swolfe Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Hey guys, This is my first post here and I was hoping to get some input on my situation. To start out, I was in a very committed relationship for the past 5 years when suddenly my girlfriend broke up with me two days after Christmas. She said it had nothing to do with another guy but rather that she just wasn't "feeling it anymore." Come to find out it was another guy and she was in a new relationship after a few days. I can't really figure out if it's a rebound fling or not because she's known the guy for a couple of months, he worked at the Starbucks she would go to near her work. Thing is she is showing signs of a rebound because she's trying to make it very apparent how "happy" she is in her new relationship. She's told me that she feels she's gonna marry this guy even though they've been dating less than a month and she's lying about things about him to make him see better than me. Thing is the guy kind of looks like me, is into the same things I am... which is also throwing me off. I even heard from some mutual friends that when they saw her she kept bringing me up in conversation right in front of him. But she's acting like she doesn't care about me anymore... it's really confusing. I can tell she still cares because I saw her a week after she broke up with me and it was a real emotional experience. She had a few slip ups which proved she still cared but I'm not understanding why she's trying to act like I don't matter to her anymore? To give you guys a little more insight; she's done similar stuff like this in the past. She left me for a doctor after the first year we dated, fortunately she came running back and I gave her another chance. But she's done some other shady stuff behind my back, like talking to other guys, but she never went through with anything. For the most part though, we had a awesome relationship, we lived together for over 2 years and we did EVERYTHING together. It seemed though when I didn't spend enough time with her or something wasn't going how she planned it, she would start doing stuff behind my back. Her new boyfriend is a similar situation. It started out on Facebook then I found out she had been texting him, she claimed they were just friends and she felt bad for him because he just moved into town and didn't know anyone (which was a lie). Curious to hear your thoughts on this situation. I know she's probably not good for me, I think this is just who she is and she would keep doing it to me if we were ever to get back together. I'm just hanging onto the fact that most of the time we dated was really good!
iouaname Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I can tell she still cares She cares... but not about you. She cares about herself. If she truly cared about you, she would not have ever left you for another man and if she respected you, she wouldn't have done it and then toyed with you. She neither cares about you or respects you.
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Dude, you are the permanent back up plan. You are safe and secure; a sure thing. But, she's always looking out for the next best thing. Once she thinks she's snagged it, she kicks you to the curb. And you have to understand, she wouldn't leave unless she's sampled the goods to see if it's worth leaving. Thus, she is a serial cheater. And yes, she has been cheating on you and you would be a fool to think otherwise. You hear that she says that she see's herself marrying this guy. She's in the honeymoon phase of this relationship. Once the dust settles and the lust wears off, do you honestly think that she can see a life with a guy that serves coffee for a living making minimum wage and tips? Nope! She'll see that she needs someone that can take care of her. And, while it was fun when it lasted, she'll be on the look out for "the next best thing" if you aren't available anymore. I speculate in a month or two, she's going to want to reach out to you, to "catch up". You need to go NO CONTACT (NC) with her. Do not answer her phonecalls; let them go to voicemail. DO not answer texts or emails from her. Post here instead, people WILL be here to talk you through the hard times. Block her on facebook. It's time to heal and move on. She made a choice, and unfortunately, you weren't it. She made a choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her EXACTLY that! Now, you need to plan your revenge. And the best revenge to get is to lead a DAMN good life! And it starts now! You need to get a new haircut. A style that people will notice and like. You need to get a new wardrobe. If your a jeans and t-shirt; wearing a trucker's hat and gym shoes, then, you need to Change to button down shirt, designer jeans with leather shoes and sports coat kinda guy. You need to get a membership to a gym. You need to run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you get that rock hard bod and work off the stress and frustrations you may have. You need to go back to school. Get that college degree and if you have one, then start grad school. A good solid college education will open up more well paying jobs for you. So, you can afford that kick ass ride and a townehouse in a great neighborhood. Plus, being in the classroom, will help keep your mind off of what she's doing and keeps you focused on your goals. Get new hobbies! Join a cycling club, or get your scuba license, or pilot's license, running club or community theater...something to get you out and interacting with people. Then, travel!!! See the world! Make a plan and save to travel to somewhere that you've always wanted to see. Bring some friends with you. Go see it! Have fun! This is how you get your revenge! Wouldn't it be nice if one of her girlfriends went up to her and said, " Hey, you'll never guess who I ran into. SWOLFE! And damn, girl, he looks good! I saw him coming out of the gym, and did you know he got a new car? Yeah, this cute little red Mustang convertable. He said that he's doing good, and he was nice but he said he had to leave because he needed to get a few more things for his trip. Yeah, he says he's going to the Florida Keys to go scuba diving for a few days. Nope, your name never came up, but I did give him my phone number. I hope you don't mind?" 1
Author swolfe Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I agree that she was def only thinking about herself when she did this but I can't help but think there are still feelings in her somewhere. I just read the "Grass is Greener Syndrome" forum and I have to admit, my situation def fits a lot of that description...
