na49 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) I just got home from my first day of classes a little while ago. The start of my first semester at college without my ex. She's been gone since October, and aside from texts here and there that she "missed me" and "wanted to talk to me" she's gone for good. I blocked her number, and go back and forth with how confident I feel about that decision. I went in today feeling good, and came home feeling like crap. I feel like I want to check her facebook. Check her twitter. Just see what she's been up to. I know she's over me. I feel like I want to see it again though. Why? I have no idea. I want to text her and tell her I miss her and that the only reason I ignored her and blocked her was so that I could heal. Not to insult her or make any "statement" Also now I'm fantasizing about talking to her again in person. Just explaining and pouring my heart out to her. This is so annoying... Meh I feel like sh*t.. When do these feelings go away?? Edited January 22, 2013 by na49
winstonsdreams Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 time. give it time and maintain NC! Please understand there is no good that will come out of finding out anything about her, see the no contact guide on taramaidens signature. that and just let it ride.. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Meh I feel like sh*t.. When do these feelings go away?? Got me? A year or so? I mean it cant be forever right? Please advise. Lol
Author na49 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I know it takes time. It just feels like this is never going to end. I saw her today and my heart started beating so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack lol. My hands were shaking in my next class. We're actually complete strangers to each other. It's so freaking depressing...
winstonsdreams Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 yep been there, the last time i saw my ex she walked right past me eyes to the floor. we were so close at one point then you are complete strangers. sucks man. it will always hurt but you have to move forward and nothing you can say will change anything. stay busy and positive and stay NC! that's all i got. 1
Author na49 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I guess that's all anyone can tell me to do. I appreciate all the positive words and you're right there's nothing NOTHING I can do. Nothing I say, do, anything can change her mind. She doesn't want me. It doesn't matter how much we love or loved someone. We can never make them love us the same way if they don't want to. It's just so hard, you are used to being so happy when you see this person and now they see you and think nothing of it. Walk past you, and go on with their lives like we have to. I hate this so much.
Esoteric Elf Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 When do these feelings go away?? na49, time does not make it go away. Time is a placebo effect where people, when their memory stretches thinner and think of it less day by day, forget gradually and thus the feelings are ushered out with them. However, I know people who have been hung up on a single girl for years, even up to nearly a decade. The problem stems from them reliving that moment or moments with the girl over and over again so much so that it becomes a living, breathing reality; time has no effect since the memory is just as strong. I would suggest thinking and doing plenty of other activities. Getting trapped in that depressive state is toxic (Proverbs 17:22), and pessimism tends to breed pessimism, so getting out of such a downward spiral is not easy.
Gingerxr2 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Got me? A year or so? I mean it cant be forever right? Please advise. Lol Bloody hope not
soccergirl Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 this is why i never bothered dating in highschool. I continued to watch my friends complain and cry over some stupid guy because they were blinded with hearts and stars in their heads. lol. i also watched what mistakes they made. I laughed as they spewed their stories to me in my head. there's no perfect girl or guy buddy....get over it. no guy cares. they just wanna do what their friends wanna do. Im very goodlooking thats not the problem. I just dont care for ppl who arent serious... she doesn't want you. She can't even stay committed to you. That means she wasn't the 'one'. So go find a girl worthy of pursuing. 1
coffeebean201 Posted January 24, 2013 Posted January 24, 2013 Your next woman is going to appreciate you. Sounds like you handled the strong feelings really well. Hopefully your next girlfriend likes going to movies, watching movies. There have been some good ones recently.
Author na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 I go from not really caring or missing her to caring and missing her like crazy. I want to know what she's up to but I don't want to because I know it's nothing good. I really miss her like crazy right now. I'm thinking about if we could ever be friends. I would love to but the only way I could handle that is if I was dating someone new which seems like it will never happen.
IsthisREAL Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 yep been there, the last time i saw my ex she walked right past me eyes to the floor. we were so close at one point then you are complete strangers. sucks man. seriously, watch that.
Author na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 seriously, watch that. I got through a minute and lost it. I can't watch that right now.
IsthisREAL Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I got through a minute and lost it. I can't watch that right now. im asking you to watch it b/c it really explains how relationships work. and im going to go out on a limb and say that 95% of the ppl here have gone through this in one form or another. And when you come to accept it, you realize your situation is not unique, and many ppl go through the pain. Think about the all the songs, movies, poems about love and heartbreak. Why do you think its such a popular topic? b/c it is very appropriate to everyone. its so common. at first we are strangers, then come the chase, honeymoon, comfortable zone, tolerance, downhill, and break up. *MOST relationships will go through those stages except 1. the 1 that doesnt, is the one you end up with. Usually that involves working through the comfortable zone and not taking ppl for granted. 1
Author na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 I understand that everyone goes through it. It doesn't make it easier for me to accept. at least not yet.
hudson701 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks for that video...very sad but so true. How people become strangers again is so depressing.
IsthisREAL Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I understand that everyone goes through it. It doesn't make it easier for me to accept. at least not yet. i understand, i was just hoping itd help bring closure, and that ITS OKAY that everything happened the way it did, cus realistically, it happens to everyone, and more than once.
Author na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 It's really depressing to think about so now I have to try not to. The idea that they used to be everything and now they're nothing. I hate this... It's a lose lose. If I tried being her friend, I'd be miserable. I now have nothing to do with her and still feel miserable. When does it get better?
