LostGirl11 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 He's been in contact again, even after I told him that I'm not ready to be friends. Read my other threads to get the full story. So last night at 3am I had a missed call from a private number. Didn't think anything of it, then I had another one earlier today which I didn't answer. An hour later he text me saying this 'I think I get it, you want me to leave you alone, I've been calling you on private number because I wanted to see if you blocked me' I did text back, because I don't like blanking people, just the kind of person I am. I have never and will never initiate contact though. Me 'No, I haven't blocked you, I don't answer private calls' Him 'I really miss talking to you, please can we be friends' Me 'I can't be friends with someone I'm still in love with' Him 'Maybe in the summer? Maybe sooner?' Me 'I really don't know, it wouldn't be fair on me. You maybe be over it but I'm not' Him 'I'm not over it, I just want us to be friends' Me 'It's crazy that we're never going to see eachother again. I'm sorry, I just can't be friends' Him 'We could meet in the future, couldn't we?' Me 'No, not as friends and you won't want to when you start seeing someone anyway' Him 'Please. I'm not going to start dating for a very long time but if and when I do I will run it past them, you will have to do the same, goes without saying' Me 'No, I wouldn't do that to anyone' And I left it there. shame he wasn't this persistent when we were in a relationship! Why on earth does he want me as friend so bad. I said no the other day, why keep begging! I don't ****ing want him as a friend, I want him to be my boyfriend!
BiancaLDN Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Tell him in no uncertain terms, you want a relationship otherwise you can't be his friend. If he contacts you after this, you have to ignore him to show that you're serious.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Just don't know why he wants to stay in contact so much. We wanted me out of his life.
BiancaLDN Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Perhaps he's struggling, too. Struggling with the fact that you'l no longer be around. But do not become his emotional crutch - you won't be able to move on while you're talking to him 2
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Perhaps he's struggling, too. Struggling with the fact that you'l no longer be around. But do not become his emotional crutch - you won't be able to move on while you're talking to him He said that he isn't fine with things at all and is unhappy but has excepted it. So why hasn't he excepted that I won't be around, and except that I don't want to be friends!
NoMoreJerks Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Perhaps he's struggling, too. Struggling with the fact that you'l no longer be around. But do not become his emotional crutch - you won't be able to move on while you're talking to him Yeah -- I think this is accurate. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the comfort of having you around (to talk to about his issues, anxieties, etc.) without the responsibilities of a relationship , or even a friendship (because if he ever treated you in a crappy way, you need to keep in mind that friends aren't supposed to do that to their friends!).... He wants to use you as an emotional crutch, nothing more, nothing less. And maybe alleviate some feelings of guilt as a result of the break-up.. If you accept to be his friends, things couldn't have been that bad, could they? He couldn't have hurt you too badly... That's the logic. That's probably why my ex contacted me as well, though he has not been very persistence since I ignored his first ever attempt at contacting me, 3 weeks after he broke up with me. He was just asking me how things were.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 He said that he isn't fine with things at all and is unhappy but has excepted it. So why hasn't he excepted that I won't be around, and except that I don't want to be friends! Maybe he had never taken into consideration the fact that you wouldn't stick around as a friend if he broke up with you. But now, he is having a hard time accepting that. Too bad. Tough luck. He is acting like a baby, and wants to have it his way. That's the epitome of selfishness. Do what feels best for you: ignore/block,etc. him if you must. He's trying to do what is best for HIM, not thinking about YOUR needs. Typically, post-break-up behaviour usually reflects the dynamics of the relationship as well. My ex was selfish during the relationship, and everything was all about his needs, and he never changed, even after the break-up. He wanted to keep in touch, because , surprise surprise, it suited him!
