She doesn't wear make-up/earings that often...

[Els]

OK, this is a little dramatic, to me. Yes, I understand the whole "false advertising" thing, but the reality is that over time people behave differently, and I am 100% sure that includes the OP, me, you, the people in my next-door apartment, Brad & Angie, and Barack & Michelle. Even those who are great about keeping the passion alive, like KungFuJoe and his lady, are in all likelihood not behaving just exactly the same as they once did. So let's not go overboard with this. People relax, people let their guard down, their hair down, whatever metaphor you like. That's generally a good thing. Is that false advertising, too, that you start to let someone in a bit more, that you're not palpitating on edge waiting for the phone to ring, that you're willing to share fears and insecurities that you once kept hidden?

 

I'm all for putting in effort to keep the magic alive, but this whole "false advertising" thing is a bit much.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

Not to mention that whether or not clia can 'imagine' not wearing makeup when she's out with her bf is completely irrelevant to whether or not other women are obligated to. Especially women that don't want to. Such as, y'know, the OP's gf.

 

The OP himself is uninterested in reading anything here, though, so perhaps we'd all be better off saving our breath.

[pbjbear]

I'm all for putting in effort to keep the magic alive, but this whole "false advertising" thing is a bit much.

 

Its alot of pressure to have to stay exactly who you are the first few months of dating. The OP didnt say she looks terrible and awful without makeup. Most likely shes pretty, just not AS pretty.

 

If I have to be dolled up every single day around my boyfriend, whether we go out or not- hes not for me.

 

The men here are most likely hypocritical anyway...I find most men to be hypocritical.

Most of my female friends, their LTR's involved men who put on some weight. Some of my friends did, some didnt. In the cases where both put on weight, it was funny because usually the man made comments and Im like "ummmm...pot calling the kettle black?"

[veggirl]

I

There are women who LOVE wearing makeup and jewelry. Great! There are women who don't. This thread is about a woman who presumably doesn't, or at least not often enough for her bf's liking. All the "I love makeup!!" proclamations in the world from other women aren't going to change that. Nobody's wrong and nobody's right here. Just different.

 

Agreed but the issue here seems to be that she suddenly stopped and doesn't at ALL anymore.

 

Which brings me back to advice for the OP. If you want her to dress in a certain way for you, the best way to encourage that would be to treat her that way. If you want her in makeup, a Little Black Dress, jewelry, etc, treat her to a place where everyone dresses that way and pull out all the gentlemanly stops. Be a gentleman so that she can be a lady. Drive her there, open the door for her, etc.

 

Sounds like he was looking for her to put on some make up and "get ready" for things like dinner out, meeting parents etc, which she wasn't. That's not really LBD type of thing.

 

 

And some of you seem to think that everyone who doesn't wear make-up must automatically look like s.hit, sloppy, and messy.

 

Not necessarily like s.hit but less put together and polished than someone who does put on some make up, yeah.

 

 

I also like how this OP bolded the part saying shes a sweet fabulous woman.

 

If she was really as fabulous as you describe, or you actually meant that statement, you wouldnt give as much crap about her not wearing makeup anymore

 

Not true, you don't lose the desire to be physically attracted to your partner just because they have a great personality. Would you feel the same if your partner gained 120 lbs or something. Let me guess "yes"?

 

If it's shallow to want your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse to look good, then sign me up for the shallow team.

If the OP's girlfriend wore make-up and got dolled up in the early days of their relationship and doesn't do it now, that is a form of false advertising. He thought he was getting one thing -- a woman who wore make-up and got dolled up for him -- when that obviously wasn't the real her.

 

That's how I feel. If a woman doesn't want to wear make up, cool, that's her deal, but don't present yourself as someone who does for basically every date, every get together etc if that's not how you are. If you are a person who never wears make up why would you put out the image that you DO wear make up regularly? (to get back to the OPs actual situation lol)

[pbjbear]

 

That's how I feel. If a woman doesn't want to wear make up, cool, that's her deal, but don't present yourself as someone who does for basically every date, every get together etc if that's not how you are. If you are a person who never wears make up why would you put out the image that you DO wear make up regularly? (to get back to the OPs actual situation lol)

 

I really cant take these comments seriously. I HIGHLY DOUBT everything you did the first few months of dating you continue to do.

 

Men get lazy and comfortable in a relationship too. You wont admit which things youve stopped doing, but Im sure there are some...I find it hard to believe youre exactly the same

 

But thats men for ya- hypocrites

 

Tell me OP, do you still take her out for dinner and pay for her all the time like you did in the beginning at the same frequency? no? Oh wait, you were representing a FALSE SELF. She thought her entire relationship she would get 2 free dinners a week!