IsthisREAL Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 It's really depressing to think about so now I have to try not to. The idea that they used to be everything and now they're nothing. I hate this... It's a lose lose. If I tried being her friend, I'd be miserable. I now have nothing to do with her and still feel miserable. When does it get better? Dont take this too personally, but i feel like this issue may not be about her, but about yourself. Do you have low self esteem or self confidence issues? esp around girls in general? Ill admit, i was like this, i still am, but got a lot better. When you place a girl so high (on a pedastal) you put so much effort into her and the relationship, so when it fails, its like YOU fail. Your self worth gets shot down b/c when you had her, you felt worthy of being loved. now you lost that, and feel worthless. so you will try anything to get her back for your own self esteem OR-- i could just be completely off.... the point of me telling you this is to say that its about being content with yourself, and that you dont "need" her or any other girl to keep you from living a happy life. Could it be better to share it with her or another girl? of course, but you shouldnt DEPEND on her for your own happiness. easier said than done, but if you keep thinking about it, you will eventually realize that YOU need to feel better for yourself.
Author na49 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 You pretty much nailed it. I have been struggling with my self confidence and self esteem. It wasn't really there when I was with her either to be honest. I just felt more confident because I knew I had her and was satisfied with my life. The feeling of having someone did numbers for my confidence and self esteem and believing her when she said she'd never leave me made me feel content. I loved her, so if she was as into me as I was into her. I was set for life. right? Well I was wrong. I didn't want to change because I felt like I didn't really need to. Now she's gone and I'm here. I've been working on my confidence and have actually been feeling a little better, but that video along with the type of day I've been having just got to me. I want to be happy being single. I just started college so I have a lot of life to live. I've always been the shy kid but no one knows me yet so I can start brand new and meet new people. I just have trouble putting myself out there. Once I do, I'm fine. I just always wonder what people will think of me. I'm so afraid of rejection because I've never really been "rejected". My ex pretty much asked me to go out with her. and she was my first relationship/love so I have no idea how to ask a girl out and when it would be appropriate. Dating is obviously not in my future though. Not as long as I'm pretty much living on this site and trying to get over my ex. I was perfectly happy being single before I met her. I wasn't worried about being in a relationship. I figured that stuff will happen when it happens but until then let me try to have fun. Now I don't know how to have fun anymore. I'm going to a friend's birthday party who I haven't seen in forever and I don't feel like going now..
IsthisREAL Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 na49, i can understand your dilemma, i am in a similar situation. I am also guessing she is your first GF. (sorry if u mentioned it already) One thing that you need to realize is, you dont ACTUALLY love this girl as much as you think. seriously. You might be saying "how the hell does this random stranger think he knows my life" Ill tell you this, you THINK you love her as much as you do, but it really stems from keeping your esteem. You just lost it all cus of her, and it sucks, so you want your esteem back. but you are confusing esteem with your ex gf. If you had more confidence, you'd realize its HER loss, and the next lucky girl is ready for you. Im with you on this one. You're still young, im with you on this one man. LMK if you need any help, you can always message me.
Author na49 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I don't think I love her the way she is now. I love the way I remember her. and I haven't taken her off the pedestal and still love her. She's in my thoughts more than she has been and I hate it. Whenever I feel like this, I want to check her facebook and twitter but if I do that it will just cause me more pain. So it's either feel pain or feel more pain. I'd love to think "it's her loss!" I just don't right now. I want her to try to reach out to me (because I've blocked her everywhere) but she isn't and she won't. We both go to the same college, so I'll see her on campus and we'll be complete strangers. Gah that hurts. Tonight is the worst night I've had in a long time.
Gingerxr2 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I understand that everyone goes through it. It doesn't make it easier for me to accept. at least not yet. I know how you feel , when you feel strong enough watch it ! I swear the writer spoke to my ex !!lol
Gingerxr2 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 (edited) I don't think I love her the way she is now. I love the way I remember her. and I haven't taken her off the pedestal and still love her. She's in my thoughts more than she has been and I hate it. Whenever I feel like this, I want to check her facebook and twitter but if I do that it will just cause me more pain. So it's either feel pain or feel more pain. I'd love to think "it's her loss!" I just don't right now. I want her to try to reach out to me (because I've blocked her everywhere) but she isn't and she won't. We both go to the same college, so I'll see her on campus and we'll be complete strangers. Gah that hurts. Tonight is the worst night I've had in a long time. Mate , i feel your pain and I understand that your thinking nobody understands you or that they won't give you the answers , I was with my ex for five years , and had my heart destroyed ! I've only had 2 what I'd call proper relationships , and this one was the hardest to get over , everyone is different and takes stages to recover from . Facebook is great but hell if your trying to get over someone !! You need to except it's over this is the hardest thing to do and easier said than done , trust me I know ! But when you do it gets easier everyday ! Next the self confidence and getting yourself out there ? Mate I'm no women god and I have NO understanding of them but man your in heaven ,being at collage ! It's like a sweet shop !! Have fun ,if you crash and burn , you learn what chat up lines don't work !! If you need to know a few that dont , message me I have 1000's lol !! Basically mate , if it's ment to be it will be , if this offends you or anyone else I'm truly sorry but you'll be ok , you'll move on at your own pace only you can snap yourself out of it and the sooner you do the sooner you'll understand that life is to short to be upset over someone that isn't right for you !! Now I need to trust my own advice. pmsl !!!! Edited January 26, 2013 by Gingerxr2
Author na49 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I'm not offended lol. I need to hear stuff like that right now. No sugar coating anything. You can't win if you don't play. I just need to start playing and let it go from there instead of keeping to myself all the time.
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