Why do men have such high standards?

January 23, 2013

"if anything I go for BELOW my level"

perhaps THIS is the problem.

This^^^^^^^^

January 23, 2013

Obviously, alot of men cannot afford to have high standards so their partner choices dont always reflect it. Not every guy can be so picky since most men enter into relationships mostly for a steady stream of sex (I am sure there are other reasons too, but this is the most important one I find)

However, I find when you get to know men, most inside have high standards when it comes to women. Shes supposed to be hot, dolled up for you all the time, keep a figure reflected by the media's standards yet go out with you for steak and not be too obsessed with the gym, be smart but not too smart because then she will dominate you, not be bossy but not be a doormat, be interesting, be a sex goddess...

I haven't found this to be true with men who have a lot to offer. It sounds like you need to upgrade your dating pool.

January 23, 2013

I find it entertaining how men tend to think women have it so easy.

While yes I can agree to an extent that we tend to have more options, it isn't addressed that lots of the women with all those options would much rather have those one or two men who they have an amazing connection with and can start to have a relationship with.... not just sex.

Anyways, I am too late into this but I think every persons goal should be to find someone who they genuinely can be themselves around, and have that chemistry with. A lot of people can fantasize about what their dream person is, but the truth is... that person is just a dream.

It reminds me of a quote from 500 days of summer.

“I think technically the girl of my dreams would probably have like a really bodacious rack, you know, uh, maybe different hair. You know she’d probably be a little more into sports. But uhm, truthfully.. Robin’s better than the girl of my dreams. She’s real.”

January 23, 2013

Something I've noticed fairly consistently on LS. That people conflate "idealized" partners with real life partners. While I don't agree with settling, there's a break point between realism and fantasy. The more muddy that fantasy/real life line, the more likely the individual remains single, potentially permanently if they can't break out of their fantasy.

The above said, there's also the conflation of "idealized" and real life, through erroneous perception. This also happens regularly on LS.

If a guy or woman says "Jane/Joe celebrity is unbelievably hot", it's construed as OMG the guy/woman is expecting too much.

January 23, 2013

I want a girl who I find fun, interesting, intelligent, and physically attractive. I want her to see those same qualities in me as well. I don't see how this is a high standard.

it's not , though that's not entirely valid or apply to most men, i know lots of 'em believe me, i have many friends who are guys , and i have to say , i agree with the woman who wrote this threat , seriously, i have had this conversation with many of my friends, men can be really demanding. i had once met a guy who only dated red heads with big boobs, that was a classy one right? i don't know, prove me wrong, though i call them like i see them, most guys have as many demands as a bitchy chick wanting perfection.

January 23, 2013

MEN have high standards? I find the opposite, because they want someone who is lesser than they are, which includes looks, personality and intelligence levels. My second to last serious bf married another woman barely a year after he broke it off. Let's look at some statistics here:

1) He didn't want children - He didn't want to have children with me or anyone else, but he married a woman with two children whose Daddys were not in the picture who he was supporting. I have none.

2) Demands - He said it wasn't going to be permanent if I didn't quit smoking and loose weight. After I had quit for about 6 weeks and had dropped about 30 of the 45 lbs I would eventually loose, he was furious with me. He said it took me too long to do it.

3) Moving - We were in an LDR, I was in a position at the time where I would've been able to move to his city. He never asked or even considered asking me to move because according to him "I was a smart, resourceful, and pretty determined woman and if I wanted to do something I would go ahead and do it."

4) Anger - I am a very laid back person, he had a firey, and as I would find out, a violent temper. Beware his rage when he doesn't get his way. Or, like I would find out, look how angry he was when he got what he wanted (the weight loss and the smoking), became angry that he had to "pay up", and then jealous that I showed him that I had the will to do it when he didn't.

5) Drama - He married this woman who had two children and on marriage #3 because he was so eager to have someone in his life that he was willing to support her and her kids, and even pay for the daughter's education. His wife bought a trailer in North Carolina, started going down more and more often to "spend time with her daughter" who was living down there. THe marriage lasted 3 years. The first year they were married she spent the whole summer down there, the second year she told him she was just going to move down there and only come back for holidays and occasions, then she ran off and divorced him the third year. She has since married husband #4, and has divorced #4. Talk about a train wreck.

And he could've had something better. He could've had something even slightly better than that, but he chose trash.

January 23, 2013

I am somebody who is not lacking options yet I am perfectly happy with my wife.

My neighbor has been married for 36 years and while he is one of the nicest guys you can meet he comes across as a badass so has that kind of appeal plus he was quite good looking in his younger days yet has never cheated on his wife. He won't even go to stripper because he has anything he can want at home.

