pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) Obviously, alot of men cannot afford to have high standards so their partner choices dont always reflect it. Not every guy can be so picky since most men enter into relationships mostly for a steady stream of sex (I am sure there are other reasons too, but this is the most important one I find) However, I find when you get to know men, most inside have high standards when it comes to women. Shes supposed to be hot, dolled up for you all the time, keep a figure reflected by the media's standards yet go out with you for steak and not be too obsessed with the gym, be smart but not too smart because then she will dominate you, not be bossy but not be a doormat, be interesting, be a sex goddess... I dont get why women have the reputation of being naggers and complainers...if anything men are just not seen this way because they tend to be less communicative and confrontational I know alot of men will say women are pickier but I find some women are, but most arent I am only picky with a few things. I dont like disrespectful men, men who are too shallow or selfish or obsessed with sex. Obviously, everyone is a little shallow, selfish and of course, sex is needed...but these 3 traits excessively are dealbreakers for me. I wouldnt say any of my female friends I have ever had was picky, except for one who really did have a laundry list...the rest had a few dealbreakers and thats it Other than that, anything goes. I have liked nerdy men, typical "nice guys" skinny, buff, awkward, charismatic, slightly pudgy, outgoing, shy and so on... Edited January 23, 2013 by pbjbear 8
Dusk1983 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) All the studies on this (such as the one on OK Cupid) suggest you're wrong. It only takes us men a few humilating rejections to assess our level, whereas women often never do. Why? Because you can attract attention from even the hottest guys, and many will even sleep with you. The distorting power of the indiscriminate male sex drive makes it IMPOSSIBLE for women to accurately assess their own attractiveness. Hence, your standards are less realistic than ours are. Edited January 23, 2013 by Dusk1983 3
Els Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I think it depends entirely on the sort of men you get to know. Believe it or not, some men, just like women, want someone they have a connection with and attraction to. I've seen men fall head over heels in love with women with 'average-looking' faces and bodies, tomboys and women who dress simply, women larger than models and women shorter than models. It's likely you're focusing too much on the men who are perpetually single or who stand out the most to you, and obviously such men would suffer more from the affliction of which you speak. 1
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 All the studies on this (such as the one on OK Cupid) suggest you're wrong. It only takes us men a few humilating rejections to assess our level, whereas women often never do. Why? Because you can attract attention from even the hottest guys, and many will even sleep with you. The distorting power of the indiscriminate male sex drive makes it IMPOSSIBLE for women to accurately assess their own attractiveness. Hence, your standards are less realistic than ours are. I do not desire any of the hottest guys. The hottest guys have all of the traits I have listed above. Most women over the age of 25 DO NOT want to the hottest guy...dont you know women place more emphasis on personality when compared to men? (at least the vast majority do) I have had tons of hot guys chase me...last week I had to be nasty to a "hot" womanizing co worker who would not stop asking me out and asking me why I dont like him...I really should just email him this thread. online dating example...online dating is not typical of the real world. You would get many of the women who ignore you online in real life...
