tall_blonde Posted August 23, 2004 Posted August 23, 2004 Any guys willing to help me out with some advice here would be appreciated! I have been dating this 38 year-old man for about 4 months now. Everything started off extremely well with him. We had this almost immediate connection, wanted the same things out of life and seemed to really be soulmates. Because he lives about an hour and a half away, we would spend hours at a time on the phone really talking. When we were together, things were wonderful. He seemed to be very affectionate and made me the center of everthing he did. He told me on more than one occasion that I was his soulmate and his best friend. I think I truly fell in love with this guy. Suddenly, he seems distracted when we are together (but not every time) and our nightly phone calls sometimes have no depth. Sometimes, he shows very little affection towards me, sometimes to the point that he almost forgets that I'm even there (i.e. The other night after leaving a restaurant, he walked steps ahead of me and didn't even open the car door for me.) When he gets like this, I get very quiet and withdrawn (mostly because I am hurt) and he always asks if everything is okay to which I always reply "yes". I know he is going through a very difficult time right now at work and with his finances and has often said that he is depressed or feeling anxiety. But I can't help but think that his actions are a direct response to something that I have done (although I cannot think of anything I've done). The problem is that I have a very difficult time expressing my feelings to the point that if he does do this stuff that bothers me, I don't tell him about it at all. My question then is two-fold. First of all, should I be afraid of telling him that he hurts my feelings for fear of running him off? Second, I also have a hard time even telling him that I care for him. How do I do this?
Papillon Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Communication is key. If he's supposed to be your soulmate, then you should able to tell him everything, right? If he leaves because you exposed your emotions in an honest manner, then he wasn't worth it in the first place, right? Right?
Pocky Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 When he gets like this, I get very quiet and withdrawn (mostly because I am hurt) and he always asks if everything is okay to which I always reply "yes". That's the first thing you need to deal with. If you can't communicate what your needs are then how do you expect someone to be able to help fulfill those needs? Relationships aren't surrounded by magic so that the other person automatically knows what their lover needs. You can either keep lying to him and tell him yes everything is okay and watch the relationship fall apart because he'll get frustrated with you for not opening up and you'll get frustrated with him for not doing what you need or you can open up and tell him what's wrong and run the risk of having a great relationship or you could find that this isn't the relationship for you. If you do the cost-benefit analysis you have a better chance of having a successful relationship by opening up than by not opening up.
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