fortyninethousand322 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm still in love with a girl I last saw two and a half years ago who wore barely any makeup (actually the last couple of times I saw her no makeup at all), wore some variation of a t-shirt and jeans all the time and owned only two pairs of sketchers. Yeah she did wear earrings, but still. Not all guys are into women who dress up all the time. Sounds like the OP's issue is that he wants to go out more often than his girlfriend does. The dressing up nice thing is just an offshoot of that.
Author paperboy48 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Tell me OP, do you still take her out for dinner and pay for her all the time like you did in the beginning at the same frequency? no? Oh wait, you were representing a FALSE SELF. She thought her entire relationship she would get 2 free dinners a week! As a matter of fact...I do. I am an ol' fashioned guy and i beleive in treating my lady. Oh wait, now i'm going to be told I'm shovinsitic and have a sense of ownership of her by paying for her meals, right. Damn if you do and damn if you don't. Back to the original topic...Yes, when going out (dinner, drinks, coffee, etc.) I still put in the effort to looking my best. Do I do that to go for a walk in the park, "no". And as a matter of fact, I use a little make up myself at times... sometimes, I have some adult acne, so I touch it up with a little make-up so I dont have large red soar-looking blemishes. I do this to look my best. I shave every day, I still wear cologne/aftershave which she had told me numerous times, she likes. So, she also has some blemishes...which I believe could be covered up very easily and quickly. Iknow this because I do it myself. So, I dont see why it isn't done. If we are going out for a nice dinner or meeting friends for drinks on a Saturday night..I don't think it is to unreasonable to wish she covered up her blemishes to look her best. Why do people on the News (men inlcuded) wear make-up? To look their best. As far as the earing thing, again why not put in that extra effort to look nice like our first few dates. To me, it is an insult. She put in the effort to look nice before, now she's comfortbale with me and doesn't want to put in that extra effort for me like she did before. Well..why not?
Author paperboy48 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Sounds like the OP's issue is that he wants to go out more often than his girlfriend does. The dressing up nice thing is just an offshoot of that. Nice assumption but, your wrong...
serial muse Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 As a matter of fact...I do. I am an ol' fashioned guy and i beleive in treating my lady. Oh wait, now i'm going to be told I'm shovinsitic and have a sense of ownership of her by paying for her meals, right. Damn if you do and damn if you don't. Back to the original topic...Yes, when going out (dinner, drinks, coffee, etc.) I still put in the effort to looking my best. Do I do that to go for a walk in the park, "no". And as a matter of fact, I use a little make up myself at times... sometimes, I have some adult acne, so I touch it up with a little make-up so I dont have large red soar-looking blemishes. I do this to look my best. I shave every day, I still wear cologne/aftershave which she had told me numerous times, she likes. So, she also has some blemishes...which I believe could be covered up very easily and quickly. Iknow this because I do it myself. So, I dont see why it isn't done. If we are going out for a nice dinner or meeting friends for drinks on a Saturday night..I don't think it is to unreasonable to wish she covered up her blemishes to look her best. Why do people on the News (men inlcuded) wear make-up? To look their best. As far as the earing thing, again why not put in that extra effort to look nice like our first few dates. To me, it is an insult. She put in the effort to look nice before, now she's comfortbale with me and doesn't want to put in that extra effort for me like she did before. Well..why not? OK, so thanks for coming back, OP! But this last paragraph - look, now you're assuming too. You said in your very first post that she's a fabulous, sweet sweet woman, and yet you're feeling insulted at the same time? Just take a step back here. You assume that not doing these things means she's taking you for granted. But how do you know that that's really what she's thinking? Wouldn't it be a whole lot simpler, and more respectful to both of you, just to say to her what I said earlier - that it's meaningful to you that she get dolled up more often, and it makes you feel special? Don't accuse her of stuff, because you don't know her motivations; you're imprinting yours on her. Don't anticipate a fight, don't anticipate that she will never do what you ask. Don't be antagonistic about it, for heaven's sake. Just give her the opportunity to know what would make you happy and then to do it. Make this request about you and your needs, because that is what it is. It's not about her. 4