TouchedByViolet Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I want a girl who I find fun, interesting, intelligent, and physically attractive. I want her to see those same qualities in me as well. I don't see how this is a high standard. 1
crude Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Actually it's just the opposite. I reckon there's 1 man for every 1 woman in hetero marriages. Most men marry whatever is out there. Most fat, ugly, lazy women are married. And looks are only 1 part of it. How many women make little or no money, have no ambition but to mooch, have very little personality or sense of humor, yet they seem to find a husband. Men seem to have low standards, considering how one sided marriage is. A bunch of guys drinking and talking about "hot chicks" has little to do with reality. 2
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Actually it's just the opposite. I reckon there's 1 man for every 1 woman in hetero marriages. Most men marry whatever is out there. Most fat, ugly, lazy women are married. And looks are only 1 part of it. How many women make little or no money, have no ambition but to mooch, have very little personality or sense of humor, yet they seem to find a husband. Men seem to have low standards, considering how one sided marriage is. A bunch of guys drinking and talking about "hot chicks" has little to do with reality. Exactly, one of the reasons why I am so hesitant to marry and is one of the reasons why I think the most common reason listed in divorce papers has to do with emotional neglect. You pretty much just reinforced what I said in my earlier post. I specifically said mens high standards dont reflect their life choices because they take whatever is there (at least most men do...some can afford to be picky)...but internally their standards are just as bad as women's, sometimes worse I find. 1
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Damn that original post is a confusing read. Are you basically trying to ask why men settle? Having a preference but ending up with women who don't meet them? 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Obviously, alot of men cannot afford to have high standards so their partner choices dont always reflect it. Not every guy can be so picky since most men enter into relationships mostly for a steady stream of sex (I am sure there are other reasons too, but this is the most important one I find) However, I find when you get to know men, most inside have high standards when it comes to women. Shes supposed to be hot, dolled up for you all the time, keep a figure reflected by the media's standards yet go out with you for steak and not be too obsessed with the gym, be smart but not too smart because then she will dominate you, not be bossy but not be a doormat, be interesting, be a sex goddess... I dont get why women have the reputation of being naggers and complainers...if anything men are just not seen this way because they tend to be less communicative and confrontational I know alot of men will say women are pickier but I find some women are, but most arent I am only picky with a few things. I dont like disrespectful men, men who are too shallow or selfish or obsessed with sex. Obviously, everyone is a little shallow, selfish and of course, sex is needed...but these 3 traits excessively are dealbreakers for me. I wouldnt say any of my female friends I have ever had was picky, except for one who really did have a laundry list...the rest had a few dealbreakers and thats it Other than that, anything goes. I have liked nerdy men, typical "nice guys" skinny, buff, awkward, charismatic, slightly pudgy, outgoing, shy and so on... This is the only thread of it's type I have seen here for maybe 100 similar that are posted by men, so, I'd say you are alone in your thinking. Particularly because you admit you have really hot guys hitting on you.
PogoStick Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm reading the OP is overweight and frustrated that guys find it unattractive. I find it very rare that a woman is too obsessed with the gym. It's 10x more likely that a woman is overweight instead of too fit. I definitely want a smart woman because I'm a smart guy. With younger women it's more likely they're into clothes, the mall, and just stupid stuff (to be fair younger guys are dumb too), and thus they don't develop a deeper personality that is interested in politics and things of substance. Once women reach 25 or 30 they actually start caring and become much more interesting. Women ARE naggers. Many take a man they aren't quite satisfied with, believing they can change him. Both men and women want the most attractive partner they can get, attractive meaning all qualities not just physical. So the OP isn't happy with her male selection either. Is she pursuing guys above her level and just being used because of it? What is she going to do to raise her value to start getting the men she wants? 1
TheGuard13 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I have no idea what "Keep a figure reflected by media standards" means. There are different types of media. A lot of men like women to be in shape, and even in really good shape (which is a real thing, not just something manufactured by the media), but they celebrate a lot of different types and looks for women.
