incandescent Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Hi guys, I have been in NC for about 2 weeks now, we broke up about 3 weeks ago. I found out by looking on Facebook that she might be seeing someone else... (I know, I suck...) but it hasn't affected me too badly because I KNEW it was coming. But the thing that bothers me most is how quickly she can move on... She was saying the classic lines when she broke up with me 'its me not you' 'I don't love you as much as you love me' all these kinda things. But a day before she dumped me she was telling me how much she loved me, so confusing! During our relationship she wouldn't treat me that well, she would lie to me, treat me like dirt, have weird mood swings, snap at me for no reason... and pretty much every time she would do this I would say 'look I don't think we are working out' because I was unhappy, and really began falling out of love with her, and then she would get a tear on and start saying 'I'm so sorry, I never saw it that way, give me another chance', this happen MULTIPLE times throughout the relationship, I would begin a breakup, and she would start crying and saying she was sorry to which I forgave every time. And things would get better for a month, and I would love her more than ever, then it would happen again, and again, and again. But each time I would get that love back even STRONGER than before. Because things DID get better. But these things what she did to me had a toll on me, I would become less trusting and more insecure, which didn't help things. She doesn't know any of this, and I feel as though I should tell her, but I don't want to break NC. But then she started work at some place a 5 months before we broke up, but it was only temp, so she was there for about 2 months. She met someone there, and that's who she is seeing now. I guess it's because she had no one else to fall back on to, but now she met that guy she finally had a reason to dump me... I don't know though obviously. I have lost my confidence throughout all of this, the way she treated me, and the breakup has really done me in. Though it's getting better. Just a bit sad because I treated her like she was the only girl in the world, told her how beautiful she was, I put her on a pedestal every day... When she dumped me, not a single tear she shed, I was crying a lot which really got to me... Could this possibly be a rebound? I know I'm not going to start dating or getting into relationships for AGES, am totally not ready for that, it was just a bit of a shock to see that she has moved on so fast. I'm 24 she's 22. I guess what I'm looking for is a bit of advice, I am coping not too bad, but seeing that has knocked me down a peg... not too badly though. Has anyone else had a similar thing happen? Is it normal for the dumper to move on so fast? Thanks! : D Edited January 22, 2013 by incandescent
Renard99 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I hate to say it mate but sometimes when this happens it's because the other person began to mentally 'check out' or 'leave' the relationship long before it properly ends. My ex only began to visibly act distant and cold in the last few months, but, if I think about it, there were lots of little things, going back about 9 months, that I can only see now that weren't right. Her mind was leaving the relationship even if she was physically still in it. It makes it easier for the dumper to move on very quickly because they've had a long head start on their healing. They've braced themselves for thend so that when it comes, they're ready for it, can brush it off and keep going. I know that's not really advice and I know it's still hurts to see it her with someone else, but hopefully it may help to see that this is her 'healing' in a way
Author incandescent Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Would you lot think writing an e-mail explaining how I felt before, and why I became insecure and less confident? As she has no idea about me feeling the way I have.
Zammo25 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Would you lot think writing an e-mail explaining how I felt before, and why I became insecure and less confident? As she has no idea about me feeling the way I have. No, she does not care about you anymore. You are nothing to her. Suck it up.
Vander77 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Your ex and mine come from the same mold of women made. She treated me like a bag of garbage, chuck me to the curb and then pick me out of the trash at her convenience and stupid me let her every single time. Not anymore I am no longer gonna go through those feelings over and over. I feel your pain 100%. I have a great job, and a decently positive outlook on life and it's just sad that someone else's negativity could bring me down. You have to keep on going as tough as it might be. Sucks your own co-worker did that, but remember it takes 2 to tango. Whether he manipulated her or not, she made a choice to leave you and it hurts more than anything. I know first hand as do many of us on here. Be someone's first choice, not their backup plan. You're young and there are plenty of women out there that will not do you wrong. Keep your head held high and expect nothing less than what you deserve!!
Author incandescent Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Yeah Renard you are right, feel a little strung along though Thanks for that Vander, just a bit tough... I feel completely walked over and used, and its horrible. I'd love to ring her and tell her how much of a biatch she has been to me. But I think I'l let it go, I'm sure she knows. Just a bit of a wreck at the moment, its really difficult to move on from this, the things that bug me the most are: Her getting away with walking over me... But it's my own fault, I should have ended it when it first started, but I was blinded by my love for her... balls. Her starting to date with someone 3 weeks after BU... I wont be ready for months, maybe even years. Myself for putting her on a pedestal every single day. I know it takes time to get over things like this, but this was the first relationship where I felt she could possibly be 'the one'... I saw her as possible marriage material... but thinking about it she is only 22, and I'm nearly 25. Thanks for the responses everyone : ) I have got it into my head that she is gone, completely! But it's just upsetting to see her moving on so quick!
IsthisREAL Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 hey man, I am in the same situation. I just broke up 1 Wk ago and she is already dating someone. 3.5 year relationship gone. Its the right thing to move on, even though right now you want her back SOOOO BADDDD. I know. I KNOW it sucks like your situation, she is 21 and im 26.
Onionator Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 No, she does not care about you anymore. You are nothing to her. Suck it up. Harsh but true.
Author incandescent Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 hey man, I am in the same situation. I just broke up 1 Wk ago and she is already dating someone. 3.5 year relationship gone. Its the right thing to move on, even though right now you want her back SOOOO BADDDD. I know. I KNOW it sucks like your situation, she is 21 and im 26. Hi man, 3 and a half years!? Holy ****! sorry to hear that man : ( Maybe they want to experience other grass... 21 - 22 years is quite young still... Just gotta get over it : ( Wow one week, that's really insane, could be a rebound though man. Is very harsh, but true... thanks zammo : )
Coping Vortex Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 My girl said she met the new guy two weeks after she BU with me out of the blue. Yea right she probably BU with me to date him because she was already talking to him. He was probably knee deep in her by then. 1
Jasmine36 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 My ex of 4 years broke up with me 2 months ago a week later with someone new! Yeahhhhh right! And now they are practically living together. I'm stuck tho everyday I torture myself and can't move on. I've taken it really bad:( xxx 1
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