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Posted

I've broke up with my girlfriend. During our relationship, I've came across a problem due to my jealousy - My girlfriend was very nice towards a guy, which is her best male friend, all along. Then, my girlfriend, after knowing the uneasiness I was feeling, kept a distance from him.

 

After we broke up, she returned to the normal state with her best male friend but this time, they seem more intimate. It happened just after the day we broke up that they walk together in school. (My girlfriend have always dislike walking together with a guy in school because she is afraid that people will gossip. The same goes to me.)

 

I think I still have not completely give her up. That's why I will feel jealous and a little betrayed. I THINK!

 

Could anyone help me with getting over with her? Or maybe it's not totally my fault? Because I felt betrayed though we were over.

 

One more thing, I felt that I'm a tyrant. When we were in this relationship, I "kept" her from her best friend. Then after we broke up, I can see that actually she is still "hungry" for her best friend and wants to talk to him alot. Any comment?

Posted

That's right. You kept her from her best friend -- which wasn't fair -- because you were insecure -- and now she's friends with him again because she doesn't have to please you. She can return to a source of caring and support that mattered in her life. Everyone knows they were just friends -- so why should she worry about walking down the hall with him?

 

Even if she was dating this guy now (which you don't have any evidence of), it wouldn't be your business or a betrayal since YOU broke up with HER. Given that, you can be sure that her just being friends with him again is not a betrayal, not in the least. What right do you have to decide who her friends are? Shouldn't she have just as much freedom to do that as you or anyone?

 

How would you have liked it if she'd asked you to give up your best friend because she was worried you were sexually attracted to one another? Hey -- stranger things have happened. Bottom line is: That's a big thing to ask of someone, and not something you ought to do unless you've clear evidence that there's more than friendship between her and her friend.

 

Your asking her to do that might be about more than romantic jealousy, too. It might be that you wanted to control her -- make her world all about you. That's something abusive men do. I'm not saying you're abusive, but I'm saying you should watch that tendency to cut off a girl from friends and family. It's selfish: unkind -- and unhealthy.

 

-- uriel

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Posted

well said. well scolding. well awaken. Thanks.

 

I hope i can remember this lesson forever.

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