Inviv_girl Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 This is about my friend. I just want to help them, Im in between because both of them are my good friend lets call them Ryan and Nancy. So here it goes; After 4 years relationship, seriously talking about married suddenly Ryan went cold turkey and broke off the relationship with Nancy. Out of the blue he lost his feelings for her, Nancy was furious and cant accept the break up. She keeps on calling and contacted him. At first Ryan do the same although in general he was very cold but now he doesnt seem care for Nancy anymore and cut off the contact. This makes Nancy even sad and more furious. Nancy tried to kill herself and each time she did she threaten Ryan that she will do it. Ryan gets worry then he will contact her to stop. Nancy did several times, I want to help her, she is such a nice girl but I dont know how. Ryan also nice guy and Im shocked to see him behave like this to Nancy. As for Ryan, he doesnt know what to do about nancy. He cut her off completely, recently her grandmother past away, Ryan heard about that but dont care about her, not even send her condolence messages (how could he be so heartless?) he told me he sees therapist and they suggest him not to contact her!?? Now nancy try to kill herself again and even after she send him messages that she will kill herself, he didnt even try to contact her to stop her or whatever. What kind of psychologist he sees that suggest him to be so heartless?? What the best way for them to do? I know it is hard for Nancy to stay NC because she wants Ryan back and loves him so much and didnt see the break up coming as its just come out of no where and hit her really hard! especially after talking about wedding to everybody but suddenly Ryan cut it off. They are the most amazing couple together and its such a shame to see the apart. I want them both happy together again but I dont know how. Someone please help, give the advise. Nancy really did try to kill herself again and now is in hospital. The info I know she just want to talk to him that her grandmother past away, perhaps seeking comfort from the person once she loves and loved her but he cut her off completely because he listen to his "psychologist"?? come on...
KathyM Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Nancy is very unstable and is greatly in need of psychological help. She is using the threat of suicide as a manipulation to get her ex to take her back. He is not obligated to take her back, nor should he take her back. She is not psychologically healthy, and he realizes that, as does his psychologist. It's not his responsibility to be forced to take her back because of her threats. She needs to accept that the relationship is over, and get herself some psychological help to deal with this reaction to their breakup. As her friend, you would be doing her a favor by urging her to get psychological help, rather than expecting her ex to get back with her. 2
Author Inviv_girl Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 What I don't understand is whether Ryan really seing a psychologist or not. Maybe he just talked to some random people that suggest him just to ignore Nancy. Do all therapist only suggest NC and nothing else? regardless if the person they have problem with death and they suggest them to just dont care? I dont understand how therapist mind works. Seriously im shocked with his action towards her now. Ryan always nice to me and everybody and his sudden change made me thing differently. I knew Nancy since we were little, long time before I met Ryan in high school. My emotion automatically goes to Nancy as I know what kind of person she is, and I've never seen her like this. She went through break up several times before but to Ryan she is thought will have future with and be the last person she would ever love.
TaraMaiden Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 re-read the two responses you have received. She is not his responsibility. he has no obligation towards her. she is mentally unstable. No matter what his behaviour, she needs help. That's it. Don't ignore the advice you have received. And if you really are a third party and you are not either Nancy or Ryan, then it's none of your business either and you should keep your nose out too. "No good deed goes unpunished". 1
flitzanu Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 nancy trying to kill herself is nancy's problem, not ryan's problem. this doesn't sound like an unbiased request for opinion, because you're debasing ryan in this whole situation. nancy obviously needs a lot of help because she's trying to kill herself because her ex boyfriend won't pay attention to her. instead of asking what kind of psychologist ryan is seeing, ask what kind of psychologist nancy is seeing, since this has been happening repeatedly.
veggirl Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 What I don't understand is whether Ryan really seing a psychologist or not. Maybe he just talked to some random people that suggest him just to ignore Nancy. Do all therapist only suggest NC and nothing else? regardless if the person they have problem with death and they suggest them to just dont care? I dont understand how therapist mind works. Seriously im shocked with his action towards her now. Ryan always nice to me and everybody and his sudden change made me thing differently. I knew Nancy since we were little, long time before I met Ryan in high school. My emotion automatically goes to Nancy as I know what kind of person she is, and I've never seen her like this. She went through break up several times before but to Ryan she is thought will have future with and be the last person she would ever love. Um are you Nancy or something? Why would Ryan's psych suggest to him that he keep in touch with a girl who makes him miserable? The best thing for Ryan is to go NC with Nancy. If Nancy is such a psycho that she is going to continue "attempting suicide" then that is Nancy's problem, not sure why you think Ryan's psych would want him in that situation?! Why do you think that Nancy's mental health issues are RYAN'S issue to have to deal with? They aren't. They are Nancy's problems. Nancy's manipulation should not be rewarded! Are you crazy? You think that if she threatens suicide to get what she wants, she should be taught that "oh yes Nancy, you DO get what you want when you threaten suicide!" ??? Really? 2
Author Inviv_girl Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 My break up is the hardest thing I've experience in my life, I dont have the power to live anymore sometimes but I never ever try to kill myself. It is extremely hard for me right now but the news I learned about my friend Nancy seems more harder than mine.
veggirl Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 My break up is the hardest thing I've experience in my life, I dont have the power to live anymore sometimes but I never ever try to kill myself. It is extremely hard for me right now but the news I learned about my friend Nancy seems more harder than mine. Please explain to us why you think Nancy's manipulative threats of suicide mean Ryan should be with her or whatever? What do you think Ryan should do and why? do you think Ryan saying "oh nancy don't kill yourself, we can be friends, i care about you....but I am going to date other people" would help? what would help nancy? Ryan saying "lets get back together"? well too bad, not gonna happen...so what is he supposed to do in your opinion? Put his life on hold to "help" her...and I ask, help in what way? specifically, what way.
Author Inviv_girl Posted January 23, 2013 Author Posted January 23, 2013 Please explain to us why you think Nancy's manipulative threats of suicide mean Ryan should be with her or whatever? What do you think Ryan should do and why? do you think Ryan saying "oh nancy don't kill yourself, we can be friends, i care about you....but I am going to date other people" would help? what would help nancy? Ryan saying "lets get back together"? well too bad, not gonna happen...so what is he supposed to do in your opinion? Put his life on hold to "help" her...and I ask, help in what way? specifically, what way. I dont know, Im confused too. Nancy just lost her grandmother, I know she is not stable at all after the break up. She contacted me said that she just want to talk to Ryan about her grandmother, someone who look after her since she was small, Ryan knows that. And Ryan contacted me too, ask for advice what should he do and he told me he is going crazy cannot do anything about Nancy, he also told me he sees a therapist that suggest him to not contact Nancy. I dont know the best advice for them of what to do as I am also in a difficult situation, therefore I ask for help from you kind people on this forum. I've never seen a therapist myself, and what my confusion was do all therapist suggest no contact even if the dumpee dead? can we just say condolence or "sorry" for the family member of the dumpee? or just be heartless and stay NC no matter what happen?
PogoStick Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Because contacting her is rewarding the behavior. It's unfair for him to be put in that position. Every time she says she will kill herself he should just call 911 and report it, but never contact her. If she says it then he has to take it at face value and report it. That's his only obligation. 2
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