Stoic44 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I've been thinking over this whole "no-contact rule." I think it's a sign of weakness, which is understandable if you've been hurt and feel desperate and clingy. ...or conversely, if the ex is bugging the hell out of you....or if they legitimately did something heinous (e.g. cheating/abuse) and you truly desire never to hear from them again as it would always reopen old wounds. If you've gotten to the place where you're strong and can move on w/ or without them, there's no need for it--at a certain point, it becomes just a "game." Link to post Share on other sites
BiancaLDN Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I've often thought of it as a sign of weakness, but it is often for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
DrStrangelove Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I agree... partially. Most men/women don't have the emotional capability to move on that quickly. 60 days is probably average, but most need more. I think I need exactly 60 days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 NC is a tool to help you move on and heal. It's not a sign of weakness. To me, what is a sign of weakness is begging, pleading and bargaining. Allowing yourself to be "friend zoned" for the dumper's own benefit and stand the chances of being view as weak and pathetic in their eyes. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BiancaLDN Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I've often wished I could still remain in touch with an ex, and show 'em that hell, I really don't care! Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I've been thinking over this whole "no-contact rule." I think it's a sign of weakness, which is understandable if you've been hurt and feel desperate and clingy. ...or conversely, if the ex is bugging the hell out of you....or if they legitimately did something heinous (e.g. cheating/abuse) and you truly desire never to hear from them again as it would always reopen old wounds. If you've gotten to the place where you're strong and can move on w/ or without them, there's no need for it--at a certain point, it becomes just a "game." so if i don't pay attention and respond to every word you say, that makes me weak? Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) The fact of the matter is WE ARE WEAK right after getting dumped. It requires STRENGTH not to give into contact. Anything else is just suicidal...which is weak. If I'm recovered and indifferent id have no problem with contact if i wanted too. Not really a game at all. Its only a game if you are playing something ...and the game is completely over at that point Edited January 23, 2013 by cavalier99 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 If you've gotten to the place where you're strong and can move on w/ or without them, there's no need for it--at a certain point, it becomes just a "game." If you've gone NC to move on, and you've gotten to that point, WHY would you reach out? What's the point? Especially being the dumpee? It's not a game. It's called, "I've moved on with my life & you're not in it." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think begging and pleading and hoping for another person to acknowledge your existence is much weaker, but that's just me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think begging and pleading and hoping for another person to acknowledge your existence is much weaker, but that's just me. yeah it is... I know that feeling LOL. Boy all the rookie mistakes I made... I gotta say I wish some how I could've seen this point in time. I'd have gone NC day 1 and never looked back. But I guess this is how it is.. we mess up maybe even look stupid but we learn from it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I went nc from day 1 as I was asked to. I actually think not contacting has been a sign of STRENGTH and not weakness. As time goes by, it is way easier to keep nc. I am healing. It is a shame that I have lost such a good friend, we were friends before getting involved, but then I think is she really such a good friend in the first place if she can dump me and not look back? I wouldn't mind being in some contact in the future only if it didn't bring up old feelings. But the ball is in her court now. I will not reach out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I went nc from day 1 as I was asked to. I actually think not contacting has been a sign of STRENGTH and not weakness. As time goes by, it is way easier to keep nc. I am healing. It is a shame that I have lost such a good friend, we were friends before getting involved, but then I think is she really such a good friend in the first place if she can dump me and not look back? I wouldn't mind being in some contact in the future only if it didn't bring up old feelings. But the ball is in her court now. I will not reach out. Glad you took the advice. My emotions took over and didn't let me think properly. And I never followed the advice all the way through. If I had.. I think our BU would've been a smooth one. We simply BU and go NC. But instead it went from BU to insulting and hurting each other to our siblings getting involved. Thank god it's not a lawyer or police type of people getting involved. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 No Contact helped my ex wife get over our situation. She took about a month of not talking to me and worked through some things on her own (sort of) and with her friends. I'm a fan of the idea of space, but I don't think there neccessarily needs to be a hard and fast rule about not talking to someone, just some boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Glad you took the advice. My emotions took over and didn't let me think properly. And I never followed the advice all the way through. If I had.. I think our BU would've been a smooth one. We simply BU and go NC. But instead it went from BU to insulting and hurting each other to our siblings getting involved. Thank god it's not a lawyer or police type of people getting involved. Yeah, if I had stayed in contact right after the breakup I am sure I would have said or done things I'd regret. I am glad for that in hindsight, although it was so hard to start with. It is best to let things cool down for a while although I know in many cases that doesn't happen. It certainly tested me many times! Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Yeah, if I had stayed in contact right after the breakup I am sure I would have said or done things I'd regret. I am glad for that in hindsight, although it was so hard to start with. It is best to let things cool down for a while although I know in many cases that doesn't happen. It certainly tested me many times! yeah my case things got worse.. but I see it as a lesson learned now. And I know in the future, I will go NC if a BU happens and just not fall into the trap. I did it once, but I won't let it happen again. Sure I will walk away like a loser in the eyes of my ex and her family and friends. But.. at least I learned from my mistakes and that's the best thing I can do at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 You can only learn from your mistakes! Think of this as a learning experience. And you won't be walking away like a loser. To walk away with dignity and your head held high is the best thing you can do and who knows, next time it could be forever 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 You can only learn from your mistakes! Think of this as a learning experience. And you won't be walking away like a loser. To walk away with dignity and your head held high is the best thing you can do and who knows, next time it could be forever I guess I always expected I could walk away early and still have her family and friends like me. But I realized is that won't happen. They will see me as this bad guy and that's how it will be. And I just don't care as much now either. I used to care what she though or at least her family. Now I realized it doesn't matter and that they don't care for me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 No Contact helped my ex wife get over our situation. She took about a month of not talking to me and worked through some things on her own (sort of) and with her friends. I'm a fan of the idea of space, but I don't think there neccessarily needs to be a hard and fast rule about not talking to someone, just some boundaries. well, most people misconstrue "NC" as "ignoring". and it isn't the same thing, but a very subtle difference in the intention. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 NC is a tool to help you move on and heal. It's not a sign of weakness. To me, what is a sign of weakness is begging, pleading and bargaining. Allowing yourself to be "friend zoned" for the dumper's own benefit and stand the chances of being view as weak and pathetic in their eyes. If you've gone NC to move on, and you've gotten to that point, WHY would you reach out? What's the point? Especially being the dumpee? It's not a game. It's called, "I've moved on with my life & you're not in it." If I'm recovered and indifferent id have no problem with contact if i wanted too. Not really a game at all. Its only a game if you are playing something ...and the game is completely over at that point I think begging and pleading and hoping for another person to acknowledge your existence is much weaker, but that's just me. Everyone beat me to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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