Edited January 23, 2013 by pbjbear

[TheGuard13]

It's only hypocritical if there's actually something hypocritical going on.

 

I would say it's entirely fair for him to do the things she likes him to do, and if he was to slack off and she mentioned it, it would be hypocritical not to address these issues. But far as we know, she hasn't, at least that's not the topic of discussion.

 

You're making a lot of assumptions and generalizations.

[veggirl]

I really cant take these comments seriously. I HIGHLY DOUBT everything you did the first few months of dating you continue to do.

 

Men get lazy and comfortable in a relationship too. You wont admit which things youve stopped doing, but Im sure there are some...I find it hard to believe youre exactly the same

 

But thats men for ya- hypocrites

 

I'm not lazy in my relationship. You can believe that or not. For the first year, yeah I did have make up on when I saw my boyfriend. I would wash my face at night before bed and leave make up free yes but I didn't show up in sweats etc, I looked nice for him. After the first year, he moved and we have been LDR for 5 months and I am moving there next month. I have bought new PJs that are more form fitting and stuff cause I enjoy looking cute for him.

 

This doesn't mean we aren't "comfortable". We are very comfortable. WE both still like to impress the other one though and one of those ways we do is by looking nice

 

It doesn't mean I'm in a LBD every day, it just means I look...nice. Not sloppy, etc. It's pretty easy actually. Instead of a ginormous t-shirt, I wear a tank for example. Just as comfy, but more attractive to him. Easy peasy. I like it.

[Els]

Au contraire, she apparently only put it on 'the first FEW times' they went out, and she recently put some on on New Years' Eve. Now, color me naive, but I'm under the impression that the vast majority of people do not keep on doing what they did on the first FEW dates for the rest of their relationship. Some guys pay for the first few dates, but I'd hope most women don't see that as a valid reason to expect that the guy is going to pay for every single date for the rest of their lives. Seems to me she just saw the first few dates as a 'special occasion', and that's why she put some on on NYE - it was a special occasion (that is also why I suggested the OP create a 'special occasion' for her if he wanted her to dress up, btw). If she'd worn makeup every day for the first few MONTHS and then suddenly stopped, then yeah, that would be a point.

 

The whole reason you feel women look 'less put together' without makeup is due to cultural indoctrination, which is kaylan's whole point.

[serial muse]

It's only hypocritical if there's actually something hypocritical going on.

 

I would say it's entirely fair for him to do the things she likes him to do, and if he was to slack off and she mentioned it, it would be hypocritical not to address these issues. But far as we know, she hasn't, at least that's not the topic of discussion.

 

You're making a lot of assumptions and generalizations.

 

As I said earlier, though, the assumption that this woman isn't putting in any effort nowadays is just that - an assumption. Since the OP also made a point of saying that she's fabulous, I'm guessing she still keeps up her end in many ways. All we know for sure is that she doesn't wear the same amount of lipstick and put on earrings. Assuming anything more - that she's not trying anymore, that she wears absolutely no makeup, that she was engaging in false advertising, yadda yadda - is an assumption, and assumptions about her lack of effort have been rampant in this thread.

[Negative Nancy]

OP is just a shallow hypocrite, like 99% of men.

[TheGuard13]

But his issue isn't that she's not putting in the effort.

 

It's that she's not wearing makeup and earrings, period.

[veggirl]

The whole reason you feel women look 'less put together' without makeup is due to cultural indoctrination, which is kaylan's whole point.

 

Oh GOD.

 

When I am make up free I notice small blemishes, I notice uneven skintone, etc, and when I wear make up, I don't see those. I don't look hideous without make up. I look better with it though and yes more put together.

 

Oh well if I'm a victim of "cultural indoctrination" then...so be it. lol. I can live with that.

 

Is there something wrong with wanting to look put together or wanting my man to look put together?

 

It literally takes no extra time to wear a nice outfit and it takes like 5-10 min to put on make up. To each their own as I said 20x, but the OP said they've only dated 3 months, I'd say this still is the beginning etc and she couldn't even throw on some make up to meet his parents. Ehh. Whatever.

[TheGuard13]

I'm just giving you a male perspective, and an honest one. This kind of thing can absolutely be interpreted as a woman not trying anymore, and it can lead to lessening attraction. It often does. And it leads to problems. Best to have a discussion with her about it now. If nothing else, he can use the talk to further determine what type of person he's with, and whether they're entirely compatible.

[pbjbear]

But his issue isn't that she's not putting in the effort.

