Coping Vortex Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Its been 10 weeks post BU. 5 days NC since the last set texts officially ending it for good. The words "I'm in love with the memory of you but I'm not IN love with you" Still sting in my ears. The reality of the fact that is really and truly over and never to be again is just too surreal to me. This girl loved me like crazy and I loved her like crazy. How can some randown guy in a bar catch her attention that much that she would break up with me after 4 years? I could have never guessed that would have happen. Nothing I did to try to get her back worked. I saw on several occasions to try to get her back. Sent her texts. tried to do the friend breadcrumb thing. i just waited too long. I needed to get to her before this new guy came into the picture. I was fooled no one person could sway her away from us that quickly. But the worst was her telling me just a week ago that she was not in love with him. That it was a "barebones" relationship. That she could leave him in an instant. That she still loved me and wanted to be with me still. I am crushed I just don't now i can cope much longer. I haven't slept more than 2 hours in a night for 10 weeks!!!! I am in therapy and taking Xanax. I just want to wake up fro this dream and have look into my eyes and make love to me again. How did this all happen so suddenly?? I can't help feeling the regret game. That if i ran to her house the next day after she wanted to BU, I feel i could have made things right and we could have been happy. She loved me and i loved her. Our issue was not love between us. it was not someone was bored, or fell out of love at the time of the BU. She felt i was never going to move in with her and move the relationship on. The truth was I would have but had some trust issues we needed to work out which looking back would have been easy to fix. But she felt that it wasn't going to happen and BU. I realize now she did the BU to get me to come around. instead I thought i did the right thing by giving her space at the time of the BU. Instead she used that time to go out with her friends to a bar and let a guy flirt with her in her attempt to get over me. I guess the guy kept at it for weeks and eventually one her over. Her low self esteem didn't help the cause. It all came down to timing. Nothing else. Not about falling out of love etc. right at the time of the BU. I am sick to my stomach. I have to endure being without my love, I have to know she is ****ing someone else. That she is totally happy with the new fun relationship. I bet she is sleeping soundly most nights right next to him. I am so distraught. I just can't cope much anymore. I don't know how to handle this I am in such pain. I just want this pain to go away. I see no end to this misery. Its not fair she gets to be so happy while I am so distraught. we could have a great life. She just got caught up in a rebound. its just so sad so sad.
cavalier99 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Sorry your hurting. But you need to stop the "what ifs". You did EVERYTHING humanly possible to save it. This should be part of your mourning..forgive yourself. SHE decided to breakup up with you. SHE did this not you. Are you her servant and had to respond in the perfect manner to win her back? F*uck no! She ended it..remember. she didn't want to work on the issues you talked about. When you break up with someone it isn't a game. The only think you should be thinking that could have been different is that you could have walked away forever with you head held up high! That is the lesson i have leaned if i ever have another BU. You can still do this NOW. I can see how hard you have tried to save this..more than most here. Maaan it was a valiant effort..but is was a losing battle form the start. Just give up bud..please.. and live another day for the next one. You need to start viewing things form a point of view that ups your self esteem not puts it in the sh*itter. The only thing you should be telling yourself now is. F*k her, i gave it my all she doesn't deserve me I'm getting over this. That's it! Cut yourself some slack. Cav Edited January 22, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Sorry your hurting. But you need to stop the "what ifs". You did EVERYTHING humanly possible to save it. This should be part of your mourning..forgive yourself. SHE decided to breakup up with you. SHE did this not you. Are you her servant and had to respond in the perfect manner to win her back? F*uck no! She ended it..remember. she didn't want to work on the issues you talked about. When you break up with someone it isn't a game. The only think you should be thinking that could have been different is that you could have walked away forever with you head held up high! That is the lesson i have leaned if i ever have another BU. You can still do this NOW. I can see how hard you have tried to save this..more than most here. Maaan it was a valiant effort..but is was a losing battle form the start. Just give up bud..please.. and live another day for the next one. You need to start viewing things form a point of view that ups your self esteem not puts it in the sh*itter. The only thing you should be telling yourself now is. F*k her, i gave it my all she doesn't deserve me I'm getting over this. That's it! Cut yourself some slack. Cav Thanks Cav. You have been there with me through this journey. I keep falling back to where I was weeks ago. I never seem to go forward. I miss her so much. I will never find someone like her again. I have been with and dated many women in my life she caprtured my heart like no other. Our sex life was like no other. Period. To be able to walk away from her will be the hardest thing i have done. As I said I have had many relationships I have been the dumper and the dumpee. I had a few very heartbreaking BU's but nothing will compare to this nothing. So many disappointments the most of all I never saw it coming from her. I have done so much for her so so much. I can't believe she will just forget all of that for a guy who flirted with her. Sorry Cav I need to buck up now. This is not who I am as a person. I'm pretty tough minded. I'm in sales, you have to be. But this BU has destroyed me to no end.
