IS HE JOKING? (men only )

January 22, 2013

I have to agree. It sounds like you are not taking the simple steps expected to let the guy know that you are interested. As mentioned earlier, there's certainly time for a quick text or call.

But...I do have a friend who can take up to a week to respond. She is extremely busy and exhausted all the time and I've learned to understand and expect that from her. But, not from someone who is supposed to have romantic interests.

Also, regarding the joke. I must say, not a good one and does wonder what was going through his mind when he sent it. Most here are saying that it was an obvious joke, but that is clearly not the case in my mind. No one knows exactly what he was "thinking" and adding a "lol" doesn't definitively make it all that clear considering the oddness of the text. It "could" have been his way of expressing dissatisfaction...people in real life use a mixture of sarcasm, passive-aggressive tools to communicate and this "could" be an example of such. I've known a couple of people in my life that would do this.

The final analysis: The joke really isn't funny or appropriate and if you really like him, take 10 seconds to respond quicker via text. It's that easy.

January 22, 2013

It wouldnt be impossible to send a quick a text or a five minute call phone. I've gone 3 days without responding to friends, but have never gone that long without responding to someone I like and am interested in

ok you know those three days i didnt contact him,

i actually sent him a message saying that "im busy at the moment and ill get back to you soon"

and even after that he goes to his friend "she took three days man to call me back"

even though he knew i was very very preoccupied

so actually i do message him when i know it will be a long time before i get to speak to him..and the reason why i dont make a five minute phonecall is because i know hes not going to let me go...ive tried that before and said i have to go and he will say things like you cant go now and i think he'll think its rude..

January 22, 2013

It IMO it was a joke sent as a hint that he's not happy about you being so casual, no emphasis whatsoever, at getting back to him.

If it was me, this early into things, you would of gotten radio silence or the "It looks like our schedules don't match...".

i probably shouldn't be saying this but it happens quite often,

that he will call and at the time i am doing something else

so in a way he is used to it

the reason being is that when we talk our conversations are literally mimimum three hours

and unless i have that much time at least to talk to him i find that theres no point in speaking to him because when i do i want to be able to stay on the phone as long as he wants to..which is usually a long time

so i wait till i have a lot of time to spare

January 22, 2013

You mean youre not interested enough in him to want to talk to him more often, otherwise youd make the time. Now of course he shouldnt say that sort of a thing without you knowing him well enough to not be offended by it, but since you dont really like him enough, take it with a grain of salt, and go find someone youre actually interested in.

read what i wrote before

unless i have a large part of my night free..its usually the night when he calls me..to have a very lengthy conversation with him ..then i dont call him

so i wait till i do

because in all fairness i dont want to only spend five minutes and then say sorry but im going to have to leave it now..

January 22, 2013

When a woman is interested in a man, even the busiest gal makes time to call a guy for 5 minutes. You dont have 5 minutes in 72 hours? Sounds like disinterest to me.

Get real. Im super busy myself, but Ill go to bed 10 minutes late to speak to a girl I really like if theres no other time in the day. Or Ill talk to her on my cars bluetooth.

ye and fair enough he does that even when he's busy he'll make time..but it wont be ten minutes only

i message him enough and let him know when i can speak to him

so its not like i completely ignore him

and he gets it..he always says thats fine or its kool or whatever

but this comment he made got me thinking thats all

January 22, 2013

I'm a guy. I dont think its that bad for it to take 3 days to return a call. It is definitely atypical, and many guys will definitely interpret it poorly. But it depends on the girl.

If the girl is super busy, very involved with work/academics, etc, and poor at handling stress... then yeah, they may take a little longer to get back to the guy. Regardless of how much she likes him. Especially if is known that the two generally have phone calls that last a good while (i.e., more than a handful of minutes)... then it would make sense for the girl to wait for a time when she can actually devote herself to such a conversation

thanks you finally someone who understands!!

i think it is atypical because i guess most girls/women do literally put on hold anything they're doing to speak to a guy for hours on end if they have to..and i know because i've got friends like that..so they prioritise the guy or whatever

with me its not like i put him at the bottom of the pile..i just like to continue doing what im doing and then find an appropriate time to speak to him..is that so bad??

and what you said last is exactly the reason why i wait for a good time..do you know that on average our conversations would last a minimum of 3 hours and can go up to six seven hours even

January 22, 2013

I have to agree. It sounds like you are not taking the simple steps expected to let the guy know that you are interested. As mentioned earlier, there's certainly time for a quick text or call.

