npo3 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and everything has been pretty much great. We both fell in love with eachother from the very beginning and felt that we were it for eachother. She found out her previous bf(21 yo) was cheating on her and had invited a girl to come stay with him for the weekend. I should mention my gf is 24 and im 27. We started dating right after this happened. My girlfriend had a deal with her previous bf that they would sleep with other ppl as long as they didn't know about it....obviously wasn't a serious relationship. They we're friends before dating. We have recently moved to Miami for work where her ex has family. Since coming down here she has been asking for space and been much more come toward me sexually and emotionally. She tells me she loves me all the time but is very independent and says she needs to feel like she has her own life. She has been quite depressed over the past couple of months due to her job and I have done everything in my power to help keep her happy. I looked in her phone the other day out of complete desperation and saw a text to a friend of hers saying she had already seen her ex twice since we have been here but stated that they did not have sex or even kiss. Was just nice to. Talk and laugh. Recently she has been more secretive of her whereabouts and I just don't know how to take what has happened. Please help!
will1988 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 She may not have physically cheated on you, yet, but she is emotionally cheating on you. She is cutting you off, and then being secret about things she never used to be secretive about, and she is seeing her ex. She is trying to reconnect with him, or she is talking to him and seeing someone else. After all it is Miami, lots of attractive people (and scum too). The game is afoot! I'd say your best bet is to cut her lose. She obviously wants to stay with you as her safety net but wants to do her own thing. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. I'd say dump her ASAP, it will be tough, but better to do it now rather than getting a bombshell later. Good luck!
Author npo3 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I know she doesn't want to be with him...at least I think. Just don't know why she had to see him. Maybe closure or something? ? Its just the fact that she did it behind my back. Ill have to say I can be a bit jealous and she probably didn't mention it because she wanted to avoid an argument. It just makes me uneasy. And its very fortified with how she has been acting over the past months. She often talks about "us" as though we will be together forever so maybe I should just leave it alone . She means so much to me I don't want to just give up on it. Also im not sure if it was a planned meeting or a bump into situation because they have a lot of the same friends and connections and could easily see eachother at the same place. Should I bring it up or not? We have already had a couple arguments about her exes in the past and it usually results in me being tagged as a jealous person and non-trusting of her.
will1988 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 You know for a 101% fact that she doesn't want to get back with her ex? So you are a mind reader? Please tell me the mega million loto numbers! lol jk... You truly do not know how she feels, and the fact that she is being secretive about it means she is doing something she knows will upset you and or make her feel guilty... which makes the action in of itself wrong. She knows that. So regardless of whether she is cheating on your or not, she is being dishonest, and there is more at play than meets the eye. I'd ask her about all of the stuff and tell her to be 100% truthful, then again I doubt she will be. I'd be prepared to end things.
Author npo3 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I just don't understand it. Evertime she is away from me for a day she's missing me like crazy and can't wait to see me. Other days it seems like she is almost avoiding me. Also the ex doesn't live here was only visiting family for a short time due to college. They have Texted back and forth before just friendly conversation and I got mad. Since then she hasn't told me about any contact between them. Should I bring it up? If so I have to admit I read her texts which I don't wanna do. Also I have no proof that the meeting was intentional or bump into.
Author npo3 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Also. She is very very nice to everyone including a lot of guys that are friends of hers that I know are platonic.
jamiejones Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 This sounds bad. My advice is this as I have seen it many times before. Walk away. It's tough but this is the right thing to do. She is using you to get back at her ex. No one ever moves on that fast from a relationship and words like, "I need my own space" should be read as big flashing warning lights"! In a healthy loving relationship you should never need to ask for your own space. 1
jamiejones Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Gavin are you the same person as npo3 - answer seems strange.
juliabrookes Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and everything has been pretty much great. We both fell in love with eachother from the very beginning and felt that we were it for eachother. She found out her previous bf(21 yo) was cheating on her and had invited a girl to come stay with him for the weekend. I should mention my gf is 24 and im 27. We started dating right after this happened. My girlfriend had a deal with her previous bf that they would sleep with other ppl as long as they didn't know about it....obviously wasn't a serious relationship. They we're friends before dating. We have recently moved to Miami for work where her ex has family. Since coming down here she has been asking for space and been much more come toward me sexually and emotionally. She tells me she loves me all the time but is very independent and says she needs to feel like she has her own life. She has been quite depressed over the past couple of months due to her job and I have done everything in my power to help keep her happy. I looked in her phone the other day out of complete desperation and saw a text to a friend of hers saying she had already seen her ex twice since we have been here but stated that they did not have sex or even kiss. Was just nice to. Talk and laugh. Recently she has been more secretive of her whereabouts and I just don't know how to take what has happened. Please help! I am going to be honest with you because I think you can handle it: She is not over her ex. This does not mean that she does not care for you, but she simply is not over him yet. Why? Because you two met before she had the chance to grieve her previous realtionship. You have to decide what you will accept in your relationship with her. She is obviously lying and deceiving you. Why would you want to continue in a relationship with someone who is not truthful with you. You need to ask her why she feels like she has to see her ex boyfriend behind your back, and see her reaction. You can see if she will lie, become defensive, or deflective. Don't ever believe that what she did was right. In a relationship you need to consider your partners feelings. This was a crucial moment for her to show you respect and she did not. Perhaps she is not mature enough to truly understand that a great guy like yourself is better than a cheating ex boyfreind. Her priorities may be a little altered. A good chat should shine a light on what her intentions are. If you can't have a healthy chat about your relationship then that's a huge sign that this young lady needs to go.
Author npo3 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Im not sure to have the chat with her since I looked in her phone to find this out in he first place. It makes it look like I don't trust her. Even though I had a gut feeling something was going on which is why I look at her phone in the first place. I know its going to cause an argument as it has in the past.
will1988 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 uhh npo3 at this point you need an argument, for all you know she screwing her ex... it is time to get your balls out of her coin purse and confront her about all of this instead of making excuses for her!
Babolat Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Im not sure to have the chat with her since I looked in her phone to find this out in he first place. It makes it look like I don't trust her. Even though I had a gut feeling something was going on which is why I look at her phone in the first place. I know its going to cause an argument as it has in the past. Pretty easy, just ask her if she has seen or had any communication with her ex, at all. If she says no, don't tell her about your snooping, which is what is was, and you will probably do it again, just tell her YOU need your space and walk away. And, you are exhibiting signs of being codependent, Google it.
juliabrookes Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Im not sure to have the chat with her since I looked in her phone to find this out in he first place. It makes it look like I don't trust her. Even though I had a gut feeling something was going on which is why I look at her phone in the first place. I know its going to cause an argument as it has in the past. This is specifically why you do need to talk to her. Admit you went through her phone. In all honesty if you can't tell her the truth about looking through her phone, then you are no better than her lying to you. If you don't trust her then communicating to her why you don't trust her is essential to make your relationship work. Without trust, everything goes downhill. Best of luck
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