Author swolfe Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Dude, you are the permanent back up plan. You are safe and secure; a sure thing. But, she's always looking out for the next best thing. Once she thinks she's snagged it, she kicks you to the curb. And you have to understand, she wouldn't leave unless she's sampled the goods to see if it's worth leaving. Thus, she is a serial cheater. And yes, she has been cheating on you and you would be a fool to think otherwise. You hear that she says that she see's herself marrying this guy. She's in the honeymoon phase of this relationship. Once the dust settles and the lust wears off, do you honestly think that she can see a life with a guy that serves coffee for a living making minimum wage and tips? Nope! She'll see that she needs someone that can take care of her. And, while it was fun when it lasted, she'll be on the look out for "the next best thing" if you aren't available anymore. I speculate in a month or two, she's going to want to reach out to you, to "catch up". You need to go NO CONTACT (NC) with her. Do not answer her phonecalls; let them go to voicemail. DO not answer texts or emails from her. Post here instead, people WILL be here to talk you through the hard times. Block her on facebook. It's time to heal and move on. She made a choice, and unfortunately, you weren't it. She made a choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her EXACTLY that! Now, you need to plan your revenge. And the best revenge to get is to lead a DAMN good life! And it starts now! You need to get a new haircut. A style that people will notice and like. You need to get a new wardrobe. If your a jeans and t-shirt; wearing a trucker's hat and gym shoes, then, you need to Change to button down shirt, designer jeans with leather shoes and sports coat kinda guy. You need to get a membership to a gym. You need to run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you get that rock hard bod and work off the stress and frustrations you may have. You need to go back to school. Get that college degree and if you have one, then start grad school. A good solid college education will open up more well paying jobs for you. So, you can afford that kick ass ride and a townehouse in a great neighborhood. Plus, being in the classroom, will help keep your mind off of what she's doing and keeps you focused on your goals. Get new hobbies! Join a cycling club, or get your scuba license, or pilot's license, running club or community theater...something to get you out and interacting with people. Then, travel!!! See the world! Make a plan and save to travel to somewhere that you've always wanted to see. Bring some friends with you. Go see it! Have fun! This is how you get your revenge! Wouldn't it be nice if one of her girlfriends went up to her and said, " Hey, you'll never guess who I ran into. SWOLFE! And damn, girl, he looks good! I saw him coming out of the gym, and did you know he got a new car? Yeah, this cute little red Mustang convertable. He said that he's doing good, and he was nice but he said he had to leave because he needed to get a few more things for his trip. Yeah, he says he's going to the Florida Keys to go scuba diving for a few days. Nope, your name never came up, but I did give him my phone number. I hope you don't mind?" Your right, I get the suspicion I'll be hearing from her once this new relationship falls flat. I still really care about her, call me crazy, but I know she will do it again. I also feel that part of this was do to severe jealously on her part. I'm a indie filmmaker and I had shot a feature film last February and met a really cool girl on set. Nothing happened we just became good friends. My ex girlfriend always assumed I cheated on her... I think she was trying to convince herself I did something with her so she could even out that she left me for the doctor earlier in our relationship. Here's how the post breakup has gone so far... I kicked her off Facebook and blocked her. I went to her house to pick up some stuff about a week after we broke up and like I mentioned earlier, it was pretty emotional. We both cried alot but she also had to say certain stuff to upset me, like how she feels she's gonna marry the guy and she made it seem that he was so much better than me. Then a week later I called her (pretty dumb on my part I know) but I had some stuff I needed to get off my chest. I apologized for the whole situation with the girl I met on set, basically I apologized for not being "sensitive" enough with the situation (i would always get mad at her for accusing me of cheating on her). I then went on to tell her how ****ty she handled the whole breakup and how she lied about the Starbucks guy, of course she tried justifying it. And I ended the conversation where I basically stated I was open to rekindling the relationship later on down the road... BIG mistake I know, I opened myself again and of course she said that she didn't feel that way anymore and she "loves" her new life and all that. It all ended in my favor though because she started bragging how everyone that sees her now says how much happier she looks and I was told her that our mutual friends said the opposite (the ones that saw her and him one night). She freaked out and started calling them two face and that they were liars (which they weren't lying). So after we hung up she immediately texted one of them and asked her "if she looked unhappy when they saw her." So about 20 minutes later she had texted me about how they got a little upset that we brought them into our mess and I ended the convo by saying not to text or call me anymore. I told her to go ahead and delete my number out of her phone cause I deleted hers... she called me as soon as she got off work (about 30 minutes after I sent that) but I didn't answer. I haven't spoken to her since and she hasn't reached out to me since that.