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks Cav. You have been there with me through this journey. I keep falling back to where I was weeks ago. I never seem to go forward. I miss her so much. I will never find someone like her again. And I say, thank GOD for that! I wouldn't want someone that's willing to throw away for years of a relationship for some random guy that flirted with her at a bar. I would want a girl that has priorities and morals. That knows the difference between right and wrong. That has enough self esteem to say to a guy that's hitting on them, "Sorry pal! Ain't gonna work. I got a man in my life that I'm totally in love with. So, you need to move on to someone else because I'm not interested." Dude, you are thinking on this WAY TOO MUCH. Which tells me that you have way too much free time on your hands. Get busy! You should be busy making positive changes in your life! Where are you standing on that? 3
iouaname Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 You're not alone in the heartache! I'm having an incredibly ****ty day as well. Take these days and grieve a bit - but don't allow yourself to be consumed by the misery.
HeinekenCoC Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 The best thing you can do is accept it. IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. Shes playing games with you, its over. Im in the same boat, my ex acts like she wants me and whenever feelings or her liking me pops up, she denies she feels anything towards me. ACCEPTANCE. It is truly liberating.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I woke up depressed too, read your sadness as even more depressed. I don't understand why this type of thing has to happen... TV shows and movies they just shake it off and their fine to hook up with someone else. A month+ later I'm still crying at night unable to sleep! Sometimes I wonder why did I let myself get so emotionally attached. I can't help it as an only child I was always alone. I guess he came in and filled in a missing gap. He told me he was gonna call me lastnight. Not to talk about is and reconcile just discuss something's like sending his stff but never called... When the night before he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he was gonna go overseas to live there!! Coming from a guy that left partially cause he was comfortable up there with friends. Now he wants Togo to another country??? Said he changed.
Stoic44 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks Cav. You have been there with me through this journey. I keep falling back to where I was weeks ago. I never seem to go forward. I miss her so much. I will never find someone like her again. I have been with and dated many women in my life she caprtured my heart like no other. Our sex life was like no other. Period. To be able to walk away from her will be the hardest thing i have done. As I said I have had many relationships I have been the dumper and the dumpee. I had a few very heartbreaking BU's but nothing will compare to this nothing. So many disappointments the most of all I never saw it coming from her. I have done so much for her so so much. I can't believe she will just forget all of that for a guy who flirted with her. Sorry Cav I need to buck up now. This is not who I am as a person. I'm pretty tough minded. I'm in sales, you have to be. But this BU has destroyed me to no end. I'm hearing here that that the sex was awesome and she captured your heart. Not that she was the smartest, funniest, kindest woman on earth who gave constantly to the relationship; picked you up when you were down; took care of you when sick; was there for you when you were poor....and so on. Something to think about when you say you "will never find another like her." The fact that she was banging you, hopped to another guy and came back to bang you....I question her character. I hope you don't find another like her.
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 I'm hearing here that that the sex was awesome and she captured your heart. Not that she was the smartest, funniest, kindest woman on earth who gave constantly to the relationship; picked you up when you were down; took care of you when sick; was there for you when you were poor....and so on. Something to think about when you say you "will never find another like her." The fact that she was banging you, hopped to another guy and came back to bang you....I question her character. I hope you don't find another like her. Well minus the running off with some other guy.
Inviv_girl Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Im sorry you hurt but the girl who left you after many years relationship for someone who flirt with her from the bar is not kind of girl who will live with you for the rest of your life. She will leave you again for same reason in the future if you got back together with her. There are plenty of girls you can have great sex with and loyal to you! if the sex was good and thats what keeps your thought of her then look at what she did to you now? she bangged other guy and left you! would you want her to come back to you and then she bang other guy again and left you? dude its so obvious she is not a good girl! leave and move on! I know it hurts, REALLY hurt but think of the positive side! this kind of girl will never stay with you through your bad times! and relationship have good and bad times. So f**k her and move on! she's a b*tch! *sorry for my language, I just get angry with this kind of person! 1
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