sublimeacoustic Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I'm hoping to get some true advice on this forum. I feel as if my friends and family often have a way of interjecting their own beliefs and wants into their advice. So this is another avenue I am trying. Here's some historical info... I am a 26 yr old male. I've had a few gf in highschool and one serious one for 3 years in college. We broke up because I was not ready for marriage and I felt it was not fair go her to drag her along. She was also my first serious relationship and I wanted go know what else was out therd. Years went by. 4 years. I had one date during then. I just always seemed content with being by myself and hanging out with friends. I didn't even have sex. My friends asked what was wrong. Not to be cocky, but I am somewhat of an attractive guy. I just didn't want to take all the effort of actually dating as I was having more fun traveling, saving up money, and having endless possibilities for my future. I met my current gf at a bar where I was playing poker. It was one of those dive bars your grandpa used to go to. Better than the usual flashy ones sometimes. Anyway, she saw me and liked the way I looked. She was a little intoxicated. She gave me her number. But before the night ended, we had a hot makeout sesh outside hdr cad door. Then the next day she came to my baseball game...the whole thing! I was intrigued. We went out to eat at a good restaurant. We laughed and hit if off. She told me about her 3some she had and her piercings on her private areas which really got my attention. We ended up having sex ALL THE TIME. One night we had sex 7 timez in a row. She was so wild and dirty. Something I think I def needed at the time. Well, as time went on I of course fell in love with her. She had some good values and goals that she talked about including a family and what's important. That's why I fell in love with her. She is strong but now controlling. We met in Feb of 2012. We talked about love around April and what we expected (no flirting) etc. We hung out almost everyday. Once in a while we would get in a bad fight. For example, befre shd met me, she was in a relationship for 3 years. She had a wedding but never legally got married as she found out he was cheating on her and was married to someone else. She met me 4 months later. So at the beach in may I told her about my concern that I was a rebound. She flipped out and ruined the day we had. She STILL mentions things about her ex. It's been a year! It bothers me but I'm afraid to bring it up because she will get really upset. Actually, I'm afraid to talk to her about many potential "hairy" issues because she gets so upset. I shut down and don't respond. She will now keep yelling about an issue until I burst. Sometimes I cry. A hard cry. And I never cry! One time I almost hit her. Thank god I didn't. I never thought I would be that person as I am a calm and collected person. She wants me to "spill my guts" to her about how much I love her. Yet anything I say is nevef enough. Everyday she says numerous times "love me". I always say I do love you so why does she keep asking. I've given my life for this girl. We no longer have crazy sex....which is okay. But we fight all the time. Everything is an argument that I can't resolve. Anything i do or say never fixes the issue so I shut down. A couple times in july of 2012 I found very flirtatious text messages on her phone. I only looked because she admitted to looking at mine first. I was surprised and hurt at what I've found. Instead of begging for my forgiveness, she fought with me. She also likes the "bad boy" type. Ex...at a bar about 2 months ago she told the bad tender that had a sleeve tatoo that he was cuge. I confronted her about it and again she fought with me. I don't find that acceptable behavior. Her flirtatiousness bothers me. I now live with her. I feel pressured to live with her and afraid to tell her. She got a good job in DC and we are supposed to move there together in march. I'm afraid that because I love her I am putting up with a relationship doomed to fail. I have lost my trust for her. I don't feel comfortable talking about serious issues that need to be worked out. I do love her though. She cooks me dinner and looks out for me. She is always thinking of me to the point of obsession. Is that love or obsession is something else? I am having a hard time with deciding. It's been a year and i am still unsure. I feel a little depressed and like my confidence has decreased due to our relationship. But I don't want to end it because of her reaction and her feelings. She would be devistated. I guess I care too much about her. Well, let me know what you think...
juliabrookes Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 What is interesting is that you wrote this when you already know the answer to the question you are asking. The great part about dating is you are able to see what you like and do not like. Just because this is the 1st person you dated since your ex does not mean this is the person you end up with for life. Think about what the relationship is doing to you: depressed, stressed, crying etc... This does not equal a healthy relationship at all. Next, think about your ability to talk intimately with her. If you can not speak your mind, discuss hard issues, etc... then this is not healthy either. It is ok for her to feel devastated, relationships are hard. We all learn from experience. What you can do is explain to her why you are leaving her. You have valid reasons to break up. Multiple valid reason including the fact that you do not trust her. Real life healthy relationships involves all the things she can't provide you. Look at your life 15 years from now. Can you continue to live like this? Onlyyou can answered that...honestly! Good luck, hope this helped
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