But...I do have a friend who can take up to a week to respond. She is extremely busy and exhausted all the time and I've learned to understand and expect that from her. But, not from someone who is supposed to have romantic interests.

Also, regarding the joke. I must say, not a good one and does wonder what was going through his mind when he sent it. Most here are saying that it was an obvious joke, but that is clearly not the case in my mind. No one knows exactly what he was "thinking" and adding a "lol" doesn't definitively make it all that clear considering the oddness of the text. It "could" have been his way of expressing dissatisfaction...people in real life use a mixture of sarcasm, passive-aggressive tools to communicate and this "could" be an example of such. I've known a couple of people in my life that would do this.

The final analysis: The joke really isn't funny or appropriate and if you really like him, take 10 seconds to respond quicker via text. It's that easy.

yes i do text him though...i text him to let him know that i will call him..and i even end up telling him most of the time what i'm doing and why i cannot speak to him...so i even go in to specifics sometimes..but technically thats something thats optional..

and with regards to the joke..that was also my initial reactions and thoughts to the message..because rather than finding it so funny i was quite insulted/offended, but then i probably over analyse more than others would..but sometimes i guess that analysis is good if you can figure out the hidden meanings or something

but the problem is the majority of people are saying it was not meant in any way other than a humorous way..

those in the small minority thought it was odd..

January 22, 2013

and with regards to the joke..that was also my initial reactions and thoughts to the message..because rather than finding it so funny i was quite insulted/offended, but then i probably over analyse more than others would..but sometimes i guess that analysis is good if you can figure out the hidden meanings or something

Yeah you way over-analyzing for a guy that youre not really interested in. Why are you dealing with him in the first place if you refuse to make plans to talk/hang with someone interested in you one day a week instead of hanging with your friends?

January 22, 2013

Yeah you way over-analyzing for a guy that youre not really interested in. Why are you dealing with him in the first place if you refuse to make plans to talk/hang with someone interested in you one day a week instead of hanging with your friends?

im not refusing i will talk to him

and its interesting you say i refuse to hang out with him when only about a month ago or just a little more than that i messaged him saying...

we should hang out or do something

and he took a week to call me !!!!

so there we go, more to the story

January 22, 2013

just to make the text exchange a little bit clearer so that everyone knows where i'm coming from this is how it went:

after he called and i missed the call

me: sorry im out so will call u later

him: ok thats fine

me: but don't wait for my call

next day

me: its so cold outside

me: sorry i didnt ring bak yesterday i was late home

me: and its the same scenario today

three hours later

him: hope you slip lol

who would not read all of that and then not think there was something odd about what he said?

January 22, 2013

It's hard to tell. If it were me, I would definitely be getting the vibe that I'm being dismissed and that never feels good. He probably felt that way and wanted to say something that reflected his sense. He was awkward if not dumb at how he went about it. Don't forget though that texting can be very confining and one has to be economical with words. This may be part of why it came out like that. But of course it sounds cruel--lol or no lol. I might have put it, "don't slip, at that rate I'll never hear from you, lol". something like that that shows I'm sensing you don't want to be bothered with me but nothing that can be construed as aggressive or entitled. If it's not too late and you care to meet him, try giving him the benefit of the doubt but feel free to say "what the heck was up with that?" If he is remorseful and embarrassed perhaps you'll overlook it. If he's a a hard case, you know what to do. Good luck. PS: Texting sucks and should be used sparingly because it is so frustrating to have someone reduce communications to this tiniest of windows. It's demeaning.

January 22, 2013

It's hard to tell. If it were me, I would definitely be getting the vibe that I'm being dismissed and that never feels good. He probably felt that way and wanted to say something that reflected his sense. He was awkward if not dumb at how he went about it. Don't forget though that texting can be very confining and one has to be economical with words. This may be part of why it came out like that. But of course it sounds cruel--lol or no lol. I might have put it, "don't slip, at that rate I'll never hear from you, lol". something like that that shows I'm sensing you don't want to be bothered with me but nothing that can be construed as aggressive or entitled. If it's not too late and you care to meet him, try giving him the benefit of the doubt but feel free to say "what the heck was up with that?" If he is remorseful and embarrassed perhaps you'll overlook it. If he's a a hard case, you know what to do. Good luck. PS: Texting sucks and should be used sparingly because it is so frustrating to have someone reduce communications to this tiniest of windows. It's demeaning.