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Yeah -- I think this is accurate. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the comfort of having you around (to talk to about his issues, anxieties, etc.) without the responsibilities of a relationship , or even a friendship (because if he ever treated you in a crappy way, you need to keep in mind that friends aren't supposed to do that to their friends!).... He wants to use you as an emotional crutch, nothing more, nothing less. And maybe alleviate some feelings of guilt as a result of the break-up.. If you accept to be his friends, things couldn't have been that bad, could they? He couldn't have hurt you too badly... That's the logic. That's probably why my ex contacted me as well, though he has not been very persistence since I ignored his first ever attempt at contacting me, 3 weeks after he broke up with me. He was just asking me how things were. I keep telling him no! 'We could meet in the future' What planet is he on! He was practically begging me! I keep having pangs of guilt! I wasn't nasty though and explained why I can't remain friends.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Maybe he had never taken into consideration the fact that you wouldn't stick around as a friend if he broke up with you. But now, he is having a hard time accepting that. Too bad. Tough luck. He is acting like a baby, and wants to have it his way. That's the epitome of selfishness. Do what feels best for you: ignore/block,etc. him if you must. He's trying to do what is best for HIM, not thinking about YOUR needs. Typically, post-break-up behaviour usually reflects the dynamics of the relationship as well. My ex was selfish during the relationship, and everything was all about his needs, and he never changed, even after the break-up. He wanted to keep in touch, because , surprise surprise, it suited him! Oh bloody hell! I've lost the ability to spell! Sorry, I'm not 6, honest! Tut! Yes it is selfish, very! See how he completly dismissed the text about me not being able to be friends with someone I'm in love with?
NoMoreJerks Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Oh bloody hell! I've lost the ability to spell! Sorry, I'm not 6, honest! Tut! Yes it is selfish, very! See how he completly dismissed the text about me not being able to be friends with someone I'm in love with? Well I have a feeling you did not even need to tell him that : that's common sense that one cannot be friends with somenoe they're in love with... but he ignores it (and what you said) because he is selfish, as simple as that.
BiancaLDN Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Oh bloody hell! I've lost the ability to spell! Sorry, I'm not 6, honest! Tut! Yes it is selfish, very! See how he completly dismissed the text about me not being able to be friends with someone I'm in love with? Ha! Mine ignored that comment too, and messaged me a couple of days later with, "So you're not talking to me - a bit sudden, but OK" WTF?
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Ha! Mine ignored that comment too, and messaged me a couple of days later with, "So you're not talking to me - a bit sudden, but OK" WTF? Well I just hope he doesn't text me in a few days to see if I've changed my mind, again! I think he has taken the hint though.
almosteverythingx Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Sorry but I want to give you a pat on the back! Think what you did there was actually amazing. Firstly standing your ground and the last bit where you say 'I wouldn't do it to anyone'. Just really throws in his face you are a better person. Wouldn't change a thing you said there! I'm slightly in awe, wish I'd stood my ground before with my ex. In this case, I think you need to carry on the way you are, honestly you seem to know what you're doing without even noticing. No contact with him, stand your ground and let him suffer by missing you. I'm doing it with my ex... and god after a while they don't like it. From the sounds of your ex been so 'desperate' to see you even if it is as friends I think no contact could really help. Not saying you will get him back, but if there was any hope in this situation I think I'd put money on N/C with him been so persistent to see you. 1
na49 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Just don't know why he wants to stay in contact so much. We wanted me out of his life. Think about it. This is someone who meant the world to you and at one point whether you want to believe it or not. You meant the world to this person. The idea that you will NEVER EVER be friends with him and will be gone from his life FOREVER is a hard thing to accept. He wanted you out of his life as a partner and to him, you being his friend doesn't really mean anything because despite whatever he tells you. He is over you. He is more over you than you're over. Maybe he wants to keep you as an option for the future?. My ex threw me similar breadcrumbs. She told me she missed talking to me. She knew we ended on bad terms but wanted to be friends. I didn't respond and eventually told her to leave me alone. Despite what she wanted, I can never handle being friends with her because I can't handle her being happy with someone who isn't me. It's not exactly "If I can't have her, no one can" it's more "I don't have her, and someone else can. and that makes me feel really depressed" You're decision to go NC has made an obvious impact. You are showing your strength and by not begging him and annoying him, he wonders about you and where you've went. Have you met someone you like more? Are you really over him? etc. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Sorry but I want to give you a pat on the back! Think what you did there was actually amazing. Firstly standing your ground and the last bit where you say 'I wouldn't do it to anyone'. Just really throws in his face you are a better person. Wouldn't change a thing you said there! I'm slightly in awe, wish I'd stood my ground before with my ex. In this case, I think you need to carry on the way you are, honestly you seem to know what you're doing without even noticing. No contact with him, stand your ground and let him suffer by missing you. I'm doing it with my ex... and god after a while they don't like it. From the sounds of your ex been so 'desperate' to see you even if it is as friends I think no contact could really help. Not saying you will get him back, but if there was any hope in this situation I think I'd put money on N/C with him been so persistent to see you. Thank you but I honestly think I made a prat of myself! Knowing that I'm not over him must make him feel pretty amazing!
