irc333 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Okay, there is this woman I had started talking to on OKC, she said "I'm seeing someone right now, so I'm seeing how this goes". We had talked back and forth via email We get to talking on the chat system on OKC, and she said, "I met this guy for coffee, and now we have a date for this Friday!" And I said, "I thought you said you were already seeing someone and quote - 'seeing how it goes'" And she said, "Well, that bombed yesterday, then I invited a guy out for coffee last night, and now I'm seeing how THIS one goes." So I didn't even have time to SLIP in between the cracks. LOL She's "exclusively dating" but she's "serial" dating at the same time. She said, "And if this doesn't work out, then we'll try to get together". Weird.
unluckyinlove4 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Sounds like an excuse for not wanting to see you to be honest and harsh. 1
Lani Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 She's talking to you about other dates? Pretty sure you're friend zoned...
Leigh 87 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 There is a chance she simply wanted to just get to know a few guys, until she found one she liked enough to want a relationship with. Obviously she does not get close enough to a guy emotionally speaking to warrant being exclusive. Is it so bad that she does not get close enough to a guy to rule out all other dates? Does it say something bad about her character? I think that when most people find a person they are really into, they stop seeing others.... However, the time it takes to be really "into" someone varies from person to person. Early days to multi daters is too soon to get super attached and throw all your eggs in one basket. Or maybe when a multi dater meets a person they have a really good feeling about, they stop seeing others immediately! Who knows. ...While it is interesting to knwo why people do the things that they do, the thing you should focus on in regards to your dating life is: what do you value in a women? Do multi daters perturb you? Could you see youself dating one, if they seamed to really like you? In the hope you may be the right guy (while she is possble seeing others behind your back?" You seam like you would not be comfortable with the situation if she had done it to you... Sorta of telling people "hey I am seeing irc, just seeing how it is going but u know, I my just want to date you soon if it doesnt work out, I am still keeping my options open" ]
runningfar Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 So she told you that you were on a LIST of people she'd give a try... after these other guys? Time to close door number 3 for her, I'd say. Yuck.
Author irc333 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I refer to her as a multi-dater, but she doesn't consider herself one, which is odd. She seems to have a new guy every week that she "is seeing right now, and seeing how it goes" But she'd defeating that purpose by multi-dating. I'm not a multi-dater simply, and mostly because I don't have women lining up to date me...lol....and even if I did...I probably wouldn't multi-date anyhow. There is a chance she simply wanted to just get to know a few guys, until she found one she liked enough to want a relationship with. Obviously she does not get close enough to a guy emotionally speaking to warrant being exclusive. Is it so bad that she does not get close enough to a guy to rule out all other dates? Does it say something bad about her character? I think that when most people find a person they are really into, they stop seeing others.... However, the time it takes to be really "into" someone varies from person to person. Early days to multi daters is too soon to get super attached and throw all your eggs in one basket. Or maybe when a multi dater meets a person they have a really good feeling about, they stop seeing others immediately! Who knows. ...While it is interesting to knwo why people do the things that they do, the thing you should focus on in regards to your dating life is: what do you value in a women? Do multi daters perturb you? Could you see youself dating one, if they seamed to really like you? In the hope you may be the right guy (while she is possble seeing others behind your back?" You seam like you would not be comfortable with the situation if she had done it to you... Sorta of telling people "hey I am seeing irc, just seeing how it is going but u know, I my just want to date you soon if it doesnt work out, I am still keeping my options open" ]
john.mas Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 When I hear the word dating I assume you and the ones you’re dating is single. If that is true then dating is really about finding if you and that person is a good match, and that usually means you can’t settle for the first one you meet. I think where the problem comes in is when you start lying and trying to hide the real you. The best way to answer this question is to ask how would you feel about the one you’re dating if you learned they was dating more than you. Therein you shall find your best answer.
Author irc333 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Yeah, some peoples' "dating styles" are different than others. If you're the kind of person that doesn't have men or women LINING up to date you every Sat night....then that person usually focuses on ONE person at a time, but if that person you've FINALLY got a date with after 6 months of being DATELESS...chances are that person has a date lined up the following Sunday or something....while you go home and think "Wow, I had a great time with that guy/gal, I can't wait to go out with them again" In the mean time that person is calling 3 other people and scheduling 3 different dates. When I hear the word dating I assume you and the ones you’re dating is single. If that is true then dating is really about finding if you and that person is a good match, and that usually means you can’t settle for the first one you meet. I think where the problem comes in is when you start lying and trying to hide the real you. The best way to answer this question is to ask how would you feel about the one you’re dating if you learned they was dating more than you. Therein you shall find your best answer.
Imajerk17 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Well, as I suggested before, at the very least you can change dating sites. Every site I've been on has its own vibe. ---POF seems to have women with a lot of baggage who, on the one hand have their guard way up--they complain a lot about all the dudes on there who just want to hook up, but on the other hand always seem to end up with douches anyway. ---OKC seems to have too many people (both genders) who don't seem to take dating seriously. A female friend complained about men who would keep emailing but wouldn't take it to a meet-up. So it's hard to see why many people on OKC are really there. ---A niche site that I am on seems lately to have women who make an appearance on the site and then vanish. If you sent an email, it is quite possible that it won't get read and she won't check your profile out, not because she is ignoring you, but instead because she just hasn't been back on the site. Even if the woman was on "in the past 24 hours". ---Match has its issues but it seems to have women who are the most serious about meeting someone. Yet again, I mentioned this to you before. You didn't even acknowledge it. I really don't think you actually want to date, instead it just seems that you love to whine and complain. Edited January 22, 2013 by Imajerk17
VictorBelmont Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Yea my dude she'll never make the time rather than hurt yr feelings & loose u as a friend, she will always have an exuse. Plently out there don't bang ur head to hard on this one.
rocketman122 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I dont think dating one after the other is multi dating. I did it all the time. I never had contact with more than 1 woman at a time. I did the same thing she did when I got offers from women on OLD. I said what she said. I gave every woman I dated an equal shot. the fact that I didnt want to go to second and third dates is a shame. but I tried, I didnt like, then went back and tried some more. I did have a lot of offers but I put all my energy into one and try to make it work. and I was with the mindset to find someone for a serious LTR. I didnt have the thought of "something better will come along". if you filter properly, they are all the same just a different variation to what youre looking for. so when I got to a date I wanted to make it work. you cant find perfect-not going to happen. you simply have to find someone with as many of the things youre looking for and less of what youre not. if you look and look you will always be single. like many people here. multi dating is juggling a few people at the same time. completely different. IMO its unethical to date a few women at once so you can see who'd better then you toss the rest. Oh, imo, she isnt interested. she's just trying to be polite.
sabre80 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 It is one thing to multi date. But it is really really rude to be talking about the other dates one is going on. I wonder what she says to the other dudes. It almost sounds like she is trying to get them all competing for her business. Like she is shopping for a car and like this dealership said this. . . Next her man!
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