, I'd be friends with him and would be hoping that he would want more eventually, keep it up, this is only my opinion but I think he may be thinking he has made a mistake but I could be very wrong also, but good for you not giving into his request, you're a much stronger person than I !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please read her past threads before you give advice.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 You may feel like a prat but I think you're pretty AMAZING!!!!!!!! If it were me, I'd be friends with him and would be hoping that he would want more eventually, keep it up, this is only my opinion but I think he may be thinking he has made a mistake but I could be very wrong also, but good for you not giving into his request, you're a much stronger person than I !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Jiggy1975. No, he isn't thinking that, if that were the case he would make it clear that he wants me back.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I'm going to tell him, I have to. If he calls again I will asnwer and tell him to leave me alone and that I want to move on. It will kill me, but what choice do I have? I feel sick! I want to cry so bad but the tears won't come!! Why won't they come?! I don't know why the tears won't come. Maybe his contact has been softening the blow of the break-up and you haven't quite felt the finality of it all. It's hasn't quite set in. Still in a fog. If you are going to speak to him on the phone, please be short and to the point. Remember he broke up with you. Unless he's saying he's wanting to work it out and give the R another try, please stick to your guns. You can decide if he has something else to say. Honestly, this relationship was never healthy for you.
Jiggy1975 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Please read her past threads before you give advice. Sorry guys ignore my last post, made that comment when I thought I was at the end, MY BAD!!!!!!!! still think you're amazing though !!!!
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I don't know why the tears won't come. Maybe his contact has been softening the blow of the break-up and you haven't quite felt the finality of it all. It's hasn't quite set in. Still in a fog. If you are going to speak to him on the phone, please be short and to the point. Remember he broke up with you. Unless he's saying he's wanting to work it out and give the R another try, please stick to your guns. You can decide if he has something else to say. Honestly, this relationship was never healthy for you. Yeah, thats probably it. I was getting there geegirl, before he contacted me, I lost my appetite, was crying myself to sleep, but that calmed down and I was accepting it was over, and not once did I break NC!, then he text me!! It's like they know! Now I feel anxious and theres a massive feeling of weight in my chest. I need to cry. Did you read the other thread? He told me to sleep with someone, even if it was just sex! How ****ing messed up is that!
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Yeah, thats probably it. I was getting there geegirl, before he contacted me, I lost my appetite, was crying myself to sleep, but that calmed down and I was accepting it was over, and not once did I break NC!, then he text me!! It's like they know! Now I feel anxious and theres a massive feeling of weight in my chest. I need to cry. Did you read the other thread? He told me to sleep with someone, even if it was just sex! How ****ing messed up is that! Yes, it's almost as if they can smell you. Just as you're trying to get out, they pull you back down. Zero consideration for your pain and hurt, even when they're the ones that chose to dump you. They expect you to be sitting there pining. It's sadistic. For as long as his contact comes through, you will never be able to completely let go. They'll pop in and out when it suits them. That is why is it crucial to block because it will help you cut the cord and move on. Yes, I read that thread. You have to understand by this point that this is not healthy for you.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Yes, it's almost as if they can smell you. Just as you're trying to get out, they pull you back down. Zero consideration for your pain and hurt, even when they're the ones that chose to dump you. They expect you to be sitting there pining. It's sadistic. For as long as his contact comes through, you will never be able to completely let go. They'll pop in and out when it suits them. That is why is it crucial to block because it will help you cut the cord and move on. Yes, I read that thread. You have to understand by this point that this is not healthy for you. Why would any man say that? I know it doesn't matter but come on!
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Why would any man say that? I know it doesn't matter but come on! Yes, why would any man say that and if a man does, there's something really not wired right in his emotional and mental make.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Yes, why would any man say that and if a man does, there's something really not wired right in his emotional and mental make. I would like a mans opinion on this. Or maybe he is just a bit sick in the head, I don't know.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I would like a mans opinion on this. Or maybe he is just a bit sick in the head, I don't know. I think what you want to hear is that he can't stand the thought of losing you and the only way he can let go of you is to hear that you had sex with someone else. If you have sex with someone else, it will be what helps him forget you. Yes?
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I think what you want to hear is that he can't stand the thought of losing you and the only way he can let go of you is to hear that you had sex with someone else. If you have sex with someone else, it will be what helps him forget you. Yes? No. I know thats not it. Knowing what he was thinking won't change anything. don't worry about that.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 No. I know thats not it. Knowing what he was thinking won't change anything. don't worry about that. Then there is no need for male interpretation. All you need to accept is that if a man wants you, he communicates it to you. He doesn't plant seeds in your head as suggesting sex with another man. He says the right things to make you sit there and analyze the crap out of his motives and words.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Then there is no need for male interpretation. All you need to accept is that if a man wants you, he communicates it to you. He doesn't plant seeds in your head as suggesting sex with another man. He says the right things to make you sit there and analyze the crap out of his motives and words. Do you know what, I don't think he even understands the things he does and says, really I don't.
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