katie79 Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 I was wondering. After a man buys an engagement ring for his gf, how long on average would you say he wait before he gives it to her? Also, would you tell your gf's father, out of your own will (you are the one bringing up the subject) that you bought her a ring and planned on giving it to her on a particular date (very soon) and also have an idea of when you want to marry her and not do it? Are there any stories on this unique topic? Would a guy tell the possible father-of-the-bride he's proposing to his daughter and not do it? Is that considered really disrespectful if he doesn't? If your gf said she wanted a ring but a particular date and you agreed, would you wait till the last possible day or a few days after? If so why? I am just putting this in to see various male opinions only. Pls answer with an honest answer. I'm curious as to what men think on these 3 questions.
sadgrrl Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 i'm not a guy, but while we're waiting for the lads to pipe up ... sounds like you got an interesting story there gal ... did that happen to you?
Author katie79 Posted August 24, 2004 Author Posted August 24, 2004 I have a few of them. You will get an idea of my general problems. However, I just wanted to see how men react to this question. If this is normal or not.
Pocky Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 How many different ways and different posts are you going to create regarding your boyfriend and his lack of action on asking you to marry him? To be honest if you nagged your boyfriend as much as you have nagged this topic I wouldn't ask you to get married either. You're so obsessed with getting married that you're really starting to seem needy. If you're ready to get married and he's not and you refuse to wait any longer than leave him. If you don't want to leave him then shut the hell up about the engagement. And I'm not trying to be mean but take a look at how you're behaving. It's really pathetic.
Author katie79 Posted August 24, 2004 Author Posted August 24, 2004 I don't nag him. I never even bring it up. He does. I am only using this website as my personal psychiatrist. I don't mention these feelings to him. I am just looking for support. I don't sit there nagging him about this. He brings it up. Not me. But this is how if feel b/t you and me. It is an annoynmous website to help people with their personal problems. Most people don't communicate that well with their partners so that's why they are on here.
Pocky Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 And the people that don't communicate with their partners have the most problems - just peruse the boards. Why don't you just tell him all this then? Why are you wasting your time with people that aren't in your relationship, have no idea what has happened in your relationship and has no idea what your boyfriend is thinking? I understand coming here for advice from people, but Katie you've been bringing this situation for a while now and all you get are more guesses! Don't marry someone you can't even communicate with. What do you think the rest of your life is going to be like? Katie - I know you're not dumb. Think about things logical for a minute. How can your boyfriend behave the way you want him to behave if he doesn't know what you want? Stop playing guessing games. If you haven't talked to him about this then talk to him.
Author katie79 Posted August 24, 2004 Author Posted August 24, 2004 I am not taking your advice badly nor personally. I would prob say the same things you are if I kept seeing these posts on the message board. After reading your reaction, I feel you are right. Standing my ground, communicating, and forgeting about it until the day comes is a good idea. I'm taking a break from this worry cycle. Believe it or not, what is "nagging" me to have nagging thoughts are the people in my surroundings. He announced to his family, mine, his friends, and co-workers what he did. People keep asking me why it hasn't happened yet and to bring this to his attention. I told him once what I wanted. That's it. I don't see why anyone needs to be told something more than once regarding ANY matter. Now it's more, his family, friends, and collegues keep telling me to push him, which I AM NOT DOING. I come here to let my feelings out I guess. But you are right to stop paying attention to strangers on LS, relax, see what happens, and decide what's best for myself and the relationship. At this point, I'm through with my threads on this matter. One more week is left. We'll wait and see. As of now I'm just going to enjoy life and maybe even approach this with a more positive attitude. It'll happen if it is supposed to. No one has to answer this thread. I don't need help anymore. I found my own way and for once in my life, I am confident that whatever happens, that is what is supposed to happen for a reason. There are other men on this earth if this doesn't work out like we planned. Thanks everyone for your help. I appreciate your advice. It's helped me find my way. Good luck to all of you!
binturong Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Good luck to you, Katie. Please let us know when it happens!