Take it from somebody who used to let these negative thoughts rule his life, this kind of bitterness will not do you any good.

January 23, 2013

Sorry but there arent too many guys around me who are attractive, smart AND nice

If I go for my level I would never have dated...which is what I have been doing lately and should have done all along

Something in your perceptions sounds highly flawed. You're never going to find a happy relationship when you judge everything with such superficiality.

Point blank, don't be so immature and naive. And if you are, then accept that its OK to be this way sometimes: to fantasize, to be frustrated, judgmental, bitchy, callous, selfish, etc. Those things are as real or as superficial as you personally make them out to be and have as much power as you give them.

This nice, attractive, smart guy does not exist. Neither do these:

... nerdy men, typical "nice guys" skinny, buff, awkward, charismatic, slightly pudgy, outgoing, shy and so on...

They are all based on your own perceptions.

And sorry; you're not a kind, sweet, caring, attractive, humanitarian, traithalon runner either. Sorry to bust your ego, but those are just a few things out of an infinite number of things that make you, you.

Find someone real and allow someone to know the real you. That is if you're truly looking for a real relationship. And good luck to you. It can be quite a journey. lol

January 23, 2013

There are no shortage of women looking to cheat. I've meet about 1-2 a year recently, and in every case it's the woman on the hunt.

1. Overweight, impotent husband. Woman just wanted sex.

2. Husband traveled for work, left the woman with lots of opportunity. Just wanted sex.

3. A client of mine, saying she had an open relationship (not true). Think this had more emotional context but I refused to get involved.

4. Old childhood friend told me about her affair because she's frustrated by her husband's drug problems. She seeks out sex even though the sex life at home is healthy.

5. My brother's wife had an affair and he's as good of a guy as any. Solely supported the family (3 kids) for 8+ years while wife went through med school.

6. Multiple women in weird married but separated situations, or divorced but still living together. Maybe not strictly cheating but suspect.

When guys cheat they are opportunists, but when women cheat it's still the guy's fault for not meeting her needs? And let me guess, it's also the "other man's" fault for participating? Nope, I won't be pigeon-holed into being the lesser half of humanity.

#5 I would of taken all her money if that happened

#2 he must of married a wack job

#1 why did she marry him in the first place..did she realize she couldn't change trash?

#4 should just get rid of him

I have never cheated on somebody and never plan on it. I don't even think I want to get married.

January 23, 2013

it's not , though that's not entirely valid or apply to most men, i know lots of 'em believe me, i have many friends who are guys , and i have to say , i agree with the woman who wrote this threat , seriously, i have had this conversation with many of my friends, men can be really demanding. i had once met a guy who only dated red heads with big boobs, that was a classy one right? i don't know, prove me wrong, though i call them like i see them, most guys have as many demands as a bitchy chick wanting perfection.

I think men in NYC have higher demands than the average man...none of the people responding dont know what its like to live in the NYC culture Im assuming

And Im not being unrealistic

When I said the guys are dumb or not nice...i mean they are MEAN to me and make degrading remarks, or I cant really have a stimulating conversation. He doesnt have to be as smart as me or even as nice as me (though Id like him to be close)

January 23, 2013

I think when we start worrying about societies standards and honestly media standards we get confused...because if you follow thee standards of others, it isnt really up to an individual to ascertain what their standard is....i ascertain my own standards like you op...have dated who i am attracted to and not cared who or what perception dictates I am or they are as in class level......i just follow my heart.....if they say no....it throws me ...because i don't have it happen very often, and i am average ....to me....as far as dating goes....i dont get attracted to guys that often,not because of standards, but because i just dont feel it....deb

January 23, 2013

I think men in NYC have higher demands than the average man...none of the people responding dont know what its like to live in the NYC culture Im assuming

And Im not being unrealistic

When I said the guys are dumb or not nice...i mean they are MEAN to me and make degrading remarks, or I cant really have a stimulating conversation. He doesnt have to be as smart as me or even as nice as me (though Id like him to be close)

Maybe your standards are too low, in the matter that count.

Maybe a better quality guy could be found in a less flashy package.

Or, could there be a reason that the better quality guys avoid you?

January 24, 2013

PbjBear I wish we could have a date, but I am taken, just to let you know there are smart funny and good looking guys out there.

You may have to look elsewhere, maybe get a different degree or a Major, in other country or city... sometimes quiet and/or boring kind of guys are the best, you just need to meet them, more so if you are hot, and come as an aggressive person...