Estate Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Ah, so this isn't about 'false advertising' or whatever, you just feel that women should just wear makeup for their bfs, even if their personal opinions regarding makeup differ from your own?[/QUOTE] Obviously people havent picked up on the fact that women are supposed to cater to their bf's, while its perfectly acceptable for men to lax a bit in a relationship Guys here answering ignored my thread I posted posing a reverse situation of this example ( about men paying for dates in the beginning and then stopping ) because ignoring that thread and believing that isnt relevant to this lets them be even more selfish "Women have to be dolled up the entire relationship but I dont have to pay the entire relationship" -----------------> MEN ARE INHERENTLY SELFISH That's total BS. A guy will pay initially if he feels it helps him put his best foot forward. It's being the man. It doesn't have to be 50/50 and split every check down the middle or count what the other has had... but I've had relationships with girls who REFUSE to pay and those who've always offered. If I ask my GF out for dinner, I will be expecting to pay for it. If we hang out for lunch or a casual meal, I'd be impressed if she insisted on sharing the cost. If we went for drinks, maybe we'll go rounds... all this is once you are IN a relationship. The reason is that the simple fact is, when a girl has wanted all those fancy dates every week and sat on her hands when the check came, it doesn't come off well to me. If she never buys food, a lunch, an ice cream, a beer, EVER in a relationship then the problem is simple... I can't go out as often! I like a woman who's independant... and the side of paying is probably skewed 60/70% in my favour but if she appreciates it she will buy a round of her own accord, do something nice for me of her own accord or whatever and it all balances out. That's a balanced relationship, if the guy is trying to provide but the woman recognizes that financially taking a guy for a ride is not a balanced relationship. In terms of makeup... I don't think it's that shallow. Guys are attracted to pretty women and are intially attracted to the girl they met. So if she was wearing makeup at the start, it was to attract him, now she has him and feels she won't bother and her responce will be "how shallow, don't you like me for me?" Well... he did, but he didn't know how much or what makeup she was wearing at the start, he was just attracted to her, and now this isn't the same girl. Just like if a girl was super nice at the start and then became a raging psycho (been there), she'll convince the guy that he can't leave her as he fell in love with her... well he didn't, he fell in love with the image she put forward at the start and now is no longer that girl. People are attracted to different things, physically and psychologically, if someone puts on a front at the start then reverts to their old selves, there is a reason, they know the other person would probably not be attracted to that person initially but it's also a bad sign that they feel they can do as they like when they "have" someone and it's the OTHER persons fault if they lose the attraction.. Just saying...
KungFuJoe Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Op, I know how you'd feel. Some people think that there is a courting or wooing phase and then once that's over, you stop trying and just become..."whatever". I don't buy that. I think the courting phase should never end. The day I stop trying to be the best possible man for my woman (including looking my best) and vice versa.....well...let's just say I don't see that day happening anytime soon. 3
TheGuard13 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Exactly. My ex-wife had grandparents who were married for 60 years. Every. Single. Morning, her grandfather would get up at like 4 AM, make the grandmother a cup of tea, and then go back to sleep. Every. Single. Morning. Through illness, and injury, and eventually, until she died. It's a tiny, seemingly insignificant thing. But it held great importance for them. It's the little things that matter the most to people sometimes. 4
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 That's total BS. A guy will pay initially if he feels it helps him put his best foot forward. It's being the man. It doesn't have to be 50/50 and split every check down the middle or count what the other has had... but I've had relationships with girls who REFUSE to pay and those who've always offered. If I ask my GF out for dinner, I will be expecting to pay for it. If we hang out for lunch or a casual meal, I'd be impressed if she insisted on sharing the cost. If we went for drinks, maybe we'll go rounds... all this is once you are IN a relationship. The reason is that the simple fact is, when a girl has wanted all those fancy dates every week and sat on her hands when the check came, it doesn't come off well to me. If she never buys food, a lunch, an ice cream, a beer, EVER in a relationship then the problem is simple... I can't go out as often! I like a woman who's independant... and the side of paying is probably skewed 60/70% in my favour but if she appreciates it she will buy a round of her own accord, do something nice for me of her own accord or whatever and it all balances out. That's a balanced relationship, if the guy is trying to provide but the woman recognizes that financially taking a guy for a ride is not a balanced relationship. In terms of makeup... I don't think it's that shallow. Guys are attracted to pretty women and are intially attracted