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) I'm reading the OP is overweight and frustrated that guys find it unattractive. I find it very rare that a woman is too obsessed with the gym. It's 10x more likely that a woman is overweight instead of too fit. I definitely want a smart woman because I'm a smart guy. With younger women it's more likely they're into clothes, the mall, and just stupid stuff (to be fair younger guys are dumb too), and thus they don't develop a deeper personality that is interested in politics and things of substance. Once women reach 25 or 30 they actually start caring and become much more interesting. Women ARE naggers. Many take a man they aren't quite satisfied with, believing they can change him. Both men and women want the most attractive partner they can get, attractive meaning all qualities not just physical. So the OP isn't happy with her male selection either. Is she pursuing guys above her level and just being used because of it? What is she going to do to raise her value to start getting the men she wants? Thanks for trying to insult me. I am 5'4 115 lbs with measurements 35-25-36 last time I measured myself for a bridesmaid dress 2 months ago. I participate in marathons and triathalons, but not obsessively, and eat healthy and work out 3-5 times a week. You dont believe me? send me your email address I am 25 and get told Im nice, sweet, caring all the time by people in real life. I picked an underpaid "helping profession" to go into because I like helping people. I do not pursue guy's above my own level...if anything I go for BELOW my level but not insanely below Edited January 23, 2013 by pbjbear
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) This is the only thread of it's type I have seen here for maybe 100 similar that are posted by men, so, I'd say you are alone in your thinking. Particularly because you admit you have really hot guys hitting on you. I get more non-hot guys hitting on me than hot guys overall. But for me, some of those non-hot guys ARE hot because of other qualities they have. I only talked about 1 example out of 100 because the other guy said hot guys must NOT hit on me and Im frustrated or something. Men cannot afford to have high standards (or most) so yeah, women dont talk about it...but whew, the number of threads about a guy "taking what he can" or "settling" and the woman's behavior afterwards in the relationship after she realizes subconsiouly her SO is "settling" and not completely satisfied...100x more than those 100 threads you are talking about Edited January 23, 2013 by pbjbear
ThaWholigan Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Should we have "low" standards? I think we should be picky about what we want in a partner - not ridiculously so, but what exactly we need in a partner. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) I get more non-hot guys hitting on me than hot guys overall. But for me, some of those non-hot guys ARE hot because of other qualities they have. I only talked about 1 example out of 100 because the other guy said hot guys must NOT hit on me and Im frustrated or something. Men cannot afford to have high standards (or most) so yeah, women dont talk about it...but whew, the number of threads about a guy "taking what he can" or "settling" and the woman's behavior afterwards in the relationship after she realizes subconsiouly her SO is "settling" and not completely satisfied...100x more than those 100 threads you are talking about I'm not sure why you think guys are too picky if you have all types hitting on you. It doesn't compute. When the day comes when a guy says women are too picky even though he has many hot and non-hot women with great qualities hitting on him, then maybe it all make sense. But until then. Your posts are kind of confusing. They are all over the place. Edited January 23, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Thanks for trying to insult me. I am 5'4 115 lbs with measurements 35-25-36 last time I measured myself for a bridesmaid dress 2 months ago. I participate in marathons and triathalons, but not obsessively, and eat healthy and work out 3-5 times a week. You dont believe me? send me your email address I am 25 and get told Im nice, sweet, caring all the time by people in real life. I picked an underpaid "helping profession" to go into because I like helping people. I do not pursue guy's above my own level...if anything I go for BELOW my level but not insanely below OK, you sound like a decent girl. Now what are you complaining about? 1
Drseussgrrl Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I notice that I'm most attractive to men when I'm loving and taking care of myself first. This means I'm not necessarily concerned with finding a dude and I'm living my life in a way that makes me happy. When I'm eating right, going to the gym regularly, taking my dog on long walks, running, going to shows, spending time with my friends and doing what I love, I'm happy and it shows on my face and in my step. Don't be so concerned with this perceived laundry list that only perpetuates this "battle of the sexes". The guy who will love you for you will show up when you're so busy making yourself happy that he won't be able to help himself. Above all else men love confident, happy, women with a little bit of sass. Frankly at this point I couldn't care less that I'm single and even dateless at the moment. I am having fun regardless. 2
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I'm not sure why you think guys are too picky if you have all types hitting on you. It doesn't compute. When the day comes when a guy says women are too picky even though he has many hot and non-hot women with great qualities hitting on him, then maybe it all make sense. But until then. Your posts are kind of confusing. They are all over the place. Not really. I already said 3 times guys cant afford to have high standards because a large % cannot unless they want to be alone forever. Do you not realize men, of all types, will hit on any semi attractive female? (unless theyre shy, intimidated or something) 1
Els Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm not sure why you think guys are too picky if you have all types hitting on you. It doesn't compute. When the day comes when a guy says women are too picky even though he has many hot and non-hot women with great qualities hitting on him, then maybe it all make sense. But until then. Your posts are kind of confusing. They are all over the place. I hate to say this, but I actually agree with JJS here. FWIW, solely based on reading the OP's past 10 posts, I'd venture to say that if she genuinely has that many men interested in her, men aren't being picky enough in the ways that matter. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Not really. I already said 3 times guys cant afford to have high standards because a large % cannot unless they want to be alone forever. Do you not realize men, of all types, will hit on any semi attractive female? (unless theyre shy, intimidated or something) And how does that relate to men having high standards as in your OP question!?! Are you screwing with us?
