IsthisREAL Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 This is my first post. I know I am not unique to this in anyway, but I'd like to say it briefly. I was dating a girl for 3.5 years. Im 26, shes 21. I went through the stages of the relationship, at first, the chase, the honeymoon, the comfort zone, then slowly growing apart, and finally, the break up. Its been about 1 week since we broke up, with a couple of attempts to hash things, only to finally bring to reality, it was truley over. What hurts most? Shes already seeing someone else. She already kissed the new guy. I was her first. I can't imagine my life without her, let alone with another guy, ALREADY. I put too much pressure on the relationship thinking about the future. I know what everyone is going to say. "She was already over me," "she was still too young, only 21!" "There are many others out there" What I came here for is: I can't sleep (at all). I am a nurse and have LONG shifts at work and lack of sleep REALLY kills me at work. I can't stop thinking about her at nights when I'm in bed. I get super jealous about the new guy, and that I can't have her. My appetite SUCKS: I just did something impulsive, and I signed up for the gym with a personal trainer. It is expensive, but I figured, why not try to work on myself. Why not get healthier and in better shape? Well all this requires good nutrition, but i cant swallow anything I can't not think about her. Some say, keep yourself busy. What happens when I try to do other things, I am still thinking about her? does she miss me? at all? We had a great relationship, amazing to say the least. Sucks to go from that, to nothing. This pain seems to be actually causing me PHYSICAL pain . And now I am just ranting...
Leegh Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Things will get easier over time. If you are drinking any caffeinated beverages (coffee, tea, etc.), it can help to reduce them, as caffeine can magnify anxiety. I think you are going through the worst of it now, and things will get better in time.
iouaname Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I went through all of this in the weeks following my break up, it's completely normal. You've only been broken up for one week, so you need to expect that things are going to be like this for a little while. Your appetite and your sleep will come back naturally. I can only give you advice based on what helped me: for sleep - I was not able to sleep at all following the break up, so I had to medicate for it. There is a sleep aid called "zzzQuil" which is from the makers of NyQuil, except it's not a medicine and it's non-habit forming. This stuff knocked me out right away. I used it every night for a few days, and then used it every few nights, and now I don't need to use it at all (I'm in the 6th week of the post-break up). for eating - your appetite will just have to come back on its own. Forcing yourself to get down a few things will help, though. Even if you eat just a little bit, that's better than nothing. for exercise - you may want to rethink the personal trainer. It might be too much for you right now. It'll keep you busy, but if you're not eating or sleeping well, then it won't do you much good. Why not instead do some walking? I was not able to exercise much after the first few weeks of the break up, so instead, I just went to the gym and walked around the track. Sometimes for hours. I would just think to myself. I found it therapeutic and it eventually helped me in getting back into working out.
Author IsthisREAL Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 thanks for that! i just got zzzquil, hopefully that'll do the trick. if i can get enough sleep, ill be so much more happy. i need it for work and for the gym
Renard99 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Hi IsthisREAL As I said in another thread that I think you've seen, unfortunately, you ex probably started to 'check out' of the relationship as you were in your drifting apart phase. The phases you mentioned are identical to the phases me and my ex went through. Looking back now I can see that her attitude towards me did change but I didn't see it at the time, I was blinded by love. She slowly became less 'loving' and more 'friendly' and I know now that was her mentally leaving the relationship as she began to see me as a friend. By the time the split comes, they've already had a head start with the healing and in some cases can move on very quickly (or if they don't move on, it can make it seem like they don't care) when in reality, they're just 'healed' a bit more. As I said in the other thread too, I know this isn't really advice but having noticed it myself, it did give me a little bit of solace in knowinga possible reason as to why she moved on quickly. For the sleeping, assuming you can get it where you are, I can recommend Sominex. You can get it in two forms, herbal (which I don't find effective but does calm me a little) or medicinal (which really knocks me out!) and both can be bought over the counter.
Author IsthisREAL Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Hi IsthisREAL As I said in another thread that I think you've seen, unfortunately, you ex probably started to 'check out' of the relationship as you were in your drifting apart phase. The phases you mentioned are identical to the phases me and my ex went through. Looking back now I can see that her attitude towards me did change but I didn't see it at the time, I was blinded by love. She slowly became less 'loving' and more 'friendly' and I know now that was her mentally leaving the relationship as she began to see me as a friend. By the time the split comes, they've already had a head start with the healing and in some cases can move on very quickly (or if they don't move on, it can make it seem like they don't care) when in reality, they're just 'healed' a bit more. As I said in the other thread too, I know this isn't really advice but having noticed it myself, it did give me a little bit of solace in knowinga possible reason as to why she moved on quickly. For the sleeping, assuming you can get it where you are, I can recommend Sominex. You can get it in two forms, herbal (which I don't find effective but does calm me a little) or medicinal (which really knocks me out!) and both can be bought over the counter. two things: 1) She texted me today "ill always miss you J" (i didnt respond) 2) I dont think she necessarily checked out early, it was more of a, now i have a reason to date someone else cus im not bound. The night before, she wanted to desperately meet up with me to grab some food, and she was soo sad bout our situation and started crying and said she wanted to work it out but dindt want the up and down rollercoaster ride it had recently been. She even asked me to "f" her when shed be up at school. We made out and fooled around in the car, and then she had to go home (due to her parents not really allowing us to date- a whole nother story). O well, Im still strong about NC. She can miss me. Its her damn loss. I know I am a good guy. I have my own place. I have a really good job (RN), and i can sustain myself. I am an honest guy, not controlling, never show jealousy. She ****ing stupid, and shell realize it one. One day when im over her and dating the next lucky girl. 1
Author IsthisREAL Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Thinking about her alot at work:/
iouaname Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 It happens! That will fade. Better that you're just thinking about her on your own than talking to her, at this stage. How is the sleep/appetite/exercise thing going? Have you noticed improvement?
Mr Scorpio Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 If you can't eat, then don't eat. It is easier to drink instead. Get some milk, bananas, frozen strawberries/blueberries/cherries, and some protein powder. Dump all of that in a blender. Then put that in a thermos and drink it during your commute to work. If you're going to start working out, you might as well get used to this anyhow.
Author IsthisREAL Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Yea im eating a lot better, kind of forcing food down other times. Im taking zquil and its helping me fall asleep, but the issue is i wake up at like 3am. Ex, im writing this at 5 am in the morning cu i just woke up. Arg
Author IsthisREAL Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 today has been especially tough cus its Friday and thats when i normally go up to see her up at college . Also, 3 years ago this day, we slept together for the first time, she lost her V to me THIS NIGHT 3 years ago. Only realized this couple hours ago. the memories STING!
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