 

It's that she's not wearing makeup and earrings, period.

 

Exactly. Hes not saying she looks absolutely terrible without makeup. I know a few girls who have bad skin, deathly pale/exhausted looking without makeup and will admit it so they always wear some...this isnt the case

 

This is so small and insignificant, and really all the males making these hopeless excuses really gives me little hope for the male population

[clia]

OK, this is a little dramatic, to me. Yes, I understand the whole "false advertising" thing, but the reality is that over time people behave differently, and I am 100% sure that includes the OP, me, you, the people in my next-door apartment, Brad & Angie, and Barack & Michelle. Even those who are great about keeping the passion alive, like KungFuJoe and his lady, are in all likelihood not behaving just exactly the same as they once did. So let's not go overboard with this. People relax, people let their guard down, their hair down, whatever metaphor you like. That's generally a good thing. Is that false advertising, too, that you start to let someone in a bit more, that you're not palpitating on edge waiting for the phone to ring, that you're willing to share fears and insecurities that you once kept hidden?

 

I'm all for putting in effort to keep the magic alive, but this whole "false advertising" thing is a bit much.

 

This is what the OP said:

 

The first few times we went out (we've been seeing each other for 3 months) she wore make-up, lipstick and earings and since then she hasn't accept one time for New Year's Eve.

 

In other words, they've been together for three months. Their first three dates she wore make-up. Since then -- and I'm assuming 20+ "dates" later -- she's worn make-up once. This obviously isn't a woman who likes wearing make-up. It's not like the OP is complaining that she isn't wearing make-up to Sunday morning brunch. He has seen it once since their third date -- presumably over two months ago. This is obviously a case where she primped herself up in a way that wasn't the real her for their first few dates. Of course people relax and let their guard down as the relationship progresses. But based on what he posted she completely misrepresented herself during the first three dates as someone who got dolled up when they were going out on the town. Since date three she has done it once -- that isn't a person who enjoys wearing makeup. To me, that's false advertising, but obviously he doesn't mind that much since he's stuck around.

 

A comparable situation might be if a guy wore nice pants and a button down shirt on the first three dates (presumably to impress), and then basically never wore them again after that because they aren't his style. Or took a girl out to fancy restaurants the first three dates (presumably to impress), and then basically never took her to a fancy restaurant ever again because it's not his style or he really can't afford it.

 

Gaining weight is a little different to me -- people gain weight as they get older. Being in a relationship can be horrible for the waistline! Ten pounds, maybe not a big deal. Fifty pounds? Big deal. And I think people are perfectly within their right to complain if their significant other puts on a substantial amount of weight over the course of the relationship. If my boyfriend gained 50 pounds I would not be happy. If that makes me shallow, then so be it. I expect he wouldn't be particularly happy if I put on 50 pounds either.

[serial muse]

But his issue isn't that she's not putting in the effort.

 

It's that she's not wearing makeup and earrings, period.

 

Which is exactly my point. And yet note the number of posts that took that small thing and made it large - turned it into a referendum on whether she's trying anymore! Yeesh.

 

I certainly agree that the OP could just say to her, "I love when you put on lipstick and earrings when we go out, it makes me feel special." And then she is free to do what she will with that, and it would be nice if she did it because she cares about him, and if she has requests of her own it would be nice if he did them too, even if they're equally inconvenient to him, and etc. ad infinitum.

 

But why people have to turn that into something like "she's given up" and "she doesn't wear makeup ever" and "false advertising" I will just never get. Let's all back off a bit, shall we, and admit that we aren't there, living in their pockets?

[Els]

Is there something wrong with wanting to look put together or wanting my man to look put together?

 

No. Never said any such thing, and you're the only person who has been talking about you or your man here. To me, whether or not you enjoy putting on makeup is completely irrelevant to the situation in the OP.

 

It literally takes no extra time to wear a nice outfit and it takes like 5-10 min to put on make up. To each their own as I said 20x, but the OP said they've only dated 3 months, I'd say this still is the beginning etc and she couldn't even throw on some make up to meet his parents. Ehh. Whatever.

 

Ah, so this isn't about 'false advertising' or whatever, you just feel that women should just wear makeup for their bfs, even if their personal opinions regarding makeup differ from your own?