but why would he feel dismissed? its only been two days, the times that he called was in the middle of the night..but i was out late and came home late so of course i wouldnt be able to speak to him...i dont quite get why he would feel that way when im just out at work or socialising...

he does the same, as in he'll be out late in the evening too sometimes, although i guess even when he is he'll stil pick up my call

:confused:

so do you agree that it was him expressing some frustration or resentment?? i dont really know what to think when opinion is so divided..

as in some people are telling me he's joking and just said it randomly and not to think too much of it whilst others are saying there was something behind it..

and obviously my next move is dependent on what the truth of the matter is...

but the thing im not even getting anything from him..or more clarity..so when i messaged him saying " i dont really think thats funny"

he could have cleared it up and said it was a joke..but instead hes just ignoring my messages

and then the day after i said " for your information i did slip about a hundred times :mad::mad:"

all he messaged was "lol"

i doubt he'll be feeling embarassed no matter what the reason behind it is

i dont know what to do now..under normal circumstances i would have called him back

January 22, 2013

three days isnt long at all when you've got work and other things going on

im sorry but im not a typical drop everything to speak to a guy type of girl

Are you saying that you don't have any spare time throughout the span of 3 days to return a phone call? I, personally, would be quite annoyed if I was him. You don't have to drop everything for him, but maintaining some contact will help him feel more connected to you. It's simply really! Just make some time to call the guy!

January 22, 2013

So much drama over nothing... I swear, the Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing is my favorite for a reason.

He tried calling you. You kept saying you'd get back to him but never did. He made a 'mean' joke because he probably wanted to talk to you and was sick of your excuses.

That's it. Move on folks, nothing to see here... no rubber-necking

January 22, 2013

Are you american by any chance?

This is the exact sense of humour that Americans don't get but British people do. It was a harmless joke for crying out loud, lighten up.

January 22, 2013

Are you american by any chance?

This is the exact sense of humour that Americans don't get but British people do. It was a harmless joke for crying out loud, lighten up.

I'm not British but I get that it's a joke. Not all Americans have terrible sense of humor, I promise! Then again, I have a great sense of humor and am constantly laughing at myself, so my response to his text would've been something like 'oh boy, imagine what you'd say if I ever stood you up for a date! Would I be fed to lions?' and then this smiley -->

Maybe I should date British men?

January 22, 2013

but why would he feel dismissed? its only been two days, the times that he called was in the middle of the night..but i was out late and came home late so of course i wouldnt be able to speak to him...i dont quite get why he would feel that way when im just out at work or socialising...

he does the same, as in he'll be out late in the evening too sometimes, although i guess even when he is he'll stil pick up my call
:confused:

so do you agree that it was him expressing some frustration or resentment?? i dont really know what to think when opinion is so divided..

as in some people are telling me he's joking and just said it randomly and not to think too much of it whilst others are saying there was something behind it..

and obviously my next move is dependent on what the truth of the matter is...

but the thing im not even getting anything from him..or more clarity..so when i messaged him saying " i dont really think thats funny"
he could have cleared it up and said it was a joke..but instead hes just ignoring my messages

and then the day after i said " for your information i did slip about a hundred times :mad::mad:"

all he messaged was "lol"

i doubt he'll be feeling embarassed no matter what the reason behind it is

i dont know what to do now..under normal circumstances i would have called him back

This is what is commonly known as a "misunderstanding". You are both on different wavelengths now and either there has to be a reconciliation--even if it's small acknowledgment that something uncomfortable happened and that both agree it was unfortunate and you go back to being whatever you were before or this has turned into the thing that ends it. Things don't often make sense. And as much as we want them to be sorted out favorably one party or the other or both carry their misperception forward and bring about the split. Him not responding is not a good sign. Sorry.

January 22, 2013

You "put him at the bottom of the pile"? Well I bet he feels really darn special!!!

What he said was a joke. And you seem especially cynical IMO. No one wants to be at the bottom of anyone's pile. I am surprised he hasn't nexted you.

If you like him then you'd obviously take 5 minutes in 72 hours to call him. You're not dropping EVERYTHING. Only 5 minutes for someone who could potentially bring you more in 5 minutes then you got in one hour shopping.