January 24, 2013

Every person i know whos cheated was a women..ive also been hit on by tons of married women..women are worse then men these days because its less taboo to be whorish

January 24, 2013

Every person i know whos cheated was a women..ive also been hit on by tons of married women..women are worse then men these days because its less taboo to be whorish

You must hang out with xxxanadu a lot....

January 24, 2013

Men are less picky when it comes to one night stands. Anything else I think they are even more picky than women, partly because they often don't care about relationships to begin with.

January 24, 2013

Obviously, alot of men cannot afford to have high standards so their partner choices dont always reflect it. Not every guy can be so picky since most men enter into relationships mostly for a steady stream of sex (I am sure there are other reasons too, but this is the most important one I find)

However, I find when you get to know men, most inside have high standards when it comes to women. Shes supposed to be hot, dolled up for you all the time, keep a figure reflected by the media's standards yet go out with you for steak and not be too obsessed with the gym, be smart but not too smart because then she will dominate you, not be bossy but not be a doormat, be interesting, be a sex goddess...

I dont get why women have the reputation of being naggers and complainers...if anything men are just not seen this way because they tend to be less communicative and confrontational

I know alot of men will say women are pickier but I find some women are, but most arent
I am only picky with a few things. I dont like disrespectful men, men who are too shallow or selfish or obsessed with sex. Obviously, everyone is a little shallow, selfish and of course, sex is needed...but these 3 traits excessively are dealbreakers for me.
I wouldnt say any of my female friends I have ever had was picky, except for one who really did have a laundry list...the rest had a few dealbreakers and thats it

Other than that, anything goes. I have liked nerdy men, typical "nice guys" skinny, buff, awkward, charismatic, slightly pudgy, outgoing, shy and so on...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the the only domains your list touches are superficial IMHO: physical, financial, mental. Do you or these men you date have any spiritual dimensions?

Here are the standards I would like a woman to strive for and the standards I strive for as a man:

Characteristics of a high quality woman:

A wife of **noble** character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Characteristics of a high quality man:

Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a **noble** task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.

Put this combo together and you have love personified I know b/c I see it on a regular basis with my mom and dad. Keep searching, but I would request that you seek God and not man's ideals of relationships.

January 24, 2013

Judging by the other thread I have low standards...

January 24, 2013

I live one hour and some change train ride away from NYC and from what I see it seems men and women are equally shallow but complain that the opposite sex is shallow.

January 24, 2013

Yes, it's true that men are selfish, sex-obsessed, narcissistic, objectifying dogs. Welcome to the Matrix.

Now realize that women aren't any better and were on the same page. Your own, completely different off-the-norm standards don't count as an argument. There's always exception to the rules.

What a load of misandrytic garbage.

Edited January 24, 2013 by man_in_the_box

January 24, 2013

I live one hour and some change train ride away from NYC and from what I see it seems men and women are equally shallow but complain that the opposite sex is shallow.

I see what you are saying can you elaborate on what women say about men in NYC? I dont go for salesman/stock broker types.

Most of the guys I have gone for dont make alot of $...and I am not career obsessed nor make a ton of $ but I make enough to live by myself and pay bill.

January 24, 2013

Every person i know whos cheated was a women..ive also been hit on by tons of married women..women are worse then men these days because its less taboo to be whorish

Women and men cheat the same amount...

January 24, 2013

I have liked nerdy men, typical "nice guys" skinny, buff, awkward, charismatic, slightly pudgy, outgoing, shy and so on...

Nuthin' wrong with that.

Personally, I'd choose a woman who's pretty much the opposite of a supermodel, over a supermodel. If none of the other guys like her because she's too smart, won't put out, is built all wrong... hey, AFAIC that makes her a better catch for me.

Not everyone likes ice cream, and not everyone hates anchovies.

January 24, 2013

I see what you are saying can you elaborate on what women say about men in NYC? I dont go for salesman/stock broker types.

Most of the guys I have gone for dont make alot of $...and I am not career obsessed nor make a ton of $ but I make enough to live by myself and pay bill.

I left NYC in 2002 so I don't know what daily life these days is like but it doesn't appear to be an ideal place for relationships. I think that the who complain about men are just like the man they complain about and vice versa. You have people who won't settle for anything less than movie ideal perfection getting mad because the few people who fit their impossible standards won't settle for them.

January 24, 2013

I grew up with young guys in my teens; they were OBSESSED with " finding hot chicks". It is literally ALL they wanted to do.

But you are failing to believe in LOVE.

A man who is really in love with his partner will ABSOLUTELY NOT want to have sex with more hot women on the side:sick:

A lot of men cheat, but it is not normally about looks alone....

MOST MEN who are really in love won't cheat though....

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Why do men have such high standards?

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