Keenly Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 This thread makes absolutely no sense... " men can't afford to have high standards " ??? What the hell are you talking about ? I have high standards because that's what its going to take for me to fall completely in love with and then spend the rest of my life with a woman. If she meets my standards I will gladly do anything for her. You are basically trying tell people how to think and what they should and should not like. It's ridiculous. I'll keep my high standards and risk being alone for extended periods of time. I don't really understand what it has to do with you. 1
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) I guess maybe I am not stating it right. Some of you say you have high standards and are fine...however, the large % of the male population cannot afford to have high standards (if you dont understand this concept...disregard this thread but it is true.) because more men dont have as many options. I am saying when you TALK to guys about what they want, and compare it what they have, what they talk about wanting is way more than what they have. Guys want the hottest girl possible, plus one without an atricious personality is what I get from married men. Married woman say they want an attractive partner yes, but I very rarely hear them say "SMOKING HOT" and list as many personality traits (but they do list income more) Guys will hit on any semi attractive female...doesnt mean I meet his standards. The fact that different types of guys hit on me means nothing. Guys will **** anything...does that mean I meet his standards? NO. Men think they could always do better. I find married men are always looking for the next best thing or know they cant get it and have given up...and most married women I know are very happy with what they have. All the men are secretly hoping to get a hotter woman or hoping they can one day have enough good qualities to be a player. However, they dont, so they settled Edited January 23, 2013 by pbjbear
TheGuard13 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) Who are the people you know, exactly? EVERYONE could, in theory, do better. And it stands to reason that, in some fashion, everyone "settles". If I have a hot wife, there's probably, somewhere in the world or locally, someone hotter, or someone who is hot in a different way, or who has other attributes I would like my wife to have. This goes for every concievable category. Doesn't mean I'm going to abandon what I have for something else "hot". Some people operate that way. Some people are ambitious and competitive and MUST have what they perceive to be the best of something, and that's the way they live their life. But that's not the norm. Not everyone goes around looking to "one up" what they have. Sure, they notice attractive people, and they might even fantasize about them, but not all men and women are constantly looking to trade up. Edited January 23, 2013 by TheGuard13 1
Author pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Who are the people you know, exactly? That's not the norm. Not everyone goes around looking to "one up" what they have. Sure, they notice attractive people, and they might even fantasize about them, but not all men and women are constantly looking to trade up. These are normal people. Not insanely hot/successful/famous men. Most men will not admit this to their wife because it would upset her. Deep down, most married men would love to have a ton of hot girls to **** around with...most CANT though 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 All things being equal? Sure, I'd bet most guys if given the choice between dating two girls with identically great personalities, same lifestyles, geographic proximity, age, etc., would pick the prettier of the two. However that rarely happens. Most people recognize that a girl who devotes her life to looking great 100% of the time, isn't likely to be able to have any time to do cool things with you (like a ball game, or hiking, or a random adventure). I'd say a girl looks prettier when you both just got done mountain biking and you're covered in dirt and mud and sweat and scrapes vs a girl who's off to go ball room dancing.
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