Bad/Weird Situation...

[Kalmartinez]

My relationship and breakup is kind of a long story so...I'll try to keep it as brief as possible and mainly stick to the current situation...I just really need someone to talk to. (I know this will be really long but I didn't mean for it to be.)

 

We were together almost two years. Close friends first, having been in the same major at school. He is a few years younger than me. When we started dating we moved in together pretty quick...had a few apartments together over the past year and a half. I am not just saying this, it was an amazing relationship and connection we had. I didn't think I would ever find someone who got me the way he did. He was madly in love with me. Completely devoted. And of course I felt the same way. We were definitely going to get married someday. He wanted me to be his wife. We weren't engaged, but I have a beautiful promise ring (That I have had to put away for now)

 

So, although there was a lot of love...the stress of life started to mess everything up. We moved to a new city together, away from friends and our support systems...I couldn't find a job for months, and was stuck in the house...he had to pay all the rent and bills...I was starting to feel pretty down about myself...I was no longer independent...money became such a problem and I know it was really upsetting him...just everything was going wrong in that respect...he couldn't pretend anymore...and it was the main reason he broke up with me. I had to move in with my sister, and he moved back in with his parents.

 

I needed to become independent again. I need to get a job and support myself...to grow. He agreed he needs to grow and figure some things out too.

 

Now, it didn't mean we didn't still love each other and weren't completely attracted to each other...so this was all very difficult. I knew the break/breakup was good for us in some aspects...but I was still so hurt and broken-hearted.

 

I visited my mom and spent time with old friends who helped me a lot...the whole time I didn't initiate conversations...he was the one who reached out to me. I would talk with him...he talked about sexual frustrations...yeah, we chatted...if you know what I mean He wished me a Happy New Year at midnight and was upset that a guy kissed me on the cheek. Haha. He promised he had not kissed anyone a midnight.

 

For a little while we agreed that we wanted to be exclusive...not official yet but we wanted to start over, go on dates, take it slow, have fun again...we moved in so quickly we didn't have much of a dating phase so this was actually gonna be a lot of fun...We went to a movie, went to dinner, kissed and flirted, had a make out session in his car, had a sleepover...yes, sex was involved because we couldn't resist each other...

 

One day things went kinda bad because he misunderstood me and the money issue came up. I ended up crying...he wiped my tears away, said he didn't want to fight about money anymore and while I thought this meant he was done with me, he assured me that was not the case. He said that that of course we would talk and see each other.

 

I kept my distance for the next couple days and he began contacting me again...I was afraid maybe we would fall into friend mode, and I know I was still kind of emotional so decided a little no contact might be good. He was insulted by it...anyway, cut to us talking again. I invited him to lunch, and also a get together with friends this upcoming Wednesday. I figured...I am going to plan some fun little dates to here and there...and I will be confident, and a little flirty, and fun...and look amazing of course. He seemed to be looking forward to this.

 

So this is where things go bad...and weird...

So he and I have been kinda good lately...nothing amazing yet but we were talking...a little fun...a little flirty...and he seemed genuinely excited to make plans for us to hang out and do stuff...

Then I made a big mistake...

We were talking...He was bored and didn't want to stay at his parents all night so I ended up inviting him over for a bit to play the Always Sunny In Philadelphia game that I got him for Christmas with my sister and I...

But I live in my sister's apartment...

She had her first day of classes the next day so she came up with some rule that he couldn't spend the night because in the morning she had to get ready...like even though he and I would've just been sleeping in my bed, out of her way...she needed to be free to use all resources in the apartment to get ready for classes...

I didn't get it but I agreed...so I asked him to come cover for A LITTLE BIT. I guess he didn't pick up on that.

He came over, we were having fun...but suddenly he got kinda sick...he hadnt been feeling that good that day so he laid down in my bed and was talking about cleaning up the board game pieces in the morning...meaning he was gonna spend the night. He started to fall asleep...I would have loved for him to stay...and I could take care of him...

but at the same time...I didn't know what my ******* sister wanted...I started to hint that he couldn't spend the night and when I mentioned it suddenly she got mad...I didn't understand. He realized that he had to leave...got kinda mad...stormed out...I tried to talk to him out in the hall before he left. I even said he should stay since he was so sick but not forcefully enough because I wasn't sure what was going on...

When he got to his car he fb messaged me "I probably won't be coming over again."

My sister told me that she was gonna just let him sleep but I kept hinting for him to leave...UM YEAH! I did! I thought that's what she wanted. She should have told me!

She wrote to him saying it was a misunderstanding...don't take it out on Kelsey (me.)...

but he was sick, pissed off and the roads were super bad. He was being kind of a jerk...

Now my sister and him fought back a forth a little...She flipped out on me....

bitching about him and what a jerk he is and she isn't apologizing to him again and ******* yelling at me about him. So I have guilt coming from him...anger coming from her...

I wish I had never invited him over and everything would be okay...

or I wish I had made him stay. Either way my sister would be mad no matter what I did.

Now, I have more of an issue with my sister than him right now. I help her out all the time with her trying to reconnect with her ex. The only reason he is talking to her is because of me. I try to help! So she couldn't do this for me? She didn't even leave us alone for a minute. She is very - Her apartment, her rules - and she can be very mean sometimes (and this is my younger sister. I have never been much a fighter...I usually just accept how mean she is...but I am so pissed off about this)

 

Anyway...I don't know where to go next with my ex. I want him back...things were good and rebuilding. I know he will calm down but how do I make this okay? I guess he isn't exactly welcome here...I am not welcome at his house because his mom doesn't like me...

He was faithful to me the whole time we have been broken up...I am scared this was the last straw for him maybe...I have no idea...

I should have slammed that door shut, told him to turn around and put him back to bed. He was super mad/moody though so he wouldn't have listened to me.

I shouldn't have let him drive! I wish he were here in bed right now.

I would tucked him in and took care of my sick boy.

[Kalmartinez]

My sister just told me off because she thinks I am telling everyone how bad she is and how she is the villain trying to keep me and my ex apart. Like that is the last thing I need...to be yelled at some more.

 

Now I am alone in the apartment, crying uncontrollably...

 

I was working so hard to be strong, independent, fun in his eyes...it wasn't supposed to be such a big deal.

 

I am exhausted...and I have to start over...I don't know what to do...

I want him back. With every fiber of my being...determination. Even if it was just fun, slow stuff...I wanted this to happen...Now I feel like he thinks I am too much trouble...not worth it.

What do you think I should do?

[Kalmartinez]

I don't think I was being completely dishonest about doing better, being confident and all that. I am...or was making great strides with my life...I just want him to be apart of it and to have fun with him.

I don't feel like there is a lot of hatred and resentment from our relationship (Maybe money but...) and I know we wanted to see each other and take it slow..

There is probably resentment now because of last night...

[Toddbt12y1]

You should take some time off. Let this all cool down;, don't stress. Don't act desperate. Wait for a couple of days and then try and see what happens. Just don't act desperate. If nothing works out. Accept it and move on.

[Kalmartinez]

You should take some time off. Let this all cool down;, don't stress. Don't act desperate. Wait for a couple of days and then try and see what happens. Just don't act desperate. If nothing works out. Accept it and move on.

 

He wrote to me and said "Sorry about being so mad last night."

Maybe things will improve.

But you are so right. I will do my best to not act desperate...and to take things slower.

[Toddbt12y1]

There ya go. Maybe it will work outnumber just remain calm. Sometimes you have to tale an out for a while till a heated situation is rendered.