jamiejones Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Ok, I could write many many things here but I have to be brief and to the point. I met a married women online who lives in the US (I'm in the UK). I have a long term partner, we both have kids. The connection was random through social media and started very casual. We were friends for a year and we didn't even exchange pictures during this time. Then we exchanged phone numbers and using Skype we would call each other on my drive to and from work. It became daily and yes we started to become close. One day she called me and told me she had fallen in love with me. I was shocked and yet I knew I had feelings for her but I did not tell her I felt the same way. After another 6 months I told her I had fallen for her. Now we have not met to this date as we both know it would lead to trouble but last year I tried to meet up a trip to the US, she didn't show up but we talked everyday. We both have tried to separate and stop contact but 4 years later we both cannot seem to do it. I want to meet so that I know one way or another that maybe things could work. Oh we are both not in good relationships or I would never have gone any further. We have never really exchanged dirty emails and pictures, its been more of words, music and thoughts. There is a chance that we will meet this year and I want to know what I should do? What do people think? I can say much much more but wish to stay anonymous for obvious reasons. She is very attractive, successful and intelligent and yet I adore my children and my life in the UK.
UStoUK Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I am going through pretty much the same thing. We have alot of similarities I am from the US and my LD partner is from the UK. I have two children he has none. We've been talking for almost 4yrs after meeting on a virtual game. We have planned on meeting on more than one occasion, but something always seems to mess that up. We plan on meeting on Valentine's day of this year. We also had our moments when we didn't speak, but somehow always found our way back to one another. I can say having kids makes the situation much more difficult, seeings how you know your not willing to leave your kids, so will the relationship ever grow into something more then just meeting the one time? There's probably many questions and thoughts flowing through your mind as I know I have many I think what we both need to do is make the leap of faith, living with the "what ifs" is never healthy as I know from experience. If you don't take the chance you'll never know. I wish you the best and I hope you find what your looking for. Good luck! 1
Author jamiejones Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Wow. I have met someone who is in my situation. Where do I start? I could leave my kids (agree 50/50 custody) but am not willing to move to the US. She is willing to move here as her daughter is now an adult but is still married and is taking little action to progress matters. The only way I am leaving is if she divorces and marries me, its the only we can be together. I have so many questions for you. 1
UStoUK Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Wow. I have met someone who is in my situation. Where do I start? I could leave my kids (agree 50/50 custody) but am not willing to move to the US. She is willing to move here as her daughter is now an adult but is still married and is taking little action to progress matters. The only way I am leaving is if she divorces and marries me, its the only we can be together. I have so many questions for you. There are so many thoughts I have when it comes to the whole who moves where. It's a hard thing to do, when your well aware you both have your lives and just packing up and leaving your home isn't always the easiest thing to do. I can honestly say I've never had someone understand my situation very well and I am more then open to talking to someone who gets it. It's almost a sense of relief knowing I'm not alone in this crazy situation lol.
Author jamiejones Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I was there was a way we could get in contact to at least discuss this off here. I've never talked to someone about my issues. It is so very hard to keep secrets too from everyone in your life.
mariabogas Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Well, this is my piece of advice ! The worst thing that can happen to your spouse or her husband is to find out that you/her have a relation with someone else (relation can be emotional, not only physical). Even worse is to find out that you can’t share and fully be with your partner because your heart is with someone else. Imagine, one day you go to your spouse phone or computer and you find messages between her and someone else (deep emotional messages). How would that feel ? think about that Finally, life is short ! If you don’t act you will always regret it and think of what could have happened.
UStoUK Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I was there was a way we could get in contact to at least discuss this off here. I've never talked to someone about my issues. It is so very hard to keep secrets too from everyone in your life. I know exactly what you mean feel free to get in touch [email protected].
Author jamiejones Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Thanks. Just sent you an email.
Author jamiejones Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Well, this is my piece of advice ! The worst thing that can happen to your spouse or her husband is to find out that you/her have a relation with someone else (relation can be emotional, not only physical). Even worse is to find out that you can’t share and fully be with your partner because your heart is with someone else. Imagine, one day you go to your spouse phone or computer and you find messages between her and someone else (deep emotional messages). How would that feel ? think about that Finally, life is short ! If you don’t act you will always regret it and think of what could have happened. Yes I kind of agree and I do think of those things. I would be thrilled if she had met someone else, it would make the whole thing easier. I'm in a mental affair which is bad but I didn't set out on this path on purpose, it just developed.
BrokenPrincess Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 JJ, what if you & UStoUK are actually each others LD 4year affair partners? Lol how random
FitChick Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 The problem is her being married and not even wanting to meet you, never mind getting a divorce. This is just an ego boost for her. She probably doesn't want to give up a nice lifestyle. After a year, you should have bailed.
Author jamiejones Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 The problem is her being married and not even wanting to meet you, never mind getting a divorce. This is just an ego boost for her. She probably doesn't want to give up a nice lifestyle. After a year, you should have bailed. You are assuming she has a nice lifestyle.....if it is an ego boost for her that is cool as it is for me also. We both spend equal amounts of time communicating so I don't feel used. Maybe she is a drug, they say love is. FitChick - you sound like someone who has never felt love.
LovelyRita Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Wow I honestly thought I was the only one in this type of situation. My situation is he's married with kids in the UK and I'm in the US (single) and we have had a very intense cyber affair for 6 years now. I have refused to meet because I know he has no plans to leave his children so meeting would be more for him to have his "ego" stroked. For the first few years he said he loved me and talked about divorce and a future for us so that is one of the reasons I kept things going. He even sent roses and would call all the time! The problem is we both have feelings for each other and quite literally we are addicted to the cyber sex. We have tried many, many times to end things and have gone at the most 4 months without contact but we always end up talking again. Deep down I know I need to end this but to be honest being single and not having met any guys in person (I have tried!!) he is the sole source of excitement and attention. I have tried counseling and like I said there have been times we decide to stop but I am absolutely miserable when we do. I keep telling myself that I don't really want him because let's face if he does this to his wife what's to say he won't do it me. I keep telling myself that I am simply using him as a distraction to my humdrum life and I don't expect anything from him but so often I feel that he gets the better end of this deal and meanwhile I will be turning 40 this year and feel that maybe I've wasted all this time. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?
Author jamiejones Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Wow. Reading this is like reading my life. We must exchange emails? I am going through everything you are going through and we could learn at lot from each other or maybe help? I've also ending things many times but we are both not able to make that final cut. I've taken this email out for this site. It's [email protected] should you wish to connect via email?
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