Our mutual friend is having dinner with my ex tonight.

[Kalmartinez]

My guy friend (who is a mutual friend) is gonna chill with my ex tonight...my ex and I are on okay terms but I was wondering if there were little things my friend could say about me that would sort of put me in his mind...make me seem appealing or something. Remember me fondly...little things to make him realize we were so perfect for each other...

 

I'm not trying to be manipulative, which I feel I am about to be accused of...I just think this would be a little experiment. If there is no good that can come of this, than I will tell him not to do anything.

 

This friend of mine and I have been talking and trying to help each other out in little ways. He and his newly ex (who is a friend of mine as well) are having troubles and I try to help him out. And so he is willing to help me too...he thinks we were a great couple and could believe we broke up.

 

So anything he could say or do that doesn't seem too crazy and obvious? Subtle things?

Edited January 22, 2013 by Kalmartinez

[drpepper1886]

You may not be trying to be manipulative, but you are. Don't have your friend bring you up at all, maybe she will. Maybe if your friends don't bring you up, she'll wonder why they didn't. I assume that would work better.

[TaraMaiden]

My guy friend (who is a mutual friend) is gonna chill with my ex tonight...my ex and I are on okay terms but I was wondering if there were little things my friend could say about me that would sort of put me in his mind...make me seem appealing or something. Remember me fondly...little things to make him realize we were so perfect for each other...

 

I'm not trying to be manipulative, which I feel I am about to be accused of...I just think this would be a little experiment. If there is no good that can come of this, than I will tell him not to do anything.

 

This friend of mine and I have been talking and trying to help each other out in little ways. He and his newly ex (who is a friend of mine as well) are having troubles and I try to help him out. And so he is willing to help me too...he thinks we were a great couple and could believe we broke up.

 

So anything he could say or do that doesn't seem too crazy and obvious? Subtle things?

 

Oh stop it, for goodness' sake!

Grow up.

He's your ex.

 

And yes - 'manipulative' doesn't cover it.

if you want a second chance with your ex, be mature about it and contact him yourself.

Don't play games, it's childish.

[will1988]

yep, you sound like you are trying to manipulate the situation

[sweetkiwi]

Okay you never mentioned it but are you a GIRL? Regardless of your sex, dont do this. It may be hard to resist but seriously nothing he hears will make him miss you If he doesn't already.

 

My ONLY girlfriend here is my ex's boss and best female friend. I met them the same night. And now that I've ended the relationship I am very aware of trying to never put her in the middle of anything.

 

Yes. I am a woman. I DO talk about him. Tell her I miss him. But everyone including us knows it would never work. We had our run. So did you and your ex.

 

If you are serious about getting him back then talk to him, in person, yourself. But don't expect anything. Just voice how you feel and give him space. IF or WHEN he calls you tell you he feels the same.

 

If not. STOP OBSESSING. You'll be okay.

[Kalmartinez]

Okay, okay.

 

I do talk with my ex-boyfriend.

 

This guy is always asking me to talk to his ex-girlfriend, so since he is seeing my ex-boyfriend I thought maybe there was something he could say. I already decided there isn't much that could be said before I read these replies.

[TaraMaiden]

What hope are you clinging to, and why....?

 

Maybe you should try to really really limit your contact to as close to zero as is possible.

I would say go complete NC but with a close-knit circle of friends like this, you'll find it hard - not to say impossible.

So you have to Cool Contact to a complete minimum....

[Kalmartinez]

Thanks for the replies though.

 

This guy friend of mine cheated on his now ex-girlfriend...twice...so honestly, I know there isn't much I could say to her to help things out. He always asks me to though. She told me she wants him back, but she knows she can't trust him...so, there isn't much that can be done right now.

 

And of course, I understand her too...being cheated on (twice!) must be horrible!!

[Kalmartinez]

I guess if anyone is wondering...this is what our relationship was like:

 

My relationship and breakup is kind of a long story so...I'll try to keep it as brief as possible and mainly stick to the current situation...I just really need someone to talk to. (I know this will be really long but I didn't mean for it to be.)

 

We were together almost two years. Close friends first, having been in the same major at school. He is a few years younger than me. When we started dating we moved in together pretty quick...had a few apartments together over the past year and a half. I am not just saying this, it was an amazing relationship and connection we had. I didn't think I would ever find someone who got me the way he did. He was madly in love with me. Completely devoted. And of course I felt the same way. We were definitely going to get married someday. He wanted me to be his wife. We weren't engaged, but I have a beautiful promise ring (That I have had to put away for now)

 

So, although there was a lot of love...the stress of life started to mess everything up. We moved to a new city together, away from friends and our support systems...I couldn't find a job for months, and was stuck in the house...he had to pay all the rent and bills...I was starting to feel pretty down about myself...I was no longer independent...money became such a problem and I know it was really upsetting him...just everything was going wrong in that respect...he couldn't pretend anymore...and it was the main reason he broke up with me. I had to move in with my sister, and he moved back in with his parents.

 

I needed to become independent again. I need to get a job and support myself...to grow. He agreed he needs to grow and figure some things out too.

 

Now, it didn't mean we didn't still love each other and weren't completely attracted to each other...so this was all very difficult. I knew the break/breakup was good for us in some aspects...but I was still so hurt and broken-hearted.

 

I visited my mom and spent time with old friends who helped me a lot...the whole time I didn't initiate conversations...he was the one who reached out to me. I would talk with him...he talked about sexual frustrations...yeah, we chatted...if you know what I mean He wished me a Happy New Year at midnight and was upset that a guy kissed me on the cheek. Haha. He promised he had not kissed anyone a midnight.

 

For a little while we agreed that we wanted to be exclusive...not official yet but we wanted to start over, go on dates, take it slow, have fun again...we moved in so quickly we didn't have much of a dating phase so this was actually gonna be a lot of fun...We went to a movie, went to dinner, kissed and flirted, had a make out session in his car, had a sleepover...yes, sex was involved because we couldn't resist each other...

 

One day things went kinda bad because he misunderstood me and the money issue came up. I ended up crying...he wiped my tears away, said he didn't want to fight about money anymore and while I thought this meant he was done with me, he assured me that was not the case. He said that that of course we would talk and see each other.

 

I kept my distance for the next couple days and he began contacting me again...I was afraid maybe we would fall into friend mode, and I know I was still kind of emotional so decided a little no contact might be good. He was insulted by it...anyway, cut to us talking again. I invited him to lunch, and also a get together with friends this upcoming Wednesday. I figured...I am going to plan some fun little dates to here and there...and I will be confident, and a little flirty, and fun...and look amazing of course. He seemed to be looking forward to this.

 

There have been ups and downs...but overall, I think we can make it work...I need to not be desperate. Take it slow...give space when needed...

[Kalmartinez]

How do I delete this thread?

[TaraMaiden]

You don't.

it's here to stay, and there are no facilities for deletion.

 

Unfortunately (or not, depending on your view) Moderators will not delete threads by request.... AFAIAA.