to the girl they met. So if she was wearing makeup at the start, it was to attract him, now she has him and feels she won't bother and her responce will be "how shallow, don't you like me for me?" Well... he did, but he didn't know how much or what makeup she was wearing at the start, he was just attracted to her, and now this isn't the same girl. Just like if a girl was super nice at the start and then became a raging psycho (been there), she'll convince the guy that he can't leave her as he fell in love with her... well he didn't, he fell in love with the image she put forward at the start and now is no longer that girl. People are attracted to different things, physically and psychologically, if someone puts on a front at the start then reverts to their old selves, there is a reason, they know the other person would probably not be attracted to that person initially but it's also a bad sign that they feel they can do as they like when they "have" someone and it's the OTHER persons fault if they lose the attraction.. Just saying... A girl will do that she can to put her best foot forward. Girls are attracted to money/status/wealth/income. I majored in evolutionary psychology so dont get me started on this one. There is just as much evidence to support what I said as there is evidence to support men are attracted to hot women. A woman who has a hard time with $ continues to date a man who pays for dates, because it attracts her. If he stops paying...she cant say anything because he could be like "why are you so shallow?" Well guess what, it attracts her that she has aguy that can help take care of her So basically, in todays world, its ok for a man to be shallow but not a woman. Thank you for your reinforcement of this point.
serial muse Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Op, I know how you'd feel. Some people think that there is a courting or wooing phase and then once that's over, you stop trying and just become..."whatever". I don't buy that. I think the courting phase should never end. The day I stop trying to be the best possible man for my woman (including looking my best) and vice versa.....well...let's just say I don't see that day happening anytime soon. And this is what I was telling The Guard, about, earlier. PLEASE let's not assume that this is what's going on here! We don't know that she isn't trying her heart out to continue wooing him in many ways, and simply isn't aware that this particular way is the one that's bugging him and is meaningful to him. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Nice assumption but, your wrong... I misread your OP. My mistake, friend.
Author paperboy48 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Exactly. It's the little things that matter the most to people sometimes. I'm not denying this statement...like I said, this is not a deal-breaker. Call it the "he wants he cake and wants to eat it too" if you'd like.
serial muse Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm not denying this statement...like I said, this is not a deal-breaker. Call it the "he wants he cake and wants to eat it too" if you'd like. All that's required is that you let her know what's important to you. Neither men nor women should be expected to be mind-readers. Anyway...I feel like a broken record at this point, so I'll just said to the OP: good luck! 1
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm not denying this statement...like I said, this is not a deal-breaker. Call it the "he wants he cake and wants to eat it too" if you'd like. If I had to sum men up in one sentence I would use this phrase. I know some women who do this too, but no man I have ever met doesnt try to get what he can out of a woman without giving back in return. I know some women are selfish, but there are more more non-selfish women in this world than non-selfish men Women are expected to be non-selfish ones I call bull****
KungFuJoe Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 It's the little things that matter the most to people sometimes. THIS is SO true. A lot of people think little things don't matter. They do...MUCH more than you'd believe.
veggirl Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Op, I know how you'd feel. Some people think that there is a courting or wooing phase and then once that's over, you stop trying and just become..."whatever". I don't buy that. I think the courting phase should never end. The day I stop trying to be the best possible man for my woman (including looking my best) and vice versa.....well...let's just say I don't see that day happening anytime soon. I agree!!! You said it better than I could lol and I'm sick of trying to explain (futily) what I mean. So this is what I meant too
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Op, I know how you'd feel. Some people think that there is a courting or wooing phase and then once that's over, you stop trying and just become..."whatever". I don't buy that. I think the courting phase should never end. The day I stop trying to be the best possible man for my woman (including looking my best) and vice versa.....well...let's just say I don't see that day happening anytime soon. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh KungFuJoe....I am sure your wife can list a bunch of things you no longer do since the courting phase...