Newly Engaged Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Originally posted by katie79 I was wondering. After a man buys an engagement ring for his gf, how long on average would you say he wait before he gives it to her? Also, would you tell your gf's father, out of your own will (you are the one bringing up the subject) that you bought her a ring and planned on giving it to her on a particular date (very soon) and also have an idea of when you want to marry her and not do it? Are there any stories on this unique topic? Would a guy tell the possible father-of-the-bride he's proposing to his daughter and not do it? Is that considered really disrespectful if he doesn't? If your gf said she wanted a ring but a particular date and you agreed, would you wait till the last possible day or a few days after? If so why? I am just putting this in to see various male opinions only. Pls answer with an honest answer. I'm curious as to what men think on these 3 questions. I realize that he's already popped the question, so this is a little late for a reply ... But to answer your questions as honestly as I can : 1) I can't begin to say what the "standard" was.. I was more concerned with the moment of popping the question. Also, my gf (now fiance) was pretty clear that she wanted to choose the ring. So I actually used a "stand-in" ring to propose with. Instead of getting her a ring that she didn't like the style of, I used a ring that I wear (the only one I wear, actually) which has great sentimental value to me (my father made it). That meant more to us than a ring I got without her input ever could. Never underestimate the desire to "surprise" you. We like to feel special just like the girls, and one way we can do that is with the semblance of a surprise. This is why we don't propose right outside the jewelry store after you choose the ring you want. It's got to be the right moment. Sounds like he did it in the car, which was interesting and quirky. I proposed on a plane in between my country and hers. It seemed appropriate at the time. 2) I don't know about you, but the father of the bride thing is a nice bit of old-fashioned courting, but hardly necessary at all. Going back on your promise to the father to take his good-for-nothing-but-marriage daughter was once grounds for a civil law-suit (or a shotgun wedding), but these days I don't think it means as much. If things don't work out on the right date, the guy looks like a bit of a ditz, but life happens. I wouldn't sweat that. His best-laid-plans may have gone awry and he had to postpone. I don't know if it's considered disrespectful - that would depend mostly on the father, I'd say. 3) If my gf said she wanted a ring by a particular date - firstly I'd have to say I wouldn't be with someone whose personality was such that she demanded such things.. However, that said - if I loved her so much as to put up with that kind of attitude, my passive-aggressive tendancies would kick in and I'd attempt to regain a (false) sense of control over my life by "jokingly" pretending I had no idea right up till the last minute or even the next couple of days. Of course, that would make me a bit of a schmuck - but then again, I'm marrying a domineering nag, so I guess we're even (j/k)
Author katie79 Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 You're funny and rude at the same time I'm far from domineering. He's been telling me his fantacies of marrying and having children with me for 4 years. He kept promising engagement and never did...until now. These are matters HE brought up. I never asked, "hey where's the ring" when he would willing tell me he was going to give it to me by. I didn't give him an ultimatium at first, I told him my feelings and he happily agreed to do it. He had his opportunities to leave or not do it if he wished. The ultimatium, I guess you would call it, only b/c he postponed the engagement. Go see my prior threads to see the old story. What's funny is for a while, I didn't want to get married. I bumped into an old aquaintaince today, and he even was shocked to see I accepted the engagement. I went through a time of doubt. And truthfully, it's not domineering to do what I did anyway. Some women leave their bf/s for that reason and their bf's are still wishing they married them years later. I know 4 people who've had that happen, and let me tell you, the x-bf was kicking himself for not striking while the iron was hot. If women were the ones to traditionally propose, and kept their bf's hanging, preventing them from meeting other women, frankly, a guy would just dump her and date the next hot chick that came along.
Newly Engaged Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 hehe - Like I said - I was just kidding. I'm sure you're not domineering ! I don't know how you put up with that for so long. I've known people who were all talk, and frankly, they annoy me. Especially since I was a bit like that when I was younger. I really wanted to marry this girl, and yet I was deathly afraid of what that meant. I wasn't "ready". Anyways, we weren't really right for each other, I know that now. Fortunately, I didn't actually take the plunge, and after one our disagreements (I used to be quite passive-aggressive as well ) she broke it off with me. A year later she married someone else. That was 10 years ago. I was very depressed for a long time. However, life moved on, and so did I. 18 mths ago, her crappy husband dumped her for someone else. She and I almost got back together, but I took a long hard look at what we were about to do and realized that she and I were trying to rekindle the ideal moments of the past (and had forgotten the bits that didn't work). So I decided that it wasn't going to work. That gave me a lot of closure. About a year ago, I met someone else entirely and today we're engaged. She's very different from many of my ex-'es and we're happier than I thought I could be. Anyway - that was a long story just to show that I can relate to prevaricators, having been one I'm glad you're happy, and that he's finally got his act together !
Author katie79 Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 So far I'm happy. I guess things will work out like they should.
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