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah, she's not done. That's going to start to eat away at her. And it sounds like you two are the type of people that has to get the last word in. Well, you didn't allow that to happen. So, she's not done yet. So, I strongly suggest that you follow my advice and others that will post here. Is NC tough? Hell, yeah it is!! But you can get through it. And one day, you're going to wake up and your gonna feel good. But, it's going to take some time and a lot of will power.
Author swolfe Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah, she's not done. That's going to start to eat away at her. And it sounds like you two are the type of people that has to get the last word in. Well, you didn't allow that to happen. So, she's not done yet. So, I strongly suggest that you follow my advice and others that will post here. Is NC tough? Hell, yeah it is!! But you can get through it. And one day, you're going to wake up and your gonna feel good. But, it's going to take some time and a lot of will power. Yeah I'm dreading the day she tries to make contact again because I'm not sure what to do... Completely ignore her? That will be hard to do right now. Yeah It's been over a week with the NC. I feel better each day but I still really miss her.
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah I'm dreading the day she tries to make contact again because I'm not sure what to do... Completely ignore her? That will be hard to do right now. Yeah It's been over a week with the NC. I feel better each day but I still really miss her. yes, I thought you called. Read the NC updated 2013 Guide in my signature. It's all in the first post. The rest of the thread holds contributions from people in you kind of situation. It will help. But only if you DO it. I mean, but really do it.
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah I'm dreading the day she tries to make contact again because I'm not sure what to do... Completely ignore her? That will be hard to do right now. Yeah It's been over a week with the NC. I feel better each day but I still really miss her. YES! Ignore her! Remember, this wasn't your choice. She made it. She made the call to have you OUT of her life. She the one that told you that her life was sooo much better with you out of it. Therefore, she has absolutely no reason to contact you again, right? I mean, her life is perfect now. So, why contact the person that made it so less perfect. Make no sense, right? So, you'd be doing her a favor by not contacting her. So, take this time to work on YOU! For YOU and your own self improvement. Oh! And listen to Tara! She'd never steer you wrong! 1
Author swolfe Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 yes, I thought you called. Read the NC updated 2013 Guide in my signature. It's all in the first post. The rest of the thread holds contributions from people in you kind of situation. It will help. But only if you DO it. I mean, but really do it. Thanks Tara, that def makes things more clear on what to do when she comes calling back. This is just a tough one to let go. We basically grew up together (we started dating at 20 years old; were 24 now) and not only were we bf/gf we were also best friends. And like I mentioned earlier, most of the time she was a very supportive and faithful girlfriend, but it did always seem she would slip back into her old ways eventually (talking and flirting with other guys behind my back).
Author swolfe Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 YES! Ignore her! Remember, this wasn't your choice. She made it. She made the call to have you OUT of her life. She the one that told you that her life was sooo much better with you out of it. Therefore, she has absolutely no reason to contact you again, right? I mean, her life is perfect now. So, why contact the person that made it so less perfect. Make no sense, right? So, you'd be doing her a favor by not contacting her. So, take this time to work on YOU! For YOU and your own self improvement. Oh! And listen to Tara! She'd never steer you wrong! Thanks Chi, but why do you think she's trying so hard to act like she's so much happier without me and intentionally trying to make me feel bad? I mean it's obvious she isn't happy, she had to text our mutual friend and ask if she looked unhappy for that reassurance... and why would she be constantly bringing me up in front of her new boyfriend? She dumped me but she still has feelings for me? I just don't understand females haha
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Doesn't matter of you think she's NOT happy. That's not what she told you. She TOLD you she was happy....so, nuff said. Let her be happy. Now, you have to work on your own happiness.
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Some females don't understand females, so I'd stop wondering and asking pointless questions (honestly, they are) because you can't climb into their heads. Even if you could, you wouldn't get the answers you want. it's never about what they're doing, and why. It's about what you do. And what you do - is to take care of yourself and ignore what she says/does. Base line. 1
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