brokenheartglue Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Hi everyone, This is my first post on this forum although I have been lurking for the last 8 months or so since my ex broke up with me. To cut my looooooong story fairly short we were friends who shared some significant common interests and also worked for the same company (A large company and in different cities). Right from the outset of first meeting their were sparks flying between us and I couldnt believe it when we got it together after being friends for a couple of years first. We hadn't got together before largely because of the distance gap and the fact we were both a little ignorant to each others feelings for each other! Anyway, after about 7 months of what I thought was bliss things started to turn sour. She was distant and becoming argumentative and grumpy. I discovered she had met someone on a dating site and my whole world just died there and then. I confronted her about it the next day and she said we were over. I left it a few days then tried to reconnect but she kept saying it just hadn't worked between us, i kept chasing but inevetibaly just chased her into the arms of the other guy. I gave up after a month or so, deciding to follow advice about no contact. It worked well aside the odd occasion we met through work and slowly but surely over the last 6 months I have been able to come to terms with my grief and, despite the fact I'd take her back tommorrow, accept that what we had is gone forever. So long as our paths don't cross and we stay nc I can carry on without her. Then at the turn of the year she burst my bubble. She sent me a message wishing me a happy new year. I didn't respond but later checked Facebook where i discovered she had unblocked me and started following my posts. She has since sent a couple of messages to friends of mine asking how they are. She is still with the guy she left me for (Which is heartbreaking enough). I'm frustrated now she has reappeared and obviously don't know her intent. She's obviously trying to reconnect but unless she wants to get back with me I'm not interested. My gut feeling is she wants to rekindle the friendship we had before but i just cannot do that. i've ignored her completely so far but i just don't know how to handle things if she does come looking to talk. I want to keep things civil for work but feel I cannot be her friend. Its all or nothing. What would you do? BHG
PogoStick Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 The standard guess is that she's not that into her current guy and is feeling you out. Women often keep a backup plan. She may not be ready to jump ship though. More likely she wants someone there to turn to when she does finally end it. If you're interested in trying to take that opportunity then I'd casually acknowledge her but don't give her too much. Don't totally ignore her, give her just enough so she'll have to work for your attention.
Author brokenheartglue Posted January 24, 2013 Author Posted January 24, 2013 Thanks for the reply Pogostick For the time being I think I will remain nc and continue getting on with my life. I felt this past week I've gone straight back to watching her every online move desperate for that sign that either she wants to get in touch or she is breaking up with him and I can feel myself sliding back to that pre nc state when she was all I could think about. Again my gut instinct is she wants to clear the air and rekindle the friendship we had previously. Thats something I can't do, I feel it would just give her validation that the horrible way she treated me at the end of the relationship was ok. I'd rather just let sleeping dogs lie and go our seperate ways to going through all that pain and humiliation again. BHG
na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Again my gut instinct is she wants to clear the air and rekindle the friendship we had previously. Thats something I can't do, I feel it would just give her validation that the horrible way she treated me at the end of the relationship was ok. I'd rather just let sleeping dogs lie and go our seperate ways to going through all that pain and humiliation again. You've got a good head on your shoulders. If you've been broken up for 8 months and she's still with the clown she left you for. She's definitely looking for validation. You're choice to go NC and not act desperate makes her feel guilty. Like what she did ACTUALLY HURT YOU! (I know! What a concept!) Let sleeping dogs lie. Good bye forever is not easy to say, but it's better for us especially if we want them back. 1
Author brokenheartglue Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks na, I actually feel quite liberated this morning. I guess I just needed to feel reassured that what I was feeling was right and not just bitterness. I don't really feel bitterness or resentment towards her, more pity if anything. I'd just rather keep my guard and move on with my life as she has chosen to with hers. BHG
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