January 22, 2013

Are you saying that you don't have any spare time throughout the span of 3 days to return a phone call? I, personally, would be quite annoyed if I was him. You don't have to drop everything for him, but maintaining some contact will help him feel more connected to you. It's simply really! Just make some time to call the guy!

no i didnt..because when i call him i call him with the intention that we will speak for at least a few hours...and i know him quite well now..he's not content with any less than that..even if its half an hour and i say sorry i have to go he will think im being rude and will try to continue the conversation..

he called me in the middle of the night..i was out..i got home it was time to sleep i was tired..woke up the next day had work most of the day is gone there..and then travelling back home and then again im back quite late in to the night and there we go im tired again..

where is the time for a couple of hours convo??

i am maintaining contact by telling him that i have a legitimate reason for not being able to speak to him..im actually letting him know via text..

i know a lot of people who wouldnt even reassure the person in that way

January 22, 2013

Are you american by any chance?

This is the exact sense of humour that Americans don't get but British people do. It was a harmless joke for crying out loud, lighten up.

dont matter what i am lol

if its so funny... why is it that about 80 percent of people and that includes men and women and guys and girls..think that it was the opposite of funny or in poor taste and bad judgement!!!

its funny for donuts maybe or those of less intelligence..no offence

January 22, 2013

So much drama over nothing... I swear, the Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing is my favorite for a reason.

He tried calling you. You kept saying you'd get back to him but never did. He made a 'mean' joke because he probably wanted to talk to you and was sick of your excuses.

That's it. Move on folks, nothing to see here... no rubber-necking

no i totally understand

but im not going to call him now thats for sure

January 22, 2013

This is what is commonly known as a "misunderstanding". You are both on different wavelengths now and either there has to be a reconciliation--even if it's small acknowledgment that something uncomfortable happened and that both agree it was unfortunate and you go back to being whatever you were before or this has turned into the thing that ends it. Things don't often make sense. And as much as we want them to be sorted out favorably one party or the other or both carry their misperception forward and bring about the split. Him not responding is not a good sign. Sorry.

im not going to do anything...

id look silly saying something now anyway after showing that i wasnt impressed by the comment or whatever it was..

therefore ill leave it alone

looks like he doesn't seem to care now anyway

January 22, 2013

You "put him at the bottom of the pile"? Well I bet he feels really darn special!!!

What he said was a joke. And you seem especially cynical IMO. No one wants to be at the bottom of anyone's pile. I am surprised he hasn't nexted you.

If you like him then you'd obviously take 5 minutes in 72 hours to call him. You're not dropping EVERYTHING. Only 5 minutes for someone who could potentially bring you more in 5 minutes then you got in one hour shopping.

you didnt read it correctly...

i never said he was at the bottom of the pile..i said he isnt the bottom of the pile

i think anyone with any kind of rational thinking would not see it as a joke..did you not read the part where i layed it all out in text form..

no five minutes is not enough anyway...so what is the poiintt..

id rather call him when i have a few hours free..which is what he would want anyway

January 23, 2013

dont matter what i am lol
if its so funny... why is it that about 80 percent of people and that includes men and women and guys and girls..think that it was the opposite of funny or in poor taste and bad judgement!!!

its funny for donuts maybe or those of less intelligence..no offence

80%? WHere are you getting those stats from? 80% of the posts here have stated that they think he WAS joking, and that you are viewing it all wrong.

i am maintaining contact by telling him that i have a legitimate reason for not being able to speak to him..im actually letting him know via text..
i know a lot of people who wouldnt even reassure the person in that way

Youre not re-assuring him anything, youre LYING to him. Youre not telling him that the REAL reason you are avoiding talking to him, is because youre afraid to tell him he talks too long for your tastes You wont tell him "Ok enough, Im hanging up now..HEY! Thats it for the night, dont be so needy." The more honest youre willing to be about what you want, the less misunderstandings you will have with potential dates. Ill chalk that up to immaturity.

January 23, 2013

dont matter what i am lol
if its so funny... why is it that about 80 percent of people and that includes men and women and guys and girls..think that it was the opposite of funny or in poor taste and bad judgement!!!

its funny for donuts maybe or those of less intelligence..no offence

haha thanks for proving that you're pretty touchy.

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IS HE JOKING? (men only )

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