thatmusicdude Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Ok, this is kind of long but please bear with me. I have this friend Andy whom I have been friends with almost a year and I just cannot figure out his behavior. He has this friend Beth who is 6 years older then him. She really wants to go out with him but he is not interested. So anyway he always seems to be so anti friend like. Also Beth and I do not get along be cause I cannot stand the fact that she always acts like a child. I mean really sometimes it can be embarassing having her around. Well it always seems that Andy has all this time to hangout with her but never with me or his other friend Jen. He will call me up and say how him and Beth are going on her boat but never does he invite me or Jen. But if Jen and I make plans to go out he get offended when we do not ask him. When we do ask him he always needs to drag Beth in and Jen and I cannot get along with her because she always wants to run the show. I mean I do not see why he has to talk about going out and doing stuff with Beth to me but had I asked him to hangout he would have probably acted like he was busy. I have reached points were I just want to say screw the whole friendship that it is not going to work. But then he goes and does something friend like to make me feel bad for being mean to him when he upsets me. I guess the only reason I care is that I have always had mostly "girl" friends and I would really like to have a good guy friend especially one that I am so similar too. I just dunno what to do anymore. I mean, is it really worth my time? Why does he have to do this to me? I'm being so friend-like to him and he seems to have some type of mood swings where is mind constantly changes. Hopefully you guys can shed some light on this for me.
loveregardless Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 my boyfreind and I have had a really hard time lately figuring out whether or not some people are REALLY our freinds are not. It's a tough spot to be in, believe me I know, but unfortunately, I don't have any real solid answer to solve the problem for you either. People are weird. And mostly, people are selfish. He honestly probably has no idea that you would have certain feelings either way about anything that he has/hasn't done. So there is no point beeting yourself up over what you think that he's thinking. If you want to continue to be his freind, then you either have to accept things how they are, or try to change them somehow. you can try to talk to him and be honest with him like you just were us, and if he understands then great. but if he doesn't and he only continues to act that way, then there is really not much you can do. very often people in our lives are not as caring and certainly not as good of freinds to us as we would like them to be. Like we consider ourselves to be. It's just REALLY hard to make good freinds. But you will...so don't get discouraged...and don't ever forget how to be a good freind yourself =) If only all of us with crappy friends lived in the same area we could all be freinds with each other. =)
Pocky Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Try saying, "Andy I have to tell you something that's been bothering me lately. Sometimes I'd like to be able to hang out with you without Beth all the time. I know that you may not have a lot of spare time and you may try to spend time with as many people as you can but unfortunately I'm not real fond of Beth and it'd be cool if she didn't have to come along on the time. I respect the friendship you have with Beth and I think it's great you two get along well and I wouldn't ask you to stop spending time with her, but can there be some form of separation?" Things really are easier when people are direct with one another...
Author thatmusicdude Posted August 25, 2004 Author Posted August 25, 2004 I kinda see the point you both are making. I invited him out today because I was taking Jen out for her b-day and he asked if Beth could come. Come to find out he never told her until last minute because Beth called me and Jen and wanted to know if we wanted to hangout not knowing of our plans. Then Andy was to call her when we left school and she called earlier and he just hungup on her and did not answer. Which I thought was wrong. But today he did not talk about her and did not seem to want to when we did. Today I felt like I had two friends and not just Jen. Any clues what might be going on or how I should handle this?
loveregardless Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 unless you talk very honestly with him about everything you are us, then guessing at why he acts how he does is going to get you nowhere. i'm telling you hun, people are weirdos. they are impossible to figure out, and mind games get you nowhere but confused. how old are you and your friends by the way? if your like me, and relatively young (19) then that is your answer! young people are even weirder than adults, and often a great deal more selfish! they aren't selfish because they want to hurt you, they are unknowingly selfish because they are immature and unexperianced at being a good freind. chances are they're just trying to figure out a whole world of things (called growing up and becoming an adult) Plus, it's just really hard to find good freinds hun. a bunch of us were just talking about that the other day on here.... but don't get discouraged. be the best freind you can be to them...that's all you can really control. and don't take it personal when they behave in ways that you never would. they're just weird. =)
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