dulcessa Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Little recap: I met this guy online. We had 2 dates so far: 1 we went for drinks, and the second dinner + movies at his place. We made out, and he tried to have sex with me despite me telling him it's that time of the month. I slept there but we didn't do anything, and he tried to have sex again the next day (without success)...You can read all about this in details here UPDATED STORY: So after 3 days of not talking, I put my big girl pants on and sent him a "Hey!" text message. To which he innocently replied "Hey! Your alive!". He gave me the usual "he was busy speech" (with examples). At that point, I asked him why he hasn't contacted me and he said "I just felt like waiting til you text me". This bring me to my million dollar question: Do guys really wait to be contacted, or it's really just a polite way of saying "I'm not interested"? Or do you think that in my case he was too ashamed to contact me after what he did? Perhaps he taught he blew it, and kept the little self-esteem he had left to wait it out? Doesn't it go like this: if a guy is interested he will do all he can to contact you and make plans? I am quite concerned that now I will have to be the one to invite him to do something, and I've always been taught to never chase guys. But, I would hate to miss out on something nice because of some set of rules- which ultimately can be broken.
Author dulcessa Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Do you still want to date him?? I would be open to the possibility. We have a lot of things in common, and he is quite hot! I just don't want to waste my time chasing someone not interested- or no longer interested.
Keenly Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 " Dude , she texted me first, I can't handle that crap I'm going to ignore her " - Said no guy ever. 3
weee111 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Hard to tell, he appears to be playing some sort of game. Personally, I make contact the next day to schedule the next date even if it's just a loose plan. My take on it is that if you say no because I asked you too soon, I probably don't want to be dating you anyway. Some guys approach this differently and think that going silent will "build attraction". I guess that seems to have worked on you, the question is do you want to deal with someone who does this? 1
Author dulcessa Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 " Dude , she texted me first, I can't handle that crap I'm going to ignore her " - Said no guy ever. No BUT non-interested guys will just ignore, and not further waist their time. no?
weee111 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 No BUT non-interested guys will just ignore, and not further waist their time. no? If I wasn't interested I would have told you or not answered. From reading your other story, it seems to be like he's interested in having sex with you but doesn't really care otherwise. I highly doubt he's interested in any sort of relationship. It depends on what you want out of it. 2
Author dulcessa Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 If I wasn't interested I would have told you or not answered. From reading your other story, it seems to be like he's interested in having sex with you but doesn't really care otherwise. I highly doubt he's interested in any sort of relationship. It depends on what you want out of it. Yeah I guess you have a point. But if i was a hot successful guy (like him), that's a lot of time and effort invested to just sleep with this one girl. I know some guys have done far worst than just sex...just a gut feeling. The feeling I have is that sex would have validated my interest for him (especially after the first date where he thought I was being cold), and because I declined, he waited for me to contact him. But then again I might be completely wrong....
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Yeah I guess you have a point. But if i was a hot successful guy (like him), that's a lot of time and effort invested to just sleep with this one girl. I know some guys have done far worst than just sex...just a gut feeling. The feeling I have is that sex would have validated my interest for him (especially after the first date where he thought I was being cold), and because I declined, he waited for me to contact him. But then again I might be completely wrong.... You are wrong.. Two dates is by no means too much effort...I have had a guy fake a whole 6 week relationship just to get sex. If he is as hot and successful as you say (hell even if he is not), he is by no means insecure about your interest. He is not contacting you because he is not that into you, most likely has other preferable options but is happy to "hit it" if it comes easy. And by contacting him, he reads it as having you in the bag..for NSA sex.
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 He probably wanted to see if you were interested in him. It takes a lot more thought and effort to initiate a text then to reply to one. 'twas a test and you passed. Congratulations. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I am really saddened by how delusional people on here are 2
SJC2008 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 OP you seem more concerned with reigning in a "hot" guy then then reigning in a connection. By all means don't date someone who you're not attracted to but it's obvious this guy wants and easy lay and you are throwing all logic out the window becasue you're caught up with his looks. You're even worried he'll think you're prude lol. Good looking men prey on women like you online. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 OP you seem more concerned with reigning in a "hot" guy then then reigning in a connection. By all means don't date someone who you're not attracted to but it's obvious this guy wants and easy lay and you are throwing all logic out the window becasue you're caught up with his looks. You're even worried he'll think you're prude lol. Good looking men prey on women like you online. If anything, he should be the one doing apologizing for coming on that strong sexually. He disrespected OP by being incredibly pushy and then dropping out of contact. Why do women do this to themselves? 1
Eddie Edirol Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 A guy who is that "hot" will not need to do any work to "get" you because women chase him all the time. He knows you will do the same, and you did. BTW, this guy isnt interested in you, he just wants sex, and doesnt care if he gets it or not. I know this game and it always works. But even a guy that is interested in you will not chase you too hard, within reason. If you play too hard to get, any guy with brains wont keep after you if you dont initiate sometimes. 2
skweezd Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I absolutely agree with the poster above. By date two, he was moving too fast and you shouldn't even be going to his residence in the first place. You don't know him well enough to rule out general safety concerns. Look up Ted Bundy.... good looking, charming, and girl's made themselves an easy target (OK sounding like a mom now). As for his interest in you, he's waiting for you to throw yourself at him. Why should he work hard when he can get someone else to?
