Sugarkane Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 He's talked about it before a bit, but I didn't think he'd actually do it. He thinks I should get a job that enables me to be able to move places with him. But what would I do? I got upset as I don't want to Lose him. I tried to ask him what do other spouses families do? It seems if you don't move with them, it's too long away from the army spouse. I've tried searching info but all I've found is super depressing stories and not answering my questions. Thus also annoys me when a needy co worker complains when her boyfriend wants to go away for a week. Give me a break. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 It is a stressfull situation to be in, my sympathies. I suppose it comes down to how much commitment you are prepared for (leaving axiety and fear to one side at the moment). How long have you been together? Do you want to get married? Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Why not marry him then you can move wherever he does? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Why not marry him then you can move wherever he does? Because you have to get married for the right reasons. Divorce rates are very high in the armed forces, precisely because people jump into it. Marriage is not a game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Because you have to get married for the right reasons. Divorce rates are very high in the armed forces, precisely because people jump into it. Marriage is not a game. I mean if you're serious about someone then just do it, I would rather get married and move with my husband to a base than be a girlfriend waiting on a call or Skype session once a week, that's me personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I mean if you're serious about someone then just do it, I would rather get married and move with my husband to a base than be a girlfriend waiting on a call or Skype session once a week, that's me personally. No. You start with deciding whether you are thinking about being with him long term, evaluating whether you are likely to want the same things long term, whether you both want kids, etc. Then you think through whether you think you can deal with the upheavals and emotional instability that being in a military marriage means. The anxieties and worries and not having your partner with you for months - or a year - at a time. Re-establishing your social circle each time you move. Living in close knit communities where everyone knows your business. Military marriages are much harder than civilian ones usually, you have to have the right personality for them. 'Being serious about someone' is not enough Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 As prior military myself and coming from 100% military background (father, brother, ex husband). PLEASE PLEASE Dont move with your boyfriend as his girlfriend. Being married is your only garuntee (and even that is not garunteed). That said, dont just jump into marriage for the wrong reasons. Being a military spouse is extremely difficult. The divorce rate is high and there are literally obstacles around every corner, but if you can handle that, its all worth it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 As prior military myself and coming from 100% military background (father, brother, ex husband). PLEASE PLEASE Dont move with your boyfriend as his girlfriend. Being married is your only garuntee (and even that is not garunteed). That said, dont just jump into marriage for the wrong reasons. Being a military spouse is extremely difficult. The divorce rate is high and there are literally obstacles around every corner, but if you can handle that, its all worth it in the end. Why not move as a girlfriend? I think getting married might piss our parents off. At least for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'm sorry that your boyfriend wants to go back into the army. I don't understand why anyone would want to, but, my sympathies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 It is a stressfull situation to be in, my sympathies. I suppose it comes down to how much commitment you are prepared for (leaving axiety and fear to one side at the moment). How long have you been together? Do you want to get married? My boyfriend is 26 and I'm Almost 26. We've been together for 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I would give it 6 months apart - give him a chance to see if he has enough feelings for you to pursue a long term relationship. A long term poster on here had her partner move across the country from her, they initially stopped seeing each other after a year or more together. Once he moved, he realised he still badly wanted her in his life, and now she is moving there. 6 months is too soon to jump the gun and move, very few people fall madly in love by 6 months, however; after 6 months, he will soon realise IF your the love of his life, and wheather or not it is appropriate for you to move. I think I have a good handle of what guys do when they are really in love and want to be with a girl badly enough to get through anything. I think they talk to you on the phone still, they will be able to gauge how much they need you in their lives, even miles apart. ....I know of one couple who did the militaty thing, but they were super in love and engaged though before he went. Link to post Share on other sites
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