golk Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 So I just got back from drinks and a movie with the ex. We have been talking here and there again for the last few weeks after she told me she wanted to work on things. This was our second meetup but we've seen each other quite a few times at school. Everytime we see each other, she's all smiles, really flirty, and there's definite chemistry still here. Our "date" went great and we both had a good time. But during the movie she grabbed my hand and when I looked at her, I kissed her... Idk if it was a good idea or not but we kissed quite a few times. On the way home we started to discuss how we were feeling. Basically I said that we both need to be on the same page if we're going to continue this and I'm willing to work things out with her and take things slowly to start fresh. She said that she can see us getting back to that place but isn't sure of the timing. She likes being single at times but really misses me and what we had. She also told me she's not sure on how to start new and build from the beginning, and that she's afraid of the possibility of it not working out. She's really confused and thinks that if she were ready to try again she would know it 100% but doesn't know right now... She even started crying when telling me all this. Idk what to make of all this. I really wanted to give her a second shot. Is this how you take things slow? Just seeing where the relationship progresses to? Our relationship has made progress already, I mean three weeks ago I wouldn't have imagined kissing her or getting drinks with her. What's your opinions??
fancy feast Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I think you put your cards on the table, she didn't. If it were me, I'd be uneasy with that. But you know her and the situation, so you're the better judge. From your previous threads, you seem to keep a pretty level-head. Just go with what your gut is telling you.
denxnis Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 1. Being friends with an ex that you've been with for so long doesn't work. 2. Flirting and talking with an ex is like picking a scab. Not sure about you but I'm not desperate enough to be with someone who is "unsure" about us... If she isn't trying to reconcile and work things out then what more information do you need? You know what needs to be done. 1
Author golk Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 Oh I'm very uneasy with the situation. I WILL NOT go back to the place I was before so I'm trying to tread lightly here. And I've told her that I'm not going to be just friends with her. We've both agreed now that'd itd be way too hard. I think that's why I kissed her, to try to make progress out of the friend zone. The fact that she reciprocated is a good thing I suppose. I just feel like I'm doing a larger percentage of the work and it should be 50/50 IMO. Should I give it more time and let it flow naturally? I know her very well and she definitely seems genuine. I just don't know the best way to go about this..
Ajax Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 I'm not familiar with your story besides this thread, but my impression is that she wants to keep you holding on so she can come back when and if she decides to. She's not sure she wants you, but wants to know you'll be there in case nobody better comes along. After all, she said she was happy being single, so I think it's safe to say that she's got her eyes open for someone or someones else. By accepting this type of relationship you're teaching her that it's OK to treat you like this. So where does it end? You'll become the guy she bounces back to when things don't work out with someone else, and she's lonely and bored. But she'll never be around for long, because someone else will catch her eye and she'll be off, safe in the knowledge that you'll be there if this doesn't work out either. I'm speaking from experience. It's happened to me, and I've seen it happen to my friends. And maybe you can only learn to avoid it by having been through it. If so, good luck. Keep posting. But my advice to you is to not get on that merry-go-round in the first place. Cut your losses. Lick your wounds. Start to move on now and you'll be that much closer to living the healthy and fulfilling life you deserve.
Author golk Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 I'm not familiar with your story besides this thread, but my impression is that she wants to keep you holding on so she can come back when and if she decides to. She's not sure she wants you, but wants to know you'll be there in case nobody better comes along. After all, she said she was happy being single, so I think it's safe to say that she's got her eyes open for someone or someones else. By accepting this type of relationship you're teaching her that it's OK to treat you like this. So where does it end? You'll become the guy she bounces back to when things don't work out with someone else, and she's lonely and bored. But she'll never be around for long, because someone else will catch her eye and she'll be off, safe in the knowledge that you'll be there if this doesn't work out either. I'm speaking from experience. It's happened to me, and I've seen it happen to my friends. And maybe you can only learn to avoid it by having been through it. If so, good luck. Keep posting. But my advice to you is to not get on that merry-go-round in the first place. Cut your losses. Lick your wounds. Start to move on now and you'll be that much closer to living the healthy and fulfilling life you deserve. I actually confronted her about this, because that was the first thing I thought as well. I told her that I am not going to play games with her and that we need to fully communicate and open up on the issue but it still seems like she's holding back. She got really freaked out when she left my house though, I think because she's afraid I'm going to stop talking to her again. She is supposed to talk tonight so I'll post if anything important pops into conversation.
fancy feast Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Oh I'm very uneasy with the situation. I WILL NOT go back to the place I was before so I'm trying to tread lightly here. And I've told her that I'm not going to be just friends with her. We've both agreed now that'd itd be way too hard. I think that's why I kissed her, to try to make progress out of the friend zone. The fact that she reciprocated is a good thing I suppose. I just feel like I'm doing a larger percentage of the work and it should be 50/50 IMO. Should I give it more time and let it flow naturally? I know her very well and she definitely seems genuine. I just don't know the best way to go about this.. Just stop doing the work, then. You already made your intentions known, so let her decide what she wants. If it's you, then she'll put in the effort. 2
Author golk Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Yeah that's all I can do I suppose. We talked a little last night and she said she wasn't ready for the kissing but it already happened.. That it was just a little too fast and we need to take it one step at a time. She also said that she would work on contributing more and putting in more effort to make things work.. I guess I'll see if her actions reflect her words..
Author golk Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Well my ex said she would make more effort and I think she's trying. She has been talking to me alot more this week. Texting me almost everyday and she asked me to hangout this weekend so we went to a basketball game and out to the bar after. It was really fun and we had a good time. I might have been a little too physical though because I was drunk.. But we both had fun so I think it went well. I'll post here often and keep this thread updated..
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