tbf Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 As a thought, have you considered it from his perspective? Going to a guy's place on date #2 can signal a desire for sex. Even though you did say no because of your period, you also stayed overnight. So in the morning, he pressed for sex again so he's probably the kind of guy who doesn't mind period sex. Again, you turned him down. So then, he waited to see if you were still interested since you turned him down twice. His pride took a hit so from the sounds of it (1) he might be hoping that time will wear down your walls for sex, (2) recouping his pride by manipulating you into chasing him where he can then reject you as payback or (3)just recouping his pride by making you chase him. Now, based on the above scenario, I'm not seeing anything worth chasing after. I'd back off and if it's the third choice, he'll probably contact you eventually. That said, not sure if it's really worth it to continue with a gamer. Depends on what you're looking for from him.
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Little recap: I met this guy online. We had 2 dates so far: 1 we went for drinks, and the second dinner + movies at his place. We made out, and he tried to have sex with me despite me telling him it's that time of the month. I slept there but we didn't do anything, and he tried to have sex again the next day (without success)...You can read all about this in details here QUOTE] Really? This is a no brainer. He ONLY WANTS SEX FROM YOU. Have some self respect The amount of emotionally weak women in this forum astounds me 5
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 As a thought, have you considered it from his perspective? Going to a guy's place on date #2 can signal a desire for sex. Even though you did say no because of your period, you also stayed overnight. So in the morning, he pressed for sex again so he's probably the kind of guy who doesn't mind period sex. Again, you turned him down. So then, he waited to see if you were still interested since you turned him down twice. His pride took a hit so from the sounds of it (1) he might be hoping that time will wear down your walls for sex, (2) recouping his pride by manipulating you into chasing him where he can then reject you as payback or (3)just recouping his pride by making you chase him. Now, based on the above scenario, I'm not seeing anything worth chasing after. I'd back off and if it's the third choice, he'll probably contact you eventually. That said, not sure if it's really worth it to continue with a gamer. Depends on what you're looking for from him. Yep, this is why I never accept invitations to someones place within the first month of dating. Its sad but that is what this world has come to. You cant make out with a guy and not have sex...then youre a "cock block" You cannot just hang out with a guy without having sex...then youre a "tease" Ridiculous but it is what it is...this is how desperate men are for sex today
Dusk1983 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Ridiculous but it is what it is...this is how desperate men are for sex today I know, it sucks - in the old days men just weren't like this. Not even when we were clubbing you over the head to drag you into the nearest cave, or paying your dad to keep you locked up in our house for the rest of your life as part chef, part sexual slave. No, we were just being friendly.
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I know, it sucks - in the old days men just weren't like this. Not even when we were clubbing you over the head to drag you into the nearest cave, or paying your dad to keep you locked up in our house for the rest of your life as part chef, part sexual slave. No, we were just being friendly. Men have always treated women as a sexual object first and then a human being second. Its been happening since the second we've been put on this earth. But god forbid if women treat men like an ATM machine first and a human being second. Face it, in todays world women are expected to evolve past their evolutionary tendencies while men are encouraged not to.
curlygirl40 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) You need to decide what you want out of this and then act accordingly. If all you want is sex, then have at it. BUT if you want a relationship, you are doing this all wrong. He obviously doesn't respect you, and you don't respect yourself. IMO if you want a relationship out of this, it's not going to happen. You're better off saving yourself some grief and potential heartache down the line and cut him off right now. If he did like you and want something aside from sex from you, he wouldn't have waited for you to get in contact with him. He tried to sleep with you, then backed away, then waited to see if you would contact him because then in his mind he can think 'well, she's asking for it' and that will alleviate his guilt since you were chasing him. It's a common theme. It's better to move on from this guy. I don't think any good is going to come from it. Edited January 23, 2013 by curlygirl40 spelling... 1
Dusk1983 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Face it, in todays world women are expected to evolve past their evolutionary tendencies while men are encouraged not to. Err, it wasn't men that tore up that particular rulebook.
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Err, it wasn't men that tore up that particular rulebook. Yep, women pushed for equal rights, so now when we get stuck with a selfish/emotionally immature man we dont have to continue to be the "selfless" one since that is usually our role in society. Being a giver, being the selfless one. Last study I read, over 70% of divorces are initiated by women and the most common reasons have to do with emotional neglect. My cousin is a divorce attorney and I have talked to him about all of this and he said everytime a man says "marriage makes a woman close her legs" he states "marriage makes your nice boyfriend turn into a jerk or makes him indifferent" and hes a GUY. He sees it all the time. Says it makes him a better husband at the end of the day. Men today definitely get the better end of the deal though, however most women are too emotionally weak to change this. One of the users here has a quote, something about a man will only treat you the way you demand, not the way you deserve. Its totally true. There are a handful of decent men in this world, probably less than 10% of the male population. If you dont act like a bitch, they will eventually walk all over you and leech off of you. Oh now I get to be even more of a horndog, aaaaaaand now I dont have to worry about paying all the time.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Men want to know if the woman is really interested too. If he's the one doing all the work it can feel like your not that into him. So he pulls back and waits to see if you make an effort to be with him. If not then he has his answer.
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