GG3 Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I broke off a relationship last year with a man who had all the classic signs of being a commitment phobe. 42 and never married, became extremely busy, prefers long distance relationships, etc. He says he really wants a relationship and kids, but hasn't found anyone he wants to spend "forever" with. Lots of details but not the reason for my post. His criticisms of me once he became distant have been hard for me to get over. I realize this person had issues, but I have a hard time getting them out of my head. One of the things he did that still makes me feel a little crazy, was he wouldn't believe some of the things I would tell him about myself and would question me a lot. Such as that I was a tomboy when I was younger. He had acted suspicious that I was making that up. I'm an engineer (we met at work) and you will never catch me in a dress. I wear a lot of clunky clogs and have a semi-athleticness about me, so to me this would not be hard to see. But for some reason he seemed to wonder if I was telling the truth. Why would anyone want to lie about that anyway? I'm basically saying that I wasn't all that cute when I was younger and boyish. I grew up with step-brothers also, so my being a tomboy makes sense. Another thing he acted suspicious of was how much I work out or not work out. I have always been very slim. There are times when I am more tone than others being that I have a sendentary job and sometimes the stress can take its toll, but I tend to be in decent shape and keep my weight down. This made me paranoid of course and always wondering if he expected me to be perfectly fit?? I have lifted weights and gone to the gym for 10 years. I used to even run races or run regularly. The strangest critique that doesn't really bother me since it's so out there was being told I "don't like milk" because he "never saw me drink it." Why does that even matter I guess? I actually do like milk but I don't just walk into someone else's house and pour myself a glass every time I go to their house. But that's just another example of some of these strange criticisms I was dealing with. Anyone else care to share some of their stories? I've been seeing some posts about commitment phobes lately and would like to hear other people's stories. Anyone have someone that didn't believe you about the things you told them about yourself? I have never dated anyone that questioned me like that and it has really made me paranoid. I felt that I was absolutely being authentic...heck I didn't make this stuff up about myself and why would I?
hopefullove Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 heehee. hey did you read that Men Who Can't Love book and He's Scared She's Scared? helped me understand it soooooooooo much. i wish i read it ages ago. your ex is weird lol. my ex is weird too. he never questioned me about anything. he was just a weirdo at the end. so let's see. weird criticisms. So in the beginning i was perfect, except that i am a bit messy. in the end. i was the most horrible person in the world. for a while he didnt put any dishes away, so i would put them in the dish washer after he left them in the sink. then he would inspect it to see if i loaded it "properly" and then huff off. one time i was working late, and was on the laptop with earbuds plugged in, and he was sleeping, he was woken up by the neighbour's baby crying, came out to yell at me for watching a movie about a baby crying. now this was at the very end. we had had dinner already, so we already ate, and i ALSO made a roast as well, because he said he as tired of eating chicken. so the roast was done, i went to go plate it up for him, and i went to cut a piece to try to make sure it was seasoned and done. he started yelling at me that i was going to EAT all the roast and leave him nothing and he was starving. i was SO upset. i yelled back at him and he yelled more at me. then he huffed off and stayed in our bedroom for about 15-20 minutes. then came back out and said, "great roast!" oh ok. here's one. at the end, he was working a lot (so now i start doubting that these weekend work days weren't on purpose so he could get away from me...he has the option to say no, but in the end he would ALWAYS be working weekends and then complain about it - classic signs of CP)... well he was working on Saturday, he works in the film industry and has been complaining about the horrible food he has been getting, so i decided to cook him a great lunch for when he came back. I made soup from scratch, including stock (always, cus he hates store bought stock), I made a salad, and roasted chicken. there was a lot of chopping involved. anyway. he loved the food. and we went out afterwards and stayed out. On Sunday, i had brunch with my girlfriends in the morning, and he went to go get his haircut. We met up after and hung out, everything was fine. When we got home, he raged on me, about what a horrible mess the kitchen was, and how if he got the weekends off, the place would be spotless. I mean he really went at me about it... I was really upset. He had been working more so i had been picking up after him all the time and sometimes I want a break too, the fact that we were both busy the weekend and i clearly just didnt have the spare time to clean and he went off on me. Such a nightmare. He was engaged before, and he left her when he realized she wasn't "the one" I asked him why, what happened. he said she didnt let him wear sweatpants out the house. lol.
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