KungFuJoe Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 And this is what I was telling The Guard, about, earlier. PLEASE let's not assume that this is what's going on here! We don't know that she isn't trying her heart out to continue wooing him in many ways, and simply isn't aware that this particular way is the one that's bugging him and is meaningful to him. and THIS is another great point. Until op speaks to his woman, we can't assume anything. Communication is key. You can't be afraid to speak your mind due to being afraid of what they might think or say. Of course, handle it with tact...but at the same time, if something bothers you...speak up NOW...not years down the road. 1
Author paperboy48 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 If I had to sum men up in one sentence I would use this phrase. I know some women who do this too, but no man I have ever met doesnt try to get what he can out of a woman without giving back in return. I know some women are selfish, but there are more more non-selfish women in this world than non-selfish men Women are expected to be non-selfish ones I call bull**** You've got to be single ---right?
veggirl Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh KungFuJoe....I am sure your wife can list a bunch of things you no longer do since the courting phase... Courting ends after only 3 months? That's where OP and his girl are at in their relationship ya know. Nah not for me, I "court" my bf all the time still! And he courts me. It's awesome and fun. OP why don't you just ask her why she doesn't wear make up or whatever anymore? I think you should ask and see what she says.
Author paperboy48 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 and THIS is another great point. Until op speaks to his woman, we can't assume anything. Communication is key. You can't be afraid to speak your mind due to being afraid of what they might think or say. Of course, handle it with tact...but at the same time, if something bothers you...speak up NOW...not years down the road. It honestly doesn't bother me enough to even bring it up with her...there are so many other things I like about her and so many memories I want to make with her, this is so minimal on my priority list. I just wanted some unanimous opinons
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Courting ends after only 3 months? That's where OP and his girl are at in their relationship ya know. Nah not for me, I "court" my bf all the time still! And he courts me. It's awesome and fun. OP why don't you just ask her why she doesn't wear make up or whatever anymore? I think you should ask and see what she says. With all due respect veggirl, you are a woman and my posts are about men not women...I wasnt asking you. Men in my experience tend to be more selfish and more likely to take their SO for granted...most men dont realize they do this because they dont regularly examine their relationship the way women do they just go with the flow, so Im not attacking men and saying its intentional 100% of the time when they take their gf for granted 1
ThaWholigan Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 With all due respect veggirl, you are a woman and my posts are about men not women...I wasnt asking you. Men in my experience tend to be more selfish and more likely to take their SO for granted...most men dont realize they do this because they dont regularly examine their relationship the way women do they just go with the flow, so Im not attacking men and saying its intentional 100% of the time when they take their gf for granted Yes, all your posts are about how sh*tty men are. We see your agenda here . 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh KungFuJoe....I am sure your wife can list a bunch of things you no longer do since the courting phase... Umm...no. She's more attracted to me than ever before and vice versa. How do I know? Because we're sappy as **** and we talk about this kind of stuff all the time. I didn't know the first thing about personal style when we first started dating. Not that I was a slob or anything...I just wasn't knowledgable. Now that I know how to dress and style myself...including things like trimming my eyebrows, hairstyle, facial hair (what little I have), etc...I dare say I look a lot better now, at 38, then I did at 25 when we were first together.
Keenly Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 With all due respect veggirl, you are a woman and my posts are about men not women...I wasnt asking you. Men in my experience tend to be more selfish and more likely to take their SO for granted...most men dont realize they do this because they dont regularly examine their relationship the way women do they just go with the flow, so Im not attacking men and saying its intentional 100% of the time when they take their gf for granted You're right, I failed to realize that no woman ever takes her man for granted.
pbjbear Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 You're right, I failed to realize that no woman ever takes her man for granted. I didnt say no women did. I am saying my experience thus far and doing social research (what I do for a living...I read scientific studies every single day on things related to family, dating and other topics) is that men do it FAR more. But there are women who do it too. Men dont analyze their relationships like the way women do, and I think this is why men often start to take women for granted because they dont notice they do it. Notice I said it wasnt intentional most of the time... 1
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