How would you feel if you knew they had cheated in a previous relationship?

[smellybelly]

So... what would you think?/ Do?

 

If you found out the person you're seeing had cheated in a previous serious relationship....

 

And the information didn't come from them but from another party that knew of it?

 

Thoughts?

[weee111]

I would probably bail. I know people can change and all that, but this is a total deal breaker for me.

 

Edit: I would attempt to verify that the story is accurate first.

[pbjbear]

Unless he did it when he was in highschool or early college years...I would bail.

 

I dont believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I believe the vast majority do and I dont like to take risks like that.

[Woggle]

If it was one time thing at a young age and she was fully remorseful then okay but other than that the past is a good way to tell the future.

[MyPoutine]

First make sure the story is real and get the full details, sometimes people can simply be trying to ruin your relationship.

 

Depending on the full details and how much I care about the person either slow things down and find a chance to bridge the subject to see what he will say or take a risk.

 

I think some people can and do change but it's always better to have your eyes wide open from the start.

[Keenly]

What if it was five, ten, fifteen years ago. Is that really fair ? To judge some one and immediately put up an anti trust wall because of the past that you had nothing to do with ?

[pbjbear]

What if it was five, ten, fifteen years ago. Is that really fair ? To judge some one and immediately put up an anti trust wall because of the past that you had nothing to do with ?

 

If someone cheats after their college years the odds of them cheating again are very high. Look up recidivism rates for cheating...seriously. Thats why I said if they were younger its ok. I didnt cheat ever, but I did all sorts of stupid things I wouldnt do age during younger years.

 

I like research because research doesnt lie.

 

This goes for men and women too btw...

[Alia_alia]

Talk about it to the person and not to us.

[Casablanca]

If someone cheats after their college years the odds of them cheating again are very high. Look up recidivism rates for cheating...seriously. Thats why I said if they were younger its ok. I didnt cheat ever, but I did all sorts of stupid things I wouldnt do age during younger years.

 

I like research because research doesnt lie.

 

This goes for men and women too btw...

I agree with this

[somedude81]

I think it depends on how many relationships ago it happened.

 

If they cheated on their most recent BF/GF, it's very likely they'll do it again. If they had a couple of relationships with no cheating, then that's better.

[KungFuJoe]

People cheat for all sorts of reasons. I would look at the circumstances.

 

I was a cheater. Not proud of it but it was a matter of the right girl at the wrong time. And I was in a pretty bad relationship. Not trying to justify it but I had plenty of chances to cheat and the one I did end up "giving in" to is now my wife.

 

I'm now the most faithful guy there is.

[smellybelly]

People cheat for all sorts of reasons. I would look at the circumstances.

 

I was a cheater. Not proud of it but it was a matter of the right girl at the wrong time. And I was in a pretty bad relationship. Not trying to justify it but I had plenty of chances to cheat and the one I did end up "giving in" to is now my wife.

 

I'm now the most faithful guy there is.

 

 

And that's the confusing part- when do you stop judging based on their past and give them a clean slate.

 

Difficult situation. Will sit back and observe I suppose!

[FitChick]

I'm dating someone who found out his now ex wife was cheating so he had a revenge affair which meant nothing to him. They divorced. It was many years ago. He's had long term relationships since with neither side cheating. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

[KungFuJoe]

It's not that simple, Alex.

 

I've cheated in the past. Not something I'm proud of but it happened.

 

I consider myself a very trustworthy, honest, and faithful partner.

[Lani]

How did you find out about the cheating?

If that person has told you, and tried to lay it all on the line and be honest, then it's worth considering.

If you found out from a third party, you need to discuss it with this person and get the real story.

I do agree that it matters how long ago it was, and what the circumstances are. There can't just be 'they've cheated before', there is always more to the story.