jake1172 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I had a fight with my girlfriend of 5 months (I am 30 and she is 32) on Sunday about some awful things I said to her on Saturday night that I cannot remember saying because I was way too drunk. (FYI I do not have a drinking problem, I haven't drank heavily in a long time and we were at a wedding and I simply did not know my limits. It will never happen again and that is not an issue.) I said that I shouldn't have brought her to the wedding, I wish I would have brought anyone else, I called her a b****. Again I have no recollection of saying them, feeling them, or what could have possibly upset me so much. I was feeling very warm and fuzzy all weekend until this happened. I can remember dancing with her afterwards and she was telling me that I had just said all of these mean things to her and honestly thought she was lying. I would never say those things, I love her very much. I am at a total loss and I am a wreck. The summary is that we have never had anything like this happen before, we both love each other, she says she realizes I didn't mean to say any of it and that it was a small blip in an otherwise wonderful relationship thus far. However she is worried that there is something more I'm feeling about her that I am not telling her because she believes you speak the truth when drunk. I have assured her over and over that the words were meaningless and I have nothing but loving feelings for her, which is 100% true. The words really came out of nowhere. I have no recollection of thinking them or even saying them. Her last words to me (via text) in summary were I have made her the happiest she has ever been but now have also made her the saddest. Part of her wants to just move on and forget it happened because she knows it was way out of character and won't happen again. But part of her keeps replaying them and it hurts her so much to think about what I said. She said she just doesn't know what to do going forward. I wrote her a letter which she received last night. In summary I took full responsibility, apologized a lot, went into great detail about how horrified I am by my actions, swore it would never happen again and told her how I would prevent it, told her she is my world and I am a wreck, I told her I would give her space. I now haven't heard from her since her last text 2 and 1/2 days ago. My gut says this is a bad sign and she won't be able to get past it. But then I also think its possible that if she was going to end our relationship over this she would have done it sooner, and more immediately than this. Is is a bad sign that she is taking this long to decide?
Babolat Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 You made your apology; now it's time to give her space, no contact. She needs some time to heal and figure things out..give it to her.
Ladyxxx Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Bless you, you sound very regretful. A sad way to end an otherwise happy occasion, a wedding. Drink can unleash hidden feeling and cause an otherwise sane, gentle man to become a monster. Your words came from somewhere. Are you silently seething about a distant grievance ? Harbouring a grudge ? An unforgiven betrayal or deed that hurt you ? Something distant but still unresolved ? You may not recollect your angry outburst, but it happened, and something lit your fuse. In time you may remember more but however remorseful you feel you have to acknowledge drunk or sober, you felt that way. Anger emerged, released by alcohol but just the same, it was there. Maybe it took drink, to finally come out. Can you remember what lead up to your torrent of angry words ? Drink alone, without a hidden trigger or surpressed unresolved issue would not cause such an outburst. Something triggered it, your reaction didn't come from nowhere. I'd think hard about these questions, as quite frankly saying it was the drink talking is bollox. Drink merely loosened your tongue, lit the fuse. That said, I admire the fact you sat and wrote your gf a letter, no doubt expressing great remorse. You must give her time now, to accept your explanation, if you have one, or at least your apology. She is not only hurt but no doubt bewildered at your apparent unprovoked ? ? attack. This was a side of you that she no doubt has never seen before and a complete character and personality change. Scary stuff, not to mention hugely hurtful. Boy oh boy, you got some work to do now ! Do you know where she is ? I think the hugest bouquet of flowers is in order. Be prepared to get to like humble pie, because you're eating it 3 times a day for the foreseeable future. Don't bombard her with texts etc. Give her time, she's hurt, confused, fking angry and shocked. You in time have to show, and prove this will never be repeated. I say that as I believe in her own time, she will be back with you, and your relationship will survive. If she was going to end it, you'd know by now. She'd collect her things and go. Sorry if I gave you a hard time, but you have to accept and indeed question deeply, your totally unexplained behaviour. Be ready to talk about it, as it is way more than a tipsy snide remark, said in jest. Be prepared for questions and to offer reassurances. My dear Mum, (r.i.p. Mum, coincidentally her anniversary of her death, today, 12 yrs) I digress, but Mum would say 'you never do anything drunk, that you wouldn't do sober'. Learn from this, hopefully 'one off' experience and never go there again. If it did happen again, you need to delve deep to identify the source, seriously, as God forbid, imagine if it escalated, to maybe violence. You may say 'no way' but who knows what sparked you that day ? Be very wary, around drink, question yourself, and be honest. Communicate endlessly, it really is the key. Wow ! This is only my 2nd post here, but I felt the need to bang on. I hope my words help. Good luck, I hope it works out. Let us know. Hugs~ A wise old bird, Ladyxxx
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