[serial muse]

This is what the OP said:

 

 

 

In other words, they've been together for three months. Their first three dates she wore make-up. Since then -- and I'm assuming 20+ "dates" later -- she's worn make-up once. This obviously isn't a woman who likes wearing make-up. It's not like the OP is complaining that she isn't wearing make-up to Sunday morning brunch. He has seen it once since their third date -- presumably over two months ago. This is obviously a case where she primped herself up in a way that wasn't the real her for their first few dates. Of course people relax and let their guard down as the relationship progresses. But based on what he posted she completely misrepresented herself during the first three dates as someone who got dolled up when they were going out on the town. Since date three she has done it once -- that isn't a person who enjoys wearing makeup. To me, that's false advertising, but obviously he doesn't mind that much since he's stuck around.

 

A comparable situation might be if a guy wore nice pants and a button down shirt on the first three dates (presumably to impress), and then basically never wore them again after that because they aren't his style. Or took a girl out to fancy restaurants the first three dates (presumably to impress), and then basically never took her to a fancy restaurant ever again because it's not his style or he really can't afford it.

 

Gaining weight is a little different to me -- people gain weight as they get older. Being in a relationship can be horrible for the waistline! Ten pounds, maybe not a big deal. Fifty pounds? Big deal. And I think people are perfectly within their right to complain if their significant other puts on a substantial amount of weight over the course of the relationship. If my boyfriend gained 50 pounds I would not be happy. If that makes me shallow, then so be it. I expect he wouldn't be particularly happy if I put on 50 pounds either.

 

I made an earlier post about the makeup issue. I don't want to repeat myself, but as I said then, most men are completely clueless about "no makeup" and "the natural look". I am not at all convinced that just because she's not wearing the obvious stuff she's wearing nothing.

[pbjbear]

This thread is so stupid.

 

"My gf doesnt wear lipstick and earrings so Im not attracted to her as much and shes given up"

 

If this guy isnt high maintainence I dont know what is

 

I hope shes milking you of your $

[TheGuard13]

Which is exactly my point. And yet note the number of posts that took that small thing and made it large - turned it into a referendum on whether she's trying anymore! Yeesh.

 

It's a message board. Trivialities become thesises.

[serial muse]

It's a message board. Trivialities become thesises.

 

 

True. In an earlier post, I noted that all LS threads eventually turn into people imprinting their own issues on an OP.

 

That said, then, you and I are saying the same thing - that people are over-dramatizing a simple matter of preferences that two reasonable people can talk out.

[pbjbear]

 

Ah, so this isn't about 'false advertising' or whatever, you just feel that women should just wear makeup for their bfs, even if their personal opinions regarding makeup differ from your own?[/QUOTE]

 

Obviously people havent picked up on the fact that women are supposed to cater to their bf's, while its perfectly acceptable for men to lax a bit in a relationship

 

Guys here answering ignored my thread I posted posing a reverse situation of this example ( about men paying for dates in the beginning and then stopping ) because ignoring that thread and believing that isnt relevant to this lets them be even more selfish

"Women have to be dolled up the entire relationship but I dont have to pay the entire relationship" -----------------> MEN ARE INHERENTLY SELFISH

[TheGuard13]

More or less. But there's some truth to the fact that, if these things don't get talked out now...later in a relationship, these minor things can create major issues.

 

Also, I wouldn't say that this thread has turned into "My girlfriend doesn't wear makeup, she's not trying anymore". We're simply expressing that this can be a concern that men have.

[Els]

 

Ah, so this isn't about 'false advertising' or whatever, you just feel that women should just wear makeup for their bfs, even if their personal opinions regarding makeup differ from your own?

 

Obviously people havent picked up on the fact that women are supposed to cater to their bf's, while its perfectly acceptable for men to lax a bit in a relationship

 

Guys here answering ignored my thread I posted posing a reverse situation of this example ( about men paying for dates in the beginning and then stopping ) because ignoring that thread and believing that isnt relevant to this lets them be even more selfish

"Women have to be dolled up the entire relationship but I dont have to pay the entire relationship" -----------------> MEN ARE INHERENTLY SELFISH

 

Hey, don't use MY post to help you further your blanket agenda against men... My post was solely directed to veggirl, and I in no way agree that all men behave the way you speak of.

[TheGuard13]

Yeah, I'm not really sure where the idea that we think women are supposed to cater to men while men do nothing is coming from. The exact opposite has been said in here. No one has said that men shouldn't also make an effort to please their women, or men to please their men, or whatever combination exists.

[KungFuJoe]

This is funny, considering how much men take women for granted.

 

Tell me you two, everything you did in the first 2 months of dating your partner...were you doing a year later? I highly doubt it

 

Get over yourselves

 

A year? Try 13.

 

13 years later and we both look better, dress better, etc.

 

There is a reason why my wife and I have the wonderful relationship we have. We have never ever stopped wanting to impress each other. You don't believe, me just look at my post history.