MoonCat Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post I've been lurking around for a while though. Anyway, I'm in a pretty good relationship with a really great guy. I really do appreciate him and i count my blessings I'm with him. I'm 23, he's 28. I'm still pretty young and normally I wouldn't think about moving in with a person after knowing him for just a year, but the complication is such: I'm in a foreign country on a working contract which expires in the end of summer. A couple of months ago he suggested we move in together and become partners, which would allow me to get a residence permit and we can carry on our relationship. I suggested we give it a couple of months and see how we feel then. After about 2 months of consideration I felt I could indeed live with him and I really can invision spending many years ahead with him, so I told him so. But then he started back-pedalling and says he needs more time to make a decision and that he was unsure if he wanted to live with me or not after all. Which is pretty confusing, given he was the person who suggested it in the first place. I guess he's just not ready and I don't want to be pushy, and I do love him and I know he's sincere when he says he loves me too. But unfortunately the situation is such that we have only a limited amoun of time to make a decision. Which makes it even more unpleasant. I don't want to "take away his freedom", I see living together in this particular situation more like giving our relationship a chance, not as really "moving to the next level". If we break up - we break up, I think we'll still be on good terms if we do, but I think I want to give this a try and I have a good feeling about it. It goes really against my nature to nudge him for a decision, and I feel like I'm out of line here a bit, but I sort of need to plan my life ahead too, and I need to know if I should include him in my plans or not. I just need some security I guess, and hanging on a line like this is really unnerving. I'm really lost here. And I'm sleepy as i type this, so I apologize for my rambling. Any advice/suggestions would be very appreciated. Thank you.
juliabrookes Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Give him time to think about it. While he is thinking you need to figure out your next move. What are you going to do if you don't move into together? Will your relationship end? Long distance? It is a difficult situation, but one that can easily be resolved if you communicate with eachother. If you both have a loving relationship as you mentioned then bringing this up shouldn't cause harm. The only way to know is to ask him. Be prepared for any answer. If moving in is too soon, you have to understand where he stands as well too. Perhaps when you told him you had to "think about the move" his feelings were hurt, or he may now feel the pressure of what cohabitation means. The only way to find out is to ask.
Recommended Posts