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Think about it. This is someone who meant the world to you and at one point whether you want to believe it or not. You meant the world to this person. The idea that you will NEVER EVER be friends with him and will be gone from his life FOREVER is a hard thing to accept. He wanted you out of his life as a partner and to him, you being his friend doesn't really mean anything because despite whatever he tells you. He is over you. He is more over you than you're over. Maybe he wants to keep you as an option for the future?. My ex threw me similar breadcrumbs. She told me she missed talking to me. She knew we ended on bad terms but wanted to be friends. I didn't respond and eventually told her to leave me alone. Despite what she wanted, I can never handle being friends with her because I can't handle her being happy with someone who isn't me. It's not exactly "If I can't have her, no one can" it's more "I don't have her, and someone else can. and that makes me feel really depressed" You're decision to go NC has made an obvious impact. You are showing your strength and by not begging him and annoying him, he wonders about you and where you've went. Have you met someone you like more? Are you really over him? etc. Well he knows I'm not over him. Wish I didn't tell him that! Should have just said 'No, sorry' He still means the world to me, I would take a bullet for the man. This is killing me. Why do I feel bad for not accepting his friendship?! He called again today. I didn't answer.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 He's still trying to call me every day. He text me last night saying 'Are you going out tonight? Actually, don't tell me if you are'
cavalier99 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 He's still trying to call me every day. He text me last night saying 'Are you going out tonight? Actually, don't tell me if you are' Umm. Have you considered blocking him for like the next year or so? Then you can catch up when you don't care?
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 (edited) Umm. Have you considered blocking him for like the next year or so? Then you can catch up when you don't care? My phone doesn't have the option to block. This is messing with my head. What the hell is he playing at? I don't want this! When he stops calling/texting it's going to hurt, I'm not waiting for him to contact me but I know for a fact when it stops I'm going to be gutted. It wasn't me that started this LC ****! I'm not answering his calls and have told him I'm not ready to be friends. Edited January 26, 2013 by LostGirl11
cavalier99 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You sound like NA49 did a month or so back before he blocked her. He liked the drama of the contact but didn't respond. It is the addiction. They are still thinking of you so you hold onto this. Unfortunately you wont really really start to heal until all the communication stops and it sucks. Maybe tell him to f*ck off and to stop stalking you and to control himself and you don't ever want to hear form him again he isn't your friend and to respect your wishes good bye? Or wait for it to end? Or you could change number? Cav
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 You sound like NA49 did a month or so back before he blocked her. He liked the drama of the contact but didn't respond. It is the addiction. They are still thinking of you so you hold onto this. Unfortunately you wont really really start to heal until all the communication stops and it sucks. Maybe tell him to f*ck off and to stop stalking you and to control himself and you don't ever want to hear form him again he isn't your friend and to respect your wishes good bye? Or wait for it to end? Or you could change number? Cav He doesn't want me so why is he thinking about me! And yes it is an addiction, can't say I'm enjoying the drama though, it makes me anxious. I wish I could tell him to **** off but I can't. I love him! I'm putting his feeling before mine. Even blocking him seems cruel to me.
geegirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You have several options. 1) Tell him you can't accept his friendship as you need to heal and to please stop contacting you. If he continues, it shows lack of regard for your emotional and mental well-being. Red flag. 2) Tell him that you love him and that you will accept contact only if he wants to rekindle the relationship. Personally I would cut this one loose. 3) Change your phone number.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 You have several options. 1) Tell him you can't accept his friendship as you need to heal and to please stop contacting you. If he continues, it shows lack of regard for your emotional and mental well-being. Red flag. 2) Tell him that you love him and that you will accept contact only if he wants to rekindle the relationship. Personally I would cut this one loose. 3) Change your phone number. I've told him time and time again that I can't be friends with him because I still love him and he just dismisses it and beggs some more. I can't do the other two options you mentioned, I just can't.
cavalier99 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You have several options. 1) Tell him you can't accept his friendship as you need to heal and to please stop contacting you. If he continues, it shows lack of regard for your emotional and mental well-being. Red flag. 2) Tell him that you love him and that you will accept contact only if he wants to rekindle the relationship. Personally I would cut this one loose. 3) Change your phone number. Hey not fair! That is sorta what i said but it sounds better and seems to have more weight coming from you.
Recommended Posts